Learning to Fall

Laurette stopped by my house the weekend before finals. I wasn’t expecting her, so I was caught off guard when my mom asked me why a pregnant girl was waiting downstairs to talk to the whole family. The second the words ‘Zack’s child’ left her mouth, I knew my mom was having a mini panic attack. She stares at Laurette with a cold expression, and my dad just sits and gapes at her, as if the word ‘child’ is foreign to him.

“How…? That’s not…”

My mom tries to make sense of it all, wrap her mind around it. But it’s hard, and I know how she’s feeling. It’s hard not to think any less of Zack at first – I mean, he cheated on his girlfriend.

“Mom, she’s telling you the truth,” I say, stepping in before there’s an argument.

My mom looks at me, shocked. “You know about this?”

“I just found out. I told her to tell you guys when she was ready. I didn’t want to push her into it. I’m sorry I kept it from you,” I say.

“But… Zack’s… So… I’m going to be a grandmother?”

Her voice is shaking and I feel really awful – but she had to know sooner or later. It’s better this way.

Laurette nods. “Yeah… I’m due in 2 months. I just… I feel really bad about keeping this from you guys for so long. Zack asked me to, though. But he was wrong – you deserve to know.”

She stands up as if getting ready to leave, but my mother stops her. “You don’t have to leave… Why don’t… why don’t you stay and have dinner with us?”

It’s an offer – an attempt to build a relationship between Laurette and the rest of my family. Laurette nods and smiles. “I’d really like that. But, Stella, can I talk to you upstairs really quick?”

When we get up to my room, she sits on my bed, looking nervous. “I don’t know how to do this the right way – no matter what; it’s going to sound ridiculous and just…”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t think I should be the one taking care of the baby once he’s born.”

“Wait – he?”

There are too many things running through my head now – the baby’s a he? And, what the hell does she mean by ‘I shouldn’t take care of him’?

“Yeah… I found out the other day that it’s a boy…” she smiles and looks down, putting one hand on her stomach. I can’t help but smile, too. “Anyway… the point of this conversation is that I can’t take care of him. There’s absolutely no way – I’m not ready to be a mom. At all.”

“Well… what do you want me to do about that? Not to be mean or anything, Laurette, but you got yourself into this. You… You can’t-”

“Can you just think about this?”

“What? Think about what?”

She’s looking at me expectantly, as if she thinks that I know exactly what to do for her. But I don’t. I’m lost and I need her to tell me what she needs.

“Think about taking care of him – your family would take such great care of him, unlike my own. And I’m not, and never will be, a good mother.”

“Are you serious right now?” I stare at her in disbelief. “I am not taking this kid off your hands! Are you crazy? He’s yours – not mine.”

“He’s your brothers,” she points out.

“No. No way. I will not take your baby and take care of him. I have a future all planned out, okay? Kids aren’t in it for another 10 years!”

“Stella, please – just consider it!”

“Just leave, please. I just…”

I can’t even finish my thoughts. She’s gone in seconds and I hear the front door slam shut. Was she seriously thinking that I was going to take care of her kid? Just because my brother had something to do with it does not mean that I will just take the baby off her hands.

I call Alex the second I get my phone from my bag. He answers on the third ring.

“Sup?”

“Alex, we have a serious problem.”

“Oh, God, you heard? I swear, I told Jack not to-”

“Wait, what the hell are you talking about?” I interrupt. “I’m not talking about Jack.”

“Oh… oh well then, continue…”

“Um… okay. Anyway. Laurette wants to give the baby to me after it’s born.”

“What? What is she on? She can’t just do that –”

“I told her! She wants me to ‘consider’. There is no way that I’m just going to take care of her kid.”

“Well… she’s just nervous, I bet. She’s young-”

“And I’m younger!”

“Just breathe, Stella,” He tells me, laughing. I take a deep breath, but I still feel as frustrated as I did 5 seconds ago. “Now listen to me, you’re just going to have to tell her that you can’t help her like that…”

“I mean, of course I’ll offer to help her out occasionally, and I’m sure my mom would be more than willing to help out once she wraps her mind around it-”

“Your mom knows?”

“Yeah, she told her. And then she had to talk to me so we came upstairs and that’s when it happened and…fuck, Alex. I don’t know what to do.”

“Stella, it’s her baby, not yours. You don’t have to do anything. She can’t force you to take it… tell her that.”

“What if she like, leaves it at my front door something overly dramatic like that?”

Alex laughs. “I don’t think that will happen, but if by chance it does, then I’ll come over and help you out. How’s that sound?”

“You’re not funny. But yeah, that sounds good.”

“If she gives it to you, do you get to name it?”

“What? Alex that’s –”

“I think you should name it Benjamin. That’s cute. Or if it’s a girl, then name it Stella. I like your name.”

“Alex! I’m not naming her baby!”

“Oh… oh right. Okay, well then I’m just going to text her a list of suggested names. Okay?”

“You’re such a freak, you know that?”

“Yeah, but you love me.”