Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes and Whatnot

Although Hermione was still angry at Ron, the rest of us were in much better moods than we’d been in for a long time. With the destruction of one more Horcrux, I felt hopeful and more optimistic about finding the others, even though we had no more information than before.

The next day before Harry was up and while Hermione was cooking and ignoring Ron, I decided to ask the questions that had been burning in my brain since he showed up.

“Hey, Ron, I uh – I wanted to ask – “

“I know what you’re going to say Caroline, but I’m sorry, I didn’t see them”

“What do you mean? Are they okay?”

“Yeah, pretty sure, I would’ve heard otherwise, but I didn’t go home” he said quietly.

“Then where’d you go?” I asked, thoroughly confused.

“To Bill’s place. I couldn’t go home, Mum and Dad might have been relieved to see me, but I know they would’ve been disappointed, and Fred and George never would’ve let me live it down. Bill didn’t push it or ask questions”

I nodded “Well…I’m glad you’re back”

Ron and Harry had disappeared to ‘look for berries.’ Boys. As if we were stupid enough to believe that. But Hermione just ignored them, so I let them go talk about whatever it was they wanted to talk about. Herms was reading a book, I think it was the one about Dumbledore, and when she’s reading, you do not want to bother her. So I sat at the table and looked over some of the notes she’d left out. I noticed I was playing with my necklace again, the one that George gave me the first Christmas we were dating. I’d taken to doing that recently, whenever I was upset or concentrating.

While looking at Hermione’s notes, I couldn’t help but agree with Harry that there was probably a Horcrux at Hogwarts. Hermione didn’t think so because she thought there was no way Voldemort could’ve gotten back in there, and Ron didn’t understand why a person would get so attached to their school. Hogwarts was like my second home, tied with the Burrow, I loved it, and if Voldemort never had a true home in the first place, I could see how he would get so attached. It was the most sensible place we hadn’t looked yet.

That night was when Hermione brought up the idea of another excursion, but it wasn’t to Hogwarts. It was to the Lovegood’s, to see Xenophilius. The sign he was wearing around his neck at Bill and Fleur’s wedding had been drawn into her book, and she had found it in The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore. He’d changed the ‘A’ in his name to that symbol.

Harry wasn’t too keen on going, “Hermione, we don’t need another Godric’s Hollow. We talked ourselves into going there and –“

“But it keeps appearing Harry! Dumbledore left me The Tales of Beedle the Bard, how do you know we’re not supposed to find out about the sign?”

“Here we go again!” he said, exasperatedly. “We keep trying to convince ourselves Dumbledore left us secret signs and clues –“

“The Deluminator turned out to be pretty useful,” said Ron. “I think Hermione’s right, I think we ought to go and see Lovegood.”

I smiled to myself, anyone with half a brain would know he was just trying to get back on her good side. Oh wait, except Hermione. And she was supposed to be the smart one here!

“It won’t be like Godric’s Hollow, Lovegood’s on your side, Harry, The Quibbler’s been for you all along, it keeps telling everyone they’ve got to help you!” Ron added.

“I’m sure this is important!” exclaimed Hermione.

“But don’t you think if it was, Dumbledore would have told me about it before he died?”

“Maybe…maybe it’s something you need to find out for yourself,” Hermione said, looking for something that would convince him.

“Yeah,” said Ron, “that makes sense.”

I had to stifle a laugh. It actually hadn’t made any sense at all.

“No it doesn’t,” snapped Hermione, “but I still think we ought to talk to Mr. Lovegood. A symbol that links Dumbledore, Grindelwald, and Godric’s Hollow? Harry, I’m sure we ought to know about this!”

“I think we should vote on it,” said Ron. “Those in favor of going to see Lovegood –“

His hand was up before Hermione’s and I smirked. Then, I raised my own hand. Who was I to pass on a good adventure? I was tired of sitting around all day running up against dead ends again and again.

Harry gave me a look, like ‘Not you too.’

I shrugged and said “Sorry, but I’m tired of doing nothing.”

“Outvoted, Harry, sorry,” said Ron, clapping him on the back.

“Fine,” said Harry and I could tell he was at least partially amused by Ron’s enthusiasm about this.

We stood on a little hillside, overlooking St. Ottery Catchpole, the next morning. All of us were facing the Burrow, but we couldn’t make it out past all the hedges and trees of the orchard.

