What If I Told You I Love You

I laid in bed on my 22nd birthday, listening to the steady pounding of rain drops on the roof. I sighed, rolling towards the window, looking past the blonde boy next to me, and watching the rain fall to the ground below. I loved the rain, and I was kind of glad that it was appearing on my birthday. It all seemed so cleansing, like it was washing away the dirt and crap below, and setting the stage for a fresh start. And I was looking for one of those, because tonight was the night.

Mel and I had already had this discussion. Tonight was it. No backing down, no freaking out. Tonight I was going to have sex with TJ Oshie, no matter what. Because I was ready, he had proven that he wanted me for more than just sex, he stuck around through the good and bad. He was in this for good, and he should be rewarded for it. Even if Mel was going to have to call me to make sure that I wasn't going to chicken out. Because if I felt like it, she was going to come over and force me onto him.

I brought my hand up to TJ's face, stroking his cheek and watching his back rise and fall because he was laying on his stomach, face turned to me. His lips were parted, the air coming in and out in a steady rhythm. His eyes started to flutter the longer I ran my fingers down his cheek, and they finally fluttered open as I pressed my lips softly to his.

"You would wake up early on your birthday," TJ whispered, his voice rough from sleep. "I was going to surprise you with breakfast, but you beat me." He reached his hand up, grabbing mine and placing a soft kiss on my palm. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," I smiled, "but it all goes down hill from here. You would know." I couldn't resist taking a stab at him. It was just what we did.

"Ouch." TJ faked hurt, holding his chest as if his heart was breaking.

I looked past him again, this time to read the numbers on the clock. 10:30. I sighed deeply, knowing TJ had to go to practice soon. His eyes followed mine and he had the same reaction.

"I guess I should probably get up now." He stated, not making any movements up or away from me.

"Mhm," I murmured into the crook of his neck, pressing my lips softly to his bare skin.

"Don't make it any harder to get up," he groaned, placing a kiss on top of my head and grudgingly getting up.

I laid on the bed, pouting and sprawled out, immediately taking over the warm space he just left. I laid my head on his pillow, feeling sleep tugging at me again. I yawned and burrowed down deep in TJ's pillow, while he maneuvered around the room, gathering all of his stuff to leave. I heard him walk back across the room towards me, and then the bed dipped a bit as he leaned on it to give me a kiss.

"I'll see you later tonight," he whispered, placing more kisses randomly from my shoulders up.

"Mkay," I mumbled, "don't forget your swim trunks."

"Okay. Sleep tight. Happy Birthday, sweetie." He parted with one more kiss, this time on the lips. I listened to the sound of his truck pulling away, and my eyes closed, bringing me to a dream, where TJ could just hold me for the rest of the day.

I awoke 2 hours later, pulling myself out of bed and into the shower. Mel and I were going to get manicures and pedicures, something we had done since our 16th birthdays. We were leaving in an hour and I thought it was about time to show my face to the world, so I bounded downstairs, calling my dad's name. I didn't get a response and even though our house is big, it's not that big. So I walked to the kitchen, and sure enough, there was a note waiting for me. I paused in the doorway, glaring at the pink rose he had left for me. I took a deep breath, walking over to it and swiping it up off the counter.

Sirena,
I had business to attend to in Kansas City. I probably won't be back in time to celebrate with you, but I promise we will go out tomorrow. Don't even pout about it because you are old enough now that you don't need/want to spend your birthday with your old man. Have fun with TJ and Mel. Be safe and be good.

I love you,
Dad

I rolled my eyes but a smile came onto my lips as I read the note. He was right, even if he was here I doubt I would have spent it with him. But it was just frustrating how he was never home on my birthday. It always seemed like he had somewhere else to be but I guess I should be used to the disappointment by now. The phone started ringing on the counter in front of me and I grabbed it, already knowing who it was.

"Mom, thanks for pushing me out of you 22 years ago today," I grinned, listening to the loud laugh that she let loose.

"You're welcome. It went from the worst day of my life to the best in a span of 7 hours," she murmured, throwing it right back at me. "So what are you doing today? Your dad called and said he was out of town."

"Yeah, business." I mumbled, "Mel and I are doing the usual and then I'm hanging out with my boyfriend tonight."

"I thought you and Derek broke up?" My mom questioned.

