Learning to Fall

“When will you be home, though?”

“I don’t know, Mom. I’ll come home right when I’m finished.”

“Okay… Well, have a great day. I’ll see you later.”

I hang up without a response. She’s been questioning me about this whole math tutor thing since I told her about it last night. Mrs. White is supposed to tell me who I’m going to be helping after class today.

“Hey, Stella!”

I look to my right and see Kaitlin running to catch up to me. I’ve known Kaitlin since 4th grade. She lives down the block from me.

“Hey,” I greet her, shifting my textbooks to my other arm.

“So, what’s up? I haven’t seen you since school started.”

I want to point out that school only started yesterday, but I keep that bit of information to myself. “I know; I’ve been busy.”

“Well, where were you at lunch yesterday? I thought I saw you, but then you were gone.”

“Oh, I sat outside. I had to catch up on something-”

“Oh, well we were really hoping that you would sit with us today! You know, Me Julia and Rae.”

“Um,” I pause, not exactly sure how I want to let her down. “I don’t know…”

“Why not? We always sit together, Stella.”

“I know… Okay, yeah. I’ll see you at lunch.”

Kaitlin claps her hands and grins. Her blonde curls bounce as she does, and I can’t help but smile too. She’s pretty much my best friend. Or at least the closest thing I have to one.

**

When I sit down at the lunch table, I get that familiar feeling. It’s become way too obvious in my life and I’m beginning to hate it. It’s that feeling you get when everyone’s eyes are on you. The three girls who are already seated are looking at me. Not in a bad way, but in an expectant way. I don’t know what they’re expecting from me.

“So, how are your classes going?”

I shrug at Julia’s question. “They’re okay, I guess. What about yours?”

“Oh, they’re fine, as far as classes go, at least. But, there are so many hot guys in them. Some of them I’ve never seen before!”

I wish I could roll my eyes, because seriously, that was painful to hear.

“Oh, did I tell you guys that Alex Gaskarth is in my math class?” Kaitlin questions us all, and my ears perk up at the mention of his name.

“Alex Gaskarth? But he’s a senior!” Rae exclaims, as if the thought of a senior being in a lower class is absolutely ridiculous, even though it’s extremely common.

“Yeah. He sits right next to me. I guess he sucks at math.”

“He does,” I find myself telling them, but I regret opening my mouth the second after I do so. They all turn to me with wide eyes.

“How do you know that?”

As uncomfortable as I am, I got myself into this situation so I really do have to explain.

“Well, he told me he does yesterday.”

“You talk to Alex Gaskarth?”

The disbelief comes from Rae. Kaitlin looks down at her food. She knows my connection to him.

“Well, not really, but he was my brother’s best friend so…”

I wish I could kick myself, because seriously, why did I say that? Everything was going perfectly fine, not too awkward, and then I just had to bring it up.

Kaitlin smiles at me with sympathy and the other two just go back to eating quietly. Now I remember exactly why I wanted to sit alone.

When somebody taps me on the shoulder not 5 seconds after the awkwardness sets in, I want to jump for joy, because they’re saving me from sitting through this. When I turn around, however, I’m slightly bummed. It’s Alex.

“Hey, Stella. Can I talk to you really quick?”

I nod and get up from the table. He was the reason it was so awkward in the first place, damnit.

He leads me out of the cafeteria, which is weird because what could possibly be so important that we have to leave?

“Mrs. White talked to me today. You’re tutoring me.”

My reply is stuck in my throat. Me tutor Alex? Why does God hate me so much?

“I-I am?”

“Yeah. Like I said, I suck at math so she figures that I need someone helping me, especially with college right around the corner and shit…”

“Oh… right. Well, Mrs. White said that we should start today-”

“No, today’s not good for me. How about tomorrow after school?”

“I guess, yeah.”

“Alright. Well... Thanks, Stella. I’ll see you later.”

Without waiting for my reply, he turns on his heel and walks down the senior hallway. I watch him as he stops at someone’s locker to talk to them. My heart is beating five times faster than is normal, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m not sure if it’s because I have to tutor someone in math and I don’t know how, or if it’s because I’m tutoring Alex.