Nevermind Me

“Do we reallyhave to clean or don’t stuck up people like Valerie have a cleaning crew?” Joe whined, looking at the kitchen as we all stumbled in at 7:00 a.m. I rubbed my eyes with my fist, scoping the area. It really didn’t look like a fun thing to do before going to Disneyland. And Joe was right, I did have Mariana’s number on the fridge. Sighing, I answered.

“I’ll take care of it. Start getting dressed.” They all turned to starting getting dressed, but I stopped them. “Hey Taylor. Happy birthday” I smiled at her widely. The boys eyes brightened and just as she was about to thank me, they rushed towards her.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAYLOR! We love YOU!” Joe picked her up while Nick ran for the sliding glass door to the backyard. From the perfect execution of the act, I’d say they planned this. As Joe ran out of the door, I hurried out after, sensing his next move. I had three seconds to save Taylor from a soaking wet surprise.

My rescue mission was halted thanks to Nicholas. He laughed as he caught me, holding me so I couldn’t stop Joe. All I could do was watch with a wide open mouth as he threw her into the pool. “Taylor!” I screamed as she hit the water screaming.

Nick was laughing so hard that he dropped his hands and as a first reaction, I ran towards Joe who was at the edge of the pool, also laughing. Yelling, ‘Ha!’, I pushed him. The look of surprise on his face as he fell was priceless. I fell on my butt, laughing as he splashed sloppily. He only got a second or two of air before Taylor was all over him; hitting, slapping, yelling.

“You big stupid, stupid stupid! Big dummy! Ugh, Joe! I’m going to killyou! Aghhh!” She yelled, attacking him. I laughed so hard, failing at attempts to breath when I felt pains in my stomach.

“Nick! Help me!” Joe called, trying to get away from the beating. Laughing, Nick didn’t think twice before jumping in the pool in his pajamas. And me, not knowing what came over me, jumped in realizing Taylor was about to deal with the guys. Feeling the cold water soak my clothes and surround me felt extremely good. I waded a minute when I surfaced, wiping my face to see better. Nick had reached the fighting pair and was trying to grab Taylor. I giggled, swimming over to help.

I went under water and grabbed Nick’s legs, tugging with all my might to bring him down. He kicked his legs, shocked and I resurfaced to laugh at his surprise. I barely got time before I was dunked myself. I grabbed whose ever waist was closest and pulled them also. That’s how we went on for a while, having a real blast swimming in our pajamas.

When we finally decided to get out, we were all laughing in our wet clothes. But despite the previous actions we all smiled at the birthday girl. “Happy birthday.”

&&

“You guys better take meto Disneyland on mybirthday.” Joe said as we walked around the park. I rolled my eyes, taking a sip of the bottle of Coke I bought. As he danced around, imitating something he saw on television, I itched to grab his hand and laugh at him. I knew I couldn’t though, of course. My mind went back to the conversation that took place in the car…

“So we need to talk about some rules.” Nick said from the passenger seat as Joe drove. Taylor and I exchanged confused looks. Rules? For Disneyland? For a birthday?

“The fact that we’re not exactly inconspicuous causes this talk.” He explained and I sighed, not believing I forgot about that. Here I was planning to hold hands with Joe, share ice cream, and be close all day. The invention of cameras and the flow of gossip buried my plans.

“So…how restricted are we?” Taylor mumbled, looking out the window. Although she tried to hide it, I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I felt sad for her, knowing it put a damper on her day also. When I thought about Nick’s rules, I saw me and Taylor walking, hands at our sides and us walking at least five feet away from the boys. It hurt just to think about.

“Just…now hugging, kissing, too much touching, or whispering. Almost all of those apply to Joe.” Nick shrugged.

“I don’t see why we have to.” Joe mumbled.

“This is moreso for your sake, Joe. You’re still Valerie’s boyfriend.”

Joe scoffed. “Like hell I am.” I sort of smiled.

“ Publicly.” Nick revised.

“Whatever. I’m not the only one. You want us to restrain because they’re still rumors about you and Nicole.”

“So what?” Nick snapped. “They’re not true, and you know it. I don’t even see her like that.”

