Seasons.

I don’t know how I was supposed to feel right now. I don’t know if I should feel awkward or not. Anyone else in this situation would be breathing heavily and acting weird because they were in a car with a boy that could make you feel weak. An attractive boy that can make your heart move faster than it ever has moved before. But, I didn’t know how I felt. I guess it was a cross between comfortable and awkward.

John tapped his hands on the steering wheel, humming lowly. I could see him from the corner of my eye. He’d look over at me once and awhile, but then he looked back onto the road. I don’t know what to think of John. I want to think that I like him. Well, like would be too big of a word in this situation. More of a crush sort of deal.

I met him a couple days ago. I don’t know how this is even possible. I feel like John, and everyone has been my friends forever. I think it’s telling me something. I think it’s telling me that I should have been here longer then I have been. I should have went with my dad when him and my mom split. I would have had a better life. Not one that made me scared of everything in life.

I wonder what would have happened if I lived in Arizona my whole life. I’d be close with Josh instead of Carson. I wouldn’t even know who Carson is. I would have a friend that’s a girl so when I had problems, it wouldn’t be as awkward then talking with a guy. I could have a guy that could potentially be my boyfriend. I come to think that my life would have been a lot better if I just would have moved to Arizona.

I think it was because I was too attached to my mom. Every little girl thinks that their mom is always going to be there for them. Their mom is going to be there to help you get through all the things a girl needs to get through. She is there to love and care about you, but when I got older I learned that, that’s not what my mom was there for.

My mom thought that I was able to watch myself at the age of twelve. She kept leaving all the time and gave me things to make in the microwave if I got hungry. Then when I turned fourteen, she thought it was alright to leave me in the apartment by myself over night. And it happened to be that night someone robbed our house.

I slept through the whole thing, but the person could have took me away. My mom didn’t care though. At least a month later she went back out again, and I was scared to death. I remember sitting in my room with all the lights on in the house. I stayed up all night long. I would not let one eye shut. I tried not even to blink that much.

I lost all respect with my mom around that age. I met Carson, and I was hardly home. I slept at his house all of the time, because his parents knew of my mom. They knew what she did, and I even told them most things. They thought it were better if I’d be there when she left me home alone. My mom didn’t care that I went to Carson’s all the time though.

Most moms would be worried, because they’d think something was going on between their daughter and this boy. They’d be worried about young teens being stupid and maybe me and Carson were being sexually active with each other, which we weren’t. But isn’t that the thought that’s supposed to run through a caring moms mind? I guess my mom wasn’t that caring.

“Want to hear one of our songs from our EP?” John asked catching me out of thought.
I looked over at him, trying to get my mind back to normal. He meant from their band. I had to get back into reality. When I think about things, it’s like I got lost in a movie and I need to get my mind back to what’s actually going on. I smirked. “Sure.”

“Pick a number between one and five,” John smiled. “Yeah, we’re lame. We only have five songs. It’s in the works though. Don’t you worry about that. Well, we don’t have only five songs, but only five good ones. The ones that made the cut for the EP.”

“Two.” I smiled. “It’s my favourite number.”

John grabbed a CD that was quite colourful from the space between the seat and middle part of the car. It said “The Summer Set …In Color.” On the front of it. He took the CD out of the case and put it in the stereo system of Stephen’s car. He gave me the CD case to look at while he changed the track to number two.

I looked inside and raised my eyebrow. “Why isn’t Josh in the photo?”

“He wasn’t in the band when we took the photo.” John replied. “I mean we’ve been friends with Josh for awhile, he just wasn’t in the band. And we released the EP, and then we found Josh. I know, he goes on about it all the time. He complains about him not being in the photo but I think he’s getting over it.”

I nodded, giving the CD case back to John and I listened to the music. It was definitely fast and popish. I could dance to this shit. I smiled bobbing my head to the music. It was weird to think that these were my friends playing the music. “It’s getting better and it’s all because of you. Come the morning and we’ll still be together. Oh girl, you’re the best of what we do.”

“Who writes the lyrics?” I asked.

“Mostly Brian and Stephen.” John replied. “Jess, Josh and I put in a word here and there but that’s pretty much it. I don’t know why, but the singer usually writes all the lyrics. I’ve never really heard of like a drummer or a bassist writing all of the lyrics before.”

“Oh we’ve been getting down to the sounds of summer. ‘Till we could get away and watch the seasons change.” Brian sang as I listened to the music in the background. I looked at John as he began to belt out the lyrics driving. He bobbed his head and moved around a little as he practically screamed the lyrics.

“So keep up to the rhythm of your heartbeat,” John laughed. “Sing out all those songs that you love.”

I smiled at John and he stopped singing. He just hummed the words and looked away from me and back to the road. I could tell he was blushing. I felt a weird feeling in my stomach and it wasn’t butterfly’s. It was something much more better than that. I tried to hold back my smile but I couldn’t.

John tried to cover up himself blushing while I tried to cover my smile. I never had a guy blush over me. I don’t care if I sound like an idiotic girl that has no knowledge in the romance area. I found it a big deal. I’ve never been kissed, no boyfriend. It was something that made me feel worthy. It was something that me feel like I had a chance.
“So. . .what do you think of the song?” John asked me when the song ended. John turned down the volume so I would be able to hear him talking. “I mean do we totally blow? Is it not your taste in music? What?”

“I like it.” I smiled. “It’s something that would get someone in a good mood, and that’s a good thing. Because not a lot of people listen to music to get in a bad mood. You can dance to it, party it up. It’s really good. I’m proud.”

John laughed. “Well, thank you.”

-

John pulled up to the same place that him, Jess and I did the other night. This place is growing onto me like it did with John. It’s one of my favourite places in Arizona so far. It’s so pretty and the fact we come up here at night and it’s cold at night, makes it so much more better. I noticed that there was no sun anymore, it was gone for the night.

John shut off the car and looked over at me. “Ready?” He asked. I nodded my head with a smirk. I undid my seatbelt and opened the door of the car. I got out of the car and shut the door. I opened the back door on my side, looking for the sweater. I noticed a black sweater sitting on the ground of the car.

I shut the door of the car and pulled the sweater over top of my head and straightened it out down my torso. John stood there in front of me. He giggled, his hand coming closer to my face. He pulled a piece of hair of mine out of my face. “There.” He smiled.

“Thanks.” I laughed slightly, looking around. It was dark except the light from the moon and the stars. John held a flashlight in his hand and shook it around to let me notice he had it. I nodded and he turned around to walk near the mountain. I walked beside him, and he grabbed onto my hand once again. I didn’t refuse though.

He walked with the flashlight on as we walked around the car looking at the mountain. John looked down at our hands and back at the mountain. “Um, I don’t know how this is going to work out,” He let go of my hand. “You can go first.”

I nodded beginning to walk up the mountain. I could feel John climbing right behind me. I grabbed onto whatever I could, trying to pull myself until I got to the top. I stood on the top of the mountain, looking back at John. He smiled at me, pulling himself up to where I was. We stood there looking up at the sky.

“When do you think they’ll come?” John asked.

I looked at him and shrugged. “I don’t know, we could be out here all night.”

John smiled looking at the ground and back up at me. “I don’t mind. . .”