Cause a Scene Like You're Supposed To

Katherine Murphy looked around the vaguely familiar house in which she lived. In her memory, she had only lived there for a week, and she was still getting used to the way everything was organized. Still, she had to search for much longer than necessary to find simple utensils and necessities like the vacuum cleaner and extra toilet paper.

Katherine looked over at her daughter and mother in her kitchen, listening to the caring words coming off of both of their lips. Words couldn’t even explain how awkward Katherine felt living with someone, being a person she wasn’t. Even though Lucy was technically her own daughter, Katherine didn’t feel as she was at all. She had no idea what her favorite color was, what she wanted to be when she “grew up”, what vegetable she hated, or what her personality was like, period.

In fact, Katherine didn’t know much about any of the people around her. They tried so hard to get her life on track, they forgot to mention much about themselves or the memories that they and Katherine had spent together. Katherine didn’t know how to be the person that she was a mere week ago, or the person everyone knew. She felt as if she was letting everyone down, because she wasn’t the person she once was. And by letting them down, she was letting herself down.

“Come on, we have to pick out your outfit for tomorrow!” Kara exclaimed, skipping towards Katherine, who sat on the edge of her dark green sofa.

The next day, Katherine would be seeing Alex for the first time in a month, or, in her memory, the very first time. From what she knew, she had a history with Alex, and a complicated one at that. She was nervous that she wouldn’t be the person that he once liked any longer. She was afraid her family, friends, and boyfriend would never get that person back. But most importantly, she was afraid she’d never get herself back.

Katherine sighed, nodding her head. She knew she should be excited for the next day. And she was. But as as the date on the calendar inched closer, the more fear overcame her.

-----

Alex Gaskarth tapped his pencil against his notebook drummer-style. He could hardly make sense of his current situation, let alone write about it. He groaned as he crossed out sentences furiously, leaving him with only:

I have seen millions of faces, ever-unchanging
Content with redundancy
I'm not the same way
Searching for change in directions that I want to go

Take a breath, let it out slow
Seasons change with the break of a lifetime
Remind me again why we thought twice about it?
We’ve got ambitions like you’ve got restraints

Alex sighed to himself, throwing his pencil down. He couldn’t write about this. There was too much emotion running through his veins to get it all down on paper.

The guy with all the friends, all the girls, all the fans... That guy was alone.

Alone. He didn’t like the sound of it.

His friends were mad at him. Random fans were mad at him. And for some reason, the only opinion he cared about was Katherine’s. What would she think? What would she say? But deep inside of him, he knew. Deep inside of him, he knew the false hope that somehow Katherine wouldn’t care about what she’d most likely heard, was, well, false hope. And he wasn’t ready to throw everything they had out the drain. He wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet. For some reason, Alex couldn’t stop thinking about the beginning of the summer. And what he would do to have it all back.

But the biggest question that ran through his head was if he actually did sleep with Maria. No, that wasn’t even a question. He knew he didn’t. He knew he wasn’t the one who had gotten her pregnant. But then, who did? Alex didn’t know that, either. And he was drunk that one night. So, so drunk. Anything could have happened. Anything.

Including having sex with Maria.

Including getting her pregnant.

Including throwing his life into a shredder and crushing everything inside of him.

Alex wanted so bad to call Katherine. He wanted to explain. But he knew there was no way. He’d just have to wait until the next day and pray to God that she’d still show up to the tour date that she said she would. And then he’d talk to her. He’d hope she’d give him the time of day. And maybe if he was lucky, she'd let him kiss her. Oh God, how he wanted to kiss her.

Alex felt so vulnerable. He felt so fragile. So different than usual. It was if another person crawled into his skin and was telling him how to feel.

He was alone. Alone.

And then a light bulb went off in his head. The only person he could talk about this with, the only one that might listen, the only one that could explain what was going on… was Maria. He had to talk to Maria.

He couldn’t stand her at that moment. He couldn’t stand the way her long wavy hair ran perfectly down her shoulders, and that pouty face she always made with her lips to get what she wanted. He couldn’t stand how she flirted with him, or all the nice gestures that she seemed to give. But he forced himself to pull out his phone. He typed a quick message on the txt screen:

“I need to see you.
Meet at my bus in 5 mins.”

Then he sent it before he could change his mind.

He knew she’d come. Knew what she’d think he was implying. Did she even know that he knew about that Buzznet article? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t care. He needed to see her. Now. For his sake.

For Katherine’s sake.