Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes and Whatnot

We ran to the Great Hall, sliding in quietly along the wall behind the Gryffindor table, looking for Ron and Hermione. All the tables were full of disheveled students, some still in their pajamas. It looked as if all the school ghosts were in here too, and all the professors were standing behind the long table at the front where McGonagall was speaking.

“—evacuation will be overseen by Mr. Filch and Madam Pomfrey. Prefects, when I give the word, you will organize your House and take your charges, in an orderly fashion, to the evacuation point.”

Many of the students looked terrified, however, as we continued along the wall, I saw Ernie Macmillan stand up at the Hufflepuff table and shout, “And what if we want to stay and fight?”

There was some applause across the room.

“If you are of age, you may stay,” said Professor McGonagall.

“What about our things?” called a girl at the Ravenclaw table. “Our trunks, our owls?”

“We have no time to collect possessions,” said Professor McGonagall. “The important thing is to get you out of here safely.”

“Where’s Professor Snape?” shouted a girl from the Slytherin table.

“He has, to use the common phrase, done a bunk,” replied Professor McGonagall, and a great cheer erupted from the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws.

Harry paused in front of me, still searching the table for Ron and Hermione. This was when people started to notice him there and whispering broke out all over.

“We have already placed protection around the castle,” Professor McGonagall was saying, “but it is unlikely to hold for very long unless we reinforce it. I must ask you, therefore, to move quickly and calmly, and do as your prefects—”

Her final words were drowned as a different voice echoed throughout the Hall. It was high, cold, and clean. It was terrifying that no one could tell where it was coming from.

“I know you are preparing to fight.”

Some people screamed and others grabbed onto each other.

“Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood.”

There was silence in the Hall now, the pressurized kind that drives you crazy.

“Give me Harry Potter,” said Voldemort’s voice, “and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you should be rewarded.

“You have until midnight.”

The silence took over again. It seemed that every head turned towards Harry.

A figure I recognized as Pansy Parkinson stood up from the Slytherin table, pointing shakily at Harry, and screamed, “But he’s there! Potter’s there! Someone grab him!”

I stepped in front of Harry, but it was barely necessary as all the Gryffindors stood as well, facing the Slytherins. Then the Hufflepuffs stood, and almost at the same moment, the Ravenclaws, all of them, with their backs to us, all of them looking toward Pansy instead, and completely awestruck, I saw wands emerging everywhere, pulled from beneath cloaks and under sleeves.

“Thank you, Miss Parkinson,” said Professor McGonagall shortly. “You will leave the Hall first with Mr. Filch. If the rest of your House could follow.”

The sound of scarping benches and footsteps filled the Hall then. All the Slytherins filed out the other side of the room.

“Ravenclaws, follow on!” cried Professor McGonagall.

Slowly the four tables emptied. The Slytherin table was completely deserted, but a number of older Ravenclaws remained seated while their fellows filed out; even more Hufflepuffs stayed behind, and half of the Gryffindors remained in their seats, necessitating Professor McGonagall’s descent from the teachers’ platform to chivvy the underage on their way.

“Absolutely not, Creevey, go! And you, Peakes!”

We hurried over to the Weasleys, all sitting together at the Gryffindor table.

“Where are Ron and Hermione?”

“Haven’t you found—?” began Mr. Weasley, looking worried.

He broke off as Kingsley had stepped forward on the raised platform to address those who had remained behind.

“We’ve only got half an hour until midnight, so we need to act fast! A battle plan has been agreed between the teachers of Hogwarts and the Order of the Phoenix. Professors Flitwick, Sprout, and McGonagall are going to take groups of fighters up to the three highest towers—Ravenclaw, Astronomy, and Gryffindor—where they’ll have a good overview, excellent positions from which to work spells. Meanwhile Remus”—he indicated Lupin—“Arthur”—he pointed toward Mr. Weasley, sitting at the Gryffindor table—“and I will take groups into the grounds. We’ll need somebody to organize defense of the entrances of the
passageways into the school—”

“Sounds like a job for us,” called Fred, indicating himself and George, and Kingsley nodded his approval.

“All right, leaders up here and we’ll divide up the troops!”

