Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes and Whatnot

When we landed in the corner of a field, we all scrambled up and I helped Hermione with the enchantments to hide us.

“That treaherous old bleeder!” Ron said.

“You got that right…Salvio Hexia.” I said.

“Hermione, you’re a genius, a total genius, I can’t believe we got out of that!” he added.

“Cave Inimicum…Didn’t I say it was an Erumpent horn, didn’t I tell him? And now his house has been blown apart!”

“Serves him right. What d’you reckon they’ll do to him?”

“Oh, I hope they don’t kill him!” she groaned. “That’s why I wanted the Death Eaters to get a glimpse of Harry before we left, so they knew Xenophilius hadn’t been lying!”

“Why hide me, though?” Ron asked.

“You’re supposed to be in bed with spattergroit, Ron!” I exclaimed.

“They’ve kidnapped Luna because her father supported Harry! What would happen to your family if they knew you’re with him?” Hermione said.

“But what about your parents?” he asked, looking at us.

“They’re in Australia”

“And New Zealand”

“They should be alright”

“They don’t know anything”

“You’re a genius,” Ron said again, looking at Hermione in awe.

That night, we sat around talking about the Deathly Hallows and whether or not they were real. Harry voted yes and wanted to go look for them; Ron voted maybe, at least the Cloak and the wand; I voted maybe because the stone was the only one that didn’t seem plausible; and Hermione voted no because she didn’t think anyone could be a Master of Death.

Harry really wanted to believe they were real, though. He wanted some sort of hope that there was a way to beat Voldemort for good. We could tell by the way he was talking about it. He was actually scaring me a bit with how excited he got. He started babbling about how the ring that had been turned into a Horcrux had the Peverell coat of arms on it and it could be the Resurrection stone. Hermione kept telling him to stop trying to fit everything into the story, and he countered that it was all fitting of its own accord. It did kind of fit, pieces of it at least, but we didn’t know enough to say for sure.

“Dumbledore had my Cloak the night my parents died!” Harry gasped. “My mum told Sirius that Dumbledore borrowed the Cloak! This is why! He wanted to examine it, because he thought it was the third Hallow! Ignotus Peverell is buried in Godric’s Hollow…He’s my ancestor! I’m descended from the third brother! It all makes sense!”

What? No. Where was he getting this from? His mind was going in a whole other direction than we were thinking. I couldn’t follow what he was saying at all.

“Harry,” Hermione said.

“Read it,” he pushed a letter into her hands, “Read it! Dumbledore had the Cloak, Hermione! Why else would he want it? He didn’t need a Cloak, he could perorm a Disillusionment Charm so powerful that he made himself completely invisible without one!”

Something else had fallen out of his pouch when he grabbed the letter. It rolled under the table and he bent to pick it up. The snitch Dumbledore left for him.

“IT”S IN HERE! He left me the ring – it’s in the Snitch!”

What? How? I was very confused now, and slightly afraid. I mean, it was a possibility, but the Snitch hadn’t opened. Was there anything inside it?

“You – you reckon?” Ron looked taken aback.

“That’s what he’s after.” His tone changed drastically.

I glanced at Ron and Hermione, they looked as scared as I felt. What was he saying now?

“You-Know-Who’s after the Elder Wand.”

He paced a bit while we just stared at him. I was worried, actually, was he having more visions? Could he see what Voldemort was thinking or was this all his own thinking?

“This is it. This explains everything. The Deathly Hallows are real, and I’ve got one – maybe two – “ he said after he turned back to us. “ – and You-Know-Who’s chasing the third, but he doesn’t realize…he just thinks it’s a powerful wand – “

“Harry,” said Hermione. “I’m sorry, but I think you’ve got this wrong, all wrong.”

Did he though? Some of it really did fit. Maybe he was closer to the truth than we realized, but it was all too foreign, we couldn’t grasp it yet, we were afraid of it.

He argued with her some more and they turned to me and Ron.

“I – I’m not sure what I think. Some of it could be true…” I caught the expression on Hermione’s face, “but our goal was always to destroy the Horcruxes.”

