Seasons.

I sat in the same chair that I was sitting in before. I watched as more and more people were surrounding the table, and Taylor was going crazy. Carson finally came along to help him out a little bit so he wouldn’t get too crowded. I would have helped him but I don’t know anything about this stuff, and I can’t really stand Taylor as a person.

So I just sat here, watching as everyone from the band was spread out around the merch tables, signing things. Fans would come here and there, asking for a photo. Sometimes that’s all it would so, others would stay there and have conversations with them. It was weird to look at this all. I never thought I’d be friends with people that do this, and I know in the future that they’re going to be great. So great they might not even care about me or talk to me anymore.

Even just watching John and Stephen get crowded with these mobs of girls make my stomach turn. What happens when they go on their first big tour? Or when their first full length CD comes out? How am I going to cope with that? I know my mind is telling me to stay in Arizona and help them by with their lives. But another part of me is telling me to leave Arizona and get out of their way so they can have their dreams.

I noticed that they’re getting attached to me and Carson. They’re becoming close to us, and we’re becoming close to them. Sooner or later were going to but stuck with them, and we’re never going to want to leave. When John told me tonight that he never wanted me to leave Arizona, it should have made me want to stay, right? That’s what the average person would think. The normal content person. But what would the nervous, messed up, scared Jordan think?

Tonight I’m watching him live his dream. I’m watching them all live their dreams. When I watched them on stage, I could see how much they love to play and how they connect with their fans. Already, I know how much they love each other. They might get in fights and pick on each other, but they’ve known each other for awhile and they all love each other dearly. It was like a big happy family. I couldn’t interfere with that. I just couldn’t.

This was a stupid act to me. And I don’t know if it’s true. There’s just a little piece in my mind that makes me want to go home. I’ll go home and move into Carson’s house and probably go to some school in Detroit. I’ll get out of Arizona and never come back so I can let them do the things that they’ve always wanted to do. I can’t let them risk it all for a girl that they hardly know.

There’s always that other part though. The part that tells me how much I’d love to be John’s one and only, the person who’d love to talk to Stephen and Jess when I’m done. Or the girl who loves her cousin to death, and likes to stick up for Brian. Even the girl who really hates Taylor, but would love to be around him anyways. It’s making my head hurt and I hated myself for thinking both things.

Knowing the person I am, and the person I’m going to be in future scares me. I know that I’m going to make the wrong choice, because I always do. I’ve had decisions in front of me before. Decisions that would make my life better then it’s ever been, and I always seem to pick the one worse for me. I need to think about this one, because it could be life changing and I don’t want to risk it all by doing something stupid.

There was one thing that I did know right now, whatever I choose, I need to let the good times roll. All my best friends have smiles on their faces and their having the time of their lives, so I should too. Because when that bad decision comes, I want to be able to look back and say that I’ve had some pretty good times.

I got up from the chair and walked around the table. There was a bunch of girls with their money held tightly in their hands standing there waiting. I laughed to myself a little bit seeing that Taylor and Carson had to go through. I smiled to myself, shaking my head as I pushed through some girls who shot glares at me. That’s why I hate shows. Well, one reason. It’s because some people are so fucking rude.

I walked past Stephen as he was signing some tickets girls were giving to him. He looked up and smirked at me. I just turned away, making my way over to the bar. I knew I couldn’t drink, and I knew I couldn’t get away with it. I just sat up on a stool, and ordered a water because I was thirsty. Something else that pissed me off was the cost for everything here. It was not the best place to buy things to drink and or eat.

The people here just like taking peoples money though. They’re smart because they know all these kids would be sweating. They’d be so hot, and even if they don’t want to spend the money on the water that was way over priced - they’d do it anyways. I pulled some money out of my pocket and gave it to the guy at the bar. He nodded with a smile and handed me the ice cold water bottle.

I turned in the stool a bit, noticing Stephen coming towards me. He sat down on the stool beside me and smiled. “I fucking hate playing bars. I mean it’s fun obviously, but most of the bands aren’t legal yet, so it sucks.”

“Yeah, I bet it does.” I nodded with a laugh.

