Why Is Love So Complicated?

“So… Kat… before we get there, can I ask a question?” we were driving over to someone’s house. I wasn’t quite sure whose it was.

“You already did,” I teased, “But yeah, sure.”

“Are you a lesbian,” she said so quiet, I could barely make it out.

I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say. I never wanted to date another boy in my life, but was I really a lesbian? How was I supposed to answer that? She saw the look in my eyes.

“You don’t have to answer. I was just wondering. I knew you didn’t want to let the others know, that’s why I covered for you on the first day of lunch…” she trailed off.

“Oh… well… truthfully, I don’t really know,” I said in a tiny voice. “I mean... I know I don’t like guys, but I don’t know if I’m ready to say I’m a lesbian,” I said, my voice growing stronger.

She smiled. “Good answer. Especially in this town. Have you ever had a girlfriend?” she asked, turning from the road to me.

“No,” I answered slowly.

She smiled again. “So you really aren’t sure. Well, if you don’t want me to, I won’t say anything to anyone. Your secret’s safe with me,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said gratefully. We finally started slowing down, and she drove up in front of this slightly dingy looking house.

“We’re here,” she announced. This time I got out of the car like a normal person. She locked the car once again, and we started walking towards the house.

She surprised me by not walking towards the front door. In stead, she headed towards the back. She then turned towards a weird door off the side of the house, and opened it. “After you,” she said, opening the door.

There was stairs leading down. I walked towards them, and she shut the door behind us. They led into a basement. “Hey guys,” Killer said behind me.

Cid and Candy had their eyes glued to the TV screen playing some video game. They grunted in response. Korea actually looked up, though. “Hey, Killer. I see you brought Kat,” he said, smiling and turning towards me.

“Hey,” I said in a small voice. We sat down.

“So I see you got her to come,” said Cid, barely glancing up from the screen before killing something.

“Yeah, of course I did,” she said smiling. “So when is Pete coming over?”

I gave her a bewildered look. What did he mean got me to come over? And who is Pete? Another gay guy? I was hoping it wasn’t a drag queen….

She saw the weird expression on my face and laughed. “We weren’t quite sure if you would want to come,” she explained.

“And yes, he’s coming. Does he still like your sister?” Candy asked, followed by a curse since she had just gotten killed on the screen.

“As far as I’m concerned, yes. It’s kind of weird, him liking a 13 year old. But to each his own,” Killer said, flopping on the couch.

I sat down beside her. “Who’s Pete?” I asked. It was directed towards her, but Korea answered.

“He graduated from our school last year. He’s really cool, he was our ride for our freshmen year.”

“Do you have any food?” Killer asked, jumping up suddenly and looking around the room.

“In the fridge,” Cid said over his shoulder. I turned to watch her, and noticed one of those mini fridges sitting in the corner. I wondered how she could still be hungry.

She ended up grabbing a popsicle. “You want one?” She said, as she threw one at me. I barely caught it.

“So gay pride’s coming to town in about a month,” Candy said, surrendering the controller over to Korea after being killed for the fourth time.

“Yes, we know, you’ve been mentioning it almost every day now,” Killer rolled her eyes.

“Does it cost anything?”

“No, I don’t think so. I’ll have to go ask Gabe.”

“Who?” I asked.

“Oh, that store clerk I was telling you about. He runs this small convenience store near my house. How did he find out about gay pride?” Killer asked, turning to Candy.

“I’m not quite sure. But he plans on going, apparently. I’ll ask if it cost anything.”

The door opened.

“Hey guys!!” said a masculine voice. Must be Pete, I thought.

“Hey!” said Cid. “I was wondering when you stopped by. How are things going?”

“Okay. I got a job by the apartments I’m living in now. I haven’t had time to sign up for collage yet.”

“So you got them?” asked Candy.

“Yeah, they are really cheap. You guys will have to come see them sometime. So how’s your sister, Killer?” He said, turning towards her.

She rolled her eyes. “Can you not see we have a guest,” she said, pointing towards me.

“Oh.” He looked disappointed. I think she was trying to change the subject on him. He turned towards me. “So who are you?”

“Kat,” I said.

“Oh. Well, I’m Pete,” I said holding out his hand. I took it.

“Hey, I brought some stuff for you,” he said turning away from me, and pulling out a baggy with something in it.

“Sweet!!” Killer said, jumping up and grabbing it. “Hey, Cid, where did you stash the pipe?”

“Over there,” he pointed.

“Whoa, whoa, calm down!!” Pete said chuckling.

“Oh shut it. It’s been a month or two since I last had this,” she said, grabbing something from a box.