“Calm down, Nick.” I cautioned, leaning forward to pat his shoulder. He sighed, looking out of the window.

“The point is, we don’t need the trouble it will bring.”…

I examined how close we were, taking a step away for good measure. I chose to walk beside Taylor, the two of us exchanging silent smiles. We all sat on a planter after we got our picture taken while Nick examined the map. I zoned off, looking around the entrance. It was a Saturday but unusually under crowded. I watched as parents held toddlers on those funny little leashes with the animal shaped backpacks. Babies screamed in delight as their parents bounced them around and kids ran around, excited to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

“Hey!” Nick’s voice interrupted my absentminded observations. I snapped my head around to see why he was shouting. Joe had taken the map and balled it up, smirking.

“Map, shmap. We’re rebels, screw it.”

“You dork, you’re the main one who needs a sense of direction. Or at least a clue”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Joe waved him off, standing up. “Let’s get to being happy.” He went to reach for my hand, but stopped mid-grab. He looked blank, glanced at me, and dropped his hand into his pocket. “Let’s, uh, let’s go.” He said awkwardly, leading the way.

I sighed, following. This sucked.

&&

Even without the closeness to Joe, I couldn’t possibly be unhappy here. I loved Disneyworld, even as an adult. It was always my favorite way to spend a Saturday as a child. Small World used to be my favorite ride, and deep down, it still was.

I sang along, amusing Joe and Nick. But what I really liked was how Joe discreetly slipped his hand into mine. I gasped a little, feeling his touch. With a single wink, he smiled at me and looked back at the little dancing children of Hawaii. I smiled to myself, thankful for how dark it was inside this ride.

The hand holding left me craving more once we were outside and without the protection of darkness. We went back to no touching at all, walking a distance away. It was midday and I was getting fed up with the girls who were probably around Taylor’s age, repeatedly following us everywhere. It made me that much more aware I couldn’t show everyone I was Joe’s girlfriend.

Joe must’ve felt the same. It was the only reason he would scoop me up over his shoulder and laugh as I shrieked. Unwillingly, I laughed like I so badly wanted to. Nick and Taylor who looked shocked at Joe’s breaking of the rules, stared at each other before smiling. I had noticed Taylor’s unhappiness with the no nonsense rule also and was happy to see when Nick hip bumped her, smiling.

“Can I get down?” I asked Joe’s butt,

“I’ll think about it at the next ride.” His face said.

&&

It was like we raced through the day and before we knew it, it was nighttime and we were waiting for the fireworks to start. I stared at the castle as we on planters to see above the crowd. There were other people standing on it also so we weren’t the odd ones out.

I shivered, feeling the wind nip and me. The touch of Joe’s hands on my arms made me jump. I relaxed more when he moved to stand behind me, smoothing his hands over my arms to give some warmth.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime, Doll.” He winked. Just as I was turning around, the music that started the show sounded. I smiled brightly, smacking Nick to make him turn to look. This was my favorite part of the trip.

I watched, completely entertained as the fireworks shot off and created images in the deep blue sky. The way it sparked before fizzling out, the loud pop it made once it bursted with light. It was just as entertaining to me now as it was when I was younger.

I didn’t jump when Joe’s arms wrapped themselves around me and his hands rested on my stomach. I didn’t care; I was happy like this. I leaned against him as his fingers drew patterns on my middle. I placed my hands over his, sighing in contentment. This was perfect.

I turned to around the catch of the glimpse of Taylor’s happiness and my mouth popped wide open at the sight I was greeted with. Nick had her faced cupped in his hands as he kissed her full on the mouth, moving his lips in chorus with hers. My whole body shut down as I blankly stared. This was something out of the Twilight Zone for many reasons. Nick was not one to display his affections publicly. He barely did it privately and I wasn’t aware of him telling Taylor of his feelings for her.

“Jules?” Joe question, quietly, his voice seeming smaller and distant because of the noise and my lack of focus on anything else. He must have turned his head to see what I saw and I felt his hands go slack. He had to think this was as unbelievable as I did.

