Learning to Fall

Alex lives exactly 12 minutes from school. I know this because I kept a close watch on the time from the second I got into his car.

He leads us to his front door, pulling out his keys. He unlocks the door with a pink key, which is kind of cute yet slightly concerning as well. He sees me eyeing it and smirks.

“My mom made all of the house keys pink so that we’d know which one to use.”

“Oh,” I say, feeling kind of silly for even thinking twice about it.

“So um, we can do this up in my room, I guess. Or down here in the living room. My parents aren’t home so either way we won’t be bugged.”

I blush at the words ‘up in my room’ and thankfully he has his back turned. I manage to get myself together in less than 30 seconds.

“Wherever you want.”

Alex nods and drops his bag next to the living room couch. I place mine near his.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Just water, thanks.”

He nods again and hesitates before turning away to go to the kitchen.

I look around his living room. I’ve been here only once before. But that was when I was like, 12, maybe. Mrs. Gaskarth invited us to a Christmas party she had. I don’t really remember much about it.

“Okay, so what are we starting with?”

Alex comes back into the room, placing two bottles of water on the coffee table.

“Um, binomial expansion.”

“I hate that shit.”

“Well… You have to know it.”

He sits down on the couch and grabs a water bottle, twisting the cap off. “But why? I don’t see how binomial expansion can possibly help me in the future!”

He takes a big sip of his water and then puts it back down. I sit next to him, but not too close.

“Well, what do you want to go to college for?” I find myself asking, and I mentally hit myself. Nobody asks that. Why did I ask him that? He probably doesn’t even know.

“Well, actually, I’m pretty interested in marine biology.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. Does it shock you?” he teases.

It does shock me, but I won’t tell him that. Marine biology is a difficult major. I expected him to say he wanted to go for business or something relatively average like that.

“No. But that’s really awesome. You like biology?”

“Yeah, it’s my best subject. And, I don’t know… I’ve always been interested in ocean life, and shit.”

I reach for my water bottle. This new information about Alex is extremely impressive. I never would have pinned him for doing something like marine biology. It’s not really a popular major.

“Well… anyway, I guess we should start with this,” I say pointing to the math textbook he removed from his backpack before sitting down. Alex nods and reaches for a notebook that’s sitting on the coffee table.

An hour and a half later, I’m starting to think that everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. I’ve gone over the same problem possibly 20 times, and he’s still not getting it. Either he’s not paying attention or I just suck at explaining things. I’m starting to get frustrated.

“Oh!” He exclaims as I write down the answer for him. “Wait, I think I can do it now! Give me another one.”

I sigh quietly and write down another problem from the textbook and pass it over to him. He stares at it for a minute. Then, as if it all just suddenly clicked in his brain, he starts scribbling down his work under the problem. I’m doing the same problem on my own in my head, and from what I’m seeing on his paper, he’s doing it right.

“Check it out.”

He hands me the notebook and I look through all of his work. Not one mistake.

“Wow, it’s all right,” I inform him with a smile.

Alex puts his hands in the air and rests his head on the back of the couch. “Finally! I thought I was never going to get it.”

“Honestly, I was thinking the same thing,” I admit, stifling a grin.

“Thanks for not like, flipping out on me. The tutor my parents hired last year couldn’t even stand me for 20 minutes because I couldn’t get it. She quit.”

“I won’t quit. I know you’ll get it eventually.”

He smiles and pulls me close for a one-armed hug. I feel my heart literally skip a beat. That’s not normal. I should probably get that checked out.

“Thanks, Stella…” He trails off, looking back and forth from me to the floor. “How are you doing, by the way?” he finally asks.

“How am I doing?”

“Yeah, you know… I mean, how are you coping?”

“Oh. Good, I guess… I just… really miss him.”

Talking about Zack is making me more nervous than I was. I can feel my heart beating a little bit faster and I crack my knuckles. That’s what usually happens when I’m nervous.

“Yeah… Me too…”

“I was um… in his room yesterday… He left his computer on. There was an IM from you on the screen saying ‘I’m sorry’ and-”

“Listen, Stella,” he interrupts, putting his hand on my knee. “I know I told you if you ever wanted to talk about it, I would be here to listen. But that’s one thing I just don’t want to talk to you about. Don’t take it personally.”

“But, I don’t understand-” I press. I really just want to know what that was about.

“And you wouldn’t understand even if I explained it!”

I push his hand off of my knee and stand up. “Alright. Can you at least drive me home?”

He doesn’t respond as I gather all of my stuff up and put it all back into my bag. He stands up after I walk over to the door and he grabs his keys.

The drive to my house is silent, as I expected, and I really just want to apologize for pressing the subject, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

When he pulls into my driveway, he finally looks over at me. “Thanks for helping me… And I’m sorry about-”

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell him, opening the car door to get out.

As I put one foot on the sidewalk, I feel him grab my arm. “Wait, Stella -… I …”

“What?”

He looks at me and then shakes his head. “Forget it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I frown and slam his car door after I get out. He pulls out of the driveway quickly and takes off down the street before I’m even at my front door. My mom is there waiting for me, though.

“So, how did it go?” she asks the second I step inside.

“Fine.”