What If I Told You I Love You

The next morning, TJ went back to being his asshole self, ignoring me and acting like he didn't take care of me the night before. He was acting like a girl who got turned down by the guy of her dreams, minus the crying. Seriously, because I wouldn't sleep with him, he was going to be a jackass? Wow, I guess he isn't the guy I thought he was. But of course, none of this, his asshole behavior, ignoring me, and sending me mixed messages, made me love him any less.

The weird thing is, even though he was acting like this, I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I was head over heels in love with him. I guess part of it came from knowing that you can't help it when you fall in love, it just happens. And also because you can't control who you fall in love with. Obviously, if I could choose, I wouldn't have picked a player like TJ.

I went to the game the following night in Vancouver and sat next to my dad in the box. The games were always really lonely without Mel around, so I spent most of the time texting her and receiving nasty responses about any player that dared touch Bergie. I was pulled away from texting Mel, telling her getting hit was part of the game, by loud cheering from the people around me. I looked up, watching the replay, and much to my dismay, TJ scored. I rolled my eyes as the GM and my dad talked about how it was such a good idea to get TJ when they did. He was a steal and they knew it before anyone in the NHL did.

I thought maybe scoring would make TJ a lot happier, and therefore he would let the whole thing go. Obviously I was wrong. But I was right about him being happier, he was happier and then he walked out of the locker room, his eyes connected with mine and the smile dropped right of of his face. I sighed, leaning against the wall for support.

I was still super exhausted after shaking for so long the night before. My whole body ached and the whole day I had a fever on and off. My dad had seriously considered sending me home but then decided against it when he realized I would be there all alone. I was sort of a walking zombie and I'm sure I looked really attractive with no make up and my hair sloppily thrown into a pony tail. My eyes had huge bags under them and no matter how long I slept, I still felt tired.

The team boarded the plane to Edmonton right after the Vancouver game ended, a score of 6-4 in favor of the Blues. The team was loud and rowdy on the plane, making it nearly impossible to sleep. Every time I would get to the point where I could feel myself about to slip into a dreamless sleep, a loud round of laughs would make it's way from the back of the plane, jolting me up in my seat. One time, they got so loud I heard TJ shush them because he was right across from me, and he could see me jump up in my seat at how loud they were. That confused me since he was actually being one of the loudest. There he goes again with all of his mixed messages.

I had to room with TJ in Edmonton again, and once again in Calgary. His stupid trend of not talking to me continued and I was getting so sick of it that I talked out loud to myself, snapping at him in a not-so-subtle way. He caught on eventually and he started throwing insults back at me. Mostly calling me a baby and a prude, along with the obvious tease. I would just ignore him but the truth was, fighting with him turned me on like no other.

We were in Calgary now, just sitting in the hotel room being lazy the night before the game. It was one of those moments that was actually void of any fighting for TJ and I. I could tell he was drifting in and out of sleep, the way his breathing would get really quiet and then all of a sudden, it would go back to it's normal volume. I tried to suppress a giggle when I heard him snore, causing him to awake once more and look around, trying to find the sound that woke him up. I pressed my lips together and scrunched my nose, while biting my tongue, but it was useless. I burst out laughing, making TJ turn his attention to me.

"You think that's funny?" He asked me, pushing the blankets off of him. His feet hit the floor and I squealed as he launched himself towards me. His hands immediately found their way to my sides, causing me to squirm in his grasp. He poked and tickled me, invading my space and making me laugh so hard I thought my stomach was going to burst.

"TJ, stop!" I screamed in between laughing fits, but it was useless. He either didn't hear me or refused to acknowledge my pleas.

Finally he collapsed onto the bed next to me. My face was red and even though he was done attacking me, I was still laughing when I turned towards him. I bit my lip, grinning at him and enjoying the fact that he wasn't being mean nor was he ignoring me. He looked back up at the ceiling as the silence fell around us. I watched as the friendliness he was just showing, wiped off of his body completely, the hard, ridged TJ coming back onto his features. He heaved himself off my bed and headed to the bathroom, making me sigh in response.

