You Promised

“Frank! Hey!” Quinn greeted me happily.

“Hey. Look, Gerard and Ray just left, can you come over now?” A well known wave of feeling came over me as I said his name. I can’t even start to tell you how I’m feeling.

“Sure.”

“Okay, see you in a little.”

“Wait.” He said. “Do you still want me? Cause if you don’t I can just save some time.” His voice sounded cold… Nothing like the warm friendly person my Quinn used to be… My Quinn? I should really make up my mind…

“Quinn… Hum… I really would prefer if you could come here. There’s more to it than you may think.”

“Alright.”

***

“So let me see if I understand…” He said. “You want me to wait until Gerard decides if he wants to be with you so you can decide if you want to be with me?”

“You’re making me sound like an asshole.” I said in a low voice, ashamed because I knew the way it sounded was the way it was.

“And you’re not?”

I can’t really decide if I prefer the angry shouts from Gerard or the sarcastic comments from Quinn, but that’s the main problem anyway. I can’t decide.

“I know I am, I just don’t enjoy people telling me it all the time.”

“Maybe you should consider why people are telling you it all the time.”

“I know why!”

“Congrats, me to!”

“If you seem to hate me so much why don’t you leave? You would make it easier if you just left.”

“Now you want me to leave?! You need to fucking make up your mind! What makes it so hard to chose? Really, what is it?! Don’t you love him?! Then stay with him! Hard shit made easy!” He shouted.

Looks like I made up my mind.

I prefer the sarcastic comments.

“I love you.”

“What?” His anger seemed to disappear. He looked at me with his mouth slightly open.

“That’s what makes it so hard.”

“No. You’re just saying that so you can have someone if Gerard decides that he doesn’t want you in the end!”

“Is that what you really think of me?” I asked him. I didn’t consider myself that much of an asshole so I think I was aloud to feel offended.

“What else do you want me to think?”

“I just want you to know that I love you. That’s it, it’s out now.”

“Even if you do love me, assuming you know what love is, you love Gerard more. I don’t know why I even bother with you. I should have left already. I’m not a backup plan! A second choice! I’m not!”

“Why should I if you don’t even like me?! You can’t even feel anything romantic towards me?! I’m not here to be a second choice to someone that can’t accept himself for who he is!” She shouted at me with all the air in her lungs and all the pain in her heart.

“Then what are you here for? Are you really worth it being something else than a fucking second choice?” I asked her getting closer. She stepped away and slapped me with all the strength in her body. I didn’t even take time to wince or to feel pain, my anger was louder than anything else and in a moment of blinded anger I pushed her away from me. She looked up at me with pure anger in her eyes. I ignored her and left.

When I finally saw my living room again Quinn was long gone but it wasn’t the top thing in my mind as the scene from the flashback kept repeating in my mind. Actually, I was glad he was gone.