Seasons.

I knew this summer was going to be long. I knew it was going to be stretched out with a lot of good memories. It wasn’t going to be one of those normal summer’s I have all of the time. I usually just sit at home most of the time. And if I’m not at home, I’m at Carson’s doing the same thing I’d be doing at home. I didn’t have a life. I didn’t do anything. It’s a change for this summer. A good change.

I laid down on the ground, not even caring about the dirt under me. John laid down beside me and we both just looked at the stars. I wish I could find out what was up there, it’s scary, but beautiful all the same. The unknown usually scares most people, but it doesn’t scare me. I like the unknown. It gives you more to think and find out about.

“Y’know, you’re not like most girls . . .” John still looked at the sky, but talking to me obviously since we were the only ones up here. It’s weird to think that. There’s no people for miles, only in cars driving by. There’s animals that could do things to us, but we don’t even care. We’re just here for each others company.

“Why is that Mr. Gomez?” I asked.

“Well,” He got up from the ground and just sat up straight looking down at me. “You’re sitting on the ground on dirt. Not a lot of girls that I’ve had crushes on, would do that. They’re usually like ‘Oh my God! Dirt! John what, you think I’m going to sit down on the ground with you?’ And it was usually just at parks and shit too, so dumb. But I’ve only have brought one other girl up here besides you and Jess.”

“How did that work out?” I asked.

“Well, there was this girl named Miranda. I thought I loved her you know? I don’t know if I did, or if it was even close. I was dumb and stupid. I met her in grade nine and I finally got her to go out with me. And we were going strong for about a year and a half. Then the night of Junior Prom came, and I brought her up here.” He sighed. “I don’t know if you want me to tell you the rest. You’ll probably want to leave after I do.”

“No it’s fine.” I looked at him nodding my head. “Trust me, you can tell me. I can keep secrets. You know how many I have of my own? I think I may be an expert when it comes to secret keeping.”

“Well, it’s not really a secret. . .” He shrugged looking away from me. He laid back down on the ground and looked up at the stars. “Anyways, we came up here, we had a blanket and everything. It was nice. I thought I was actually being romantic for once. And then one thing lead to another and you know. . .”

“Yeah, John.” I replied. “I think I get it.”

“So it got really awkward after that,” He sighed. “She wouldn’t even talk to me or anything. She asked me to take her back to the school so that’s what I did. I took her back to the school and she told me that it wasn’t even worth that I’d come back into the prom. So the next day I went to school and everyone knew something that wasn’t true.”

“What was that?” I asked.

“Well, I thought something was going to be going on,” He replied. “I braced myself for it because when Stephen got home he was acting weird and asking how my night went. And the way that Miranda looked at me before she walked back into that school the night of prom made me have a feeling like I shouldn’t have done what I just did.”

“But you didn’t do anything, right?” I asked. “I mean she went along with it and all. She was cool with it right? You didn’t rape her or anything like that.”

“Well, obviously not.” John replied. “I would never do that. It’s sick and disgusting how some people could ever do that in the first place. It was my first time too, I don’t think I would have done that. Everyone else had heard different though. They didn’t think I raped her, but everyone that I was desperate and that I talked her into doing it with me.”

“How could people even believe that?” I asked sitting up, looking down at him. “Are you serious? They fucking believed her? Even though you guys were dating?”

“Yeah.” John replied. “I know, that’s what I thought too. But I guess they all thought I could have been talking her into still dating me or something like that I don’t know. I haven’t really had much luck with girls around here, except for the ones that come to our shows from out of town, that’s why I act like such a player after shows around fans.”

“Is that why you’re trying to get close to me?” I asked. “Just because I didn’t know how that story went and stuff like that. And because I’m from out of town and I don’t know you well or something like that?”

“Well obviously not,” John said sitting up beside me. “I wouldn’t have told you that story right there if I didn’t trust you. If I didn’t think that you weren’t going to care about it because I want you to trust me and not do something like Miranda did. I fucking lost my virginity to her. Don’t you think that means something to me?”

“Yeah,” I looked at him. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything like that. At least I have a mind unlike some of the people in the world. I watch some of the people or hear stories and I just don’t get it. I don’t get how girls like, Miranda for example, get boyfriends and friends. And then there’s girls like me and we don’t get anything.”

