Nevermind Me

I didn’t last more than a few weeks back home, in Julian’s case at least. It was horrible, knowing I’d cheated on him, but that I knew he knew and he said nothing. If it was his way of making me feel guilty is was completely working. It was hard for me to look him in the face.

We’d decided before going out to Texas for Christmas that he’d spend a month with me in LA. It didn’t take me a second more to know this was a horrible idea. Everything about him here was wrong. I knew my heart wasn’t in it, so why was I wasting both of our time?

I didn’t need to think much about if I was doing the right thing when I told Julian we should go out for lunch. I knew it was the right thing and that’s that. I looked at it as a right I was doing in this mess of wrongs; one less person caught in this web of lies and hurt.

Plus, Julian didn’t deserve this; he was a great guy. A great guy I should’ve never used, never brought into this. I hoped he wouldn’t hate me.

“Hold on” I asked him, picking up my phone and getting up from the table seeing the caller ID. “Nick?”

“Jules. What are you up to right now?”

“Um, lunch with Julian. Why?”

“Are you…you’re doing it?” He asked.

“Y—yeah. I know he knows something so there’s no point in dragging him around in it.” I said, leaning against the wall, smiling at the people who passed me politely.

“You’re doing a good thing, Jules. Is he going to be there tonight?”

“Um, I wasn’t planning on it. I was going to tell him and I figured he wouldn’t want to stick around. I already told the pilots on my mom’s jet of the possibility.”

“Kay. I’ll be over by eight tonight.” He told me and I simply nodded, chewing my lip.

“M’kay. See ya” I hung up and returned to the table. Tonight I’d be seeing Nick before he got too far into his tour with his band. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see a show until he came out to California at the end of the month. The loss of freedom that came with working.

I returned to the table, sighing to myself. I needed to do it right now. “Julian…we need to talk.”

He looked at me, his expression blank. “’Bout what?”

I hesitated, twining my hands together. “Us.” I said softly but firmly.

I didn’t avert my gaze from his eyes. I knew I had to be brave and confident about this. I knew it was right, I just didn’t want to hurt him. I saw something flash in his eyes as he stared back before sighing. I couldn’t tell what he would say right now, but I was sure I wouldn’t like it.

“Finally can’t fake it anymore huh?” He asked stunning me momentarily.

I ignored that, giving him some sort a explanation. “I feel like we’re not supposed to be together. As harsh as this may sound, I know we’re not. We’re better off friends, if anything, Julian.”

“What made you say something?” He asked after a looming silence.

“Guilt” I shrugged. “The truth.”

“And what would that be?” He inquired.

I reached my hand out to touch his lightly. “Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything.” I knew those words stood true in so many other situations for me.

&&

“Were you firm with him?” Nick asked, giving me this parental look. I rolled my eyes at the wiser-I-know-more tone.

“Yes, Nicholas.” I said in mock obedience, grabbing my guitar and getting up off of the ground. He followed suite, getting up from beside the pool and following me into the house.

“And he didn’t go out like a whiney baby?”

“No, Nicholas. Although he was pretty quite, I think it went well. Better than I thought at least. He’s probably home by now.” I shrugged.

“Awesome, Jules. So what’s next on the agenda?”

I shrugged my shoulders, opening the refrigerator door. The tile was cold under my bare feet as I walked to grab the ingredients I needed to make Nick and I smoothies before we went to bed. Before we went outside to play our guitars, we’d showered and gotten into our pajamas. It was more fun than I’d thought it’d be; a sleep over for the two of us. It was probably more that I was comforted by his presence after the decision I’d made today. Nick made it okay; him being here made it like the whole Julian thing hadn’t happened.

“I’m teaching a class tomorrow. An art class at the recreation center on Grand Parkway.”

“So you’re really working?”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t want to stay in this house. Valerie’s not here right now but she’ll be coming back here soon since Joe’s getting his own place. Our parents won’t have her staying with him there. Things aren’t good between us still so it’s better if I leave.”

“Just don’t blame yourself for it, Jules. None of this is your fault.”

“Now we both know that’s not entirely true, Nicholas.” I laughed, half-heartedly. “You want anything else in here?” I gestured to the blender filled with mango, kiwi, strawberries, guava juice, and pineapple.

“Um, just some apple.” I nodded and added some in. Securing the lid, I turned on the blender and sat on the counter, facing him. “So what are else are you up to?”

“On more of the business side, I’m going to be working for my mom’s company. She’s really excited about that, especially after I’d shown her some designs I got together. She’d rather me help her with the clothing line.” I shrugged, drawing invisible shapes on that cold countertop.

“But you’re still set on college?”

“Yeah. It’ll keep me away for a few years. I decided to take photography also.”

“You know what you wanna be, Jules. Your careeer?” Nick asked, looking out the window. I followed his gaze, sighing.

“No. I like art and I like things simple. To be truthful, I never knew what I wanted to be. I knew what I wanted to major in and what college, but not what I’d do with what I was learning. Honestly though, I see myself doing charity work in foreign countries.” I giggled softly to myself. Nick chuckled lightly also.

“I can see that. You’d be great with that. You’re a beautiful person; not only for looks. There’s not much people like Juliet Monroe.”

“I could say the same about Nick Jonas.” I smiled, turning to him. He returned it before I turned off the blender. I grabbed two glasses, straws and poured the fruit mixes into them. Handing Nick one, he took it and threw his unused arm over my shoulder, guiding me upstairs.

We went to my room, turning on the lamp, getting a dim glow to show in the wide space. I slipped off the knitted boots I’d worn outside and climbed into the bed where Nick was already laying. I sighed, thinking of how simple this was.

I reached over to turn the lamp off, going back to snuggle under the covers. I moved closer to Nick and sighed. “I’m going to miss my best friend. Who’s gonna wipe away my tears when you’re gone?” I joked, somewhat.

His arms wrapped around mine and he chuckled. “There won’t be any more tears, Jules. You’re going be strong and not need me at all. Even if you sleep with Joe and leave the country after; no tears. Got it?”

I laughed. “Yes sir.”