You Promised

“He broke up with you?” Vincent asked still not believing.

“I’m serious.” I said giving him a look that hopefully would show exactly that.

“That’s pretty fucked up. He must be a mess. He loves you.”

“Yeah, and I’m no better.”

“But you have Gerard.”

“No! I had already decided I wanted Quinn, not Gerard! And do you even know how fucking hard it was to break his heart? Damn it! How could he do this to me? I promised him! Don’t my promises mean anything?” I asked, but inside I knew that truth.

“I’m really sorry you’re going through such a bad time.” He said opening him arms for me, inviting me for a hug, and God knows how much I needed one. When he let go the door bell rang.

I wonder who’s at the door, and how are they going to make my life even more miserable.

“I’ll go; do you want me to say that you’re not here?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” I said quietly. He nodded and left.

“Hey there, Ray. If you’re looking for Frank he’s not home.” I could hear Vincent say. If Quinn hadn’t broken up with me, his words would most likely be true.

“Do you mind if I check myself? You never know with Frank…”

I hate Ray and his oddly smart mind.

I heard steps getting closer. Yeah, I didn’t think Vincent would have an answer for that.

“There you are Frank! I knew you were here. Why didn’t you want to see me?” Ray said coming in.

“I don’t want to see anyone.” I answered.

“Why not? Is it because of your talk with Gerard?” He asked.

“No! Not all my fucking life goes around Gerard! Not all my heartbreaks are about Gerard! I couldn’t care fucking less about Gerard! I want to be alone!” I shouted at him.

“Liar. When you came down you couldn’t even try to fake a fucking smile because of how fucking heartbroken you were!”

“No! That was about how fucking heartbroken Gerard was! I fucking chose Quinn and he fucking left me because of Gerard so I want you and you’re great friend Gerard to get out of my fucking life! Would you do that?” I screamed. I could see an almost smile showing on his face.

“Quinn left you?” I nodded. “That fucking serves you right! You know you love Gerard! Quinn doesn’t want you, take him!”

“No! You don’t know a thing! Now go! Leave me the fuck alone!” I screamed at him, I didn’t want him to see me crying. “Go!” I repeated, and this time he did as told and left.

“Frank…” Vincent called softly.

“Vincent… I fucking need a hug.” He sat next to me and hugged me close. I knew I cried for a long time, but I don’t know how long for sure. When I finally stopped I was really tired so I ended up falling asleep on the couch. When I woke up Vincent was sitting in the other couch reading.

“Hey.” I whispered.

“Hey. Do you feel better?”

“A little.”

“Do you want anything?”

“Coffee?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

“Alright, I’ll be right back.” He said walking into the kitchen.

I miss Quinn. I remember that day when Vincent came bursting into my room and I was in my bed with Quinn. I loved how things used to be, it’s so much more complicated now. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. I tried to stop them from falling but they did. I tried to think about something else so I could forget about my life for a second. The truth is I wish I hadn’t waked up. I’m only fine when I’m asleep.

The door bell rang. Again I wondered who it was and what were they going to do to make my life even more miserable. As if Ray’s visit hadn’t been enough.

“Can you answer the door please?” Vincent shouted.

I got up trying to clean my face with my sleeve and opened the door.

“Oh, Frank. You look awful.”

“Gerard? What are you doing here?” I asked looking down. I didn’t want him to see my tears partially because half of them were shed for him.

“Ray told me. I’m sorry.”

“Did you feel the need to come here to tell you’re sorry?”

“Can I come in?” He asked ignoring my question.

“I guess…” I said stepping aside.

Vincent was in the living room with two mugs in his hand.

“Oh, Gerard.” He said. “I think I’m going to see Quinn. See how he’s doing.” He gave me one mug and the other to Gerard and left. I hate when people do this to me.

I sat on the couch and he sat next to me. We were involved in the same awkward silence for a long time. Finally he broke it.

“I don’t mind being a second choice.”

“No. Stop it.” I said not looking at him. What ever expression he had on his face I didn’t want to see it.

“Why? What’s stopping you now? Quinn left.”

“He can come back.”

“But he won’t and you fucking know he won’t. We both know he won’t.” He said. I was still not looking at him. “Do you love me?” He asked uncertain. This time I looked at him, but I needed not look to hear the sadness in his voice.

“You know I do, but I’ve broken enough promises already.”

“He broke up with you so we could be together. It’s not breaking a promise, it’s-”

“It’s breaking a heart.” I finished.

“That’s better than breaking two hearts. Frank, please. Why can’t you fucking forgive yourself? And don’t tell me you have already and you just plenty don’t want to be with me because I know you do! I’ll be fine.” He told me, holding my head in his hands so I was looking at him; looking at him right in his fucking eyes. Suddenly I just couldn’t hold it in anymore and I hugged him crying.

“I promise this time’s gonna be different.” I told him. Those words were my acceptance to what he wanted. I couldn’t be so miserable for much longer, and Quinn left so I could be with the one that really makes me happy, and even if I want to trick myself into thinking so, he won’t come back to me.

“I know.” I was about to say we were taking this slow but decided there was no need to. We both knew it already. We both needed it.

He touched his cold hands to my face, holding it, this time being more delicate.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered as if he was telling me a secret only ours.

“Always, Bello.”

The moment his lips touched mine I felt the room becoming black and my body becoming numb.

I want you to remember everything we lived, but forget the bad moments. Just don’t forget me.

My whole life was passing in front of me. The moments I remembered and the ones I didn’t. They all came back now. I remembered all the times Gerard and I kissed now. All the times we hugged, cuddled and made love. How could I ever forget?

“Frank!” I heard someone call in panic when the black started to fade into reality.

“Gerard?” I asked. I didn’t dare open my eyes. My head was hurting too much.

“Frank? What happened?” He asked calmer now. I dared open my eyes a little. My headache was fading.

“I remembered. Everything. My memory is back. It’s like I had never forgot… you.”

He smiled and with only three simple words he ended our story.

“You promised, Doll.”

Forget me, not, Doll.
Love
XG