“Potter,” said Professor McGonagall, hurrying up to him, as students flooded the platform, jostling for position, receiving instructions, “Aren’t you supposed to be looking for something?”

“What? Oh,” said Harry, “oh yeah!”

“Then go, Potter, go!”

“Right—yeah—”

We ran back out of the Great Hall and through the throngs of people, letting their current take us up the stairs. Then, Harry broke off into a deserted corridor, and I tried to follow, but got pushed back by the people around me trying to go the other direction.

“Harry!”

He couldn’t hear me with all the noise. Well, I’ll just have to find my own way. I did my best to shove through all the people trying to get out of the castle. I finally found an opening and darted through into another empty passageway. Now where could he have gone? There are probably about a billion different passages, corridors, and staircases around here and he could be anywhere. Or, if I couldn’t find Harry, where were Ron and Hermione? They’d apparently not told anyone where they were going…just peachy.

It was at the same moment that I turned a corner that two things happened. I ran straight into Harry, and the window next to us shattered. Moving aside as quickly as possible, an enormous body flew through and hit the opposite wall. Then a furry thing detached itself and jumped on Harry.

“Hagrid!” Harry yelled, trying to hold Fang off. “What the—?”

“Harry, yer here! Yer here!”

Hagrid stooped down and hugged Harry. I think I might have heard ribs crack.

“Good boy, Grawpy!” Hagrid bellowed out the window “I’ll see yer in a moment, there’s a good lad!”

Through the window we could see flashes of bright light and then there was a scream somewhere off in the distance. I grabbed Harry’s wrist, looking at his watch. Midnight. The battle had begun.

“Blimey, Harry,” panted Hagrid, “this is it, eh? Time ter fight?”

“Hagrid, where have you come from?”

“Heard You-Know-Who from up in our cave,” said Hagrid. “Voice carried, didn’ it? ‘Yeh got till midnight ter gimme Potter.’ Knew yeh mus’ be here, knew what mus’ be happenin’. Get down, Fang. So we come ter join in, me an’ Grawpy an’ Fang. Smashed our way through the boundary by the forest, Grawpy was carryin’ us, Fang an’ me. Told him ter let me down at the castle, so he shoved me through the window, bless him. Not exac’ly what I meant, bu’—where’s Ron an’ Hermione?”

“That,” said Harry, “is a really good question. Come on.”

We ran through the corridor with Hagrid lumbering beside us. There were more shouts and lights along the corridors.

“Where’re we goin’?” puffed Hagrid.

“I dunno exactly,” said Harry, making a random turn, “but Ron and Hermione must be around here somewhere. . . .”

The first casualties of the battle were already strewn across the passage ahead: The two stone gargoyles that usually guarded the entrance to the staffroom had been smashed apart. Their remains stirred on the floor, and as we leapt over one of their disembodied heads, it moaned faintly.

“Oh, don’t mind me . . . I’ll just lie here and crumble. . . .”

Along the corridor, we passed Professor Sprout, who was followed by Neville and half a dozen others, all of them wearing earmuffs and carrying what appeared to be large potted plants.

“Mandrakes!” Neville bellowed over his shoulder as he ran. “Going to lob them over the walls—they won’t like this!”

As we reached the end of the hall, the whole castle was shook with what could only be enchantments more sinister than those of the Order.

“It’s all righ’, Fang—it’s all righ’ !” yelled Hagrid, but the great boarhound had run off and Hagrid followed, leaving me and Harry alone again.

Skidding around a corner, we saw Fred and a small group of others, including Lee, standing beside an empty plinth, whose statue had hidden a secret passageway. They were all listening at the concealed hole with their wands drawn.

“Nice night for it!” Fred shouted as the castle quaked again, and I grinned as we ran by, equally excited and terrified.

“Potter!”

Aberforth Dumbledore stood blocking the corridor in front of us, his wand held ready.

“I’ve had hundreds of kids thundering through my pub, Potter.”

“I know, we’re evacuating,” Harry said, “Voldemort’s—”

“—attacking because they haven’t handed you over, yeah,” said Aberforth. “I’m not deaf, the whole of Hogsmeade heard him. And it never occurred to any of you to keep a few Slytherins hostage? There are kids of Death Eaters you’ve just sent to safety. Wouldn’t it have been a bit smarter to keep ’em here?”

