Nevermind Me

I’m guessing comforting Joe had their downsides, like how he’s even more attached to me. And how I enjoy his company when he comes around more. Which I shouldn’t, I reallyshouldn’t. Because, in the end I get bitched out by Valerie. And trying to explain heartbreak to her is infinitely impossible.

“Valerie his girlfriend broke.up.with him.” I said slowly so she could actually try and absorb it. She was so heartless sometimes. Mosttimes.

“So why are you hanging around him like that? If he’s as ‘heartbroken’” She used her fingers to make air quotes, “ As you say he is, why are you trying to get with him?”

“I’m helping him. He needs someone who actually understands what he’s going through.”

“And what makes you think I don’t?” She asked making me look at her dumbly. Was she serious?

“Everything! When is the last time someone broke up with you? And you actually liked them?”

“Psh, never.” She scoffed and I sighed, trying to be patient with this conversation.

“Exactly. So I’m trying to help him. That’s it.”

“It better be.” She said and I turned, walking away muttering ‘whatever’ under my breath. I walked onto the bus.

Another off day so the guys were outside playing dodgeball. All I was content with was the fact that we’d be in LA next week. The beach looked pretty amazing to me right now.

Being alone on the bus, a first. It doesn’t ever last long when I think I get alone time and that sucks. But I was truly alone, even my dog was gone. Frankie was sort of bummed about Minnie but quickly started up with Milo. The cutest thing is when we ordered him a Road Dogs jersey. He hasn’t gotten the chance to wear it yet though.

“I can’t help it if you look like an angel. Can’t help it if I want to kiss you in the rain so come feel this magic I’ve been feelin’ since I met you. Can’t help it if there’s no one else.” I sang to myself while getting my laptop.

I needed to look up the chords to that, I reminded myself while I let the computer come to life. And I also wanted to actually get my own guitar. I still loved playing Joe’s. We did our lessons like he said he would and I was pretty good. I knew the chords and had most of it down.

‘True Friend’ came through my phone and I knew Kaila had texted me. With a furrowed brow I checked it.

What was that song we used for the recital last year?

“You dance?” The voice made me drop the phone in fright. I looked over my shoulder to see Joe.

“Please don’t do that.” I said, breathing a little shakily.

“My bad,” He smiled and kissed my cheek. Another first. And I don’t actually know if I was okay with it or upset. It was out of line, in ways. But it was a sweet gesture. An apology? I don’t know, boys aren’t my expertise. Valerie would know though.

I suddenly lost my interest in what I was doing and observed Joe. He went to the fridge and pulled out the nectarine I’d put in earlier.

“Plan on eating that?” I asked, waiting for his response because that was mine.

“Yep.” He bit into it. There were no rules of possession on this bus. Even if you wrote your name on things, there was a possibility of theft. And lately my missing things had been my fruit.

I brushed it off and laid down on the couch, only to have Joe invade my personal space again. This time he drooped on top of me, all his weight resting on me.

“Ughh,” I grunted, “Joe get off.” I tried but it was helpless.

“Be nice, Juliet.” He said, snuggling his head into my neck, making me shiver. After I realized it was stupid to try I gave in and tried to see this as nice. And I did. My hand came up to stroke his hair, running my fingers through.

“I really do like your hair,” I found myself saying to Joe. His smile was predictable before he spoke.

“Same here. I love it when it’s all wavy.” I felt his hand brush through my mane of light honey hair and smiled in spite of myself.

After awhile he looked up at me and stared. It made me nervous and my cheeks began to burn with blush. Joe Jonas was staring at me, not like I was some freak, but it was weird nonetheless.

“What?” I asked, even more quietly than normal, the closeness of our bodies frightening me.

“You’re beautiful.” He said it like someone would say ‘Oh the sun is out today’; as if it were nothing which it most certainly was. I’ve…I’ve never had someone say that to me.

“Joe. Um. I—” I was stumped. And I was in the same condition when he took my chin in his hand and brought his face closer to mine. If he wouldn’t have hesitated I would’ve let it happen too, I would’ve let him kiss me right then.

“Joe- I- I can’t” I pulled away and closed my eyes, not knowing what to do since he was on top of me. But soon that weight was lifted after a full minute.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t” I apologized before hurrying off the bus and outside to the purple sky, trying to settle myself. I couldn’t help thinking off Valerie, that’s what stopped me. She was set on Joe, I knew that very well. Joe and me, we-we couldn’t ever get in this position again. I’d make sure of that. I was positive.