And although kissing in public was out of Nick’s comfort zone, what he did next was still a shock. Abruptly, he pulled away, dropping his hands from her face like he’d been burned. It took Taylor a moment to revive herself and opened her eyes confused. By the time she did, Nick’s wide eyed look of disbelief had gone and he was jumping off the planter and leaving quickly, pushing through the thick crowd.

My own disbelief of the situation passed and I stood mortified as I waited for Taylor to realize what happened. It was like it happened in slow motion, making it all the worse. She touched her hand to her lips, watching as he ran away from her, when she turned her head she looked so bewildered, and when the realization hit her there was nothing I could do to ease her hurt. Tears pooled and she looked at me, breaking my heart as a result.

I was holding her in my arms in an instance. I looked up to Joe in time to see him glance at Taylor and me before sprinting off, to find Nick I assume.

“Honey, it’s okay. You’re fine, it’s fine” I tried to tell her as I rubbed her back and held her tightly. But I was completely disorientated by the situation. What the hellhad just happened? Why would Nick kiss her and run off like that? It—it made no sense. I was suddenly angry at him. How could he do that to her? He had to know she would feel crushed, like she did something wrong when he runs off after they kiss? It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen from him.

“Wh—What did I do wrong? He kissed me. Juliet, I just, I just don’t understand what I did?” She cried and stuttered into my shoulder.

“Tay, you didn’t do anything—”

“Am I that horrible?” She asked, looking into my eyes with tears running down her face, pale in the moonlight. I looked at her before rushing us off the planter and somewhere isolated, seeing as everyone was watching the fireworks.

I let her continue to cry on my shoulder, trying my best to comfort her. All I could say is that it wasn’t her fault until my phone rang. For some reason, she cried harder hearing ‘Anywhere Else But Here’ play, meaning it could only be Joe.

“Hello?” I answered, hoping he could give me something good. My hope dissipated when he sighed.

“He wouldn’t say too much to me when I finally caught up to him. He just said it was a mistake and for me to let him go. He got away and was gone before I could catch him. I just got his text saying he was having Big Rob pick him up.”

“What a shithead.” I hissed, not caring that about my words or the fact that Nick was my best friend. At least I thought he was because the Nick I know would never put someone through this. I got Taylor to get up and walk to the Exit to meet Joe and make our way to the car. We were silent, the only noise being Taylor’s sniffles. I looked at Joe with a look I hoped expressed my anger towards Nick. He nodded, looking towards the ground, receiving my notion.

We didn’t even play the radio in the car, just sat quietly, my arm around Taylor, rubbing her shoulder absently. She had stopped crying, thankfully, but she was unbelievably still and quiet as she stared at nothing. Her face was blank and she didn’t so much as twitch. In all honesty, I was scared. I’d never seen her like this before.

We got to the house and the sight of it being completely clean didn’t faze us. The three of us walked upstairs, Joe taking his spot on the other side of Taylor, also wrapping his arm around her. We got to my room and she shrugged out of our embrace to go to her suitcase and grab her pajamas. She headed straight to the bathroom with not so much as a glance as she shut the door. I didn’t breath until I heard the shower water running.

“What the fuckis his deal?” Joe said through clenched teeth as his hands tightened into fists. I put my hands on his chest, trying to ease his anger. I knew what he was feeling but it would do no good, seeing as he was more likely to break something in his rage. “Do you seeher, Jules?”

“Yes and I’m mad too but we have to stay calm. I mean, we don’t even know what happened.” I tried to reason, although that fact didn’t matter to me. It didn’t matter to Joe neither because he shook his head at my words.

“No, he had no reason to run off like a little girl.”

“The cameras?”

“They were there when he decided to kiss her, why run when the deed was done?”

I sighed, roughly rubbing my face. I chucked my fedora off of my head and dropped my bag to the floor. “I don’t know, Joe. He’s never done anything like that before; not that I know of.” I untucked my shirt and ran a hand through my hair

“So why start doing it to someone he really cares for? I don’t even want to try to make an excuse for him and he’s my brother.” He partly shouted, pacing the room.

