What If I Told You I Love You

TJ Oshie stayed away from me after that night. I didn't mean for him to react like that. It's just, when faced with the option to drive him crazy or have sex with him and then he bolts, I had to choose the option that kept him around the longest. I've seen the way he goes through girls, that night at the club, and random times, he would be with a different girl every night. I didn't want to be the girl he fucks and chucks. I'm better than that and I actually wouldn't mind pursuing a relationship with TJ, even if that's what he isn't looking for.

On TJ's birthday, December 23, I picked up the phone, determined to break the silence that he created. Even though we weren't talking, I was still going to wish him a happy birthday. I had flipped through my contacts, landing on his and pressed the green button before I could chicken out. But it just rang and rang, so when I got his voice mail I hung up. It was very likely that if he knew it was me, he would just delete any message that I left anyway.

Christmas came and went so fast that I barely even registered it. I had been busy making cookies, laughing, and enjoying the company of my dad, that I rarely thought about TJ's sudden disappearance from my life. It bothered me, but It was inevitable that he would find his way back into my life just like the times before now.

I debated calling him and wishing him a Merry Christmas but decided against it because my dad told me he went home for a couple days. I wanted him to have that time with his family. From the times we had talked I could tell that he was close to them.

When I told Mel about mine and TJ's rendezvous in the closet she screamed at me and threw a piece of her sandwich in my direction. She told me I was being ridiculous and with the way TJ looks at me, it was a load of bullshit that he would go back to ignoring me after we had sex. I just told her I didn't want to take that chance.

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since the Christmas party and I still hadn't heard from TJ, not that I actually expected to. I embarrassed the hell out of him and I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to talk to me right now. The Blues had a road trip to Canada this next week so I figured I'd give him that week to be a baby and then I would confront him.

I lounged in my bed, flipping aimlessly through the channels, looking for something that sparked my interest. I stopped on the Food Network, figuring they might have something good to cook on there. I watched as Rachel Ray did another of her thirty minute meal things, wishing I could cook like her. I was more of a baker than a cooker.

There was a knock at my door and I told the person to come in, feeling too lazy to get up. My dad's face peaked through the door and I smiled at him.

"You do realize our plane leaves in two hours?" My dad asked me.

"Um, you mean your plane." I spoke slowly, wondering if he was on something.

"No our plane. You're coming." He said, the tone of his voice telling me I didn't get to argue. I opened my mouth to respond but he continued, "you have an hour, hurry up." He shut my door again and I glared at it, annoyed that he was still making decisions for me when I was 21 years old. I debated throwing a fit and staying in bed until he came back up here to get me but I decided against it. It would be a point to him that I still needed his guidance.

I threw the covers off of me, groaning as I shuffled to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, throwing my hair up in a messy bun before slipping on a pair of jeans and a random sweatshirt. I packed my suitcase, filling it with some Blues apparel, jeans, and a couple of t -shirts in case we went out somewhere. I stuffed all of my clothes and the other things I needed into my Kathy Van Zeeland luggage before carrying it downstairs. My dad was at the bottom of the stairs, ready to come and get me when I finally emerged. He handed me a Starbucks cup and I grinned at him. He always knew how to get me.

"Ready, hun?" He asked, grabbing my suitcase from me. I just nodded and followed him out to the car.

We arrived at the airport in 20 minutes despite the heavy traffic that had crowded the freeway. I glanced at the Blues private jet, seeing people already on the plane. I sighed when I saw TJ look towards our car and then close his shade. He was not going to be a happy camper. I walked straight to the plane, letting the people at the airport load my bag onto the plane. My dad followed closely behind, telling me the we were about to leave.

We boarded the plane and I took the seat next to my dad, reaching into my purse for my iPod. TJ was sitting a couple rows back and across the isle, not that I looked or anything. I turned on some Taylor Swift, opting for an optimistic song to help brighten the sadness that seemed to wash over me when I realized TJ wasn't going to acknowledge me.

I sighed, shifting in my seat, trying to get comfortable as the plane took off. I slept for most of the ride, still tired despite the decent amount of sleep I had gotten the night before. I was awakened by my shoulder being nudged, the one with my head on it, not so nicely. My eyes flew open and I looked straight ahead, seeing TJ's butt staring me in the face. I glared, knowing he hip checked me on purpose.

My hand came up and I slapped his ass, hard, and in the way that makes other people want to cringe.

"Stop acting like an ass, TJ." I snapped, standing up and cutting off Bergie to get out behind TJ.

"Cute analogy." TJ responded, "I have to act like one since apparently I can't get any of it." He narrowed his eyes at me and his nostrils flared, telling me he was way more pissed than I thought he was.

I didn't say anything more to him, just continued to shuffle out of the plane and then onto the bus. TJ headed right for the back and I opted to sit in the front, next to my dad again.

"He's just embarrassed," Bergie said to me as he passed, giving me a small smile.

"Who's embarrassed? And about what?" My dad asked, turning away from the coaches and towards me.

"Nothing," I muttered, knowing he would drop it since he was such a pushover.