“It’s weird, being this near, but not going to visit,” Ron said.

“Really weird,” I muttered.

He turned his back on the Burrow, then, and we moved onward. We walked for a few hours, checking the houses we came across on the hills. None of them looked like a house that the Lovegoods would live in, though. We Disapparated a few miles north again.

“Aha!” shouted Ron.

He was pointing to a great black cylinder that rose vertically into the air. That was most definitely Luna’s house. Ron and I reached it first, having the longest legs, and Harry and Hermione came panting up after us.

“It’s theirs,” Ron told them. “Look.”

He pointed at the signs on the gate, one saying ‘The Quibbler. Editor: X. Lovegood,’ one saying ‘Pick Your Own Mistletoe,’ and the third saying, ‘Keep Off The Dirigible Plums.’

When we knocked on the door, Xenophilius opened it, and he looked surprised beyond belief. He also did not seem too keen on having us there or letting us in. He relented finally, when Harry said it was really important we speak with him.

The house was perfectly circular, all the appliances in the kitchen curved to match the walls. In the middle was a wrought-iron spiral staircase, and we followed Mr. Lovegood up this to one of the upper levels.

The room seemed to be a mixture of a living room and a workplace. It was extremely cluttered, and there was an old printing press in the corner making a terrible racket. There was a giant horn mounted on the wall that Mr. Lovegood said was from a Crumple-Horned Snorkack, while Hermione argued that it was an Erumpent horn. Though I did not pay too much attention to their argument, as I was looking around at all his other odds and ends, I’d bet Hermione was the one in the right this time. If she’d read about it in a book, you can guarantee she remembers everything about it and can identify it with one glance.

I looked out the window in the direction of the Burrow. Unless they were at the shop, this was the closest I’d been to George in months, I was literally just a few miles away, and he didn’t even know. Was he thinking about me? Wondering where I was?

Hermione asked where Luna was and Xenophilius said she was collecting something down in their stream and he’d go tell her we were here.

When he got back, he sat in an armchair after removing a pile of papers from it and said “Now, how may I help you, Mr. Potter?”

“Well, it’s about the symbol you were wearing around your neck at Bill and Fleur’s wedding, Mr. Lovegood. We wondered what it meant.” Harry said.

He raised his eyebrows “Are you referring to the sign of the Deathly Hallows?”

“The Deathly Hallows?”

Xenophilius began to explain in his aloof, cryptic way. None of us got what he was saying until he brought up ‘The Tale of the Three Brothers.’ An old children’s story about three brothers who tried to cheat death. It was in Hermione’s book from Dumbledore, so she pulled it out and read to us.

[insert long story about the Peverell brothers that I didn't want to type out]

At the end of the story, Xenophilius just looked up and said “Well, there you are.”

“Sorry?” said Hermione.

“Those are the Deathly Hallows” he asid.

He picked up a quill and piece of parchment, “The Elder Wand,” he drew a vertical, straight line, “The Resurrection Stone,” he added a circle around the line, “and The Cloak of Invisibility,” he drew a triangle around the two, “Together, the Deathly Hallows.”

“But there’s no mention of the words ‘Deathly Hallows’ in the story,” said Hermione.

“Well, of course not,” said Xenophilius, smugly. “That is a children’s tale, told to amuse rather than to instruct. Those of us who understand these matters, however, recognize that the ancient story refers to three objects, or Hallows, which, if united, will make the possessor master of Death.”

“When you say ‘master of Death’ – “ said Ron.

“Master. Conquerer. Vanquisher. Whichever term you prefer,” he said, waving his hand.

“But then…do you mean…” Hermione said slowly, “that you believe these objects – these Hallows – actually exist?”

“Well, of course.”

“But, Mr. Lovegood,” she said “how can you possibly believe – ?”

“Luna has told me all about you, young lady. You are, I gather, not unintelligent, but painfully limited. Narrow. Close-minded.”

Ain’t that the truth. She hadn’t thought half of Fred and George’s inventions would work, and what’s happened since then? ...That’s right.

