Nevermind Me

I woke up the next morning like it was instinct. With a start, last night came back to me in a rush. I saw me kissing Joe and the fire I felt last night came back with the memories. I smiled, knowing it was one of the best nights I’ve ever had. Only me, Joe, and the moonlight; nothing special but greatly incredible. The way his body shielded me from the cold and how his lips just lost me into the best feeling there is. I’d spend forever kissing Joe.

As soon as I thought that, I noticed who’s arms I was wrapped in. The guilt threw me down like a crashing wave, making me flinch when I felt it all too intensely. Instead of thinking how great it was, all my mind kept repeating was: this is wrong this is wrong This. Is. Wrong.

I hurriedly got out of the bed, going to my suitcase, pulling out clothes to put on. Ripped jeans, white long sleeve, grey sweatshirt, grey knit boots. I didn’t bother to do my hair, throwing a beret onto it. As quietly as I could, I carried my bags downstairs with a straining effort. Making sure I had everything, I tip toed back up the stairs and into the first door on my right.

I sighed, already regretting waking him up from what looked like a good sleep. I shook his shoulder for a while, biting my lip when his eyes squinted open and he looked at me, surprised. He opened his mouth, ready to accuse but I spoke up.

“I need a favor, Nicholas.”

&&

“You can’t keep running from him, Jules. You can’t keep doing this; you just can’t.” Nick sighed, turning a corner. We’d been driving for a while, seeing as the sun was up higher and shining brighter than it was when we left the house.

Luckily, Nick agreed to help me. I wrote a note that told my mom I was spending time with Nick before we had to get on the plane back to LA, and for her to call me when they were driving to the airport. I left something else too; for Joe.

I couldn’t help but feel like I didn’t deserve Nicholas. He was such a good friend to me, even when I was wrong, like right now. I woke him up at 6:30 so I wouldn’t have to face Joe today. And like the amazing person he was, he complied, taking me out in his car to waste time before my plane came.

“I know, I know” I admitted, clasping my hands together. “I didn’t mean it. It was just- I hadn’t seen you guys in so long and it was overwhelming almost. And it’s hard to stay away from someone you’re in the same house with; someone you used to be close to.”

“Used to be” Nick scoffed, “There is no used to be. You guys are tooclose is what it is. It’s not even on purpose, it’s like a pull.And you know it’s wrong, but you don’t know what to do. You’re at a loss.”

“What?”

“Jules, you can play yourself, but you can’t play me. I know you.” He told me as we stopped at a red light, taking the chance to look me in the eye. I didn’t say anything, I just stared back, letting everything he told me rush through my mind.

I didn’t admit that he was right. I bit my lip to keep it from trembling and looked out the window. “So what do you want me to do?” I asked him, my voice barely above a whisper.

It was his turn for a quiet spell. It was a while before he parked the car on the side of the road, running his hand through his hair.

“Jules, I—I have no idea. There’s not a lot of choices for this…situation. He’s your sister’s boyfriend.”

“Yes, okay? I know there’s no way to justify it; but that doesn’t help me now. It’s happened and I,” I felt my eyes burn with tears as I tried to dislodge the lump in my throat enough to talk. “And I, I just don’t know what to do!”

I failed at keeping the tears away; they fell down my face as I stared at Nick. “Nick, I’m so lost and I don’t know what’s right from wrong anymore ‘cause what should be wrong feels so right I can’t let it go.”

“There is no right. There’s what you feel; what’s real. Only you know what to—“

“No! I don’t! And Nick, it’s scary.” I confessed, trying to hastily wipe my tears away as they fell constantly. “I’ve never felt like this before. It’s scary; terrifying.”

He took my hands, his grip tight, “You can’t let this beat you down, Jules. No matter what you think of yourself; you’re better than that. You’re strong. You’re a great person. I love you too much to see you like this.”

“Nicholas” I cried, throwing my arms around his and sobbing. “Why is it like this? I thought, I tried to never end up here. I was so set on staying away. Why is it so confusing, Nick? Why?”

“I don’t know, Jules. I don’t know” He whispered, hugging me tighter.

&&

“God, you look like crap” Valerie said, seeing me as I met up with them at the bag checks.

“Thanks” I mumbled, my head down, sniffling a bit. Nick was beside me, carrying one of my bags. I saw my mom looking at me, concerned. I couldn’t tell her, I knew I couldn’t. If I could barely cope with it myself, how would my mother? Knowing her daughters’ are set apart by a boy? An amazing boy, but a boy nonetheless.

I saw Julian’s eyes on me, too. I saw the look he gave me. It was concerned but I could see the knowing look in his eyes. He wasn’t clueless; he never was. Not even a second of looking at him, I averted my gaze back to the ground. He may not know exactly what happened, but he knew something was up.

“Have a safe flight guys,” Nick waved to my family. I turned to him, almost feeling ready to cry again. “I’ll miss you, Jules.”

I smiled weakly, accepting the hug he was extending. “Love you, Nick. Thanks.”

“Love you, too.” He kissed my cheek, “Keep your head up.”

I watched him leave before following everyone up the escalators. Twenty minutes later, we were on the plane. I sat by the window, looking at the outside absently. I barely moved when Julian’s hand touched mine.

“You okay?”

“Fine” I said, only looking him in the eye for a moment before turning right back around.

&&

Joe woke up with a start, feeling uneasy. He hopped out of bed, slightly running out of his room. He checked in the guest room, finding it empty. Well, empty of what he was looking for. He saw Julian, mouth open while he slept. Fleeing the room, he hopped down the stairs, not even giving himself the time to care about Julian. Desperate.

There was nothing; she wasn’t there. He checked the backyard, seeing it vacant. Coming back into the kitchen, the note was on the counter.

Mom,
Went to hang out with Nick. Going to stay the morning with him. Call me when you guys are on your way to the airport.

Love,
Juliet.

Over come with so many emotions he could keep up with, Joe almost balled the paper into a stupid paper ball. How could she leave him like that? After last night. He knew she felt was he was feeling; he knew. It was all too real. The way she melted into his arms, how right it felt to hold her like he did. There was no denying the perfection.

But here she was, gone. No goodbye, no apology. He was angry and overwhelmed and heartbroken all at once. Shaking his head, he went back up the steps thinking: Why, Juliet? Why?

In his hasty escape from his room he didn’t even notice the hand designed box on his bed, The one with the heartfelt letter she left herself tear up over. But returning, he saw it and didn’t know which emotion he’d let have control. A tear came from his left eye, falling down his face and he slid silently to the floor, too broken to know what to do.