I hesitated. Even though my mom and I were close I never told her about TJ. I don't even understand why I didn't. I guess it's because she would want to meet him and I wanted to keep TJ to myself for a little longer. I was positive they would meet this summer since we would both be in Minnesota but I wanted to put it off until then. Mostly because my mom would pester him with questions and once she trusted him, she would pull out the baby pictures.

"Yeah, I um, have a different one," I informed her, bracing myself to be yelled at.

"I'm not mad. Your dad told me."

"Of course he did," I mumbled.

"So his name is TJ Oshie, he's a forward on the hockey team your dad owns and he takes up all of your free time. But, your mother has yet to meet him."

"Mom, have you been down to St. Louis this year?" I questioned, knowing this would get her to drop it.

"Alright, you got me. But I expect to meet him."

"I'm sure it will only be a matter of time. The season will be over tomorrow anyway. Did you watch the game last night? They clinched the playoffs."

"Of course I watched. How were the boys after?"

"Louder than ever. But we went out and celebrated and dad got completely hammered. It was hilarious," I told her, remembering the image of my dad sandwiched in between David Backes and DJ King screamed Freebird.

"It's just too bad I missed that," She murmured thoughtfully.

"I got pictures," I informed her, "but mom I gotta get going. Mel and I are going soon and I'm not ready."

"Okay, sweetie. Have a good day. Be safe."

"Mom!" I whined, "bye." And then I hung up before she could say anything else.
***

"Sirena, you have to paint your toes red. It's hot." Mel said, pushing the red towards me.

"How about pink instead?" I suggested, holding up the light pink polish.

"That makes you seem like a little girl. No, red makes you a women." She insisted, "TJ likes women."

"Well I hope so. And if TJ is looking at my toes and not everything else tonight, I am definitely doing something wrong." I handed the lady a hot pink color instead, something in between red and the pink I picked out, to compromise with Mel. She still grumbled but after I pointed out it was my body and my birthday, she shut up.

We spent a majority of the day at the salon/spa place, getting massages and our hair done because we can and I was in desperate need of a hair cut anyway. I debated putting a little more color in my hair, some red to pop with the light, but decided against it because TJ likes my hair naturally. After all, everything always came back to TJ. The hold he had over me was practically unbreakable.

We decided to take a quick trip to the mall, Victoria's Secret to be exact. I gulped but let Mel pull me in and pick out some pretty racy things for me to try on. I tried on about 10 items, deciding on two because it was always good to have options. One of the was red, Mel's choice, and the other was a deep purple which had always looked fantastic with my completion. I also picked out a bathing suit, the same purple color, since I had plans to get TJ into the pool tonight. I paid for my items and then Mel and I decided to call it a day seeing as it was getting late and TJ was due over in an hour. She pulled into my driveway, keeping the car running while I unbuckled my seat belt. I looked over at her, a smile growing on my lips.

"it feels like your first time doesn't it?" She asked me, a knowing smile flashing on her face.

"Kinda. But I'm nervous for an entirely different reason," I sighed, leaning back against the head rest.

"You know it's going to be fine. TJ will take good care of you. He'll make sure it's amazing for you." She assured me, patting my hand.

"I'm sure," I muttered, opening the car door.

"I want details," She told me before I slammed the door.

"Ew. I didn't ask for details from when you and Bergie slept together."

"Well, I'm a slut like that," She shrugged her shoulders and I shook my head at her.

"I have no idea why we are best friends. BYE!" I screamed at her when she opened her mouth. The door slammed shut behind me, but damn those windows.

"I love you, bitch. Happy Birthday. Let out your inner whore tonight!"

"I have neighbors!" I screeched, looking at the five year old playing on the lawn across the street.

I ran into the house after waving Mel goodbye, sprinting up to my room to change into my new bathing suit. My hair was already done, thanks to my stylist who curled it into sexy curls that you just want to tug on. I touched up my makeup, cleaning under my eyes of the smudged eyeliner. Then I went down to the pool, making sure everything was in order for us to be in there. The cover pulled off, the jets on in the hot tub in case we wanted to go in there. No leaves or bugs floating on top of the water. And once everything was perfect, I allowed myself to text TJ. He told me he was already on his way and I rolled my eyes but was happy none the less.

I passed the time waiting for him sitting in a chair next to the pool, trying to stay calm. I had myself take deep breaths, in through my nose, out through my mouth, before taking a sip of the water I brought out with me. I was just taking another swig when I heard an engine cut off and a car door slam shut. And just like that, the nerves I had tried to calm, came coursing through my body, bringing with it a wave of butterflies. I swallowed the ones that were trying to escape via vomit and ran to get the door for him.

