Secret Love Letters

*Edward's POV*

I sat in the very back desk in Anatomy class. I had always wanted to follow in Carlisle's footsteps and become a doctor or at least know more about the human body. I heard the thoughts of the kids thinking about me and my family. So many of them wanted to know if I was single or if I would go with them to some winterball. I sat back in my chair jotting down notes that the teacher was discussing. Sometimes I wish I could sleep because that is exactly what I would be doing at this moment. I already knew all the things the teacher was talking about.

I'd been to forks about 50 years ago. Some of these kids grandparents probably when to school when my family was here the last time. I was relieved to get back to the beautiful white house so I could have my privacy. The Denali Clan wasn't too keen on privacy. Especially Tanya, who to this day still tries her hardest to make me love her. She isn't my type though. I honestly don't know what my type is. I had never been in love.

Love was something that I had always wanted. I wanted a woman to be by my side for the rest of eternity but all the vampire women either have their mates or don't appeal to me at all. The bell rang loudly making the human's jump from their seat. I beat them to the door and out of the classroom before I was tag teamed by two blonde girls who wanted to get to know me better. If they only knew what I really was. They wouldn't want to get to know me; they would be running away from me. I was a monster.

To this day, it is sometimes still hard for me to be around humans. I drink as much blood as I can from animals. My family and I thirst for the blood of animals instead of humans; we call ourselves vegetarians. It's a little inside joke between my family. I haven't had human blood in over seven decades. It is still very hard for me but I manage. None of these human's blood did I thirst for. They either smelt like cigarettes, way too much perfume; which made me sick, or they smelt very bad like they hadn't showered in ages. I had nothing to worry about.

I made my way down the hall to my locker. I threw my books inside then got out my binder. Next hour was Biology 2; I had always loved Biology and it's practice. I heard Alice's voice from down the hall. It sounded like she had made friends with a human. I ignored her and headed farther down the hall when I saw Emmett and Rosalie. They greeted me with sly smiles.

"How was class?" asked Emmett. He punched me in the shoulder; any human would be bruised badly from his impact but seeing as I'm a vampire I really didn't reel a thing.

"Same information that I've known for ages" I replied.

Alice soon met our group-she smiled warmly at all of us. "Shall we go?" she asked.

Jasper and Alice held hands while Emmett and Rosalie linked arms. I walked behind them with my head down. Sometimes I got really lonely. It saddened me that I didn't have a mate who I could love uncontrollably. Watching Alice and Jasper look into each other's eyes or Emmett and Rosalie kiss made it known that I was alone in this world. Alice promised that there would be someone for me in the future. She kept seeing a girl with blonde hair but her facial features were all blurry; she couldn't make out what the girl really looked like. Alice didn't even know if the girl was a vampire or human. I hoped soon that we would meet each other. Better yet, fall in love.

"Did you see them?" I heard someone say.

"See who?"

"Those two words caught my attention. Her voice was so angelic that I had to look at who had spoken them.

"Them" said the first girl.

The blonde girl turned around whipping her long golden locks in our direction. The scent of Vanilla and roses floated my way. My hand locked into fists as I caught her scent. I've never smelt anything so sweet and tasty. I quickly looked away from her and held my breath. I tried to forget about her sweet scent but couldn't. Why was I feeling this way? I felt like I had to kill her and drink her sweet Vanilla and rose scented blood. I felt a new burn throughout my body. My throat tensed up, my stomach did flip flops, and I longed for the taste of her. I felt ashamed that I was feeling this way. They couldn't know about me wanting to drink the blood of a human. I couldn't show my family that I was weak. I had to be stong. For myself and for them. I didn't want to be the reason why we had to move again. I felt the beast inside me rise up. I tried calming myself down but it was too hard. Maybe, I could easily slip away from my family. Alice was too busy listening to Jasper's thoughts that she didn't notice my attempts to kill this human girl. Why did she have to be here? She was destroying me and everything I had become.

I was too busy thinking about the blonde girl that I didn't realize Alice and I were now the only one's in the grouop. I quickly pushed all thoughts of the girl out of my mind so Alice wouldn't hear.

What's on your mind? Her voice boomed inside my head.

Just listening to the thoughts of the humans; seeing if they detect any theory about us.

They don't Edward.

Alice turned into the Biology classroom. I followed closely behind her but almost turned back around when I smelt her scent. I quickly stopped breathing. Alice felt me tense up but didn't say anything because the female teacher was walking towards us.

"Hello, you must be Alice and Edward Cullen. Let me get your books then you can both take a set in the back. I'm sorry that I only have one available"

"That is quite all right" replied Alice with her charming voice.

The teacher handed us our books. As I walked closely behind Alice I noticed that the only open table was next to the blonde girl. Her gaze landed on me. I looked down to see that she had the most gorgeous blue eyes that I have ever seen. Instead of seeing fright in her eyes I saw curiousity. I quickly looked awy from her beautiful stare. She straightened up in her seat to watch Alice and I sit. Alice sank down closer to the girl while I sat down next to the open window. I felt the cool breeze whip across my face. It felt so good that I took in the air feeling my lungs with a new scent of rain and moss. Then while the teacher went over notes I began to listen to the blonde girls thoughts. From what I heard, she thought I was an arrogent guy, who only thought of one thing, she wanted to be in love but she was so scared of getting heart broken that she refused to be good friends with guys; she didn't trust them and she hated love. Hated love? How could anyone hate love? Especially someone who hasn't felt the feeling before. Then she started pushing all the thoughts from her mind and started taking official notes. I tried not to think of anything because Alice was listening to me intently. I'm glad that I wasn't in Alice's position because the blonde girl kept shaking her hair in our direction. Alice wasn't even touched by her beautiful scent- unfortunately I was. My hand tightened on the edge of the table.