I spent the drive to the hotel staring out the winter and taking in Vancouver. It was pretty here, not all of Canada held as much beauty as Vancouver. The whole city was covered in snow, from the streets and sidewalks, to the buildings and houses. All of it looked so breathtaking, even more so than downtown St. Louis right now.

We arrived at the hotel and I walked off the bus, heading into the lobby after my dad. I looked around at the people bustling along and the cars that passed. It had been awhile since I had been anywhere but Minnesota or St. Louis. Trying to finish college early doesn't give you much time to travel.

Before I even registered that there was ice below my feet, I was falling backwards. I braced myself for the impact, knowing there was nothing to grab onto, but instead I crashed into a pair of arms, and then flew into someone's chest. I leaned my head on his shoulder, knowing TJ was the only one who would bother to catch me. But he pushed me forward before I could get too comfortable. He held onto both of my hands as the automatic doors of the hotel opened. Once I was safely inside he dropped my hands and muttered, "watch where you walk." Before going and rejoining his teammates.

He joined the conversation as I stood in the middle of the lobby, trying to figure him out. He ignores me for 2 1/2 weeks, a plane ride, then he proceeds to wake me up via hip check, and now he catches me before I hit my head against the sidewalk. And then he holds my hands until I'm safely in the building, only to snap at me before he walks away again. His mood swings were starting to give me a headache. My dad came up behind me and grabbed my arm, dragging me over to where TJ and his teammates were standing.

"Rena, you're going to have to stay with TJ." My dad told me, handing me one of the keys, saving the other for TJ.

"What!?" I hissed at him. I know he said that I was going to room with him on road trips way back when, but I thought he was fucking kidding! Why would you room your 21 year old daughter with a hot, sexy, irresistible, 22 year old hockey superstar? Not to mention we would be ALONE!

"I forgot to get you a separate room. I'm sorry sweetie." He apologized. I almost wound up and smacked him but I couldn't make a scene in the middle of the hotel, plus that would be childish, thus proving another point.

"Why can't I stay with you?" I whined.

"I only have one bed, no couch. One of us would have to sleep on the floor." He explained, nudging me towards the elevator where TJ was waiting for his key. I gulped when I got closer to him, the way his eyes involuntarily narrowed at me, and how his body tensed up when he saw the sour look on my face.

"TJ, you're going to be sharing a room with Sirena. I hope that is okay with you." My dad said, knowing TJ had to accept it no matter what. At least I could argue, TJ couldn't.

"That's okay," TJ mumbled, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling, probably asking 'why me'. Trust me, I was asking myself the same thing. I had only been in the same place with TJ for a couple hours and I was already sick of him. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before the Christmas party.

All of us got into the elevator, sitting in silence until my dad's floor came up. He parted with "call me if you need me" before walking towards his room. The steel doors closed and I wanted to bang my head against them. TJ just stood next to me in silence, looking at the door that mirrored our reflections back to us. I took in my sloppy hair, baggy clothes, and frowned, cringing at how bad I looked. We arrived at our floor, two above my dad's, and headed down to room 214. TJ opened the door, flinging it open and not bothering to hold it for me. I glared at his back, feeling my temper flare at how rude he was being.

He jumped onto the bed closest to the door and grabbed the remote, flipping the TV on, and once again ignoring me. I tried to stifle a sigh but it came out anyway. I moved towards my bed, the one by the window, that looked out over the city. I smiled, enjoying the black and white picture the snow, along with the night, painted. I yawned, feeling jet lagged already. It was already 10:30 back in St. Louis and traveling all day had wiped me out.

I grabbed the shorts and T-shirt that I had for PJ's and brought them to the bathroom to put on. I cleaned myself up, took my contacts out, and brushed my teeth. As I was walking back out of the bathroom, I suddenly felt lightheaded, and grabbed the wall next to me. I closed my eyes, waiting for the feeling to pass. When it did, it left a pounding headache in it's wake. I held my head in my hand, looking towards TJ's bed where he sat, half on and off the bed, staring at me. He was sort of raised, almost as if he was going to come over to me, but once my eyes trained on his, he laid back down.

I walked slowly over to my bed, pulling the covers back and slinking under them, enjoying the feeling off the plush pillows and soft beds. I could feel TJ's eyes watching me as I shut mine against the glare of the bedside lamp. I didn't even have to ask before TJ shut both the lamp and the TV off, surrounding us in darkness. I bit my lip, listening for any signs of movement from him. I turned towards his bed to look at him but it was too dark to see anything but his outline, and just from that, I could tell he was turned away from me.

"I'm sorry, Teej. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I just didn't want to have sex with you in a closet. Sorry for having morals." I told him, before turning over in my bed, looking towards the window. I heard him flop over in bed before his eyes started to burn a hole in my back. I refused to turn towards him though, already saying my piece. He sighed, before turning back over in bed, and I gave up on any form of reconciliation.
***

I awoke in the middle of the night, shaking so hard the bed was rocking. My teeth chattered in my mouth and I burrowed farther under the covers to try to get warm. I wanted to get up and crank the heat but I shivered at just the thought of leaving the warmth of the blanket. I continued to shake for what felt like hours but was only a couple minutes before I felt a cool hand on my forehead.

