What If I Told You I Love You

My heart slammed against the wall of my chest as I walked around the final pine tree, that separated me from the pond, and I was met with one person skating on the frozen water. My heart pinched from all the pain that he caused me. But I ignored it and watched as his skates glided across the ice. I swallowed the tears that were building and I pushed the lump down, until it was just a knot in my chest.

TJ was oblivious to me, he just kept skating and shooting, occasionally dangling around imaginary defensemen. He flipped the puck into the net and skated back to get another one. I admired the way he handled the puck, with so much care and poise. Nothing could deter him; he slid across the ice with so much grace. He made all of it look easy. TJ lifted his stick into the air, winding it back and slapping the puck wide of the net.

"Goddamn it!" He screamed, slamming his stick onto the ice and falling to his knees. "Get the fuck out of my head!" He didn't say who or what but I had a hunch who it was. "I'm not supposed to love you this much."

He sat back on his knees, butt resting against the backs of his skates. His back was turned to me, and he stick handled a puck vigorously. I took a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. My heart was beating so hard it was making me light headed, my thoughts were completely scattered, and I swear to god I could barf right there. I swallowed the saliva in my mouth and bit back the feeling. The butterflies from my stomach were making their appearance in my throat, making it even harder to breath. My skin tingled with anticipation, knowing the biggest moment in my life hovered just a couple feet away.

My Uggs hit the ice and I glided quietly and smoothly across slippery surface, never taking my eyes off TJ. He had his head against the ice now, his eyes were most likely squeezed shut out of frustration. I watched his shoulders shake and I stopped moving towards him when I heard the quiet sob come from his crumbled body.

Holy shit, I made TJ Oshie cry.

I was about 20 feet away from him and I was shaking so bad I thought for sure, if he couldn't hear my heart, then he could hear my boots quaking against the ice. I watched him for a couple more seconds but as his sobs got louder I knew I had to get to him. So I slid across the ice a little less carefully as I had before.

I came to TJ, passing him so I could kneel in front of him. Tears poked at my eyes as I looked at how broken he was, and all I was looking at was the back of his head. Snow started falling around us but I was oblivious, too busy staring at the broken mess I created. And while I watched his body shake, I knew he was serious, he was just as hopelessly in love as I was.

I reached out and tentatively brought my fingers through his hair. He tensed under the sudden touch and his head flew up, his swollen eyes meeting my gaze. My fingers took a hold of his blonde hair and I brought his head towards mine, crashing our lips together for a much needed kiss.

Our lips moved with passion and hunger that had been suppressed for far too long. Tears that I didn't even know were there, fell from my eyes, mixing with TJ's as he pushed me back onto the ice. The cool surface hit my back, causing a chill to ripple through my body. TJ's hand rested behind my head, protecting me from smacking it against the ice.

He pulled away first and I let him get a lung full of air before I grabbed the collar of his jacket, bringing our lips together once more. When air was needed again, he pulled a couple centimeters away, our breath mixing together to form a white cloud. His eyes were closed but when they fluttered open that familiar sparkle was back in them.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him, closing my eyes, getting ready for the rejection.

"Look at me Sirena," It wasn't a command more of a statement, but I did it anyway. "I understand why you did it. I don't deserve another chance. But If I had one, I'd guarantee that I could make you happier than you have ever been in your life. I'd give you whatever you wanted. Hell, I'll go declare my love for you on national TV on Sunday."

I giggled at his dorkiness, "you don't need to do that. I know that you love me."

He brushed some of my brown hair away from my face, "God, my life has been hell without you." He murmured, kissing my forehead. He wiped under my eyes, making the salty substance disappear completely. "If I could redo this, all of it I would. I would have made myself go and see you this summer. Actually, I did. I was in Grand Rapids but I turned around and went back to Warroad,"

"Why?" I asked him, taking his hat off and setting it on the ice next to us.

"I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. You just left, you know? You just disappeared and I thought that was your way of telling me that it was too late. Rena, I've never felt so miserable in my entire life. Not even when I left Washington and no one liked me in Warroad. I really do need you. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you back." He leaned down and nuzzled my neck in the comforting way he always did.