“Two more years. . .” Stephen grinned at all the alcohol on the wall. “Then I’ll be able to order whatever I want and get shit faced whenever I want. It’s going to be the life.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “But just to think you’re probably going to be touring all the time, and you don’t want to get drunk in front of your fans. And then after the shows it’s going to be to late and you won’t want to be hung over when you’re driving all day long the next day.”

“I’ll get John to do it.” Stephen laughed. “We’ll all be the legal drinking age, and he won’t. Therefore, we’ll all sleep while John drives all alone.”

“That’s a little mean don’t you think?” I asked with a laugh.

“Oh well,” Stephen shrugged. “How’s your night Jord?”

I smirked looking away from Stephen. “It’s been good.”

“What happened on your and John’s little walk there?” Stephen asked in curiosity.

I shrugged with a smirk. “You know - nothing too much . . .”

“What do you mean?” He asked, smiling slyly at me. I knew that he knew something went on when me and John went for our “walk”. It was just how Stephen worked. He hardly knew me, but he did so well? It was odd, but it worked. Stephen Gomez could tell things about me that I didn’t even know. He could read me so well and I don’t understand why. It’s just the way that he works out when he’s around me. So he sat there, waiting for an answer because he knew something happened.

“Nothing happened. . .” I smiled, still looking away from him.

He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me over to face him. He looked me dead in the eye. “Tell me what happened! Or I’ll get on this bar and fucking scream out that you and John fucked in the bathroom stalls or something real kinky!”

“Fine,” I sighed. “He kissed me.” I mumbled.

“What?” Stephen’s smile got bigger and bigger. “You what? Or he did what?”

“He kissed me!” I said in a louder tone so Stephen would stop being such an idiot.

“Who kissed who?” Jess appeared between us with a confused look on her face. “Holy fuck!” She laughed. “John did it! He really did it. Well, I’m impressed. Is he a good kisser? Or was he like all in there, fucking eating you like Taco Bell after a long day of driving on tour?”

“He’s -” I stopped. “Fuck I wouldn’t be able to tell!”

“That’s right.” Stephen laughed. “It was her first kiss.”

Jess laughed once again. “Dude, with John? Out of all the guys in the world? John?”

“Shut up!” I sneered. “It was nice for me. I mean, it was romantic and all. And no Jess, it was not cheesy romance like he always does, it was nice romance. And I don’t care what you guys say because you should be happy for me. I wouldn’t have rather had my first kiss with anyone else.”

“That’s true. . .” Stephen replied. “We shouldn’t bug her Jess, because you fucking like Carson. The guy who farts randomly and thinks Joshua Montgomery is one of the funniest people that he’s ever met in his life before.”

“Fine,” Jess sighed. “I’ll stop.”

“Thank you!” I nodded.

“When are we leaving?” Stephen asked rubbing his eyes. He yawned a little bit and it reminded me how much I needed sleep. I need to get some sleep and we still need to drive all the way home. “I’m so fucking tired.” Stephen complained.

“Well, we need to go and pack up right now.” Jess replied. “Before I came over here, Josh and Brian were putting some things in the trailer and Taylor was packing up. I was supposed to tell you guys that we were leaving soon, but I got caught up in the whole Jordan and John thing, sorry.”

“Where is John?” I asked.

“He’s wrapping up with some fans outside,” Jess said. “I don’t know why, but out of all of us, John is usually the one who likes to have long conversations with fans. Real long ones that are so fucking random. And they don’t get annoyed. It’s weird.”

“It’s because they all want to get in his pants.” Stephen said hopping off his stool.

I sighed, getting off of my stool too. I noticed that I had John’s sweater on still, but Jess and Stephen didn’t say anything about it. I shrugged, following Jess and Stephen over to Taylor where was stacking the boxes. I noticed that most of the kids were gone now because the security guard was pushing them out of the venue.

I walked over to the table, knowing I’d have to carrying some things out. Jess and Stephen grabbed a box to bring out. Carson and Taylor already had boxes in their hands and there was one more left for me. I bent down and picked it up from the ground. I tried not to trip over the table as I walked with them to the room behind the stage where I was once before during this night.