“Joe, you have less of a mind for the media. Nick is so conscious of it, it blocks his judgment; controls him most times. He’s more levelheaded and self conscious about his private life. When he kissed Taylor, he was probably giving into his desires. And when he realized what he was doing he had to stop. Automatic reaction.” As I said it, I didn’t want to but I began to see it more from Nick’s place. But when I thought of him as a big wuss for it, it made it okay.

I watched as Joe stayed silent, listening to me. He stood still, staring at something in the corner before he spoke. “So that was your excuse?”

I was baffled. My excuse? “What are you talking about?”

“You know this is just like when you always left me after something.” He said.

“Joe, that’s—”

“I know how she feels so I’m not as easy to feel for Nick. I’ve been in her place more than once with you, Juliet.”

“I was only trying to do what was right.”

“So that’s your excuse? That’s what you and Nick thought you were doing?”

“I can only speak for myself, Joe.” My voice became firm as his accusations. “Our situation was much more complicated; you were in a relationship with my sister.”

He was shaking his head before I even finished. “No, Jules. It doesn’t matter. You didn’t have to hurt me like that; you didn’t have to reject. Bringing me up just to drop me back down. It wasn’t right.”

“There wasn’t anything I could do, Joe. I had my hands tied but you insisted on continuously putting me in a hard place for your own pleasure.” I could hear my voice shake as my emotions spun. I was sad, angry, frustrated, and agitated all at once.

I heard the water turn off and took a deep breath. I couldn’t be strong for Taylor having this conversation. Blinking away my tears, I cleared my throat. “I think you should leave, Joe.”

“Jul—”

“Go.” I said, looking at him dead on. I pointed towards the door and didn’t drop my hand until he casted me a longing glance before leaving out the door.

I took a few deep breaths and changed into my pajamas as I waited for Taylor to come out. When she did, her brown hair was damp and hanging all around her. I tried to give her a smile.

“Come here and I’ll braid your hair for you.” I offered, patting the space in front of me on the bed. Trying to give me a small smile of her own, she climbed up, handing me the brush and comb. I quietly brushed through her brown locks for a while. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Tay.” I told her quietly.

She let out a shaky breath and I regretted asking. “We were watching the fireworks and I had looked over at you and Joe, seeing how happy you were. And then I felt Nick moving closer to me. It was really great, being so close. He nudged me so I looked up at him. He asked me if I liked the show and I nodded and he smiled, saying that was good. He told me about how he loved the shows and I told him it was my favorite. Then, Jules, he just looked at me. He looked so wonderful to me that I just stood there. Even when his face kept getting closer to mine. He told me Happy Birthday and he closed the distance between us. Next thing I know were kissing and his hands are holding my face, like he didn’t want to me leave; not that I would.”

She turned around to look me in the face. “Juliet, it was so perfect.” I could hear her voice waver and I saw the tears in her eyes. I swallowed, trying to will the burn of my own tears away. “I didn’t expect it but I’ve been dreaming about it since forever, before he was just my favorite idol that didn’t even know I was alive. It was so much better than everything I could ever dream of. And when he ran away from me, when it was over, it was unreal. I mean I finally got something I could only wish for and my great thing burns to nothing.” She sniffled as a few tears fell. “I should’ve known it was too good to be true; I was never even supposed to get this much.”

I took her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. “Taylor you are a wonderfulgirl. Amazing, beautiful, talented, good natured, and good hearted. You deserve good things, never think for one moment that you don’t. Don’t you dare blame yourself for Nick’s stupidity. If he didn’t plan on following through, he shouldn’t have made the move. But since he did, Taylor, it means that he likes you.”

“Why’d he run?” She questioned, her voice breaking with more tears.

“Because he’s dumb. I know right this moment he realizes his mistake, he knows how wrong he is. We’re not talking about any old douchebag here; this is Nick. I know for a fact he likes you so don’t doubt yourself, Beautiful. Don’t worry your head on this boy’s ignorance.”

She choked out a laugh, wiping her eyes with her hands. “Thank you, Juliet. You’re a good friend.”

“And you’re a lovely person; no matter what.” I smiled, getting her to return it. “C’mon, I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted.”

“She laughed again and nodded in agreement, hugging me first. Hugging her tightly, I smiled to myself, happy I could help her; something I didn’t do for Joe.