Memories Are Nothing without Guilt and Regret

"What have they done to you?" I wanted nothing more than to reach out for him, to take his hand, to tell him everything was going to be alright. Deep down, I knew that the only one I was fooling was I. Who was I kidding? What was I thinking? There was no way I could save him by myself, especially since he seemed more than slightly reluctant to the idea of being saved.

The malicious satisfaction he felt at my inner turmoil was all too clear in his cold glass eyes. He caused me pain without even trying. And yet, he enjoyed the pain he caused me.

Carefully I surveyed the situation I had placed myself into. My eyes searched everywhere for an escape as my feet felt planted, glued to the ground. Close to hysteria I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. I felt like a caged animal as I felt the claustrophobia of the walls closing in.

The embers of the fireplace illuminated the dark room. The haplessness of the situation seeped in, feeling all too real. I wanted to scream, cry, yell, do anything at the unfairness of it all, yet I remained taciturn.

He drifted towards me with a swiftness my eyes could not grasp. His movements became nothing but a burr and with an almost inhuman speed, he was before my very eyes. He circled me at a speed my eyes could not follow until finally he stopped.

We stood face-to-face. His steal-like, blue eyes stared down into my jade green orbs. The silence filled the air. We both waited. I waited for any indication of feelings, yet as I faced this person that I was forced to call my enemy despite every part of me repudiating the idea that less than a year ago I would have considered absurd, unrealistic, and out of the question.

I glanced at my arm when I began to feel a searing pain. My eyes widened in horror as I looked at the needle he had injected into me. The effects of the drug set in immediately. "When?" My vision began to distort as it failed. "Why?" My limps felt weak and heavy as my body shook with spasms as pain rippled through me.

He gave me that sadistic grin that chilled me to my core. Pure evil is the only way to describe what he had become. Was it because of me? Was it my fault that he became this… monstrosity?

His voice filled with acrimony dodged my questions in a raspy voice. "You were always trusting and you're reflexes are horrendous." I longed for the euphonious voice that I used to know almost as well as my own.

His ocean blue eyes that I had once been able to drown in held no regret, no sympathy, no love or compassion, void of all emotions except hate. Did he hate me? Was it because he blamed me?

My very being ached for the person he had once been. In denial, I held strongly to the belief he was still there, but trapped, waiting for me to rescue him. I attempted to remain strong as I felt my hold on consciousness loosen. My figure swayed, yet I held myself straight.

For what I thought to be the last time, I watched his blurred figure. One last time I gazed upon his too pale face that had once been tan. One last time I gazed upon his cold, sadistic grin, which had once been warm and kind. One last time I gazed upon his lanky, skinny frame with bones jutting out, which had once been tall and muscular.

I yearned to walk right up to him, to kiss him, to hug him, but he was my enemy. I ached to walk right up to him, to kick him, to punch him, to hurt him, but he was my friend.

A long-forgotten memory made itself known for what could be the last time.

"Abby!" His voice loud and bell-like called out for me.

"Abby! Abby! Wait up!" His voice became louder as he attempted to side-step the people that stood in his way. They were clearly not amused by his absolutely clever antics of shoving everyone aside.

"Yes?" I turned to him finally, laughing at his ludicrous behavior as he came up to me panting.

He held me in place, one of his large hands on each of my small shoulders, as he regained his breathing, taking steady breaths all the while staring down into my eyes.

Finally he leaned in, his lips coming closer to my own as I met him half- way. My arms went around his neck before my fingers laced through his thick curls as his arms circled my waist, not wanting to let me go.

This is the boy that held my heart I thought as we reluctantly pulled away from each other.

"I love you." His whispered as his forehead touched my own.

"I'm still here aren't I?" I laughed softly at his stupefied look, filled with confusion, before it smoothed into my favorite lopsided smile. No matter how much I wanted to whisper those hackneyed words to him, I couldn’t say the right words as my mouth became dry.

I was lucky to have a guy like him who knew I needed time… I was lucky to have a guy like him...

My impossible mix of emotions were my last thoughts as the black spots in my vision appeared more numerous and became bigger until finally I collapsed, blinded and unconscious, consumed by the darkness. "I love you…" The hackneyed words left my lips for the first and last time.