“It wouldn’t stop Voldemort,” said Harry, “and your brother would never have done it.”

Aberforth grunted and went off in the opposite direction.

We skidded around another corner and with yells of relief, we found Ron and Hermione. They were both carrying loads of curved, yellowish objects. Ron also had a broomstick under his arm.

“Guys!”

“Where the hell have you been?” Harry shouted.

“Chamber of Secrets,” said Ron.

“Chamber—what?” said Harry.

“It was Ron, all Ron’s idea!” said Hermione breathlessly. “Wasn’t it absolutely brilliant? There we were, after you left, and I said to Ron, even if we had the other one, how are we going to get rid of it? We still hadn’t gotten rid of the cup! And then he thought of it! The basilisk!”

“What the—?”

“Something to get rid of Horcruxes,” said Ron simply.

Then, I realized what they were carrying…Basilisk fangs, a whole bunch of them.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” I asked.

“You were too busy sucking face with George” Ron shrugged.

“Well for God’s sake, I would’ve stopped for that!”

“But how did you get in there?” Harry asked, “You need to speak Parseltongue!”

Ron made a weird strangled hissing noise.

“That was attractive” I said.

“It’s what you did to open the locket,” he told Harry apologetically.

“I had to have a few goes to get it right, but,” he shrugged modestly, “we got there in the end.”

“He was amazing!” said Hermione, “Amazing!”

“So . . . ” Harry said, seeming unable to grasp this. “So . . . ”

“So we’re another Horcrux down,” said Ron, and from under his jacket he pulled the mangled remains of Hufflepuff’s cup. “Hermione stabbed it. Thought she should. She hasn’t had the pleasure yet.”

“Genius!” yelled Harry.

“It was nothing,” said Ron, though he looked delighted with himself. “So what’s new with you?”

Right as he said it, there was an explosion above us. Dust fell onto us from the ceiling and we heard a distant scream.

“I know what the diadem looks like, and I know where it is,” said Harry, talking fast. “He hid it exactly where I hid my old Potions book, where everyone’s been hiding stuff for centuries. He thought he was the only one to find it. Come one.”

We followed him back down to the concealed entrance of the Room of Requirement. It was almost empty, except for Ginny, Tonks, and an elderly witch wearing a moth-eaten hat, who I recognized immediately as Neville’s grandmother.

“Ah, Potter,” she said crisply. “You can tell us what’s going on.”

“Is everyone okay?” said Ginny and Tonks together.

“’S far as we know,” said Harry. “Are there still people in the passage to the Hog’s Head?”

“I was the last to come through,” said Mrs. Longbottom. “I sealed it, I think it unwise to leave it open now Aberforth has left his pub. Have you seen my grandson?”

“He’s fighting,” said Harry.

“Naturally,” said the old lady proudly. “Excuse me, I must go and assist him.”

I couldn’t help but smile and with unnatural speed for her age, she trotted up the stairs.

“I thought you were supposed to be with Teddy at your mother’s?” Harry said to Tonks.

“I couldn’t stand not knowing—” Tonks looked anguished. “She’ll look after him—have you seen Remus?”

“He was planning to lead a group of fighters into the grounds—”

Without another word, Tonks sped off.

“Ginny,” said Harry, “I’m sorry, but we need you to leave too. Just for a bit. Then you can come back in.”

Ginny looked delighted to leave the room.

“And then you can come back in!” he shouted after her as she ran up the steps after Tonks. “You’ve got to come back in!”

“Hang on a moment!” said Ron sharply. “We’ve forgotten someone!”

“Who?” Hermione and I asked at the same time.

“The house-elves, they’ll all be down in the kitchen, won’t they?”

“You mean we ought to get them fighting?” asked Harry.

“No,” said Ron seriously, “I mean we should tell them to get out. We don’t want any more Dobbies, do we? We can’t order them to die for us—“

There was a great clatter as the basilisk fangs fell from Hermione’s arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet. At first, I was shocked but then I started laughing.

“Finally!”

“Is this the moment?” Harry asked.

