You Had Me Wishing We Were Something
37
I sat on my bed cross legged with my laptop on my lap. I payed no attention to my computer screen in front of me, ignoring the fact I had paper due.
I just stared at my phone screen, as my phone sat right next to me,praying it would just go off,indicating that John was calling me.
He really was mad at me. Really. was he seriously mad because I said I wouldn't marry him?
That cant be it. John knows we're to young. I love him. He knows that.
I called him a few times, but you know, he didn't answer. I couldn't take it anymore. I was going crazy.
I let out a little scream and picked up my phone and threw it.
unfortunately it didn't break but rather landed on my roommates bed.
I was hoping it would smash into a million pieces.
Aggravated, I slammed my laptop shut, put it on my nightstand, and layed down, cuddling my pillow, wishing it was John instead.
I was starting to feel fed up with this nonsense. I thought me and John were past the whole him ignoring me stage.
What a great fucking boyfriend.
a few seconds later, there was a soft knock on my door. I jumped out of bed making the pillow I was hugging fall to the floor. Thinking it was John, i flung the door open, ready to hug him.
Yes I'm ridiculous. I just love this boy and completely need him. But there are some things that have been crossing my mind that scare me...
"Oh, hey Brett" I said a little disappointed and half shocked he was standing there.
"Hey Aubs" Brett said with a little smile.
"Whats up?"I asked a little curious.
"Nothing" He shrugged.
I was confused. Then why was he here? Oh wait, I was the one that told him never to talk to me again
"I'm sorry" I said quickly, coming to realize what I did was pretty harsh. Brett really didn't do anything, and he was no longer in the way of me and John. I mean John was my boyfriend now.
"I actually came to say I was sorry to you" he said rubbing the back of his neck.
"Why are you sorry?"I asked confused. He did nothing but make John not want to date me. But now he is. Smile. To bad hes mad at me...
"I don't know, I mean you told me to leave you alone forever, so I must have done something wrong"He said a little quietly.
"No, I just, I cant explain it. I'm sorry."
"I heard you're moving off campus. didn't like it very much?" he said with a little laugh
"Yeah, I decided to move back in with John and his family"I said with a little smile. I liked Brett. He was a great friend.
"I also heard that you were dating him " He said with a small chuckle. But I knew Brett. He wasn't amused.
"I am"I smiled. "But I think hes mad at me at the moment. He wont call me, or answer my calls"I said being straight up honest with him, like I usually was.
"But you really like him"Brett stated
"Yeah, but John can be so immature at times and it bothers me"I sighed and Brett laughed.
"Hey stop laughing"I laughed back
"I really have missed you. Ive been dieing not talking to you,sleeping next to you,and just having fun with you. I got fed up and decided to say sorry for whatever I did. I really like you Aubrey"
"I like you too Brett" I smiled.
before I could comprehend I felt Brett's lips on mine. It felt soft and sweet. And then I snapped into reality. I pulled away quickly
"Brett, I-we-lets talk later." I said and grabbed the door, and closed it in his face.
As soon as the door was closed, I started sobbing uncontrollably. I ran to Lydia's bed, grabbed my phone and dialed Johns number.
I couldn't stop crying. Did I just cheat on John? God help me. No,that wasn't supposed to happen. I love John.
I listened to the ringing as I prayed John would just fucking answer.
As it reached his voice mail I let out a loud cry. Why does he have to be such a stubborn asshole? I need him.
I decided to just leave him a voice mail, hoping he would call back.
"John! Please call me back. I need to talk to you, its important! I love you so much, I'm so sorry,I didn't mean to! I love you" I cried and hung up.
I gripped my phone in my hand as I went and sat on my bed. The tears wouldn't stop coming. I think all this was due to the fact that I loved John so much, and its like I let Brett kiss me. I'm such a slut. But I don't want Brett. Its been John since the beginning.
About two minutes later my phone started going off. I answered it in a heartbeat.
"Aubrey, whats wrong? Whats going on?" he asked frantic. Sure he decides to call me back right away when I'm sobbing to his voice mail. Awe, what a great boyfriend.
"I kissed Brett" I cried, not even thinking about not telling him. There was a silence for a few seconds, all I heard was my crying, and then Johns heavy breathing.
"Why?" he asked quietly, calm. Surprised me.
"He kissed me"I sniffled.
"Ill be there in five" he said and then all I heard was the dial tone.
I took my phone away from my ear and stared at it. Not wiping the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
I didn't realize time had passed as there was a knock on my door.
I quickly got up and answered it to see a torn looking John. He looked so sad it broke me even more.
"John-"I started but he cut me off as he pulled me into a tight hug.
"Just please don't cry, I love you"He whispered in my ear. I was completely surprised you have no idea.
"John, I kissed him, I made a mistake, why aren't you yelling at me?" I asked as I pulled away and we both stepped into my dorm and he closed the door.
