All I Could Do

“So, um, God Cecilia… I don’t even know how to tell you.”
I looked up at Jackie, my best friend for the past six years. I watched her eyes as they quickly looked down at my own, and then back up at the people that kept passing us by. I already knew what she was going to tell me, it was all that people were gossiping about these days.
Slowly, I nodded, trying to convince her that it was ok. That she should be able to tell me without problem. I probably should have said something, but I might have started to cry if I tried to talk. I looked back down at my tray, closing my eyes for a moment. It was all that I could do to not breaking down in front of my nervous best friend.

“Cecilia, don’t do this,” He whispered, gently grabbing onto my shoulder to prevent me from walking away, “W-we can fix this Cecilia,” He pleaded, turning me around to look into his tear filled eyes.
I shook my head, reverting my eyes from his own, “No Aaron,” I answered, “We can’t. I’ve been trying Aaron…” I felt as a tear fell down my cheek, the warm water burning against my freckled skin, “I just—“ I had to stop to try and breath, sucking in the cold air before I could try and speak once again, “I just don’t love you anymore.”
He dropped his hand, letting it flop uselessly down by his side. Aaron didn’t say anything as the tears fell from his eyes, staining his dark green shirt. I turned away from him once again, walking out towards my car without looking back.

“I’ve felt so guilty not telling you Cecilia,” Jackie whispered, reaching her hand up to pull at her black-brown hair.
I sighed, opening my eyes to say, “Just tell me then Jackie.” I took a deep breath, holding it in to try and stop the tears that I felt building up. She needed to tell me. I needed to try and let him go.

I looked up at the huge house, frowning when I heard the loud music echo from the party that was held within. All of the lights were on, filling the many windows with a yellowish glow. “I don’t want to do this,” I whispered, turning my head to look at Jackie as she retrieved the keys from the ignition.
“Come on Cecilia,” She answered, rolling her eyes, “We already went over this. This party’s going to be fun. Hannah’s parties are always the best, you know that.” Jackie opened her car door, getting out to come and open my own. Slowly, I followed her out, pulling the dark blue tank top that Jackie had convinced me to wear down. I felt, as Jackie looked up at my doubt filled face, hearing as she sighed, “Cecilia, just go in there and have a good time, ok? If you still hate it in an hour, I’ll drive you home.”
I nodded as she linked arms with me, leading me into the beautiful mansion, “This will be fun Cecilia, I just know it.” Jackie whispered, a large smile growing across her doll-like face as she opened the doors to walk into the people filled living room.

“Aaron and I…” She stopped, closing her eyes as she took a couple deep breaths, “Aaron and I are going out. He asked me out a few days ago, but we’ve known that we’ve liked each other for some time now.” Jackie looked down at me, trying to see my reaction. I kept my face emotionless. I wasn’t going to let her see me cry about my ex-boyfriend, “We didn’t want to tell you until we knew that it was going to be official… But, Cecilia, I’ve felt so bad about keeping it secret from you. I wanted to tell you, but I just didn—“

I looked around the dimly lit kitchen. Jackie had left me here a while ago, promising that she’d be back in a few minutes. It’s been half an hour, and she was nowhere in sight.
“Hey Cecilia,” I looked up to see Eli walking over to talk to me, “Damn, you look gorgeous.” He said as he saw me in my tank top and miniskirt. He took my hand, spinning me around to look at me fully. “Why don’t you wear stuff like that more often?” Eli asked when I was facing him once again.
I shrugged, “I’m not too comfortable in clothes like this,” I answered, pulling down my skirt as I spoke.
“God, I have no clue why.” Eli answered me, looking me up and down, “You look as hot as fuck.” We were silent then, with him sipping his drink as I looked around for Jackie.

“It’s ok Jackie.” I said, my words coming out quicker then I had intended, “It’s ok… I understand.” I focused on letting my words come out slowly and smoothly, which helped prevent my tears from falling as I spoke.

“Have you seen Jackie?” I asked, standing on my toes to try and get a better view. Being around Eli made me uncomfortable, especially after I’ve heard the stories about him. Eli is the guy that every girl secretly wants to be with. He’s gorgeous, with his jet-black hair, olive skin tone, and swimmer’s body. He’s charming, always able to make you feel like you’re the only girl that he wants to be around. Like you’re the most beautiful girl that he’s every laid eyes on.
Eli nodded, taking a sip of his drink before he spoke, “Yeah, she left, like, twenty minutes ago?”
“Shit,” I whispered, pulling my phone out of my skirt pocket. A rather difficult task on account of short the skirt was. There were no messages from her, no missed calls. She had left me here, after she promised that she’d be by my side the whole time.
This was so typical.
“Was she your ride home?” Eli asked, laughing when I nodded, “Ah, well that explains it.” He took another sip of his drink, finishing the cup. I looked at him quizzically, confused by what he meant, “I mean, I was just wondering why a girl like you was alone here, in the kitchen.” Eli shrugged, smiling as I blushed, “Whatever though, I hope you don’t mind that I hang out with you then?”
I didn’t say anything, forgetting the many stories that I’ve heard about him for the moment. He was acting so sweet; it contradicted everything that I’ve heard. Finally, I nodded, smiling at his offer.
“Perfect,” Eli said, wrapping his arm around my bare shoulders, “Have you had anything to drink yet Cecilia?”

