Decoding Jenny

Once carter closed the door behind him and he saw me sitting on the couch waiting for him.

“Why didn’t you join the game?” I asked about my little unsuspecting people charade.
“I didn’t feel like it.” He said. Typical guy, that wasn’t a reason.
“Fine.” I replied.
“Fine.” He answered back as we just looked at each other but not focusing.
“Does She know about Jenny?” I questioned referring to ‘Lissa’.
“No. Not yet.”
“Are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know. Probably. Why are you being so weird tonight?” He asked as he got more ticked off.

“I don’t know okay? I’m just curious.” I can’t have Carter mad at me. I can’t function correctly.

“Okay.” He said.

We sat there in a silence for a few minutes then Carter said, “I’m going to my room. Night.”

“Night.” I said.

I sat there in the dark of the living room as I heard the TV in my parents bedroom mumbling and Carter playing music. I did my own thing: I remember that night again.

“ Lee! Lee! Lee! Hayley!” yelled Jenny as she came into our room looking like a Greek Goddess per usual.
“Yes?” I deadpanned wondering how she could be so happy if we’d all received this much homework.
“Do you know that you are my favorite sister?”
“I hope so considering I’m the only one you’ve got.”
“Smartass.”
I just smiled and I let her continue, “ Lets go do something.”
“Like what? I’m kind of busy at the moment Jen.”
“Come on Lee. Live a little. All you do is study and work.”
“Um, so do you genius.” I criticized her lack of memory.
“Well then.” She stopped arguing which was very unusual.
There were never silences between us. It was the first time I felt different with her.
“Fine what?”, I asked still slightly annoyed.
“We are going to find out some truth.”
“Truth?” I asked, “Why?”
“Because everyone needs to know the truth Lee. Its our right.” Jenny said sounding as much like herself as possible, if that makes sense.
“Okay.”
“Good. We need to go to-“
I was pushed back into the present as I heard Dad call my name, “Hayley. You out here?” He asked quietly. Like anybody was asleep at eight thirty at night in this house.

“Yeah.” I said, “ On the couch.”

He sat next to me and began talking, “About our discussion at dinner I wanted to say that I was sorry. I apologize.”

“For what?” I asked I was genuinely confused.

“About being harsh to you in front of Melissa and Seth.” He said soothingly.

“That’s fine. But Dad what I really want is to talk about Jenny openly.”

He was silent.

“I know its hard Dad but to keep going in life you have to talk about it.”

“I know. I will, honey but when I’m ready. You have an uncanny amount of strength. Just like Jen.” He admitted.

I smiled, “Thanks Dad. That means a lot.” I meant it too. Not just getting praised but for him to actually begin to talk about Jenny even if it was just between us.

“Well I’m going to bed.” I said as I got up and kissed Dad on the cheek.

“Goodnight Hayley. See you in the morning.”

I went to my room and just sat on my bed. I pondered over what the list said and I tried to make sense of it all.

Okay, I thought to myself, So if Jenny wasn’t drunk why wouldn’t she notice how drunk Justin was? What was so bad that she couldn’t wait for someone sober to drive her home? Why was she crying in the first place? What made my level headed sister so angry? She was never angry enough to cry. At least not in public.

I went to sleep that night dreaming of Jenny. How incredible funny she could be. How mean, and odd too. But I wondered if she left any notes around the room. Like she normally did. That was one of the weird weeks- the one before she died- because she didn’t have endless amounts of sticky notes lying around the house. It wasn’t normal.

It was right then when I had subconsciously figured out the differences in Jenny that week. Of course I didn’t know it then. I was just thinking of things and I was also way too tired to act upon them.

Saturdays aren’t the typical teenager’s Saturday at the Geralds’ household. We don’t sleep in to an absurd hour, just lie around the house doing nothing, nor do we watch endless hours of cartoons.

When we were younger we did it some Saturdays but again even then we were partly the people we are now. Just smaller versions. But we actually did things. We sometimes cleaned or finished our weekend homework early or get this: we even just spent time with each other. I know shocking isn’t it ?

But without Jenny again it just wasn’t the same. So that is why I was out of the house before nine in the morning that Saturday. Wearing my running clothes and orange Nikes.
I put my iPod in my pocket and put the ear buds in my ears and I started to jog down my street. All the while half of its population slept in.

Jenny and I use to go running together. She called it, “Sisterly love.” But I liked my version better, “Hard, core, pain inflicting activities done by Jen.” After which I said this she’d laugh and ask, “ Then why do you always come with me?”

It was a valid question but I never gave it that much thought so I never answered it, no matter how many times that she asked it. So as I ran down the sidewalk listening to random songs that were on my iPod; I thought of Jenny using the music as a background sound to what we use to do together.

I don’t know how long I ran or how far I ran because frankly I was in a fog of memories that before I knew it I was back at my front door.

Carter was cleaning the floors apparently because I could hear the vacuum and because Mom and Dad we sitting at the kitchen table talking. They smiled at me as I walked over to the refrigerator and took out a water. They were talking to me I think. Well they were looking at me and their lips were moving but I couldn’t hear them because my music was still going strong in my ears. Oops.

“Sorry.” I said as I smiled at them and sat down. “What were you saying?”

“Did you have a nice run?” Dad asked.
“uh-huh.” I said as I chugged down the rest of my water.

They were still looking at me. It was weird. Them staring at me like that. But that didn’t mean I didn’t like that they were taking notice of their youngest child; well looking at me like that since Jenny.

“Well…I’m going to take a shower.” I said getting up from the table and realizing that I was sweaty.

“Okay hun’, but you have to clean you’re room. It’s a mess.”

Okay I was all for the trying to care about us again thing but not that she remember that my room looked like a disaster area.

“Fine.” I grumbled as I walked up to my room.

I decided that I would clean my room first since I was sweaty and gross. I first made my bed and picked the stuff up off my floor still imagining Jenny’s bed where it use to be; I was walking to the closet to put the things in there when I tripped over a stray shoe and fell to the ground. Thankfully my face fell into the clothes in my hands and I was okay. But I saw a piece of a sticky note and I hadn’t seen one in my room in a while.

At that moment I didn’t realize how great it was that I’d fallen on the ground. Now when I think about it I don’t know if I would have ever found that important piece of information for my quest.

“Jenny.” I whispered to myself as I reached for the light green square of Post It paper.

I scanned the paper and I couldn’t believe my eyes as I read the note from Jenny written to her future self. No wonder Jen was different that last week. The note read:
To Do
1. Find out if it is true that Lance is cheating on me.
2. Help Lee find her ‘inner runner’. And her orange Nikes.
3. Finish French project.
4. Beat Carter to the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Box.

I just couldn’t believe it. I figured it out. Why Jenny was upset. Why she was different that last week. Why she wanted me to do something with her that night. But ultimately I’d figured out the question that started the quest in the first place: Why did Jenny go to that party? She did it to catch Lance in the act.

“Lance.” I growled as I still was lying frozen on the floor of my room. It was his fault she went to that party. His fault she was crying. His fault She’d gotten into Justin Levin’s car. Finally it was ultimately His fault that Jenny had been killed. He knew it. I knew it. Now I thought to myself, “He will be so sorry.”

Lance would be sorry. Extremely sorry actually. Of course I didn’t know it then. I also was too overcome by some feeling; not relief but closure. It was then that I’d cleared my conscience about it being my fault she died. But really that feeling would never go because it I had went with her that night, None of this would have ever happened.

I got up off the floor; finished cleaning my room and jumped into the shower. I also didn’t tell anyone about the note I’d found.