The New Beginning

I must have fallen asleep. I woke up with the picture stuck to my face and the bus was moving. It was quiet. It seemed to be around fourish. I slowly drew back the curtains. Gerard was drawing in his notebook and Franky and Ray were playing cards. Mikey was watching cartoons and I didn't know where Bob was.

I didn't feel like talking to them. I drew back the curtains and turned on my back and stared at the ceiling. I had a terrible stomach ache. The bumps we hit didn't help. I think I'm gonna be sick again. I hope not. But as usual nothing is ever on my side. I ran to the bathroom and was ill, again

I climbed back up my mattress after I was done hurling my guts out. I was sweating and my throat hurt along with my head. I held onto the picture whispering 'I'm sorry." over and over. I think I was on the brink of going insane. I slowly closed my eyes and faded in and out of sleep.

Every time I woke up I just stared at the ceiling and thought if death really was better than this. But Gerard had said during one of his interviews to his suicidal fans, to not be afraid to keep living. It seemed hopeless. Maybe if I jumped from the hotel window we were going to my memory would come back five seconds before I hit the ground.

Or when my life flashes before my eyes will I only remember waking up at the hospital? By night I had gotten everything out of my stomach and that wasn't much. I don't know if the guys even noticed I was sick, and I don't care now. I was so thirsty, but was afraid it would come back up if I drank anything.

Finally the bus pulled to a stop and I could here people at the front of the hotel. They were screaming for the guys. I pulled a pillow over my face to try to drown out the high pitched shrieks.

The guys opened the doors and went outside. The cheers and screams for them became even louder. As they shut the doors I could here security people yell at them to get back and make way for them. I didn't go outside. I didn't want to and I don't think I could even make it past the front doors if I did try.

I rolled over on my side and closed my eyes. As the crowd quieted down I drifted to sleep.
***

I don't know when they pulled up in front of the hotel but it was late, very late. I heard them talk and cheer. They were drunk.

Frank slammed open the bus door, causing my to jump and almost fall off my bed, stupid fuck.

"Hey, kid, you in here?" he slurred.

"Yeah, now leave me alone," I said as I drew back the curtains.

"Carmon, your uncle wants you in the hotel," he said. he tried to lift me off th bed .

"No, put me down, I don't feel good," I said slowly. He stumbled backwards. Were going to fall, I know it.

He staggerd down the bus stairs. He became wobbly and lost his balance. As he fell he practically threw me into the air. I knew this was going to happen. When he gets sober I'm gonna kick his ass.

I landed somewhere near the limo.

"Frank, you dumb fuck," I said weakly as I staggered to get up. My head hurt even more. The guys were all laughing even Frank burst into laughter.

I stumbled inside and onto a lobby couch. I would have fallen asleep there but Mikey tapped me on the shoulder. He wasn't as drunk as the rest of the guys. I followed them up the elevator. Gerard sat on the floor and started talking about vampire and how he was one. I rolled my eyes.

I followed Mikey to his room and collapsed on the couch. I didn't wake up until Mikey shook me awake.