Lost and Found
Nothing to lose
Frank’s POV
I was sitting on some hard bench in the school yard, trying to look cool. Trying, ‘cause that’s what I definitely am not feeling. I feel fucking nervous and scared and I think everyone sees it. Which means that those mean dudes who like to beat others can see that I’m scared, too. And normally they like to beat kids, who’re already scared, ‘cause they think it’s funny to scare them even more and ‘cause kid’s who are as scared-looking as I am are easy preys. I know that sounds pansy to tease kids who’re already scared as shit, and so it is. If I were a bully I wouldn’t definitely tease that kind of kids. But the again I’m not and I won’t tease anyone, ‘cause that’s just stupid and pitiful. Why am I even telling this to myself?
Anyway, that’s why I try to look cool.
I noticed those emo-looking girls from my class walking towards me, smiling widely. Are they coming to me? I looked behind me, expecting to see somebody but there was no-one. So I think they’re coming to me.
“Hi, you’re Frank, right?” the green-haired-one asked.
“Ehh... yeah”, I replied, blushing. I’m not used to talk to people. Well not to someone my age. It’s whole different thing to talk to mom or grandma or someone like that.
“Ohh you’re cute! My name is Essi, and that’s Sanna”, the green-heired-one – well, Essi, told me nodding her head towards the blond-haired-one, whose name is Sanna, I think.
“Hey, nice to meet you Frank”, Sanna said smiling at me. I felt myself blush even more. Really, it’s not like this happens often. I mean people talking to me. And when it suddenly happens I don’t know what to say.
“Nice to meet you to...” I muttered, looking at my shoes.
“You wanna come sit with us and our friends?” Essi asked, making me look up. Did she just ask that? No-one have ever asked me to sit with them. And I understand why, I’m not cool dude to hang around with. And for fucks sake, this is my very first day in school and yet someone is talking to me. Isn’t that.... I dunno... weird?
“Frank everything okay?” Sanna asked, looking at me weirdly.
“Ye-yeah. I mean I was just thinking that this is the first time someone asked me to hang around with them”, I told them, lowering my eyes back at my shoes, shamefully.
“Ohhhh why? You seem to be cool, kid. c’mon, I’m sure you’ll love our friends!” Sanna said happily and helped me up. Yeah, maybe I’ll like them, but they sure won’t like me. I’m just some depressed emo-kid that no-one likes. And no-one won’t ever like me. I don’t understand why these girls were being so nice to me. Maybe this is just some stupid joke and they’ll pretend to be my friends and then tell me to go to hell and then laugh their heads of. Oh my god, oh my god I can’t go there!
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look pale”, Essi asked worriedly. I nodded, forcing a smile. Calm down Frank, maybe they’re okay. Maybe they really want to be your friends. Not everyone in this cruel world can be so mean. Maybe these guys aren’t... And they won’t definitely just pretend to be your friends and then laugh at your face, that’ll be just childish. We walked to some tree where there were few people sitting under it, laughing to some joke that someone brown-haired skinny dude just told.
“Hi guys. We want you to meet Frank!” Essi told them loundly, as to get their attention. All of those dudes’ heads turned to me.
“uhh, hi”, I laughed nervously, looking towards my shoes once again.
“So uhm, this is Bob”, Sanna said, pointing at guy with really blond hair and lip ring, “that’s Mikey (the skinny dude), that is Ray (man, that guy sure has a big hair! it looks funny, really), and that’s Gerard over there.”
“Ohhh, I didn’t know you were coming today!” Essi exclaimed sounding happy.
“Yeah well so didn’t I...”, the guy, Gerard, muttered. He looked weird. No, I didn’t mean in the bad way. Well he does look like he’s in bad hang over or something. I sure know what that looks like, it’s not like I haven’t been in hang over myself. Yes, I hate people getting drunk and I hate myself for getting drunk when I do so. But I hate myself anyway, so I don’t think it really matters.
But this guy looks interesting in some way. He’s got this long black silky hair and really pale skin. But that’s not the thing that makes him look so interesting. It’s his eyes. I’ve never seen that kind of eyes. They’re pretty much hazel color, but that’s not what I mean. I think this is some of those things you can’t explane.
There’s just something in this guy’s eyes, something that makes you feel like you could just stare at them for the rest of your life, like you could fall in them.
Why am I even staring at this dudes eyes?