I was not quite sure what time it was, but I was tired. I kept yawning. I wanted to just crawl in bed, without people in there this time. The bed all to myself where I could fall asleep and use all the bed space that I wanted to. I could wrap myself in all the blankets and everyone wouldn’t complain about not having any. Last night was odd and uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed that could hardly fit me, Jess and Stephen in it.

I walked through the door that was wide open and walked past the rest of the bands grabbing all of their equipment. Looking at it now, most of the stuff was all gone and this was almost an empty room. All of us walked in a row of people, walking towards the exit of the building so we could pack up and just get back on the road to get back home.

I walked out into the back parking lot of the venue, noticing it was getting colder now and I was glad that I had a sweater on. Both of the trailer doors were open and Brian and Josh were moving some things around inside. I walked to the back of the trailer, setting the box I had in my hand on the ground waiting for everyone to move so I could set it in the van without getting knocked over by someone else.

I sat on top of the plastic bin box that had a bunch of shirts inside that they didn’t sell tonight. I watched as Jess and Taylor walked out of the trailer, so I got up off of the box. I picked it back up one more time, and before I could walk into the trailer, I felt someone tug on my shoulder. I turned around to see John standing there smiling. “Let me take that.” He said to me.

I nodded with a smirk and he grabbed the box out of my hands. I walked around the trailer, thinking that we were going to leave in the next few minutes. “You can sit in the front seat.” I heard Josh scream at me. “Because we’re forcing John to drive.”

“Alright. . .” I said awkwardly. I walked around the side of the van, noticing that the side door was open and everyone was getting in. I opened the passenger seat door and hopped up inside. I shut the door and put my seat belt on. I could hear everyone moving around and snarling at each other to get the place that they wanted, so that they could get comfortable and most likely sleep all the way home.

“Fuck Brian!” Was one thing I heard the loudest come from Jess’s mouth. I giggled.
-

“How about we play twenty questions,” John suggested. “Since you haven’t been that talkative. I know you’re tired and all that, but I’m bored. And if I put some music on, Stephen will literally rip my manly hood off. Trust me. He get’s pissed when he’s woken up by something or someone when he’s not meant to be woken up.”

“Fine,” I sighed. “We can play.”

“Finally.” John laughed.

“You can ask the first question though,” I smiled in his direction. “I don’t feel like it.”

It’s not the fact that I didn’t want to have conversation with John, I just feel weird now. It feels like I need to try hard to impress him in my mind and I really don’t. The other problem is that I really don’t feel like doing much right now. I’d probably be sleeping, but I feel bad for letting John drive in the dark by himself while everyone else gets to sleep and he doesn’t.

“Alright,” John sighed. “I’ll start out with something easy. Favorite color?”

“Red. . .” I thought. “Yes, Red.”

“Favorite food?” John asked me another question.

“Um,” I thought. “Spinach ravioli with Thai Sauce.”

“I’m going to ask five, and then you can ask five.” John smiled. “Alright so that’s two for me. Now here comes the third one. Um, favorite band growing up as a kid?”

“Third Eye Blind, hands down.” I said. “Well, not really a kid, but y’know what I mean.”

John smiled. “Same here. Alright here’s four, who’s better looking, Stephen or Taylor?”

“Stephen,” I laughed. “Because I hate Taylor and Stephen is related to you.”

“That was cheesy!” John laughed. “I guess I’m not the only one now.”

“Alright, you’ve got one more question.” I smiled.

“Are you going to go back to Detroit at the end of the summer?” John asked me.

I sighed looking around the van. I didn’t know if I wanted to answer this question. I knew I really didn’t want to because I really didn’t know the answer. “I don’t know John.” I replied. “I really don’t, but right now, you’re really making me want to stay here.”

“Well. . .” He said awkwardly. “It’s your turn now.”

“Where’s your favorite place to be?” I asked him shyly.

“With you. . .” John looked on the road, but I could see the smile creeping onto his face.

“Cheesy romantic idiot!” I heard Jess screamed extremely loud from the back of the bus. If you ever want to ruin a moment when someone is with a Gomez brother, just go and find Jess. She’ll do it up.