He stood on the steps, his swim trunks already on, a North Dakota shirt and some mandales adorning his feet. He held a small box in one hand, and a beautiful bouquet of random flowers in the other. I squealed and took the flowers from him, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"These are beautiful, Teej. Did you pick them out yourself?" I asked him, putting them in a vase and setting them on the kitchen table.

"Yeah." pause. "Okay, no." I laughed, coming around the counter to where he stood by the sliding glass door and wrapped my arms around his waist, tilting my face up to meet his lips.

"I love them anyway," I told him.

I placed my lips against his again, pressing then tightly against his and immediately running my tongue across his bottom lip. He seemed a little taken aback by my forwardness but he let me in as I pushed him against the door. He chuckled into my mouth, and turning his face to the side so my lips now rested on his cheek.

"Let's go swim," He suggested, grabbing my arm and dragging me outside.

So we did. We swam around in the pool well after the sun set and the lights in the pool kicked on. We splashed each other, stole kisses, and waded around in the perfect, blue water. It was now well past a normal time to be in the pool. I could tell because all my neighbors had turned off their lights already. It was also starting to get chilly out. As if to prove the point, a breeze blew across my wet skin, making me shiver slightly.

"Come here," TJ whispered his voice low and sexy. I curved my mouth up in a smile, all lips and no teeth. I did as I was told, letting TJ pull me into his body. Our lips found each other, moving together in a rhythm so sweet I would love to hear the song. His lips brushed across mine, towards my cheek and up until his teeth were nipping at my ear lobe.

"Mmm, that feels good," I murmured to him. His hands came to the backs of my thighs, lifting me up while my legs folded around his waist.

I wrapped my arms around TJ's neck as he wadded through the water, moving towards the stairs. Something in his eyes flashed and it instantly turned me on. Maybe it was the way he held me to his body, or the way our bodies seemed to mold together in the water, either way, something clicked and I knew I was ready to do this. No more hesitation, just desire.

He let my body drop lightly to the stairs in the pool, my body semi-submerged in water, but mostly getting nipped at by the cool, night air. TJ's lips came crashing down on mine again and the kiss didn't have the usual softness to it. No, this kiss was filled with passion and hunger, a kiss so much like the one in the closet a couple months ago, that if I hadn't been sitting I would have collapsed.

He pushed me lightly back on the stairs, his body floating above me, until he reached his arm around my back, smashing me into his chest. His lips moved down my neck, leading toward the place where he knew he would have me. He nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin and I felt my whole body go numb, but at the same time all of my senses became aware of every touch of his skin against mine. I moaned his name, pulling at his wet hair, enjoying the way it tangled around my fingers. I tried to protest when he bit down hard on my neck, knowing it would leave a mark but I couldn't find the strength to open my mouth.

He started kissing his way down my chest and I arched my back into him when his hands rested on my breasts. I brought my mouth to the top of his head, kissing it lightly before pulling his head up so he was looking at me. A smirk was present on his face and he grabbed my wrist, pinning it and my other one above my head. He untied my bathing suit top and I took a sharp intake of breath when his mouth worked it's way over every square inch of skin on my chest. I gritted my teeth, trying hard to restrain from screaming as his hand traveled down my stomach and into the bottoms of my suit.

I broke TJ's grip on my wrists, sitting up with a new fire burning inside of me. I could barely manage to grip his chin to look back up at me. My eyes met his, the same familiar flame burning in them, ready to go wherever I wanted it to.

"Not here," I told him, kissing his lips again. "Inside." I muttered in between kisses.

He scooped me up effortlessly, carrying our soaking wet bodies into my house, ignoring the fact that we were getting the floor soaked. I silently prayed to John Curry that my dad didn't randomly decide to come home early. TJ carried me up the stairs, kissing me while squeezing my butt to get a better grip on me. I pressed my bare chest completely against him enjoying the low rumble that rippled through his own chest.

We got to my room and he roughly threw me on the bed, straddling my hips before I pushed at his chest, and straddled him. I kissed along his shoulder, down his stomach to the waistband of his swim trunks, enjoying the bulge that told me he enjoyed what I was doing. I put my hands on the tops of his thighs, close enough to tease, but far enough that I wasn't touching.