Hermione refused to believe that there were actually three objects that could help you cheat death. On my part, I wasn’t sure if there were three specific ‘Hallows,’ but Invisibility Cloaks existed, yes, we had a true Invisibility Cloak ourselves, and there was history behind unbeatable wands, whether it was one wand or multiple, I had read about wands that changed hands whenever it’s master was defeated.

“All right,” Hermione was saying. “Say the Cloak existed…what about the stone, Mr. Lovegood? The thing you call the Resurrection Stone?”

“What of it?”

“Well, how can that be real?”

That was the one I was skeptical about as well. There were things like the Sorcerer’s Stone that could keep you alive as long as you had it, but was there a stone that could bring people back from the dead?

“Prove that it is not,” Xenophilius said simply.

I was amused by Hermione’s outraged expression. She was not used to her logic being completely disregarded and thrown back in her face like this. She was all about facts and proof. Mr. Lovegood’s ‘facts’ were vastly different.

While Xenophilius went downstairs to start making dinner, we whispered amongst ourselves about the Hallows. We didn’t know whether to believe they were real, or just another made up story.

After a little while, Harry went up the stairs to the top level, despite Hermione’s protests. From where I was, it looked like it might be Luna’s bedroom. He came back down as Mr. Lovegood brought up a tray with bowls and he had an odd look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Hermione asked.

“Mr. Lovegood,” said Harry. “Where’s Luna?”

“Excuse me?”

“Where’s Luna?”

“I – I’ve already told you. She is down at Bottom Bridge, fishing for Plimpies.”

“So why have you only laid that tray for five?”

Xenophilius made no sound, he only shook his head.

“I don’t think Luna’s been here for weeks,” Harry said. “Her clothes are gone, her bed hasn’t been slept in. Where is she? And why do you keep looking out of the window?”

Xenophilius dropped the tray and we all drew our wands. He froze, his hand about to enter his pocket, and then the printing press gave a huge bang and a bunch of Quibblers came flying out onto the floor.

Hermione picked one up, “Harry look at this.”

I glanced over at it, it had the same picture of Harry that Umbridge had, with the caption ‘Undesirable Number One,’ and the reward money for capture.

“The Quibbler’s going for a new angle, then?” asked Harry, coldly. “Is that what you were doing when you went into the garden, Mr. Lovegood? Sending an owl to the Ministry?”

“They took my Luna,” Xenophilius whispered. “Because of what I’ve been writing. They took my Luna and I don’t know where she is, what they’ve done to her. But they might give her back to me if I – if I – “

“Hand over Harry?” Hermione finished.

“No deal,” Ron said as I said, “Yeah right”

“Get out of the way, we’re leaving” added Ron.

“They will be here at any moment. I must save Luna. I cannot lose Luna. You must not leave.”

“Don’t make us hurt you,” Harry said. “Get out of the way, Mr. Lovegood.”

“HARRY!” Hermione screamed.

We all looked and saw figures on broomsticks flying past the window. Our mistake was looking away from Xenophilius, but Harry shoved us out of the way as his Stunning Spell flew across the room and hit the horn instead. It exploded and threw all of us into the air, then back down in the rubble. I heard Mr. Lovegood tumble down the staircase with sickening thuds and looked up to see the half the ceiling had fallen in.

Then, we heard people come in downstairs. There were some bangs and Xenophilius yelled and protested that Harry was really up here. They didn’t believe him, thought he had just been trying to blow them up.

A voice said “Homenum revelio,” and I felt the swopping sensation of the spell.

“There’s someone up there all right, Selwyn.”

“It’s Potter, I tell you, it’s Potter!” Xenophilius was sobbing. “Please…please…give me Luna, just let me have Luna…”

“You can have your little girl, Lovegood, if you get up those stairs and bring me down Harry Potter. But if this is a plot, if it’s a trick, if you’ve got an accomplice waiting up there to ambush us, we’ll see if we can spare a bit of your daughter for you to bury.”

Then we heard a whimper and some scurrying sounds as Xenophilius tried to get up the stairs past all the debris.

Hermione made Ron go under the Cloak, and she and I stood on either side of Harry.

As soon as Xenophilius’s face appeared at the top of the stairs, I yelled “Obliviate!” pointing my wand at him and Hermione yelled “Deprimo!” pointing her wand at the floor.

Someone below us screamed and then we saw two men, trying to get out of the way of the falling debris, before she pulled us into darkness once again.