I rolled over, looking out the window at the night sky and noticing how Calgary didn't hold as much beauty as Vancouver did, but it was still a pretty sight to look at. I heard the shower turn on and I buried my face in my pillow, trying to ignore the sudden urge to shower myself. I just aimlessly stared out of the window until the bathroom door opened. I looked towards the door, then snapped my gaze to the TV that was still on, trying to ignore the practically naked man across the room.

A blush started to creep up my face when TJ smirked, catching me sneaking a look at him. I gulped when he reached for the knot that was holding his towel closed. He undid it and let the white cloth fall to the ground. My heart started to pound and I tried to close my eyes but instead I looked full on at TJ just as he turned around. I got a picture of TJ Oshie, full frontal nudity, unlike the one in the closet, when his shirt was covering up his goods, including his amazing abs.

I jerked my head away and let out a fast breath, trying to ignore the instant heat that flowed through my body, from the top of my head to the very tips of my toes. I closed my eyes, trying so hard to resist the urge to stare, at least until he put some boxers on, but they just didn't want to stay closed. He moved over to his suitcase bending over and I almost had a heart attack. My breathing was so ragged that I'm pretty sure TJ noticed I was getting incredibly turned on, so much so, that I actually started to fan myself. TJ gave me a knowing look so I had to lie.

"It's the humidity from your shower," I told him, my cheeks burning red.

"That's weird. I took a cold shower." He responded. flashing me a grin so heart stopping I feared mine wouldn't start beating again. I closed my eyes as my face burned even more from embarrassment. Great, now he knew that I was hot because of him.

He walked back into the bathroom, bringing his clothes with him and shutting the door. I released my breath, feeling my body temperature start to decline. I settled into the pillows, watching some random show that I didn't even know the name of. The scene showed two people making out and then the guy turned away, respecting the wishes of the girl, which must have been made clear in an earlier episode. He promptly went into the bathroom and took a cold shower. Just like TJ did, in the middle of the winter, in Canada. When that hit me, my face flushed, my heart flipped in my chest and my stomach dropped to my knees. I had successfully turned TJ Oshie on twice, and I still hadn't done him yet. Fuck. My. Life.

*** (TJ)
I've come to the conclusion that I did something to piss someone off upstairs. It wasn't enough that I was so embarrassed after Sirena ditched me in the closet at the Christmas party. No, she needed to room with me on our week long road trip to Canada, as a constant reminder to what I couldn't have. I was so close to having this whole bet thing to be over. I was so close to having all of it be over, the constant guilt, that feeling that something was hovering over us every time we were together. All of it could have ended that night but she ended the night before it even really started.

I was seriously disappointed when Sirena ran out of the closet. I was embarrassed and extremely ticked off that she would tease me like that, pull my pants down along with my boxers, and have me so hard I thought I would burst with one thrust. So naturally, I went after her. Of course I didn't find her, girls like her tend to make themselves invisible when they don't want to be found. But I did find a girl to help me with the throbbing I had in my pants.

The sex with her was good, but it was nothing like it would have been with Sirena. She may not be as experience as me, but something tells me she could be a virgin and I would still want her this much. The worst part about it all was that I actually felt guilty for sleeping with that girl after the party. I felt like I owed it to Sirena to not mess around with other girls. Every time a girl would hit on me, an instant urge would got through me to tell her to fuck off. I've never felt this way about someone and even though I know I care about Sirena a lot, I know that it's a lot more than that, but I won't dare mutter the "L" word.

The road trip to Canada sucked except for the game in Vancouver, when the team won and I scored a goal. I was in such a good mood after the game but then I saw Sirena and pain just hit me to the core. I don't know why, maybe it was my pride that was hurting but I had a feeling it was more so a different part of my body, something that beats. Either way, it hurt to look at her. So I tried not to. But like always that never worked out good for me.

I had to try extra hard to stay away from her, especially after she was so sick the night before that. It was hard for me to watch her suffer that night. Even after she fell asleep, she continued to shake in her sleep, while her teeth rattled in her mouth. I stayed up the whole night with her, watching her while she slept to make sure she was going to be okay. I was so paranoid when she stopped shaking that I debated waking he up to see if she was okay. And then I had to calm myself down because I knew she was okay, the medicine was just kicking in.