"We all make mistakes" He said softly
"Why aren't you mad?"I cried. "Why aren't you breaking up with me?"
"Is that what you want?" He asked gently
"No!"
"Okay, look, on my way here, I realized being mad at you wouldn't solve anything. I don't want anymore strains in our relationship. I just want you. And I mean at that party last night, I did kiss Amber, and I know you know that, but that's it, You put that behind you, and I'm putting this behind me."
"I love you so much"I said as he wiped away the tears on my cheek with his thumb.
"I love you too. I want to be with you forever" he said with a little smile
I couldn't help but shake my head.
"You really don't want to be with me"John said taking a step back away from me.
"No John,"I said taking a step forward"I love you, I really do, its just, we cant"
"Be together forever? why?"He asked a little aggressively
"Well for starters, what are we gonna do when I finish school here?I'm moving back to Texas, I miss my family terribly. Are you going to come with me?"
It looked like realization dawned on him.
"Stay here"He said softly, looking me in the eyes.
"I cant John,I miss my family" I said shaking my head.
"But I need you Aubrey!"
"I still have a few months here" I said softly. What would I do without him?
"So were just gonna wait and see what happens?" he asked pretty mad.
"What do you want from me John?" I cried out.
"I want you to want me as much as I want you." He said all of a sudden calm, but sadness completely washed over his face.
"You have no idea how much I need you."I said starting to get a little mad. How could he not see my passion?
"But really John, how would you like it if I told you I was pregnant right now? Would you still want me? Do you really want to be with me forever? Do you want a family with me? Do you want me to be the only girl in your life?" I asked getting a little frustrated.
"Yes I want you to be mine and only mine forever. I want you to be my wife. I want us to have kids, but not now. At the moment I don't really want one of my own"
I looked down and and didn't say anything.
"Aubrey"John said quickly "You aren't, are you?"He asked taking my hands in his.
"I don't know"I said looking down.
"Look at me"He said lifting my face so I was looking at him"How do you not know?"
"I'm only a few days late" I said softly not making eye contact with him.
"Its fine"He said gently
"No its not John"I whined "I'm only 18, I don't want a baby so hopefully I'm not, I mean Ive been late before. But if I am pregnant, I'm getting an abortion" I said quietly and Johns face immediately turned to shock.
"No you aren't"
"Ill wait a couple more days"I said softly
"Aubs, I love you"John said and gave me a gentle kiss.
"You really want me to be your wife? to marry you?"I asked curiously
He just shrugged and kissed me again.
I think we both figured out we're gonna be breaking up in the long run
I just stared at my phone screen, as my phone sat right next to me,praying it would just go off,indicating that John was calling me.
He really was mad at me. Really. was he seriously mad because I said I wouldn't marry him?
That cant be it. John knows we're to young. I love him. He knows that.
I called him a few times, but you know, he didn't answer. I couldn't take it anymore. I was going crazy.
I let out a little scream and picked up my phone and threw it.
unfortunately it didn't break but rather landed on my roommates bed.
I was hoping it would smash into a million pieces.
Aggravated, I slammed my laptop shut, put it on my nightstand, and layed down, cuddling my pillow, wishing it was John instead.
I was starting to feel fed up with this nonsense. I thought me and John were past the whole him ignoring me stage.
What a great fucking boyfriend.
a few seconds later, there was a soft knock on my door. I jumped out of bed making the pillow I was hugging fall to the floor. Thinking it was John, i flung the door open, ready to hug him.
Yes I'm ridiculous. I just love this boy and completely need him. But there are some things that have been crossing my mind that scare me...
"Oh, hey Brett" I said a little disappointed and half shocked he was standing there.
"Hey Aubs" Brett said with a little smile.
"Whats up?"I asked a little curious.
"Nothing" He shrugged.
I was confused. Then why was he here? Oh wait, I was the one that told him never to talk to me again
"I'm sorry" I said quickly, coming to realize what I did was pretty harsh. Brett really didn't do anything, and he was no longer in the way of me and John. I mean John was my boyfriend now.
"I actually came to say I was sorry to you" he said rubbing the back of his neck.
"Why are you sorry?"I asked confused. He did nothing but make John not want to date me. But now he is. Smile. To bad hes mad at me...
"I don't know, I mean you told me to leave you alone forever, so I must have done something wrong"He said a little quietly.
"No, I just, I cant explain it. I'm sorry."
"I heard you're moving off campus. didn't like it very much?" he said with a little laugh
"Yeah, I decided to move back in with John and his family"I said with a little smile. I liked Brett. He was a great friend.
"I also heard that you were dating him " He said with a small chuckle. But I knew Brett. He wasn't amused.
"I am"I smiled. "But I think hes mad at me at the moment. He wont call me, or answer my calls"I said being straight up honest with him, like I usually was.
"But you really like him"Brett stated
"Yeah, but John can be so immature at times and it bothers me"I sighed and Brett laughed.