Nothing happened except for them to hold on to each other tighter.

“Oi! There’s a war going on here!”

Ron and Hermione broke apart, their arms still around each other.

“I know, mate,” said Ron, who looked stunned, “so it’s now or never, isn’t it?”

“Never mind that, what about the Horcrux?” Harry shouted. “D’you think you could just—just hold it in until we’ve got the diadem?”

“Yeah—right—sorry—” said Ron, and he and Hermione gathered up their fangs again, both blushing.

I smirked at Hermione and she shot me a look as if to say ‘Not a word.’ I just shrugged.

When we re-entered the corridor, we saw that the castle had deteriorated drastically even in the few minutes we were in the Room of Requirement. Dust clouded the air all around us from the shaking, crumbling walls and there were bursts of light through the windows across from us. Looking down into the grounds, we could see Grawp stomping around and swinging what looked like a stone gargoyle.

“Let’s hope he steps on some of them!” said Ron over screams from close by.

“As long as it’s not any of our lot!” said a voice next to us.

Turning, we saw Ginny and Tonks, both aiming jinxes through the windows.

“Good girl!” roared Aberforth as he ran past, gray hair flying. “They look like they might be breaching the north battlements, they’ve brought giants of their own.”

“Have you seen Remus?” Tonks called after him.

“He was dueling Dolohov,” shouted Aberforth, “haven’t seen him since!”

“Tonks,” said Ginny, “Tonks, I’m sure he’s okay—“ But Tonks had run off into the dust after Aberforth.

“They’ll be all right,” said Harry, when Ginny turned to us, looking helpless. “Ginny, we’ll be back in a moment, just keep out of the way, keep safe—come on!”

We followed him back to the wall for the Room of Requirement. Harry paced in front of it, trying to get whatever room he needed open. The door appeared the third time past.

As soon as we entered and the door closed behind us, everything was silent. It was as if the battle wasn’t happening right on the other side of the wall.

The room was huge and was crammed with thousands of objects towering over us, giving it the feel of some long-forgotten city.

“And he never realized anyone could get in?” said Ron, his voice echoed.

“He thought he was the only one,” said Harry. “Too bad for him I’ve had to hide stuff in my time . . . this way, I think it’s down here. . . .”

“Accio Diadem!” cried Hermione, but nothing flew towards us.

“Let’s split up” Harry said, “Look for a stone bust of an old man wearing a wig and a tiara! It’s standing on a cupboard and it’s definitely somewhere around here. . . .”

We all went off through different aisles, our footsteps echoing through the expansive room. Old man with a wig and a tiara, I thought over and over. Old man with a wig and a tiara. Now to some, this may have seemed strange, but by now, I was so over anything odd.

A little ways to my right, I heard Ron’s voice faintly, “Harry? Are you talking to someone?”

Then, a shout and what sounded like a crashing of one of the towers of objects.

“Ron!” Harry yelled and Hermione’s scream echoed close by.

I ran in the direction of their voices, trying to find my way around all the junk in this room.

“Harry?” I heard Ron shout again, “What’s going on?”

As I got closer, I was stopped dead when someone yelled, “STOP!”

I knew that voice. It sounded like Malfoy. What was he doing here? I kept moving in that direction. Suddenly, a red light shot past me as I ran into an aisle. Harry was on my left; Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle on my right; and Hermione behind them, with her wand raised.

“It’s that Mudblood! Avada Kedavra!”

Hermione dove aside and I whipped out my wand with a growl, sending a curse towards Crabbe. Apparently, Harry had the same idea because Crabbe leapt aside the two jets of light, knocking into Malfoy at the same time and causing his wand to roll out of sight.

“Don’t kill him! DON’T KILL HIM!” Malfoy yelled at Crabbe and Goyle, who were both aiming at Harry.

Their hesitation allowed both of us to disarm them. Unfortunately, we’d both hit Goyle. His wand flew into the air and landed among a giant pile of junk. He dove into the mound, trying to retrieve it.

Malfoy jumped out of the way of a spell from Hermione, and Ron, who appeared at the end of the aisle suddenly, aimed a Body-Bind Curse at Crabbe, which missed by centimeters.

Crabbe spun around and screamed, “Avada Kedavra!”