Calm down Edward; Alice's voice chimed in my head.

I held my breath yet again. This time I wasn't going to play games with her scent. It was too strong and alluring to me. I had to keep away from her. I couldn't be around her scent when I felt like killing the innocent girl. The bell finally rang dismissing the class. The girl slowly got up from her seat and walked out of the class. I let her walk way ahead of me so her scent wouldn't filter back. Alice kept glancing up at me.

"We'll talk later" she said as she walked off.

Just what I needed a lecture from Alice. I knew that she had an inkling of what I was thinking in Biology class. I was tense around this girl, her smell was mouthwatering, and she was like a drug to me. I was the addict and she was my heroin. I needed her, I wanted her. I raced to my next class which was art. I sat down at the back table away from the other's. The art teacher greeted me with a smile. She gave me my own sketchbook along with art pencils. Along with being an amazing musician I was an excellent artist. I was about to start drawing the still life that was set up in front of me when from the corner of my eye I saw her. She stopped dead in her tracks the moment she saw me.

From her thoughts I was sitting at her table. Great, I thought to myself. I didn't know if it would be obvious if I stood up and went to another seat. I started to stand but she was now walking over to me. I had to be strong around her. This was it, to see if I was strong enough to be around her for just an hour. I stared at her with my dark eyes as she sat down. I was about to tell her hello but my face scrunched up and I quickly moved my seat away from her. She gave me an evil look which I of course returned.

During the class period, I wanted to talk to her-I tried to talk to her. Every time I would look over at her my hands clutched at the desk. I didn't dare breathe in her scent. I held my breath that doesn't breathe in oxygen but the scent of others. It really helps when I'm trying to hunt for deer. She would sometimes turn her head to look at me; I quickly looked down at my drawing as she did so. I didn't want her to know that I was gazing at her. She kept trying to draw but ended up erasing a lot. The bell finally sounded and it was time for lunch. I tried to look around for her in the lunch room; I spotted her with a bag of chips and a diet coke. Without looking my way she headed out of the cafeteria.

Edward what's going on?

I looked over at Alice as we all sat at the farthest table away from the human's. The students were all staring at us as if we were a beautiful painting. To them I guess we were.

I don't want you to worry Alice.

I stared out the window as the rain splattered down onto the green earth.

You can tell me, maybe I can help.

No, I don't want you to know.

You feel like killing that girl in Biology and drink her blood?

I slowly nodded my head knowing that the other's werent' paying attention.

You aren't going to do anything to her Edward. I just saw that, you're strong you won't do anything to hurt her our us.

I hope I don't. To be on the safe side I'm going hunting all day tomorrow.

Alice nodded. Do you want to know her name?

Her name?

She introduced herself to me as Madelyn Wells but everyone calls her Maddie. She is very nice. The nicest human that I've met in a while. Not that I'm telling you to fall for her, maybe just be her friend. She doesn't really care for guys or love.

Yes, I know. I read her thoughts in Biology. Why do you think that is?

She hasn't experience love before, it's never found her. She has trust issues with guys too. One of the guys that she started caring about cheated on her. I think his name was Mike or something.

Why don't you be friends with her?

I will be, I sit next to her in Math.

I'm scared I'll mess up Alice.

Edward, listen to me. You won't. I love you and so do the others.

I know, that's why I have to go hunting tomorrow. I don't want anything bad to happen.

Alice slowly nodded her head. Just think about how Jasper feels. He's in pain all the time, at least you only have one girl to think about not killing. He has the whole school but just like you I know he won't do anything rash.

"Are we ready?" asked Rosalie breaking the conversation between Alice and I.

"Yes" I said.

We all dumped our untouched food then headed back to school. The next class was my Trig class; thankfully the girl named Maddie wasn't in there. Hopefully, Biology and Art were the only two classes I had with her. I just had three more hours to go then I could hunt as much as I wanted too. I knew I couldn't go anywhere near La Push because of the treaty between the muts. I knew where the border was, thought Carlisle reminded us of it last night. I could smell the musty odor of the dogs around the area.

I then walked into fifth hour class which was band. I got in charge of playing the percussion. I also showed the teacher how gifted I was at the piano. All the students were in awe at my talent. I had over 80 years to practice so I knew I was good. My next class was English 3, I walked in to see Maddie herself sitting at the far end of the room. I looked at her then quickly sat down in a seat as far away from her as I could fin. The class went by faster than the others. Probably because I knew it would be my last class of teh day. I couldn't go into PE because a vampire like me was faster than the humans so Carlisle pulled some strings, faked an illness for me, and now I don't have to go to PE. I waited in my car for the last bell of the day to ring. I listened to a new CD that I got a few days ago I heard that this band was really good but didn't know how good. I flipped to my favorite track called Vampire Heart. I sang along to the beautiful chorus.

"Hold me like you held onto life when all fears came alove and entombed me love me likeyou love the sun scorching the blood in my Vampire Heart"

I got tired of teh song and turned it off. Soon, I heard the loud shriek of the bell. I waited for the other's to show up. I quickly got out of the car to see if I could find Maddie. The other's showed up before she did. I finally found her; she was walking over to a black honda civic. When she got in I felt her gaze on me. I got into the driver's seat of the Volvo while the other's took their places.

"Rich asses" I heard her say as she drove off.

I couldn't help but smile.