Learning to Fall

“People are already talking about prom. It’s driving me nuts.”

“I know. A bunch of girls in my gym class already have dates.”

“I don’t know who to ask.”

“What about that kid Jack in our music class? You know, the one who only talks about music?”

“He’s cute… but really, he only talks about music.”

I mentally roll my eyes and continue to work on my Art project on the floor of Tara’s room. Prom is not until June. That’s 8 months away.

“Oh, that guy Zack in my Math class is really adorable… I’ve never heard him speak, though.”

“Tara, if you’ve never heard him speak –”

“I just know, okay?”

I, once again, roll my eyes and look up from my papers. Stef is typing on her laptop and Tara is straightening her hair in the full-length mirror. They invited me over an hour ago and this is exactly what they were doing when I got here.

“Do you think Alex will ask Stella?”

Hearing my name and Alex’s in the same sentence cause me to blush – and they notice.

“Oh, obviously she wants him to,” Stef says, laughing at my red face.

“I do not,” I try to convince them, but it’s hopeless. I mean, I can’t even convince myself that I don’t want him to. “He’s not going to.”

“But, he kissed you,” Tara says, sitting down on the floor beside me. “My cousin may be the biggest jerk ever sometimes, but then sometimes he can be like, the most romantic guy ever. It just depends on the day…. Maybe he’ll realize he likes you. Hopefully soon.”

“I don’t know,” Stef admits sitting down beside Tara. “I just saw him yesterday after school. He was hanging around with Gwen. You know, the cheerleader?”

Even though I know that Alex told me nothing was going on between us, I can’t help but feel hurt. I mean, he kissed me, said he liked it, and then goes and sleeps around and shit… Wouldn’t anyone feel hurt by that?

“Stella, Alex is just messed up right now, to be honest.”

I look at Tara and nod. Because I understand. I’m pretty messed up too, I guess.

“I’m just… I don’t know. I guess I kind of expected him to like, ask me out or something, honestly.”

“When you told me he kissed you, I expected the same thing! And of course you would think that! Normal people would ask out someone they apparently like kissing! But, Alex isn’t normal. Not right now, at least. He’s shook up, just like you are, I’m sure.”

“Yeah…”

Tara looks at me sympathetically and Stef puts her hand on my shoulder.

“Look at it this way; he admitted that he didn’t regret kissing you. Something has to come of that, right?”

“Sure.”

**

The second month of school has been better, I guess. Nobody stares at me anymore. No girls come up to me in the middle of the hallway telling me about the time they almost dated my brother and how sorry they are that he’s gone – thank God. I’m pretty much normal again.

Kaitlin is currently drawing out what her dream wedding dress would look like (she’s really into fashion) and is asking me about my opinion on country music.

“I’m not sure if I like it, to be honest,” she says, adding some finishing touches to the dress.

“I don’t really like it at all.”

“Yeah, I mean I have no favorite country songs.”

“Why are we discussing this?”

She stops drawing and bites her lip. “I met a guy.”

I raise my eyebrows and put down my pencil. “Oh? Where’d you meet him?”

“7-11. He works there. I go there every morning to buy coffee. He asked me out. He likes country music. I’m screwed.”

“Why are you screwed because you don’t like country music?”

“Because what are we going to talk about? It’s going to be bad, I know it.”

I shrug and start sketching out the beginning of my own dream wedding dress. This is our art project, and there’s only 5 minutes left in class. I don’t really know what I’ve been doing this whole time.

“By the way, did you see Alex today? He looked like such a mess in Math.”

“What do you mean?”

It’s sad how suddenly interested I am in the conversation.

“I mean, his eyes were red and his hand was like, shaking. It was weird. I’ve never seen him look so off before. And trust me, I’ve spent a lot of time staring at his beautiful face.”

“That was creepy, first of all, and second – so? He probably had a fight with one of his whores.”

She frowns. “That’s not nice, Stella. Maybe he’s having a bad day! You should talk to him about it when you tutor him later.”

“Yeah, or not.”

Kait rolls her eyes and writes her name on the bottom left corner of her project right before the bell rings. I do the same and hand it in with hers.

:Alex is a nice guy. He’s got some issues with relationships, obviously,” she says on our way to our lockers.

“Some issues? Sure, he’s got ‘some issues’.”

“You’re being a little bit harsh on the poor guy. He’s obviously got some-”

“-Some issues going on, I know. Everyone’s been saying the same thing,” I interrupt. I’m about to say something else, but instead I contemplate walking in the opposite direction.

Alex is leaning against my locker, and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s staring right at me, I really would turn around and walk away.

“Hey…” I say when we get close enough for him to hear. “What’s up?”

I hear Kaitlin mumble some excuse about going to her own locker before rushing away from us.

“Nothing… I just had to tell you something.”

Before he says anything else, I notice how awful he looks. Kaitlin was right when she said he must be having a bad day. The bags under his eyes are so obvious and his hands, like Kait had said, are shaking.

“What’s going on? Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m alright. I just… I hate to do this, because of the test on Friday, but I have to cancel the tutoring session we have later. I just… can’t do it today.”

“Alex… Are you sure that you’re okay? You don’t look-”

“Don’t worry about me, okay?”

Without another word, he’s walking back towards the senior hallway, not looking back once.

**

Since I don’t have to help Alex with math, I decide to just have a movie night. My parents went out to dinner and my little brother Ryan is at a friend’s house, so I’m home alone for once. I’m in the middle of ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ when my phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Stella. It’s Tara. Have you spoken to my cousin at all? He’s not answering his phone.”

“Who? Alex?”

“Yeah, Alex.”

“Oh, no. I haven’t. He cancelled on me so I haven’t seen him since school. He didn’t look good, though.”

“I know… that’s why I’m slightly concerned. His mom told mine that he never came home.”

“Oh… that’s bad…”

“Well, I’m gonna keep calling. Do you think maybe you could try? I’ve got like 10 different people calling him and he hasn’t answered. Can’t hurt if you try too.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’ll let you know if he answers.”

I hang up after Tara says goodbye and scroll through my contacts. Alex is the 4th person in my contacts list. I press send on his name and wait for it to start ringing.

“Hello?”

I smile. They’ve got ten people calling him, and he answers for me.