Ugh. Whatever.
I was sitting on some hard bench in the school yard, trying to look cool. Trying, ‘cause that’s what I definitely am not feeling. I feel fucking nervous and scared and I think everyone sees it. Which means that those mean dudes who like to beat others can see that I’m scared, too. And normally they like to beat kids, who’re already scared, ‘cause they think it’s funny to scare them even more and ‘cause kid’s who are as scared-looking as I am are easy preys. I know that sounds pansy to tease kids who’re already scared as shit, and so it is. If I were a bully I wouldn’t definitely tease that kind of kids. But the again I’m not and I won’t tease anyone, ‘cause that’s just stupid and pitiful. Why am I even telling this to myself?
Anyway, that’s why I try to look cool.
I noticed those emo-looking girls from my class walking towards me, smiling widely. Are they coming to me? I looked behind me, expecting to see somebody but there was no-one. So I think they’re coming to me.
“Hi, you’re Frank, right?” the green-haired-one asked.
“Ehh... yeah”, I replied, blushing. I’m not used to talk to people. Well not to someone my age. It’s whole different thing to talk to mom or grandma or someone like that.
“Ohh you’re cute! My name is Essi, and that’s Sanna”, the green-heired-one – well, Essi, told me nodding her head towards the blond-haired-one, whose name is Sanna, I think.
“Hey, nice to meet you Frank”, Sanna said smiling at me. I felt myself blush even more. Really, it’s not like this happens often. I mean people talking to me. And when it suddenly happens I don’t know what to say.
“Nice to meet you to...” I muttered, looking at my shoes.
“You wanna come sit with us and our friends?” Essi asked, making me look up. Did she just ask that? No-one have ever asked me to sit with them. And I understand why, I’m not cool dude to hang around with. And for fucks sake, this is my very first day in school and yet someone is talking to me. Isn’t that.... I dunno... weird?
“Frank everything okay?” Sanna asked, looking at me weirdly.
“Ye-yeah. I mean I was just thinking that this is the first time someone asked me to hang around with them”, I told them, lowering my eyes back at my shoes, shamefully.
“Ohhhh why? You seem to be cool, kid. c’mon, I’m sure you’ll love our friends!” Sanna said happily and helped me up. Yeah, maybe I’ll like them, but they sure won’t like me. I’m just some depressed emo-kid that no-one likes. And no-one won’t ever like me. I don’t understand why these girls were being so nice to me. Maybe this is just some stupid joke and they’ll pretend to be my friends and then tell me to go to hell and then laugh their heads of. Oh my god, oh my god I can’t go there!
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look pale”, Essi asked worriedly. I nodded, forcing a smile. Calm down Frank, maybe they’re okay. Maybe they really want to be your friends. Not everyone in this cruel world can be so mean. Maybe these guys aren’t... And they won’t definitely just pretend to be your friends and then laugh at your face, that’ll be just childish. We walked to some tree where there were few people sitting under it, laughing to some joke that someone brown-haired skinny dude just told.
“Hi guys. We want you to meet Frank!” Essi told them loundly, as to get their attention. All of those dudes’ heads turned to me.
“uhh, hi”, I laughed nervously, looking towards my shoes once again.
“So uhm, this is Bob”, Sanna said, pointing at guy with really blond hair and lip ring, “that’s Mikey (the skinny dude), that is Ray (man, that guy sure has a big hair! it looks funny, really), and that’s Gerard over there.”
“Ohhh, I didn’t know you were coming today!” Essi exclaimed sounding happy.
“Yeah well so didn’t I...”, the guy, Gerard, muttered. He looked weird. No, I didn’t mean in the bad way. Well he does look like he’s in bad hang over or something. I sure know what that looks like, it’s not like I haven’t been in hang over myself. Yes, I hate people getting drunk and I hate myself for getting drunk when I do so. But I hate myself anyway, so I don’t think it really matters.
But this guy looks interesting in some way. He’s got this long black silky hair and really pale skin. But that’s not the thing that makes him look so interesting. It’s his eyes. I’ve never seen that kind of eyes. They’re pretty much hazel color, but that’s not what I mean. I think this is some of those things you can’t explane.
There’s just something in this guy’s eyes, something that makes you feel like you could just stare at them for the rest of your life, like you could fall in them.
Why am I even staring at this dudes eyes?
Ugh. Whatever.