Lost and Found
Raining
Frank’s POV (few days later)
It’s kinda strange to have so people you can call “friends”. Well I guess it’s not so strange to you, but to me it really is. I know I’ve known these people only for a week or so, but they’re the nicest guys I’ve ever met. I still am really shy and not talking much, and they’re not pushing me to speak. I think they understand that this is hard to me. I know it sounds pansy, but try to live your whole life without anyone to hang around and then suddenly got group of friends. It’s hard, shall I tell you.
I some how envy them. I mean Mikey, Bob, Gerard, Ray, Essi and Sanna. They’ve always had friends. They told me they’ve been friends since they started highschool. Well, Gerard and Mikey have known eatchother their whole life, ofcourse. Oh, but I didn’t tell you they’re brothers, did I? No I didn’t. Mikey is younger, he’s about the same age as I am. Gerard, Bob and Ray are one year older that us. It was even hard to remember their ages at first, but now I’m beginning to learn all those little things, trying to lock them in my fucked up mind. I’m not certainly sure if Essi and Mikey are together, it seems like they are...
But I don’t have the guts to ask, not just yet. The guys keep telling me that I should talk more, but I just can’t. I don’t know how, I don’t know what to tell them. They’ve told me that they wanna know everything about me, but what can I tell? You think I’ll tell them that my dad is fucking druggie and drunk? You think I’ll tell them I’ve never had any friends, that I’ve always been picked up in every fucking school I’ve been? You think I’ll tell them that I sometimes cry in the nights until I fell asleep? No, I think not. They’ll probably think I’m some pathetic emo-kid who doesn’t even deserve to have friends, witch I surely am, and then I’ll be alone, again. I know they’ll abondon me at some point, everyone will abondon me, and I know it will probably break my heart, but I still... don’t know. Maybe I just want to feel accepted just once in my mother-fucking life. Is that really so much to ask?
It’s raining. I know that’s quite random thing to say right now, but it’s so beatiful. I’ve always liked the rain. It’s like when you stand in the rain it could wash all your sins away. Thought I know it won’t, but it’s nice to think so, right? I’m out in the New Jersey’s night, just walking in the rain. Mom isn’t home, he’s at some guys place I think. Yeah, she’ve got a new boyfriend. It’ll probably end in tears again, just like it always does.
You know, life never really changes. It can’t change. Once you born to be alone, you’ll always be alone. Once you born to be a messed up kid that no-one will never love you’ll always be that way. It’s just life, and life’s not sweet. Trust me, ‘cause I know.
I realized I didn’t even know where I was going, or where I was. I think I was near that pretty park where those old women took their grandchildren to play. It’s quite adorable, I’ve always liked little kids but I bet they’ve always been scared of me. Or then it’s just their parents, telling them not to go near people like..... like me. They say I cause problems, but I normally used to ‘cause them just to myself. Maybe that’s why I’ve never had any friends, ‘cause they know I’ll ‘cause problems to them, too.
Agh my head is starting to hurt from all these thinking. Why is the life just so fucking complicated. Well maybe it’s not for everyone, maybe it’s just for me.
Maybe I’m making it complicated.
Maybe. Everything’s maybe. I don’t seem to be able to say or think anything without that tiny word ‘maybe’ with those thoughts. My life’s just one big ‘MAYBE’. And that sounded just stupid.
“HEY FAG!” I heard someone shout when I was walking trought that park. Shit, isn’t that the guy from my school? And if he’s here then....
“Where’s your little so-called frinds and your oh-so-hot boyfriend?” the other voice called, causing a loud laught from the group of people behind those two. Yeah just fucking great, thay’re all here, probably drinking. “They”, I mean those kids from my class, remember?
“Ohoi fag, didn’t you hear me? Where’s your boyfriend?” wtf about who is he talking about?
“W-who do you mean?” I asked, my voice shaking. Fuck don’t let them know they scared you Frank, you idiot!
“HAHA, are you really that stupid? Gerard ofcourse. He was the first faggot in here and now it seems there’s two fags now, seeing that you moved here”, the first guy talking said. What, was Gerard gay? Nah, I think they’ll just telling me so, they’re already calling me fag but I’m not gay you know.
“He’s not my boyfriend...”, I muttered, starting to walk again, I wanted to get the hell of here right now. Sddenly one of those dudes jumped in front of me, blogging my way so I couldn’t excape. This dude was like a fucking cupboard!
“Oh yea? And you think we believe you? We should really teach you a lesson, fag”, woah that guy is surely ‘the boss’, seeing that he’s the one talking all the time.
Before I knew it I was pushed on my knees on the wet ground. I gasped in the suprise as ‘the boss’ kicked me at stomach, causing me to curl up in the ball in the attempt to protect myself from any more kicks. It really didn’t help that much, as I then was being kicked in my back, head, ribs, legs, hands and every-fucking-where be all of those guys who where there. I could taste the blood in my mouth and it surely wasn’t the only place that was bleeding. And it hurt so fucking much I couldn’t even whimper.
