Lost and Found

I suddenly woke up, not really knowing why. I think I had fallen asleep after I put Pansy away and listened to Smashing Pumpkins some more. I’ve slept awhile seeing that I couldn’t hear the music anymore, so I’ve listened trought the whole CD. I heard a knock from my door and realized it was probably that that had woken me up in the first place. I didn’t answer it though. I knew it was mom, who else could it be? I heard another knock and then the sound of doorknob turning. I put my head back on my pillow and pretended I was sleeping. I know it’s childish and all, but I know what mom’s up to and I don’t want to eat dinner with that bastard.

I heard soft footsteps coming closer and then I felt someone, well mom, sitting on my bed. She shook my body, calling my name but I didn’t open my eyes. She shook me a bit harder and I shot my eyes open, realizing it would just seem strange if I wouldn’t wake up from someone shaking me so forcefully.

“Frank, dinner’s ready, honey”, mom said, innocent smile on her face. Just like she was never been talking about me like she did. Like I was bad son, pain in her ass or something. No – no no no, take that back, it just sounded wrong and dirty and gross. I did NOT say that, okay?

“I’m not hungry”, I replied, just like I did back in downstairs. She still kept smiling, but I didn’t smile back.

“But you have to eat something, come on, honey. It’s been few hours since you said you weren’t hungry, sure you’re hungry now”, mom said. I turned my head towards the alarm clock that was standing on my nightstand. 6pm. How many hours did I sleep?

“I – I’m not”, I muttered, still staring at the clock. But I was. I was hungry, but there were no way in hell I would eat with that bastard who were probably sitting in our kitchen right now. Unfortunately my stomach wasn’t going to help me with lying and it made loud bruping sound that told mom I really was starving. Fuck.

“Frank, you can’t lie to me, I know you’re hungry. Now come on”, she giggled. There’s nothing fun with the fact I had to eat with that jackass. There’s nothing fun with anything.

You can’t lie to me.

Yeah, sure I can’t. How come I’ve lied to her my whole life without her even noticing, without her even doupting that I was lying. Yeah, sure I can’t lie to her.

Mom stood up and pulled me up, then she made her way across the room to the hall way. I didn’t follow her. I just stood there, staring at the floor. Why the fuck this was so hard? It was just some stupid guy. It doesn’t matter what I think, it doesn’t matter if I’ll try to tell mom this wasn’t a good idea. That this man was just like the others. It doesn’t even fucking matter. So why is it so fucking big deal?

That woman didn’t even notice your body is full of bruices. The voice inside my head told me.

Did I even want her to notice?

But she’s your mom. She should’ve noticed no matter if you wanted it or not. But she didn’t.

It was because she was so excited about that bastard.

Are you jealous?

No.

“Frank are you coming?”

I didn’t even realize when I nodded and walked slowly out of my room. Mom was already serving food to him.

Do you even remember his name.

I don’t know. What was it? Lucius?

Like Lucius Malfoy. It would suit him. He’s evil.

I sat down as far away from the guy as I possible could. That wasn’t far enough. He was sitting on the other side of the table and in the opposite corned than I did. Not fucking far enough.

Mom sat down next to him, smiling widely and the man kissed her cheek. I wanted to puke.

I stared at my plate, where there were spaghetti and meatballs. I screwed up my face, still staring at the poor animal who had been turned into meatball. My need to puke just grew lot more.

“I’m not going to eat this shit”, I stated, pushing the plate away from me.

“This is not shit. It’s really good, actually”, that bastard told me. I shot a glare towards him. Who the fuck did he think he was? I’m not fucking going to eat meat. I was about to stand up when mom grapped my arm, stopping me.

“Frank, please? This is Luke’s favorite food and... please, Frank, just this time?” mom pleaded and I just stared at her like she was complitely crazy.

“No”, I spat, tearing my arm away from her grip. I don’t fucking care if this is that bastard’s favorite food. Luke, was it? Mom looked at me with that motherlishly glare that mothers give for their little five-year-old children. I’m fucking fiveteen. Well, almost. I knew what she wanted, though. She wanted me to sit down, smile nicely and eat my meal. She wanted Luke to think I’m some fucking angel, she wanted him to think I loved her, that we were just some happy fucking family though there were just two of us. She wanted everyone think we had no problems. She wanted us to look perfect.

Perfect.

I don’t think that even fucking exist. Only hearing that word makes me want to puke all over again, like I’ve wanted to puke so many times during these few minutes.

“I’m not fucking eating this!” I yelled, throwing the plate across the room, causing it to collide with the wall and break into hunred pieces.

“FRANK!” mom yelled, standing up so fast her chair fell. She looked so angry that I swear if look could kill I’ve been dead about 346 times now.

“Yeah, mom”, I replied, putting extra weight on the word ‘mom’.

“Go. Into your room. NOW”, she spat, pointing at the door.

“Oh, I will. You didn’t need to ask me to. I just fucking will”, I muttred, loudly enough to her to hear.

“Stop swearing!”

“Well I don’t think it really fucking matters how fucking much I swear when I’m in my fucking room! I didn’t even want to come to eat with that fucking bastard in the first place!” I screamed. A second later I realized what I’d just said. Not only I sounded freaking childish, but now I really was in trouble. Not that I didn’t mean every word I said...

“Frank Anthony Iero! Now you apolologe him immediately!” mom said calmly, venom dripping from his words.

“No”, I whimpered.

“What did you say?”

“NO!” I shouted, walking straight out of the kitcen and into my room, locking the door behind me. Thank God I did have a lock. Yet again tears tried to fill my eyes but I managet to push them away. I wasn’t crying. Not anymore, not because of mom. Mom. I didn’t even know if I had one anymore. That woman downstairs wasn’t my mom. She wasn’t the woman that cared about me, loved me and wanted me to be happy. When did mom bacome like this? She never acted like that with other guys, like, putting their happines more important than mine.

I wasn’t staying here. Not tonight, I didn’t want to talk with mom when Luke will go home and mom’ll come up to tell me how I shouldn’t be vegetarian. And other shit she’ll probably want to tell me. Yeah, I so wasn’t going to stay here to listen to that. But where could I go? I had no friends.... at least not anymore. Well I’m just going to go somewhere and hang out until it’s so late that mom will be asleep, then I’ll just come home.

I grapped a hoodie and pulled it over my head, walking to my window and opening it. What? There’s no way in hell I’m going to go back downstairs and use front door. It wouldn’t be that easy anyway. What do you suppose me to say to mom anyway? “Hey mom, I hate you and I’m gonna go out so I won’t need to talk to you later.” Yeah, sure.

I climbed on window still, thanking God yet again that we had a tree just in front of my window. Our last house was just in one floor so I wasn’t really that good at climbing out from my room’s window that was in the second fucking floor. I need to be carefull so I wouldn’t hurt myself any worse than I already am. You know, my bruices are still there, they don’t just heal in few hours.

I some how managed to get down safely. Luckily I was at least good at climbing into tree and back down, seeing that I always used to do that when I was a kid. I ran down the street, just wanting to get the hell away from my house, and my mom.

It was kinda cold, seeing it was pretty late already. What’s the clock anyway? I didn’t have my cell with me so I had no idea. I should’ve taken it with me, how can I know when it’s late enough to go home if I don’t have a fucking clock. Shit.

I kept running, not really knowing where I was going, when I suddenly collided with something. No, let me correct, I collided with someone, causing both of us to fall down.

“I am really sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going, and –“, I started but was cut off by the dude I just ran on.

“Frank?” the dude asked, and I looked up, into those beautiful hazel eyes.

Oh, shit...