“I dunno…I mean…bits of it sort of fit together, but when you look at the whole thing…” Ron took a deep breath, “I think we’re supposed to get rid of the Horcruxes, Harry. That’s what Dumbledore told us to do. Maybe…maybe we should forget about this Hallows business.”

“Thank you,” said Hermione. “I’ll take first watch.”

And just like that, the discussion was over. During the next few weeks, we fell back into our pattern of reciting the list of places a Horcrux might be and how we could get to it. Harry had slipped into a state where he never seemed to be fully there. He always seemed to be thinking about something else, and he was never very talkative or involved with what we were doing. Either because of this, or because he was trying to make up for skipping out on us, Ron started taking charge. He was the one motivating us and trying to make up a plan. He kept suggesting random places, even if we knew Voldemort had never been there, just to keep us moving. I didn’t mind so much because it kept my mind off other things, and made for less boring days. When we travelled into Wizarding towns because of Ron’s intuition, we sometimes came in sight of Snatchers, who Ron claimed could be as bad as Death Eaters. We did not, however, find out much news, despite stealing a few newspapers because mostly everything was reporting what Voldermort and the Ministry wanted people to know.

It wasn’t until March that we finally heard some real news that gave us any clue to what was going on.

Ron had been fiddling with his radio again when he called out, “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!”

Hermione and I hurried over and kneeled next to him in front of the tiny speaker.

“Password was ‘Albus’! Get in here, Harry!” he said.

A very familiar voice was coming from it, “…apologize for our temporary absence from the airwaves, which was due to a number of house calls in our area by those charming Death Eaters.”

“Lee!” I exclaimed.

“But that’s Lee Jordan!” Hermione said at the same time.

“I know!” beamed Ron. “Cool, eh?”

“…now found ourselves another secure location, and I’m pleased to tell you that two of our regular contributors have joined me here this evening. Evening, boys!”

“Hi.”

“Evening, River.”

“’River,’ that’s Lee,” said Ron. “they’ve all got code names, but you can usually tell – “

“Shh!” Hermione and I said.

“But before we hear from Royal and Romulus,” Lee said, “let’s take a moment to report those deaths that the Wizarding Wireless Network News and Daily Prophet don’t think important enough to mention. It is with great regret that we inform our listeners of the murders of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell.”

We looked at eachother in horror.

“A goblin by the name of Gornuk was also killed. It is believed that Muggle-born Dean Thomas and a second goblin, both believed to have been travelling with Tonks, Cresswell, and Gornuk, may have escaped. If Dean is listening, or if anyone has any knowledge of his whereabouts, his parents and sister are desperate for news.

“Meanwhile, in Gaddley, a Muggle family of five has been found dead in their home. Muggle authorities and attributing the deaths to a gas leak, but members of the Order of the Phoenix inform me that it was the Killing Curse – more evidence, as if it were needed, of the fact that Muggle slaughter is becoming little more than a recreational sport under the new regime.

“Finally, we regret to inform our listeners that the remains of Bathilda Bagshot have been discovered in Godric’s Hollow. The evidence is that she died several months ago. The Order of the Phoenix informs us that her body showed unmistakable signs of injuries inflicted by Dark Magic.

“Listeners, I’d like to invite you now to join us in a minute’s silence in memory of Ted Tonks, Dirk Cresswell, Bathilda Bagshot, Gornuk, and the unnamed, but no less regretted, Muggles murdered by the Death Eaters.”

Silence fell, and none of us spoke.

“Thank you,” said Lee’s voice. “and now we turn to regular contributor Royal, for an update on how the new Wizarding order is affecting the Muggle world.”

We discovered that ‘Royal’ was Kingsley, and he talked about how the Muggles are ignorant of the source of their heavy casualties, but there have been stories of witches and wizards risking their own safety to protect their Muggle neighbors and friends.

“And what would you say, Royal, to those listeners who reply that in these dangerous times, it should be ‘Wizards first’?” Lee asked.

