Learning to Fall

“Alex!” His name leaves my lips faster than my brain can comprehend, and I’m practically jumping down the bleachers in an attempt to get to Alex as quickly as I can. I hear Jack stumbling along behind me and I try my best to block out everything. I focus on getting to Alex and that’s it. When I finally do, his entire team is surrounding him, including his coach and I have no way of getting past them.

“Stella, wait here,” Jack tells me, squeezing my shoulder before pushing through the crowd of people.

I can hear people suggesting to call an ambulance, and that fact alone gives me plenty of reasons to worry. I can feel Laurette standing behind me, her hand resting on my back as if that’s going to somehow relax me. It doesn’t in the slightest.

“Alright seriously, someone call an ambulance!” Jack shouts from somwhere in the middle of the crowd. The way he says it makes my heart race and I hear Laurette gasp from behind me. “Is anybody fucking calling?!”

Jack’s voice is much louder this time, and when I glance around, it’s only now that people start pulling out cell phones to call 911. I could do it too, I suppose, but I don’t. Instead, I start moving, trying to push my way through everybody, trying to get to the center of the crowd. I know Jack told me to wait where he left me, but why should I listen to him when my boyfriend is lying in the dirt on a baseball field?

- - -

It’s a pretty well-known fact that when you’re in the waiting room at a hospital, that’s exactly what you’re going to do – wait. Jack and I have been sitting in the cold, uncomfortable seats in the waiting room for about an hour now. We haven’t seen a doctor since we sat down, and I don’t think we’ll be seeing one any time soon.

The room has the same characteristics as the chairs do – cold, uncomfortable. But most of all, not at all welcoming by any definition of the word. The walls are simply white, and there are no paintings, or any other form of decoration. It’s just a room with chairs. It makes me feel uneasy, and nervous.

Jack breaks the awful, mind-numbing silence when he asks, “Why do you think it’s taking so long for them to have any information?” He leans forward a bit and rests his elbows on his knees, holding his head up with his hands. His eyes focus on me, and I can tell he’s getting tired.

“I don’t know… Maybe they’re just talking to his parents first?”

Alex’s parents were here almost as soon as we were. But they were quickly ushered to another room, and we haven’t seen them since.

“Right…”

Jack doesn’t really sound convinced, but I didn’t really expect him to. We fall back into silence again, my foot tapping on the floor softly, barely making a sound at all. I can’t help but wonder what happened to Tara and everyone else who was at the game. They’re probably still at the game, watching as it’s continued. It sort of pisses me off that they just kept going, even though one of their players is in the hospital. But whatever. I guess it’s an important game.

“Are you two here for Alexander Gaskarth?”

The two of us look up from the floor, and I stop tapping my foot. There’s a doctor standing a few feet in front of us now, disproving my theory about how we probably wouldn’t be seeing a doctor any time soon. He stands there with his clipboard in one hand, awaiting our answer.

Jack’s the one who gives it, “Yeah, we are.”

“We’ve moved him into a new room that allows visitors, if you want to go up and see him.”

“I-really?” Jack stands abruptly, staring at the doctor for a few seconds before looking back down at me, “Come on.” He holds his hand out and pulls me up. We follow the man out of the room, but Jack doesn’t let go of my hand, which I’m grateful for. I think my hands are shaking.

We’re informed that Alex’s room is on the fourth floor, room 403. We take the elevator in silence, something I’ve gotten used to in the past few hours, and get to the fourth floor in a matter of minutes. Jack leads the way down the hall to the correct room, and at first we just stand there, staring at it.

“You should go in first,” Jack says, putting his hand on my back and pushing me forwards, “He probably really wants to see you.”

“What? No, Jack, we can both go-”

“Seriously, if you’re not going to walk through the door willingly, I’ll force you. Trust me.”

“Oh, fine, whatever.”

I shove his hand off of me dramatically and give him a small smile before gripping the door handle and pushing the door open. Inside, I find Alex in the hospital bed, and his parents sitting in chairs right beside him. None of them see me at first, until I take a semi-unstable step (I blame it on the nerves) forward and almost knock over a small table next to the door. The three of them look up at me when they hear the noise, and I blush and wave slightly.

“Um, hi,” I say, giving them a warm smile, “Sorry for uh, almost knocking the table over…”

“Stella,” Alex says, shaking his head, “It’s whatever. Just come over here.”

I nod, taking careful steps towards his bed and standing beside his mother who smiles at me, “You seem to be alright…” I trail off, because I have no idea what happened, and I’m not sure I even want to.

“Well, yeah. I’m fine, really…” He looks up at his parents, “Can you two maybe leave for a few minutes?” he requests.

“Of course…” His mother looks at me carefully, probably trying to figure out exactly who I am and how I know her son. I’ve never been properly introduced to neither her nor her husband before, so this is just a bit awkward.

However, Alex doesn’t seem like he has any intention of introducing us, so they leave, but not without looking back at me once more before the door closes behind them.

“What’s going on with you?” I ask, my voice shaking, as I sit down in one of the chairs by the bed. I move it as close as possible and take his hand gently, “Are you alright?”

“Sort of… I had an anxiety attack…And I passed out.” He blushes and looks down at his hands, “They said it’s because I had so much pressure to deal with – like the college scouts and shit – and I just couldn’t handle it. So basically, I ruined my shot at a scholarship by freaking out.”

“Alex,” I say quietly, “You didn’t ruin anything. I’m sure your chance at getting money from the school is still just as good as it was before. They saw you play – they know you’re good. They’re not going to just ignore that.”

“But I can’t handle pressure – that they’re going to remember and that’s what’s going to hurt me in the end.”

“Okay…and if it does? What’s the worst that happens? You don’t go to the school you want? Alex, that’s not the worst thing that could happen to you, trust me. What happened today out on the field could have been so much worse – I could have lost you.”

His face softens as he realizes how upset I actually am about this, “Hey, don’t get so worked up – you’re gonna end up like me,” he teases, “And I guess you’re right…If I don’t get the money for the school, then I’ll just end up at a local college. And that’s fine by me, because then I’ll still be close to you.”