"Hey stop laughing"I laughed back
"I really have missed you. Ive been dieing not talking to you,sleeping next to you,and just having fun with you. I got fed up and decided to say sorry for whatever I did. I really like you Aubrey"
"I like you too Brett" I smiled.
before I could comprehend I felt Brett's lips on mine. It felt soft and sweet. And then I snapped into reality. I pulled away quickly
"Brett, I-we-lets talk later." I said and grabbed the door, and closed it in his face.
As soon as the door was closed, I started sobbing uncontrollably. I ran to Lydia's bed, grabbed my phone and dialed Johns number.
I couldn't stop crying. Did I just cheat on John? God help me. No,that wasn't supposed to happen. I love John.
I listened to the ringing as I prayed John would just fucking answer.
As it reached his voice mail I let out a loud cry. Why does he have to be such a stubborn asshole? I need him.
I decided to just leave him a voice mail, hoping he would call back.
"John! Please call me back. I need to talk to you, its important! I love you so much, I'm so sorry,I didn't mean to! I love you" I cried and hung up.
I gripped my phone in my hand as I went and sat on my bed. The tears wouldn't stop coming. I think all this was due to the fact that I loved John so much, and its like I let Brett kiss me. I'm such a slut. But I don't want Brett. Its been John since the beginning.
About two minutes later my phone started going off. I answered it in a heartbeat.
"Aubrey, whats wrong? Whats going on?" he asked frantic. Sure he decides to call me back right away when I'm sobbing to his voice mail. Awe, what a great boyfriend.
"I kissed Brett" I cried, not even thinking about not telling him. There was a silence for a few seconds, all I heard was my crying, and then Johns heavy breathing.
"Why?" he asked quietly, calm. Surprised me.
"He kissed me"I sniffled.
"Ill be there in five" he said and then all I heard was the dial tone.
I took my phone away from my ear and stared at it. Not wiping the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
I didn't realize time had passed as there was a knock on my door.
I quickly got up and answered it to see a torn looking John. He looked so sad it broke me even more.
"John-"I started but he cut me off as he pulled me into a tight hug.
"Just please don't cry, I love you"He whispered in my ear. I was completely surprised you have no idea.
"John, I kissed him, I made a mistake, why aren't you yelling at me?" I asked as I pulled away and we both stepped into my dorm and he closed the door.
"We all make mistakes" He said softly
"Why aren't you mad?"I cried. "Why aren't you breaking up with me?"
"Is that what you want?" He asked gently
"No!"
"Okay, look, on my way here, I realized being mad at you wouldn't solve anything. I don't want anymore strains in our relationship. I just want you. And I mean at that party last night, I did kiss Amber, and I know you know that, but that's it, You put that behind you, and I'm putting this behind me."
"I love you so much"I said as he wiped away the tears on my cheek with his thumb.
"I love you too. I want to be with you forever" he said with a little smile
I couldn't help but shake my head.
"You really don't want to be with me"John said taking a step back away from me.
"No John,"I said taking a step forward"I love you, I really do, its just, we cant"
"Be together forever? why?"He asked a little aggressively
"Well for starters, what are we gonna do when I finish school here?I'm moving back to Texas, I miss my family terribly. Are you going to come with me?"
It looked like realization dawned on him.
"Stay here"He said softly, looking me in the eyes.
"I cant John,I miss my family" I said shaking my head.
"But I need you Aubrey!"
"I still have a few months here" I said softly. What would I do without him?
"So were just gonna wait and see what happens?" he asked pretty mad.
"What do you want from me John?" I cried out.
"I want you to want me as much as I want you." He said all of a sudden calm, but sadness completely washed over his face.
"You have no idea how much I need you."I said starting to get a little mad. How could he not see my passion?
"But really John, how would you like it if I told you I was pregnant right now? Would you still want me? Do you really want to be with me forever? Do you want a family with me? Do you want me to be the only girl in your life?" I asked getting a little frustrated.
"Yes I want you to be mine and only mine forever. I want you to be my wife. I want us to have kids, but not now. At the moment I don't really want one of my own"
I looked down and and didn't say anything.
"Aubrey"John said quickly "You aren't, are you?"He asked taking my hands in his.
"I don't know"I said looking down.
"Look at me"He said lifting my face so I was looking at him"How do you not know?"
"I'm only a few days late" I said softly not making eye contact with him.
"Its fine"He said gently
"No its not John"I whined "I'm only 18, I don't want a baby so hopefully I'm not, I mean Ive been late before. But if I am pregnant, I'm getting an abortion" I said quietly and Johns face immediately turned to shock.
"No you aren't"
"Ill wait a couple more days"I said softly
"Aubs, I love you"John said and gave me a gentle kiss.
"You really want me to be your wife? to marry you?"I asked curiously
He just shrugged and kissed me again.
I think we both figured out we're gonna be breaking up in the long run
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Its been foreverrrr. Comment:) ill updateeeeeeeeee