He wrapped his arm around my back, flipping me so I was pressed against the mattress again. He hooked his thumbs into my bottoms, pulling them down my hips and helping me wiggle out of them. He threw them on the floor, and a huge grin broke out on his face when he took in the tattoo I had told him about so long ago. His lips connected with the 'love' tattoo, spelled out by hockey laces, a little to the left and down on my right hip. He kissed up and down my thighs a couple times before I couldn't stand it anymore and I reached for his trunks.

I pulled them down his hips and was about to throw them to the floor but he grabbed them, reaching into his pocket for a condom I didn't even realize he had. He was perched in between my legs, ready to rip the package open when he looked at me, his eye searching mine. His hands paused in mid-air and he hovered over me, his lips meeting mine in a soft and slow kiss, so much different than the kisses we were just sharing.

"Sirena, if you're going to stop me, please do it now." TJ whispered, resting his forehead against mine, his eyes shut tightly.

"I have no intention of stopping you, babe." I told him, kissing his lips again. He nodded and ripped the package open. I took a deep breath bracing myself for the amazing sex that was sure to come. And oh did it ever.
***(TJ)

I watched Sirena's steady breathing, the way her soft lips were parted to allow in air, and how her brown hair flowed over her shoulders and down her back. My eyes scanned over her still naked body, the way the moonlight emitted the bedroom with a glow so soft, it added to the elegance of the room, and Sirena too. She looked so amazing when she slept. Peaceful and beautiful, just like always, looked better on her than any other women I've seen in my life. She looked so beautiful, her skin glowing with the moon and with happiness as she slept.

I should be enjoying the after glow of sex. The amazing high that followed after. How my whole body seemed to still tingle from her touch and how I could re-play every single thing that happened in the last two hours. How once wasn't enough, and I even though I'm throughly exhausted, I can't make myself fall asleep.

Maybe it's because I still have adrenaline pumping through my body. Or maybe it's because my conscience is eating me alive. I've done some crazy shit in my life. I've gotten in trouble with the cops, done stupid stuff when I was drunk. But none of that ever bothered me because no one got hurt. Plus all I received was a slap on the wrist.

But this time was so much different. Because my actions were just plain selfish. I should have stopped her. I should have told her we had to wait a little longer. We had already waited a couple months, a little bit longer wouldn't have killed us. So instead of basking in my after glow right now. All I can think of his how much of an asshole I am. Because I should have told her about the bet a long time ago. And I should have waited until I lost so I wouldn't feel like I was lying to her.

I brushed my hand over Sirena's back and shoulders, softly rubbing circles into her skin, careful not to wake her. She stirred a bit but sighed and continued to sleep through the massage. I placed a soft kiss on her cheek, before scooping her up and rolling onto my back, squeezing her lightly into my chest. She sighed again, a content sigh that always made my heart beat quicken.

Although I'm mad at myself. I can't say tonight was a total waste. Because I figured something out, well not so much figured, more accepted, that I am in love with Sirena. And I don't mean like she's my best friend. I mean like I could marry her some day. And even though that scared me more than anything ever has before, I was fully ready to embrace it if I got to have sex like that for the rest of my life. She was incredible, inside and out. She was the person I always dreamed of finding, and I just hoped I made her as happy as she made me.

I ran my hands up and down her back some more. I loved the feel of her soft skin pressing against mine. I loved how she fit against my body, molding to me like she was made just to fit. I closed my eyes, trying my hardest to fall asleep because I had a gametomorrow today and I really needed to sleep. But every time I would shut my eyes, they would pop back open.

I smacked my head against the pillow, throughly annoyed with the brain in my head that wouldn't turn off. Except I couldn't because just like every night for the past couple months, everything came back to the bet and the fact that if she ever found out, I would lose her. I understood that know, and I wasn't sure if I could handle that. I also wasn't sure if I would stop her. Because the truth was, she would have every right to be mad, and it wouldn't be fair to stop her. She deserved the opportunity to walk away.

My hand was starting to slow against her back as my brain started to go into overdrive, wearing itself out from too many nights of rehearsing the same old things. I strengthened my hold around her, hoping that nights like tonight weren't limited. That I would get to do this with her for many nights and years to come. And as I started to drift off to sleep I told myself the one thing that I promised when I started to fall for her. Because I don't know where we go after this. But all I knew for sure was that I'll never telling her about the bet. She would never understand. Plus, what she doesn't know won't hurt her right?