It took only one more kick in the head for my world to go black....
It’s kinda strange to have so people you can call “friends”. Well I guess it’s not so strange to you, but to me it really is. I know I’ve known these people only for a week or so, but they’re the nicest guys I’ve ever met. I still am really shy and not talking much, and they’re not pushing me to speak. I think they understand that this is hard to me. I know it sounds pansy, but try to live your whole life without anyone to hang around and then suddenly got group of friends. It’s hard, shall I tell you.
I some how envy them. I mean Mikey, Bob, Gerard, Ray, Essi and Sanna. They’ve always had friends. They told me they’ve been friends since they started highschool. Well, Gerard and Mikey have known eatchother their whole life, ofcourse. Oh, but I didn’t tell you they’re brothers, did I? No I didn’t. Mikey is younger, he’s about the same age as I am. Gerard, Bob and Ray are one year older that us. It was even hard to remember their ages at first, but now I’m beginning to learn all those little things, trying to lock them in my fucked up mind. I’m not certainly sure if Essi and Mikey are together, it seems like they are...
But I don’t have the guts to ask, not just yet. The guys keep telling me that I should talk more, but I just can’t. I don’t know how, I don’t know what to tell them. They’ve told me that they wanna know everything about me, but what can I tell? You think I’ll tell them that my dad is fucking druggie and drunk? You think I’ll tell them I’ve never had any friends, that I’ve always been picked up in every fucking school I’ve been? You think I’ll tell them that I sometimes cry in the nights until I fell asleep? No, I think not. They’ll probably think I’m some pathetic emo-kid who doesn’t even deserve to have friends, witch I surely am, and then I’ll be alone, again. I know they’ll abondon me at some point, everyone will abondon me, and I know it will probably break my heart, but I still... don’t know. Maybe I just want to feel accepted just once in my mother-fucking life. Is that really so much to ask?
It’s raining. I know that’s quite random thing to say right now, but it’s so beatiful. I’ve always liked the rain. It’s like when you stand in the rain it could wash all your sins away. Thought I know it won’t, but it’s nice to think so, right? I’m out in the New Jersey’s night, just walking in the rain. Mom isn’t home, he’s at some guys place I think. Yeah, she’ve got a new boyfriend. It’ll probably end in tears again, just like it always does.
You know, life never really changes. It can’t change. Once you born to be alone, you’ll always be alone. Once you born to be a messed up kid that no-one will never love you’ll always be that way. It’s just life, and life’s not sweet. Trust me, ‘cause I know.
I realized I didn’t even know where I was going, or where I was. I think I was near that pretty park where those old women took their grandchildren to play. It’s quite adorable, I’ve always liked little kids but I bet they’ve always been scared of me. Or then it’s just their parents, telling them not to go near people like..... like me. They say I cause problems, but I normally used to ‘cause them just to myself. Maybe that’s why I’ve never had any friends, ‘cause they know I’ll ‘cause problems to them, too.
Agh my head is starting to hurt from all these thinking. Why is the life just so fucking complicated. Well maybe it’s not for everyone, maybe it’s just for me.
Maybe I’m making it complicated.
Maybe. Everything’s maybe. I don’t seem to be able to say or think anything without that tiny word ‘maybe’ with those thoughts. My life’s just one big ‘MAYBE’. And that sounded just stupid.
“HEY FAG!” I heard someone shout when I was walking trought that park. Shit, isn’t that the guy from my school? And if he’s here then....
“Where’s your little so-called frinds and your oh-so-hot boyfriend?” the other voice called, causing a loud laught from the group of people behind those two. Yeah just fucking great, thay’re all here, probably drinking. “They”, I mean those kids from my class, remember?
“Ohoi fag, didn’t you hear me? Where’s your boyfriend?” wtf about who is he talking about?
“W-who do you mean?” I asked, my voice shaking. Fuck don’t let them know they scared you Frank, you idiot!
“HAHA, are you really that stupid? Gerard ofcourse. He was the first faggot in here and now it seems there’s two fags now, seeing that you moved here”, the first guy talking said. What, was Gerard gay? Nah, I think they’ll just telling me so, they’re already calling me fag but I’m not gay you know.
“He’s not my boyfriend...”, I muttered, starting to walk again, I wanted to get the hell of here right now. Sddenly one of those dudes jumped in front of me, blogging my way so I couldn’t excape. This dude was like a fucking cupboard!
“Oh yea? And you think we believe you? We should really teach you a lesson, fag”, woah that guy is surely ‘the boss’, seeing that he’s the one talking all the time.
Before I knew it I was pushed on my knees on the wet ground. I gasped in the suprise as ‘the boss’ kicked me at stomach, causing me to curl up in the ball in the attempt to protect myself from any more kicks. It really didn’t help that much, as I then was being kicked in my back, head, ribs, legs, hands and every-fucking-where be all of those guys who where there. I could taste the blood in my mouth and it surely wasn’t the only place that was bleeding. And it hurt so fucking much I couldn’t even whimper.
It took only one more kick in the head for my world to go black....