Ron leapt out of way. Malfoy was hiding behind a wardrobe and Goyle was still looking for his wand. I sent a Stunning Spell his way and Hermione came running over.

“It’s somewhere here!” Harry yelled, pointing a pile of random objects. “Look for it while I go
and help R—“

“HARRY!” Hermione screamed.

There was a roaring noise behind us. Turning, we saw Ron and Crabbe sprinting up the aisle towards us.

“Like it hot, scum?” roared Crabbe.

He didn’t seem to have any control over what he’d just started, though. Giant flames were sweeping after them, devouring the towers of junk on its way.

“Aguamenti!” Harry yelled, but the jet of water just evaporated in the air.

“RUN!”

Malfoy grabbed the Stunned Goyle and dragged him along; Crabbe was now ahead of all of us, looking terrified; we followed with the fire coming after us faster and faster. It didn’t seem to be a normal fire, Crabbe must’ve used a curse that we didn’t know of.

It was changing shape, making fiery, deadly animals rise around us. Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle were no longer in sight, and we were forced to stop when we realized the fire was encircling us.

“What can we do?” Hermione screamed over the roar of the fire. “What can we do?”

“Here!”

Harry grabbed some heavy-looking broomsticks from the nearest pile of junk. He threw one to Ron, who pulled Hermione one behind him, and one to me that I quickly mounted. In the air, we could see how large the fire was, consuming everything below us. There was no sign of Malfoy or his goons…what an awful way to die…

“Harry, let’s get out, let’s get out!” bellowed Ron.

It was nearly impossible to see where the door would be through all the smoke.

Then, we heard a pitiful scream from somewhere below us.

“It’s—too—dangerous—!” Ron yelled, but Harry had already wheeled around.

I debated for a minute in my head.

“Bullocks” I muttered, going after Harry.

I saw Malfoy reach up as Harry flew over, but their hands slid out of each other’s. Malfoy was still holding Goyle and they would be too heavy.

“IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I’LL KILL YOU, HARRY!” roared Ron from behind me.

I flew down next to him, pulling the unconscious Goyle onto my broom and then I followed Ron and Hermione to the door.

Hurtling through the open door after them, we tumbled onto the ground outside in the corridor, all covered in soot and coughing. I rolled over to see Harry and Malfoy shoot out of the door and then it vanished right behind them.

“C–Crabbe,” choked Malfoy as soon as he could speak. “C–Crabbe . . . ”

“He’s dead,” said Ron harshly.

We were silent until a number of loud bangs shook the castle. A large group of transparent figures galloped past us, with their heads screaming for vengeance under their arms. All around us, the battle was still going on. There were more screams in the distance of those other than the ghosts.

“Where’s Ginny?” Harry said sharply. “She was here. She was supposed to be going back into the Room of Requirement.”

“Blimey, d’you reckon it’ll still work after that fire?” asked Ron, but he too got to his feet, looking around. “Shall we split up and look—?”

“No,” said Hermione, getting to her feet too. “Let’s stick together. I say we go—Harry, what’s that on your arm?”

“What? Oh yeah—“

He pulled a round, blackened object from his wrist. It looked like the remains of a tiara. There was a sticky-looking, dark substance that seemed to be leaking from it. Then, it shuddered and broke apart in Harry’s hands, emitting an eerie, painful scream.

“It must have been Fiendfyre!” whimpered Hermione, her eyes on the broken diadem.

“Sorry?”

“Fiendfyre-cursed fire — it’s one of the substances that destroy Horcruxes, but I would never, ever have dared use it, it’s so dangerous — how did Crabbe know how to—?”

“Must’ve learned from the Carrows,” said Harry grimly.

“Shame he wasn’t concentrating when they mentioned how to stop it, really,” said Ron “If he hadn’t tried to kill us all, I’d be quite sorry he was dead.”

“But don’t you realize?” whispered Hermione. “This means, if we can just get the snake—“

But she broke off as yells and shouts and the noises of dueling filled the corridor. I turned and my heart nearly stopped when I saw Fred and Percy backing into our corridor, dueling two masked Death Eaters. We ran forward to help, jets of light shooting off in every direction.