"Holy shit. You are burning up." TJ whispered taking his hand off my forehead.

He picked up the phone dialing a room number before plopping down next to me. He had flipped the light on, causing me to squint up at him. His glasses were perched on his nose and his hair screamed bed head. Fantasies of running my hands through that hair and the picture of him with his pants down to his ankles nudged into my mind. They were hot enough images that they should have made me sweat but it just made me shake more.

"Doc, it's TJ. Do you have any Tylenol or Advil? Sirena has a fever." He spoke to the trainer, looking down at me with concern. My body shook rapidly again, causing the springs in the bed to creak in response. TJ's frown deepened when he felt the bed shake.

"Alright, room 214. See you in a few." He hung up the phone and turned to me. "Doc's coming with some medicine. Just sit tight for a sec." He got up, walking to the mini fridge which had a couple bottles of water in it. I watched him with the blankets up to my nose. I pulled them even tighter around my body, crossing my arms to try to generate some heat.

"C-c-can-n I puh-puh-lease have a sweatsh-shirt?" I asked him, shaking so much that the words were barely comprehendible.

"No," He replied simply, "you'll over heat."

"Teej, please."

"No," he said even more firmly.

I would have gotten up and fetched it myself but I knew TJ wouldn't let me take it. Plus, it would just bring cold air onto my blistering skin. I think this was his way of paying me back for not sleeping with him at the Christmas party, making me suffer from lack of heat. There was a soft knock at the door and TJ went to it, opening it to reveal Doc.

"Never fear, I am here." He spoke, flexing his muscles a little bit. If I hadn't been so distraught I would have laughed. Doc walked over, feeling my forehead before sticking a thermometer in my ear. It beeped and Doc turned it so he could read the small numbers.

"Nice, Rena. 101." TJ rolled his eyes at Doc, sitting on the edge of my bed. "Here you go, kiddo. Take these, it will help." He turned to TJ, "do you know what she is wearing under that?"

TJ shrugged, "shorts and a t-shirt, I think." They both looked at me for confirmation and I nodded my head.

"Don't let her put anymore layers on. She will overheat." Doc said, looking back at TJ.

TJ smirked in triumph while I just shuddered at the thought of being denied more warmth. I really wanted to kick TJ but my muscles just didn't want to move. I looked towards Doc's outstretched hand, contemplating how I was going to take the pills without exposing my skin.

"Just sit up and take them," Doc said, "the sooner you do it the faster you can get back under the blankets."

I nodded, trying to make myself sit up. I looked towards Doc, shaking my head after my third try to boost myself into a sitting position. TJ sighed, tugging the covers out of my hands and pulling me up. I flew towards his warmth, right when the air brushed my arms, wrapping one around his neck. I shivered rapidly, reaching a shaking hand towards the pills. I shoved them in my mouth, grabbing the freezing water bottle from TJ and chugged some water. I was back under the covers before either of them could move, shaking so hard I thought my teeth would fall out of my mouth.

"Should we tell her dad?" TJ asked Doc, who shook his head.

"No, she should be okay in about a half hour. Once her fever goes down a little bit she should be passed out from how tired she will be from shaking. But keep an eye on her for a little bit. Call me if anything changes or if she gets anymore symptoms. I think she might just be dehydrated." Doc told TJ before he walked out of the door, heading back to his room.

TJ walked back to his bed, turning the light out and climbing under the covers. We both sat there in silence while we waited for the Advil to work. I felt myself drifting in and out of sleep not aware of my surroundings at all. Each time my eyes would drift close, another wave of chills would run through my body, making me curl up into the fetal position to save heat. After about ten minutes and five of these cycles, I heard TJ sigh and climb out of his bed. He flipped my covers back and I wanted to punch him for it.

"Move over," He told me.

I tried to move but I couldn't. I felt like I was in ice cold water and it was making my muscles unable to function. TJ leaned down, placing his hands on my body before pushing me to the middle of the bed. He laid down next to me, flipping the covers back over us. He hesitantly reached for me, pulling my shaking body into his warmth. I put my burning forehead on his neck, nuzzling my nose in the pocket where his neck and shoulder met.

His arms wound around my back, pressing every inch of me into him. Maybe if I wouldn't have been so sick, I might have been a little, well a lot, turned on. But in my fever haze I could barely breath, let alone enjoy this moment. Instead, I embraced his heat and silently thanked him for the kind gesture. A couple minutes passed while TJ rubbed his hands up and down my back, generating more warmth. My chills started to subside and I felt myself succumbing to the sleep that was pulling at me. My eyes fluttered shut but I wanted to keep them open, to try to appreciate this now that I could focus on something other than how "cold" I was.

"Sleep." TJ mumbled into my hair, kissing my cheek and then my forehead. His lips hovered over mine, pressing a butterfly kiss on them. I let a weak smile tug at my lips before doing as TJ had told. Sleep came to me along with the hope that this wasn't just a dream.