Uneasy Hearts Weigh the Most

That night when I got home, I had never hated a boy more than I hated Oli. Natalie fell asleep on my bed right away but I couldn’t sleep. My stomach was in knots; I felt horrible. I started rambling to Bring Me The Horizon's drummer, Matty, about that night and he apologize profusely. But it turned out Oli didn’t give a shit or care.

I think I should have taken that as a clue. I should have realized that he never cared about me.

Time and time again after that night, whenever I'd see the guys, he'd ignore me. Say hi and give me a hug and then direct his attention elsewhere. But now, it wasn’t just him anymore. The rest of the guys began to act more and more underwhelming towards me. Curtis and Natalie's sham of a relationship had gotten rocky and they hardly talked, Lee and his girlfriend were so involved in each other that neither of them talked to anyone else, Tom had gotten a new girl who nobody liked and Mattie was well, he was always constant. He was the sweet one, the one who never let anyone down but I mean, he wasn’t the one I wanted.

And then I left for vacation with my family and it all went downhill from there and we get to the beginning of our story. I tried my hardest to change my perspective on Oliver and I tried my hardest to ignore my feelings for him. I couldn’t. I played along with everyone else like I had never had feelings for him and they believed it. I didn’t. I couldn’t.

Soon enough, I held grudges against everyone in the band, with the exception of Matty. Natalie and I went to another one of their shows, a few days after I got back and no one cared that I was there. I was ignored. Another downside of being friends with boys in bands is how they take you for granted.