“I’d say it’s one short step from ‘Wizards first’ to ‘Purebloods first,’ and then to ‘Death Eaters,’” replied Kingsley. “We’re all human, aren’t we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.”

Next came ‘Romulus,’ aka Lupin, who told the listeners his belief of Harry Potter being still alive and fighting.

“And what would you say to Harry if you knew he was listening, Romulus?”

“I’d tell him we’re all with him in spirit. And I’d tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right.”

Aww, I looked at Hermione who had tears in her eyes as she said to Harry, “Nearly always right.”

Then, they talked about the people who had been imprisoned recently for supporting Harry. Xenophilius Lovegood was one, at least we knew he was still alive, and Rubeus Hagrid was almost for having a ‘Support Harry Potter’ party, but he apparently got away and is now on the run.

Lee said, “And now let’s move to news concerning the wizard who is proving just as elusive as Harry Potter. We like to refer to him as the Chief Death Eater, and here to give his views on some of the more insane rumors circulating about him, I’d like to introduce a new correspondent: Rodent.”

“’Rodent’?” asked a voice I knew at once.

“Fred!” we all cried.

I moved closer to the radio.

“No – is it George?” Harry asked.

“It’s Fred.” I said.

I should know right?

“I’m not being ‘Rodent,’ no way, I told you I wanted to be ‘Rapier’!”

“Oh, all right then. ‘Rapier,’ could you please give us your take on the various stories we’ve been hearing about the Chief Death Eater?”

“Yes, River, I can,” said Fred.

Just hearing Fred’s voice made me smile. God, I missed them. Was George there too? I wanted to hear his voice, if it was only for a second.

Fred continued, “As our listeners will know, unless they’ve taken refuge at the bottom of a garden pond or somewhere similar, You-Know-Who’s strategy of remaining in the shadows is creating a nice little climate of panic. Mind you, if all the alleged sightings of him are genuine, we must have a good nineteen You-Know-Whos running around the place.”

“Which suits him of course,” said Kingsley. “The air of mystery is creating more terror than actually showing himself.”

“Agreed,” said Fred. “So, people, let’s try and calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.”

We laughed. It was the first time in weeks, and it felt so good to be laughing again. I always felt so much pressure here to be the one keeping the mood light, it was nice to be laughing at Fred’s jokes again.

“And the rumors that he keeps being sighted abroad?” asked Lee.

“Well, who wouldn’t want a nice little holiday after all the hard work he’s putting in? Point is, people, don’t get lulled into a false sense of security, thinking he’s out of the country. Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to, so don’t count on him being a long way away if you’re planning on taking any risks. I never thought I’d hear myself say it, but safety first!”

I wanted to hug Fred. Unfortunately, I couldn’t, he wasn’t here, and hugging the radio might freak out the others, not to mention lose the reception.

“Thank you very much for those wise words, Rapier,” said Lee. “Listeners, that brings us to the end of another Potterwatch. We don’t know when it will be possible to broadcast again, but you can be sure we shall be back. Keep twiddling those dials: The next password will be ‘Mad-Eye.’ Keep each other safe: Keep faith. Good night.”

“Good, eh?” said Ron.

“Fantastic” I breathed.

“Brilliant” said Harry.

“It’s so brave of them,” sighed Hermione. “If they were found…”

“Well they keep on the move, don’t they?” said Ron. “Like us.”

“But did you hear what Fred said?” asked Harry, excited again. “He’s abroad! He’s still looking for the Wand, I knew it!”

“Harry – “

“Come on, Hermione, why are you so determined not to admit it? Vol – “

“HARRY, NO!”

“ – demort’s after the Elder Wand!”

“The name’s Taboo!” Ron yelled.

We heard a crack outside the tent.

“I told you, Harry, I told you, we can’t say it anymore – we’ve got to put protection back around us – quickly – it’s how they find – “

He stopped talking as the Sneakoscope on the table lit up and began to spin. We heard voices coming closer and Ron clicked the Deluminator, putting out all the lights.

“Come out of there with your hands up! We know you’re in there! You’ve got half a dozen wands pointing at you and we don’t care who we curse!”