Pete’s face fell. “You mean you didn’t get in touch with that dealer?”

“He got busted,” she said.

I had a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach. I think I knew what that stuff was. “Uh… Killer? What exactly is that?” I asked wearily.

“Pot,” she said without looking up from the bowl she was loading.

“Oh,” I said quietly.

She looked up and laughed. “You’ve never smoked it before or something?”

“No,” I said.

She had to stop herself from falling, she was laughing so hard.. “Oh man, you ARE a goody-too-shoes!! It’s not bad, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s at least better than cigarettes.”

“Uhuh,” I said, nodding weakly.

“Oh, come on, be nice,” said Candy. She turned to me, “So you’ve never smoked? Wanna try it?” she asked, taking the pipe from Killer before she could light it.

“Um…” was all I could say. To try it or not? My mom would kill me if she found out. Not to mention it’s illegal. But then again, I guess I was trying to change everything else in my life. What’s one more thing?

“Yes,” I heard myself say, while I was arguing with myself. I was surprised.

“Okay. So you hold it like this,” she held it like she was holding something out, and put her thumb over a hole, “Then you light it up like this,” she said, taking the lighter and holding it at an angle. “You can have the first hit,” she said, handing it to me.

I took it and held it like she showed me, and lit up the bowl and sucked in. At first it wasn’t bad, but then the back of my throat started burning and I let go of the lighter coughing.

They started howling with laughter.

“Sorry,” Candy said, taking the pipe, and smiling, trying not to giggle. “I forgot to tell you to take off your thumb when you get a big enough hit.”

I was still coughing. It felt like I was coughing my lungs up, and my throat was still burning.

“Man, you took a big hit. You’re not going to need any more,” said Cid, getting up, and throwing another popsicle at me. “Eat it, it will help your throat,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said hoarsely and through coughs.

Killer was just giggling. “It usually happens when you first smoke, don’t worry about it,” she said, taking the pipe. “You get used to it, and then figure out how much smoke you can take in too.” She lit up and took a hit.

I wanted to glare at her, but that was hard to do now. I felt a strange sensation on my body, and all I wanted to do was giggle. I couldn’t even think straight.

“Well, I see that’s taking effect,” said Korea, smiling at me. That just made me giggle harder.

We sat there, and everyone just passed it around, skipping over me. Pretty soon they were all smiling.

“I love newbies,” said Pete. “They’re always so random there first time.”

I wanted to retort from that, but then I couldn’t think of anything. I moved my head, and then noticed that this felt funny, so I kept moving it back and forth.

Killer saw me and started laughing again. “See? Not so bad. Makes you feel all happy.”

“Yeah…” I said spacely.

We sat there, and they talked back and forth, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I was watching the TV, which looked really strange now, the images were coming out, then the smoke from the guns started coming out of it, pouring around the room, and pretty soon I couldn’t see. I just sat there in the cloud of smoke smiling –

“Okay. I should get you home pretty soon,” I heard a voice. The smoke suddenly cleared. It was Killer that said it.

“How’d you do that?” I asked.

“Do what?” she asked. But I didn’t know what to say. She laughed again. “It should be wearing off soon. I’ll go ahead and drive you home, it’s already 9, and I don’t know what your mom’s reaction would be if I kept you out later,” she said getting up. crap, how is it already 9? I thought. She grabbed my wrist.

A sudden feeling arose in my stomach when she touched me. But I ignored it, because the pot made me dizzy when I stood up.

She walked us to her car, and we got in. “Where do you live?” she asked as she started the car and took off.

“Uhh…” It was seriously taking a lot of brain power to remember. Somewhere. There was a lot of space. And it was on a rock. No wait. That was the name of the street. Rock Drive. That’s it. 4690 Rock Drive. The last part I said out loud.

“Take you long enough to answer?” she laughed, and turned on the radio. It sounded weird. There was a girl – or was it two? – that was singing, and it sounded techno-y. Is that even a word?

“Do you like it? They’re called t.A.T.u. They’re a Russian band,” she said. She rolled down the windows. “Helps the smell,” she said. I nodded and hung my head out the window like a dog. The wind felt so odd passing over my body…

We were almost to the edge of town when my head finally started clearing up. When we drove up to the house, all pot effects seemed to have cleared off.

“Do you want me to come in?” she asked as I opened the door.

“Oh… no, don’t worry about it. I think I’ll probably just go to sleep,” I said, realizing I was dead tired.

She laughed. “Probably from the stuff. Well, have fun,” she winked and drove off. I walked inside.