Learning to Fall

Everyone’s so happy right now that I just want to go jump off a cliff or something equally dramatic. They don’t seem to have a worry in the world while I have a fucking huge issue to deal with. Alex said he loves me. What the hell am I supposed to make of that?

I know the simple answer is that he’s in love with me. But how am I supposed to know that for sure? This Alex Gaskarth, former man whore. I’m exactly going to just take the ‘I love you’ without question. He could have meant it any way – I’m just not sure.

My family’s trying to engage me in conversation, but it’s proving to be a bit difficult to stay focused when my phone just keeps vibrating in my pocket. I know it’s Alex but I’m ignoring it. I don’t want to talk to him until I know for sure what I want to say to him.

“Why do you look depressed? I thought we left those days behind, Stella.”

My cousin Andrew sits down beside me on the couch. He’s holding a can of soda and is staring at me with the weirdest expression.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, completely confused as to what he’s trying to say.

“Remember that one year when you were like 15, you wore like black, and that’s it. You were convinced you were ‘emo’.”

“Oh. I try to forget about those days. Thanks for bringing it up, though!”

“Glad I could help. But really, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

He shakes his head. “That’s a lie. Where’s your head at?”

I roll my eyes and sigh. “Fine, I’ll tell you. My boyfriend said ‘I love you’ in the card he gave me. I don’t know what to make of it.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up- since when does my little cousin Stella have a boyfriend?”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, I’ll be serious,” he says with a laugh. “So, what’s the problem, you don’t think he means it?”

“I don’t know how he means it.”

“Why can’t you just talk to him about it?”

“I… I can I just… feel weird.”

“Go call him, I’ll cover for you.”

“Thanks,” I reply softly and I stand up. I reach into my pocket for my cell phone which has thankfully stopped vibrating. It was getting annoying.

I lock myself in the upstairs bathroom and check my missed calls. Four missed calls and 5 texts from Alex. I take a glance in the mirror – I look so nervous. I shouldn’t be. It’s just Alex.

He answers on the third ring. “Stells, I’ve been calling you for like an hour.”

“Yeah… I know, sorry. I couldn’t get away from my family.”

It’s not a total lie. I was surrounded by my family. If I had just gotten up in the middle of a conversation they would have questioned me.

“Well, did you read my card?”

“Yeah, Alex thank you so much, -”

“And you got my gift?”

“I was about to say yes. I love it… You really shouldn’t have…”

I stare down at my hand where the ring Alex got me is now. It’s a simple silver ring with a heart and diamond in the middle – I know it probably cost him a lot, and I don’t understand why he would spend this much on me.

“I just want you to know – I do love you. I’m serious when I say that Stella. I know you’re probably thinking I didn’t mean it that way, but I do. I’m in love with you.”

“I…- where are you right now?”

“Tara’s… why?”

“Meet me down the block from my house in 10 minutes?”

“What? Why, what are we going to do?”

“Ten minutes, Alex, ok?”

“I- fine, fine, I’ll be there. You confuse the fuck out of me, you know that?”

I laugh instead of answering and hang up on him. Now I have to figure out how to get out of the house without my mother noticing. Hah, that’s gonna be easy.

*

Once I have two long sleeved shirts, a pair of sweatpants and one of Alex’s sweatshirts on, I leave my house through the back door. My mom is too busy talking to everyone and making sure everyone’s happy to notice.

I close the gate to the backyard carefully so it doesn’t make any noise. When I turn around after locking it, Alex is there.

“I told you to meet me down the block!”

“I’m early so I just came here.”

“Fine.”

Why the hell did he have to be early? No I can’t go over what I wanted to say. Damnit.

“So what’s going on? Are you breaking up with me?”

He says this with a smile but I still can tell that he’s nervous.

“No, of course not. I just wanted to see you.”

“Why?”

“So I can tell you I love you too.”

The nervous expression changes to an ecstatic one and he grabs me and spins me around. Despite the dizzy feeling, I can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while.