The New Beginning
Cut Throat Words
My smile faded away. He starred over at me as I came to him. He didn't say anything as I took my key out. My hand was shaking, both from the cold and from worry.
"Where were you?" he asked cooly blowing smoke in another direction.
"I got lost." I said simply. I knew he knew where I was, or 'who' I was with.
"Bullshit." he siad as he dropped his cigarette and stepped on it
"Whatever." I said and looked at him. He starred at me cooly. When is the yelling going to start?
"I know you were with him." he said finally raising his voice. Here it comes. I looked at him shivering.
"So?" I daringly asked. Mikey had told me when Gerard gets mad, he gets mad.
"Roxy, he's using you!" he said coming closer to me. I pulled my hadn off the doorknob and crossed them.
"You don't even know the guy!" I said.
"He's just a fan and he's using you to get to us!" he yelled.
"You don't know that!" I yelled back. I wasn't in the best mood now. Gerard had killed it, and if he wanted to fight damn it, I'll fight.
"It's obvious!" he yelled going over to the rail.
"So what are you going to do?" I yelled.
"Are you going to tell my uncle and have me locked up in my room untill Saturday?!"
He sighed and leaned over the rail.
"No. But I don't want you to see him again," he said looking calmly at me. My face was hot. He can't tell me to do anything.
"You're not my dad!" I yelled at him. My eyes began to sting as tears formed. He came up to me and grabbed my shoulders.
"You're right I'm not. But I still don't think you should be around him," he said. He was trying so hard not to yell any more, but I could see the anger burning in his eyes.
"What do you care about me anyways? What am I to you? I'm just another kid is all. Just another fan, just another brat. Just another God damn kid you have to put up with!" I yelled. I blinked fast trying hard not to show my tears.
"What the fuck are you talking about!?" he yelled. I forced his arms off of me.
"Oh poor Roxy! She can't remeber a thing! We should keep her away from people untill she gets her memory back!' I said trying to mimik his voice.
"That's what you think, isn't it Gerard?!? Do you just wana keep me locked up?" I asked starring up at him. Two tears slid down my face. He seemed sorry that he made me shed those two tears.
"No," he said as he looked down at the carpet whereI was dripping.
"Then what is it Gerard!? Why can't you just leave me alone?!? Why can't you pretend I'm invisible like everyone else does!?" I yelled.
"I don't want to see you get hurt!" He yelled.
"So tell me, are your eyes shut then?" I asked. I turned around and unlocked my door and walked in.
"Roxy, wait-" I cut him off by slamming the door on his face. I let my tears come out. I quietly let them fall down my cheeks and onto the carpet. The water dripping from my hair and onto my face mixed with the tears. How could he tell me what to do? Ryan wasn't hurting me. We had just met! It's not like we're getting married or something!
I went into the bathroom and pulled out a towl and wrapped it around me. I wiped my tears and sat on the bed. I thought I could trust him. I thought he was my friend, the only person I could really come out to.
He was a hero to tons of people and me. He had hurt me now.
"He cares about you," the little voice inside me said
"Not now," I siad to that voice inside me.
"Like he said, he doesn't want you to get hurt," The little voice said
"If I do that's my problem, not his," I said. I layed back on the bed starring at the coffee table. Gerard must have been in here while I was gone. The sheets smelt like him and his drawing book was on the table. i wanted to throw the book out of the window, but I didn't
I pulled myself off the bed and sat up. With the towel still drapped around me I took his notebook and slowly opend the pages. The first few pages had chineese dragons. The next few had new songs on it and just little phrases, he made up I guess.
"Wanting to hide her away.
But the light from her shines.
Words from her mouth in my head.
She wont let go of me."
Was scribbled onto the pages. I hope he was talking about his girlfriend, I couldn't think of him that way, at least now, that is. I turned the pages and more pictures were on it. The one with me sleeping and dreaming was in it. I turned the pages again and a comic strip was on it about a rocker kid.
