Learning to Fall

“Yeah, I know that already.”

Alex stands awkwardly in the middle of my room, one hand playing with the bracelets on his wrist. I struggle to find the words that can correctly get across what I want to say.

“I guess I was pretty obvious about it…”

He sounds defeated, almost. As if he just automatically assumes my response will be bad.

“No… you were pretty fucking confusing.”

“Then…how?”

I hold out the cell phone in my hands and his eyes land on it. When he registers what it is, he looks pissed.

“You… read what I wrote to Zack?”

“Yeah… I did.”

“How did you get his phone?”

“My dad. He told me I would know what to do with it…”

“So you decide to invade your brother’s privacy and read – fuck.” He sits down right there in the middle of the floor. “So there you go. Now you know. Isn’t that what you wanted? To know what we fought over?”

“I wanted to know yeah… I mean, why wouldn’t I? I just… now that I do know, I wish I didn’t.”

“Is this your way of saying ‘I hate you and wish you would go jump off a cliff?’”

“No! That’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“So… then what the hell are you saying?”

“I wish I didn’t know, that’s what I’m saying… I’d feel better not knowing that you two fought over something so stupid…”

Alex nods slightly and then puts his head in his hands. “I know…”

“Don’t take that the wrong way,” I rush out, “I’m not saying it was your fault at all.”

“But it was… I shouldn’t have gotten him so pissed… I just… I don’t know…”

I hesitantly make my way over to him and sit down, putting my hand on his knee. “It wasn’t your fault. Don’t think that way.”

“I just… Okay, I like you,” he says, looking up from the floor. “I like you, and I need to know how you feel about me. I don’t care if you tell me you think I’m an asshole and you never want to see me again, I just need to know.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole. And if I never see you again, I think I’d be pretty devastated…What I’m trying to say is, I like you too…”

He smiles, and I think he blushes – I can’t tell because he’s looking at the floor again. “I want to take you out this weekend… Can I do that?”

I nod slowly, wondering to myself if this is a good idea. Like Zack said… Alex isn’t exactly the perfect boyfriend… But what if he’s different now? How will I know if I don’t take a risk and go out with him?

“I won’t let you down,” he whispers into my ear. “I promise.”

He leans forward and I feel his breath against my face. My eyes close and his hand comes up to my face, pulling me closer for a kiss. When his lips touch mine, I feel that spark that everyone always talks about – the one that I thought didn’t exist.