Walls

The music thumped against the walls, making the whole house shake to its rhythm. I stood next to one of the dancing walls, clutching my stomach with one hand while the other was wrapped around a water bottle. People walked past me with red cups and bottles pressed to their lips. As soon as I got a craving for alcohol I’d lift the bottle of water to my mouth and take a long swig.

It was never like me to be a wallflower at a party, especially when it was hosted by Jack. If I didn’t have a growing human in my body I would have been downing anything I could get my hands on, laughing and dancing like there was no tomorrow.

The tune of “Richman” by 3oh3 started up and the dancing in the center of the room I was in got wilder and I instantly wished I could be right in the middle of all of them. I caught the eye of one of my good friends Becca in the middle of the crowd. She smiled at me and began weaving her way towards me, her boyfriend Alex following her.

“Hey Lydia,” she smiled, throwing her arm around my neck quickly to embrace me in a hug. I hugged back and took a step away. Alex grabbed my hands and began tugging me away from the wall.

“C’mon Lyd, yuh gotta dance!” he said, clearly intoxicated, and I winced as the smell of liquor burned my nose as it traveled from his breath. Becca caught the wince and her eyes narrowed at me. She grabbed Alex’s hands away from mine and told him to go back to the party. Alex grinned and kissed her cheek before disappearing into the sea of dancing bodies.

Becca looked at me as if I were a mystery she was trying to solve. “Are you okay Lydia?” she asked, her voice barely audible even with the short pause in the music.

I looked down at my hand that went back to my stomach after Alex let it go and shook my head. Becca placed her hand on my forearm and said “Hey,” but I knew she wasn’t talking to me. I looked up and saw Aubrey, another friend of ours, looking back at us. Once our eyes connected she let go of Zack and came to us.

“Lyd, what’s wrong?” she asked, urgency in her voice.

How did she know something was wrong? Did I really look that upset? That bad?

I shrugged. “I just don’t feel good I guess,” I mumbled. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the look exchanged between my two friends and I was suddenly being tugged through the mass of people. Once again I winced as my stomach was exposed. There was no way anyone could tell I was pregnant, but I didn’t like the fact that my baby was exposed to anything that might danger it. Aubrey let go of my right arm and fell back, and my hand immediately covered my stomach.

Becca pulled me into the bathroom and sat me on the edge of the tub. Aubrey came in a few seconds later tugging Emily, Rian’s girlfriend, behind her. She shut the door and the three of them stood in a line, three pairs of eyes studying me. I feel myself shrinking into nothing.

“Lydia,” Emily whispered. “Tell us what’s wrong.”

It took me a moment to compose myself before I could look up at them. I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed hard. “I, well, I’m – I have a problem.” The three of them stood still, the same mystified look playing with their expressions. With one more deep breath I opened my mouth and mumbled, “I’m pregnant.”

Emily’s eyes grew twice in size. Becca’s mouth fell open a little. Aubrey looked relieved.

“Thank God! Shit, Lydia, I thought you were going to tell us you have some kind of deadly disease or something.” For the first time that night I smiled. “But, this is pretty huge,” she continued.

I nodded once, a sharp movement, and looked down at my stomach.

“When did you find out?” Emily asked.

“This morning.”

“Does Jack…?” Becca drifted off, but I knew what she was asking.

“No! He can’t know! Not right now. I’m,” I paused for another deep breath, “still trying to decide what I want to do. In terms of keeping it.”

Aubrey took a mini-step forward. “But, don’t you think Jack should have some say in this? It is his too,” she said the last sentence quietly, like she was trying not to offend me.

“I know,” I whispered. “I just don’t know how to tell him. Or when.”

Suddenly a wave of nausea swept over me, raising bile into my throat. I quickly lifted the toilet seat and spewed my lunch into the bowl. My hair was being pulled back, a cold rag was placed to my cheeks and my back was being rubbed tenderly. I sighed, shaking my head to rid the rest of the nausea away.

“I thought I’d end up doing this tonight,” Emily said, pointing to me as I hovered over the toilet. “I just never guessed it’d be for this reason.”

I chuckled and got off my knees, leaning against the tub. “I think I should go home.”
The three girls nodded and began discussing who would take me home since Jack picked me up for the party and my car wasn’t there.

“I’ve had a few,” Becca grimaced.

“I’ve had more than a few,” Emily confessed, a smug grin on her lips.

Aubrey shrugged. “I’ve only had a shot of Jager. I should be okay. I’ll take her.”

I picked myself up and went to the sink to rinse my mouth out and grabbed a mint, popping it into my mouth before going back to the party. On my way to the door I felt a tug on my arm. I looked to the side and smiled as my heart broke. Jack smiled at me, getting ready to pull me into his arms.

“Where’ve you been? I’ve missed you this whole time,” he whispered into my ear, sending a tingle down my spine. He wasn’t as drunk as half the people there yet. I knew he would wait for me to leave before he let loose. He always did.

“I don’t really feel good. I’m gonna go home now,” I said, regret dripping from my voice.

Jack hugged tighter, rocking from side to side, and all I wanted to do was place a hand on my stomach. “Don’t go now babe. I don’t want you to go,” he whined. I smiled slightly and kissed his jaw bone before pulling away from his embrace.

“I don’t really want to go, but I know if I stayed you wouldn’t have much fun,” I said. Jack shrugged, like he didn’t care that he wouldn’t have a good time. I frowned. “I’ll come see you tomorrow, ‘kay? I promise.”

He sighed and nodded. “Okay. Do you need a ride home, or…”

I shook my head. “No, Aubrey’s gonna take me.”

“Alright. Well I’ll walk you to her car.” I smiled a small smile and he placed his hand on the small of my back, leading me through the crowd and towards the front door. I walked out of the house and he followed taking my hand in his. He hummed a familiar tune, the smile on his face growing the more he hummed. I tried to listen and figure out the song, but I couldn’t.

“What are you humming?” I asked.

He chuckled. “I don’t know what it’s called. I heard it today and stuff, and I don’t even remember the words, but I like it kind of.”

I nodded and stopped once we were at Aubrey’s car. He pulled me into his arms once more and kissed me sweetly. I kissed him back, my hands wrapping around his neck. He pulled me closer than I ever thought possible and parted my lips with his tongue. I will admit, we were getting a little crazy until Aubrey honked her horn sharply, startling us both. Jack smiled cheekily and kissed me once more.

“Love you,” he smiled.

I suddenly felt so much better than I had the whole night, despite the fact that I hadn’t told him about our child growing slowly in me. “Love you too,” I grinned. He reached around me and opened the door, helping me in.

“Thanks Aubrey,” he said before he kissed me one last time. He pulled away, shut the door and started back towards the house. I looked at Aubrey and her eyebrows were raised. I tried to smile, to get her to smile but she just sat there like she was disappointed in my cowardliness.

“Aubrey wont you take me home?” I asked in the tune of the guys’ new song Stella.

She chuckled and shook her head, cranking the car. “You have to tell him Lydia.”

I nodded, taking one last glance at him before he disappeared into the house. “I will.”