“I totally agree with you.” John looked at me. “Some guys can be such assholes. I mean I saw from the whole Miranda thing. I’m not afraid to admit that I was like every other guy that I knew in my school. I went for the dumb blondes with big boobs. It’s how I was but, I learned from my mistakes. I think girls like you deserve a lot better.”

“Thanks John. . .” I smirked.

“No problem.” He replied. “I just wish I could have been like Stephen. I watched him go through high school as the quiet romantic one that always had his nose in a book and worked at star bucks. No one knew him of the one dating the girl on the cheerleading squad and who had a big house. That’s how I was known. And now, coming to think of it, I wish I could take it all back.”

“Well, from what I’ve heard from you and Stephen you guys deserve better.” I looked at him with a smile. “I’ve really come to like both of you guys. You’re really sweet people and I don’t know why those fucking stupid ass sluts would do that. Trust me, I’ve seen a bunch of them do things to guys that are so much better at school and it’s not pretty.”
“Well, I don’t think I deserve better.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m still not a nice person. I still flirt with various girls at shows and stuff like that. I really think I need to stick to seeing one girl, I just need to find her though. Someone who will make me love them so much that I won’t even think of looking at other girls.”

I laid back down on the ground looking at the stars. John wants someone that I could never be. He wants someone that will make him love them so much that he won’t want to even think about other girls. I could never be that girl. I’ve never had a boyfriend in my whole life. He wants a pro for his girlfriend. I could never do that.

John looked at me and raised his eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. . .” I said awkwardly. “Why does it look like something’s wrong?”

“Well, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “You just looked worried or pissed off? Is there something I did or something I said?”

“No. . .” I looked at him and sighed. “There’s nothing you did wrong.”

“Well, I don’t want you to be in a bad mood tonight.” John laid back down looking at the stars. We were still waiting for the meteor shower to start. I bet the people back at home are getting inpatient. I can see Josh freaking out right about now. “This night means a lot to me.”

I raised my eyebrow and sat up looking down at him. He didn’t look at me though, he just kept looking straight up at the sky. I looked around, confused for a second. “Why does this night mean a lot to you?” I asked.

John still didn’t look at me. He just kept looking at the stars. “Why shouldn’t it? I mean, you’re a cute girl. Any guy would want this night to go good. I don’t want to fuck something up like I do all the time. If I fuck up something with you, and then I’ll have to live with it. At home all summer, or when we’re on tour. I just need to watch what I do.”

“Do you have a feeling you’re going to fuck it up?” I asked awkwardly laying back down on my back. I looked closely at the stars in case a meteor went by.

“I always have a feeling I’m going to fuck something up.” John replied. “Even with girls that are my friend. Sometimes even with Jess I feel like I’m going to fuck up our friendship. I even told her that, but she said I was crazy. I think I have a weird problem with impressing the female race. It’s weird.”

“There’s no need to impress me,” I sighed. “I’m not one of those girls. I’m the girl who looks for something fucking amazing in a guy just to talk to them. Just be you, that’s all that matter’s. That’s the John that I like as a friend. And that’s the John I -”

“The John you what?” He smiled.

“Nothing. . .” I sighed shutting my eyes.

“No seriously, tell me.” He giggled a little bit. “I told you lots tonight. You could atleast finish the sentence for me. Come on Jord!”
“Crush.” I said quickly. “That’s the John that I have a crush on. You fucking happy?”

John looked over at me and moved closer. He took his left arm and wrapped it around my shoulders. This didn’t feel or seem as awkward as it sounds. It felt comfortable. It felt right. John laughed a little bit. “Yes, I’m very happy.”

I looked up at the stars and noticed a meteor passing by. I gasped. “You see that one?”

“Yes, I saw it.” John replied. “First one of the night. . .”

“Make a wish!” I ordered. I shut my eyes and wished for something that I knew I wanted. I wanted to stay with the people I’m with now. I want to be with the people that accept me and that are going to be there for me. I want to stay in Arizona and not go back to the stupid place that I ever called home. I want to feel safe. I want to feel safe, here.

“What did you wish for?” I asked John.

“I can’t tell you!” John looked at me. I noticed that our faces were really close. He looked at my eyes and smiled. “Then the wish won’t come true!”

“C’mon, you can tell me!” I smiled.

“Fine. . .” He sighed. “I wished that this night won’t end badly like it did last time I was up here alone with a girl. That’s what I wished for.”

“I don’t think you’ll need a wish for that.” I smirked and looked back up at the stars.