I laughed to myself. He was such a nerd.
"Where were you?" he asked cooly blowing smoke in another direction.
"I got lost." I said simply. I knew he knew where I was, or 'who' I was with.
"Bullshit." he siad as he dropped his cigarette and stepped on it
"Whatever." I said and looked at him. He starred at me cooly. When is the yelling going to start?
"I know you were with him." he said finally raising his voice. Here it comes. I looked at him shivering.
"So?" I daringly asked. Mikey had told me when Gerard gets mad, he gets mad.
"Roxy, he's using you!" he said coming closer to me. I pulled my hadn off the doorknob and crossed them.
"You don't even know the guy!" I said.
"He's just a fan and he's using you to get to us!" he yelled.
"You don't know that!" I yelled back. I wasn't in the best mood now. Gerard had killed it, and if he wanted to fight damn it, I'll fight.
"It's obvious!" he yelled going over to the rail.
"So what are you going to do?" I yelled.
"Are you going to tell my uncle and have me locked up in my room untill Saturday?!"
He sighed and leaned over the rail.
"No. But I don't want you to see him again," he said looking calmly at me. My face was hot. He can't tell me to do anything.
"You're not my dad!" I yelled at him. My eyes began to sting as tears formed. He came up to me and grabbed my shoulders.
"You're right I'm not. But I still don't think you should be around him," he said. He was trying so hard not to yell any more, but I could see the anger burning in his eyes.
"What do you care about me anyways? What am I to you? I'm just another kid is all. Just another fan, just another brat. Just another God damn kid you have to put up with!" I yelled. I blinked fast trying hard not to show my tears.
"What the fuck are you talking about!?" he yelled. I forced his arms off of me.
"Oh poor Roxy! She can't remeber a thing! We should keep her away from people untill she gets her memory back!' I said trying to mimik his voice.
"That's what you think, isn't it Gerard?!? Do you just wana keep me locked up?" I asked starring up at him. Two tears slid down my face. He seemed sorry that he made me shed those two tears.
"No," he said as he looked down at the carpet whereI was dripping.
"Then what is it Gerard!? Why can't you just leave me alone?!? Why can't you pretend I'm invisible like everyone else does!?" I yelled.
"I don't want to see you get hurt!" He yelled.
"So tell me, are your eyes shut then?" I asked. I turned around and unlocked my door and walked in.
"Roxy, wait-" I cut him off by slamming the door on his face. I let my tears come out. I quietly let them fall down my cheeks and onto the carpet. The water dripping from my hair and onto my face mixed with the tears. How could he tell me what to do? Ryan wasn't hurting me. We had just met! It's not like we're getting married or something!
I went into the bathroom and pulled out a towl and wrapped it around me. I wiped my tears and sat on the bed. I thought I could trust him. I thought he was my friend, the only person I could really come out to.
He was a hero to tons of people and me. He had hurt me now.
"He cares about you," the little voice inside me said
"Not now," I siad to that voice inside me.
"Like he said, he doesn't want you to get hurt," The little voice said
"If I do that's my problem, not his," I said. I layed back on the bed starring at the coffee table. Gerard must have been in here while I was gone. The sheets smelt like him and his drawing book was on the table. i wanted to throw the book out of the window, but I didn't
I pulled myself off the bed and sat up. With the towel still drapped around me I took his notebook and slowly opend the pages. The first few pages had chineese dragons. The next few had new songs on it and just little phrases, he made up I guess.
"Wanting to hide her away.
But the light from her shines.
Words from her mouth in my head.
She wont let go of me."
Was scribbled onto the pages. I hope he was talking about his girlfriend, I couldn't think of him that way, at least now, that is. I turned the pages and more pictures were on it. The one with me sleeping and dreaming was in it. I turned the pages again and a comic strip was on it about a rocker kid.
I laughed to myself. He was such a nerd.