I hadn't wanted to leave her bed when the morning light started to shine through a crack in the curtains, but I didn't want her to think things could just go back to normal after her little episode. My pride was still hurting and I wasn't about to swallow the last bit that I had left, not even for her.

Edmonton was the easiest city to be in with Sirena. We barely even saw each other because she slept the whole time. She didn't even go to the game and the few moments she was up, she wasn't in our room. I could tell she was a little hurt by the way I acted and I wanted to slap myself for being such a douche to her, but I just couldn't stop myself.

I was trying to justify all of it by telling myself that this was for her own good, that if I stayed away, maybe her feelings for me would die down and then it could be just sex for her too. That would have been great except for the fact that it will never be just sex for either of us. These emotions are something so new and exciting but at the same time, they scare the shit out of me and I'm pretty sure they are scaring the shit out of her too.

The night after the Edmonton game, Sirena's dad had sent me to wake her up so that we could catch our flight right after the game. I did as he asked me, reluctantly, not too sure about how she was going to react to getting woken up. Something told me that she wasn't a morning person. Either way, I trudged up to our room, slipping the key in and walking straight to her bed. I looked her over, the way her face was relaxed and her mouth slightly parted. The way her body rose and then fell with every breath, and how beautiful she looked in the light coming through the window.

My mind started to reel and all I could see was waking up next to Sirena for years to come. Even though I wasn't in the same bed with her, nor was I even in a relationship with her, I wanted it. I wanted her everyday just for me. I was never a good sharer and I wouldn't be if anyone tried to take her away from me. I shook my head, telling myself I was being crazy and I just needed to wake her up and get her downstairs, simple enough.

I placed my hand on her shoulder, getting ready to shake her, but I couldn't. She just looked so peaceful and relaxed, the most I've ever seen her, that I didn't want to wake her up. So I grabbed her arms, wrapping them around my neck, before scooping her up and into my arms. Her head fell onto my shoulder and she mumbled something in her sleep. I ignored it though, figuring she was just dreaming.

Somehow I was able to open the door with her in my arms and carry her onto the bus. I sat her in the seat next to me, letting her lay on my chest for the remainder of our time in Edmonton. I enjoyed the feeling of my arms wrapped around her, and her small body pressed up against mine. She sighed many times in her sleep and even though she seemed restless, I could tell she was getting some much needed rest. I carried her on and off of the plane, keeping her next to me the whole way to Calgary. And when we arrived in Calgary, I placed her in her bed, tucking her in tightly, before going to sleep myself.

It was our last day in Calgary, the night after we lost to them and we were getting ready to leave. I had all of my stuff packed and I was sitting on the edge of my bed, flipping through the TV channels. Sirena was in the bathroom, doing her hair or whatever, before we went to the airport. I looked up when she slowly came out of the bathroom, enjoying the fact that her face had much more color in it and she was starting to look like she felt better.

She came and sat next to me on my bed, twiddling her thumbs while looking at her reflection in the mirror in front of us.

"Can I help you?" I asked her, trying to not sound like an asshole but failing miserably. She winced at the harsh tone of my voice, the one I had been using because I was frustrated with everything right now. She looked at me when I turned towards her and her eyes got wide while she sucked in a quick breath, before shaking her head and grabbing her suitcase.

"I-I, um, I'm ready," She stuttered, and a small smile graced my lips at how cute she looked when she was flustered.

"Ok," I told her, grabbing my suitcase as well. I started walking towards the door and when my hand reached for the handle, a body slipped under my arm, blocking me from opening it. Sirena pulled my hand from the door, her eyes hard and set, a lot like mine had been lately.

"Actually, no," she snapped, the bitchy Sirena coming to the surface, "I'm not ready until we talk this out. I'm sick of you acting like a pussy. So turn your shit around, and go sit back down because that plane won't leave without us, and we aren't leaving until we talk."