You Had Me Wishing We Were Something

*** 4 Months Later ***

"Aubrey, I'm really sorry I couldn't take you yesterday" John sighed into the receiver.

"John its fine, I had fun hanging out with Shane"I said with a little laugh.

"I felt terrible" He said softly

"Well don't, its not a big deal!"I laughed

"I know, its just-" he started but I cut him off

"Sorry, I'm getting a call, ill call you back okay?" I asked as I was prepared to switch over to the other line.

"Alright"He sighed "Love you"

"Love you too"I smiled as I switched over

"Eric!"I laughed as soon as I was on the line with him.

"Hey cuppy cake. How ya doing?" he laughed

"Well, just peachy"I giggled.

"I can tell you love talking to me"He chuckled

"Well of course!" I laughed.

Truth be told, since the guys all left for tour a few weeks ago, Ive been talking to Eric the most. More then John. Eric at least called me first. With John I have to call him or I wont hear his voice. He seems to have a problem remembering me when we are in different states from each other.

Even though John was my boyfriend and Eric was only my best friend, at the moment, I liked talking to Eric more. When I talked to John it was just a whole bunch of I miss yous. We never talked about anything else. At least Eric told me what was going on at tour. Its like in a way, John didn't want me to know. When I asked what he did today, he would go its not important, hows school?

"I just called to say good night" Eric chuckled.

"Its only like 7" I laughed.

"Well we're partying later so..."he laughed

"Have fun!" I laughed

"Ill try. Talk to you later Aubs?" he chuckled

"Of course. Good Night!"

"Night" he laughed and we hung up.

I layed back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. What if I never moved out here to come to school? I wouldn't know some of the greatest people on this planet.

I miss John terribly at times like this. When I'm alone with nothing to do. I just want to hug him for about ten minutes right now. Never let go. I miss his smell,I miss is cute facial expressions, I miss him.

I just wish he missed me as much as I miss him. If he really missed me, he'd call more often, or better yet, call first...

I miss him so much sometimes ill put one of his hoodies on to fall asleep in, or sometimes I even sleep in his bed. Sure I'm a little ridiculous but I want my boyfriend back. I don't want to talk to him on the phone, what I want is to talk to him in person.

But that's just another thing I'm dreading. When John gets back from tour, ill be graduated. Its gonna be time to cross that bridge..

We're gonna have to decide what happens with our relationship. I fear I'm going to lose him.

Then that little what was supposed to be forgotten thought popped into my head. That ring in his drewer. What ever happened to it?

I got up off my bed and slowly walked into Johns dark room.

I walked over to his nightstand, turned on the little lamp resting on top of it, and then opened his drewer searching for the little black box.

I couldn't find it. It was gone. He must have been holding it for someone.

I sighed, closed the drewer and then just layed down on his bed, hugging his pillow, wishing it was him.

I'm glad that ring wasn't for me, I mean John has talked about us getting married. If he really proposed with the ring and everything, I don't think I would have the heart to say no. These thoughts danced in my head as I drifted to sleep hugging Johns pillow.

~~

"Hello? I asked sleepily into my phone.

"I love you Aubrey"he slurred into the phone.

"John? are you at a party? Are you drunk?"I asked as I sat up in bed and let go of Johns pillow.

"I'm not at the party anymore, I'm sitting on the hotel steps"He slurred again "and I may be slightly drunk" he added.

"You're calling me"I observed as I yawned. Let it be that the first time he calls me, hes drunk

"Of course I'm calling you, you're my girlfriend" He said matter of factly and I just rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see it. and then he decided to add "My girlfriend who doesn't tell me anything, like the fact that her birthday was 4 months ago"

"John"I sighed "Its not a big deal"

"Yes it is. I wanted to celebrate it with you, Halvo knew and I didn't" he said sadly. I didn't feel bad though, he was drunk, like really.

"Well Eric asked me. Its not like I just randomly told him when my birthday was" This was ridiculous. I didn't see the big deal.

"But I love you"He said sadly and I was glad I couldn't see his face right now. It would break me.

"John, I love you too. Its just I hate when people make a big deal of my birthday. Its not a big deal"

"Aubrey, I love you and I just wish I knew."

"I'm sorry John."I said sadness washing over me.

"Its fine" he said with a sigh "I'm sorry for waking you. Its just I cant keep you off my mind"

"I know what you mean. I'm kindoff in your bed as we speak"I said with a little laugh

"You have no idea how happy that just made me for some reason"and from the tone of his voice, I could trace the small smile on his lips.

"John, maybe you should get some sleep"

"Aubrey, I don't know whats wrong with me. Maybe I love you to much."

"John, that's impossible" I said as I layed back down on his bed.

"No its not." He said with a laugh. but it wasn't a that's funny laugh. He seemed so desperate.

"John?" I said

"Yeah?" he asked softly

"Sing me back to sleep"I said as I closed my eyes.

He chuckled lightly "You know I'd do anything for you"

~~

"Mom, I don't know what to do" I cried into the phone. I was sobbing as I hugged the phone to my ear.

"Sweety, you need to talk to John. You need to figure out whats best for you. Coming home, or staying there."

"I cant stay here" I sobbed. "I miss you all to much. I miss Texas. I don't want to live here anymore. I miss all my friends back home, but ill miss John to much and all the friends Ive made here. But I cant see myself living here forever"

"You know I love you and John together, but if you break up, honey you know I want whats best for you. I thought you wanted to be Doctor, what happened to that?"

"See mom that's the thing, Johns a musician. Doctor and musician are like the complete opposite. I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore" I cried.

"Aubrey, I cant believe I'm saying this, but maybe you and John should break up, or at least go on a break. You need to figure out what you want to do with your life because you are going to college in the fall, there is no way I will allow you to give up your future to do what? Follow him around on tour? No."

"Mom I love him so much, I don't want to lose him" I sniffled

"Aubrey, I'm not going to command you to end it with John. I couldn't be any happier that you chose Cindy's son, its just what are you two going to do when you move back here? when you go to college?"

"I don't know"I cried.

"You know I want whats best for my baby girl. Ill let you make your own choices."

"Thanks mom" I said softly.

~~

"So I'm thinking when I get back, ill take you out to dinner to celebrate your birthday"

"No John"I whined."This is why I didn't tell anyone. Its not a big deal"

"Well I'm still taking you out whether you want to think its for your birthday or not"

"Fine"I sighed and he laughed.

"Hey Aubs?"John went softly

"Yeah?"I asked

"Are you still moving back to Texas?"he asked quietly

"Yeah" I said just as quietly

"Oh" Was his simple response.

For some reason, my heart dropped.