Jackie smiled, “Really?” She asked, her tone giving away how surprised she was. Her smile turned into a grin as I nodded, signaling that she and Aaron could be a couple. That I wouldn’t care. It hurt to lie so badly, even if I wasn’t saying anything.

“Just have one more cup Cecilia,” Eli said, holding out another cup of the warm beer.
I shrugged, downing that cup too, “One more c-cup won’t hurt anyone, right?” I hiccupped, holding out the cup for another serving.
Eli laughed, filling my red, plastic cup with the delicious liquid, “Hey, Cecilia, do you want to come with me for a second?” He asked, putting the brown bottle down onto the table we were sitting on. I nodded; taking hold of the hand that he held out and following him down the hallway.
He brought me into the hall closet, quietly closing the door when we were both inside, “What’s in her—“ I tried to ask, only to be interrupted when Eli pushed his lips down against my own. I felt my eyes grow wide as he bit at my lips, begging to be let inside my mouth. A moment later, I pushed him off me, “What are you d-doing?” I asked, my voice desperate as I wiped his saliva off of my mouth.
“What’s your problem?” Eli asked, catching his balance as he leaned back towards me, “I thought that you wanted to hang out with me Cecilia.” He whispered, kissing me once again.
I closed my eyes, now kissing him back. His lips were so warm, so comforting. I kept kissing him as he pulled off my shirt, revealing my black bra. It took me a moment to realize that he had then moved onto my skirt, trying to pull that off too, “Wait,” I commanded, pushing him off me once again, “Stop. I’m t-together with Aaron.”

“Really.” I whispered, holding my breath once again. It was becoming harder and harder to talk when I was trying not to break down. She couldn’t see how upset I was that Aaron, the guy that I had been in love with for three years, had feelings for my best friend. No good would come from that.

“No you’re not Cecilia,” Eli whispered, quickly going back to trying to pull of my skirt.
“Stop it.” I said, pushing him into the wall and quickly stumbling out into the hall. My eyes slowly adjusted to the light, which is when I saw that everyone was staring at me. I heard a couple people whistle, some people shouting something that I couldn’t hear.
Suddenly, I felt something wrapped around my torso, hiding my bare stomach, “God, get a life you guys,” I heard a boy’s voice call out to the crowd. Slowly, I looked up to see Aaron standing there, zipping up the jacket as he led me outside, “Cecilia, what are you doing?” He asked me, taking hold of my elbow as I stumbled down the steps.
“Eli t-told me…” I started, biting my lip as I tried to remember what he said, “I w-was hanging out with Eli,” I hiccupped, bringing my shoulders up into a shrug as I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Oh,” Aaron whispered, leading me to his car, “That explains it then…” He said, opening the car door for me, “Well, no need to worry now Cecilia. I’ll drive you home, ok?” He said, buckling my seatbelt for me and handing me a throw up bag. I nodded, watching him as he walked around the car and sitting down in the drivers seat.

“Oh, Cecilia,” Jackie said happily, leaning down to hug my small torso, “That’s fantastic. I knew that you would understand! I just knew you would! Aaron told me that he wasn’t sure if you’d be able to take it, on account of you guys being together for a few years and all, but I knew that he was wrong.” Jackie released me, noticing when I froze up as she spoke.
Of course Aaron would know me better then my own best friend.
“Are you sure that you’re cool with it though?” She asked, looking down at me doubtfully.

“Here we are.” Aaron whispered, quickly unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. I turned my head towards my window, looking over at my house. I barely recognized it and I couldn’t help but stare at it until Aaron’s toned torso blocked my view. A couple of seconds later, he opened my door and helped me towards the front door.

“Of course,” I answered, trying to muster up a smile to show her that everything was fine. I felt my mouth quiver as my lips turned upwards, but the feeble smile managed to convince her.

“Come on Cecilia,” He cooed, wrapping his arm around my waist as I tripped up the front steps, “Here we go.” Aaron whispered, reaching up above the doorframe to get the spare key. I couldn’t remember how he knew where it was, but I was pretty sure that I had told him at some point.
“Go to bed now, ok Cecilia?” Aaron said as he pushed the door open, “I’m going home myself. Text or call me if you need anything.”
I watched as he started to walk away, “Wait!” I called out, “Wait, stop.” He turned back towards me and I stumbled closer to him, “I j-just wanted to say thank you.” I stuttered, leaning forward to kiss his lips.
Aaron took a step back, avoiding my kiss. Quietly, he put both his hands on my shoulders, leaning me back upright, “Good night Cecilia.” He said, walking back to his car without looking back.
I stood there, stunned. I watched his red car drive down the street and around the corner, out of sight. Even in my drunken state, I realized that I still loved him. I realized that I would always love him.
Even in my drunken state, I knew that I had ruined everything.

“You’re the best Cecilia!” Jackie called out, running away towards where Aaron was waiting for her.
I watched as the two kissed, feeling my heart shatter into a thousand pieces as they walked away, hand in hand. When the two were completely out of sight, I let my tears fall. The warm liquid fell down onto my shirt, drenching the fabric.
I didn’t know how many times I needed to be reminded of how much I loved Aaron, of how much I screwed everything up. It didn’t seem like it was going to stop anytime soon though.
I was always going to love Aaron. I was able to realize that when I was completely drunk and when I was completely sober. I was always going to know that he wasn’t ever going to love me back again. No matter what I were to do, I would never be able to win back his love.

All I could do was sit here and cry.