I let him rest his head against my shoulder and I pressed my cheek to the top of his head, enjoying the feel of being wrapped up in his arms. It was like coming home after a really bad day. That same sense of security wrapped around me, mending my broken heart and washing away these last few months of pain. Because that lady was right, TJ was worth every ounce of pain that I went through.

"I could lay here with you forever," I whispered to him, kissing the top of his head.

He pulled away, sitting up and drinking in every part of my face. A grin was permanently fixated on his lips and it made me happy that I put it there. That even though I had been a stubborn bitch through this all, and broke his heart just as much as he broke mine, he still loved me. TJ's eyes traveled down to my neck, where my fingers absently played with the necklace that represented so much for us. His eyes lit up even more, a sparkle that I had never seen before, shinning in his beautiful, hazel eyes.

"You still have this?" He asked me, his fingers tangling with mine wrapping around the small cross.

"It was the only thing that connected me with you," I murmured softly, hoping it would soften the blow that it would cause him. He winced a little but shook his head, agreeing with me.

"Fair enough."

"Teej, I don't care about any of that crap anymore. I just want to move on, be with you. I want to be happy and God knows I can't be happy without you," I told him, reaching up and placing a soft kiss on his lips. He groaned against my lips.

"I laid awake countless nights this summer, wondering if I would ever get to kiss you again or hold you while you slept." His lips traveled all over my face, kissing every square inch of it, including my eyelids and then square on my forehead, where his lips stayed firmly, eyes shut tight, while his hands dug into my back, pressing me against him so hard I was having trouble breathing.

"I want you to know that I'm still hurting, bad. But I want to give you a second chance because if I don't, I'm losing the only thing that makes everything okay. And because I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you by my side."

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Teej, it's okay." I murmured against the top of his head.

The coldness of the ice had long since numbed my back despite the fact that TJ was radiating such strong body heat, that both of us should have been toasty. All of a sudden TJ flew up, grabbing me and placing me back on my feet. I laughed as he hoisted me onto his back and skated over to where his bag was laying on the ground by the pine trees.

"I think you might get sick from that," he laughed, setting me down on the bench before tugging at his skate laces.

"It will be worth it," I yelled to him as I picked up the pucks and stick that he had carelessly left on the ice. I slid over to where his hat still rested on the surface. Picking it up and jogging over to him. I brought them back to him, stuffing the black rubber in his bag before flipping the hat on his head and grabbing his hand.

"So you really told them you lost?" I asked him as we walked back towards his apartment.

"Yes. Our relationship was never about the bet. It was always about how you made me feel," TJ said matter of factly, squeezing my hand.

"So then what did you have to do?" I asked him, genuinely curious and hoping it wasn't anything too bad.

"Nothing." He said simply. My eyebrows furrowed and his hazel eyes met my green ones, sparkling wildly. "They decided I got my punishment."

"Huh. Somehow I don't believe that they showed you mercy." I told TJ, calling his bluff.

"Damn it!" TJ exclaimed, "I can't tell you. What happens in the locker room is staying in the locker room."

I laughed as he held the door to his complex open for me and I skipped over to the elevator. I pushed the 3 button and then turned to TJ who was holding his arms open for me. I smiled as I snuggled into his warm chest, enjoying his heat since I was still freezing from laying on the ice. He kissed the top of my head, his grip tight around me, not letting me move at all. His chin rested on my head and I closed my eyes, never wanting to leave his arms again.

The elevator dinged and TJ released me, grabbing my hand again and pulling me down to his apartment. He unlocked the door and was immediately greeted by Bella and a different black dog who barked and jumped excitedly. I grabbed Bella's collar squealing at her as she licked my face.

"What's up with Bell- YAY!" Bergie screamed picking me up off the floor and shaking me. "Mel! Come here! The golden couple is back together!" I laughed loudly as Bergie smashed me against his chest and Mel slid into the entry way in her socks, pushing Bergie away from me so she could take her turn suffocating me. I laughed and hugged back as TJ rolled his eyes but having a smile the whole time.

"Who's the black puppy?" I asked Teej, leaning down to it once Mel released me.

"Lily," He told me, joining me on the floor as I played with her.

"She's beautiful," I murmured, scratching her ears and nuzzling my nose against hers.

"Be care- okay?" TJ questioned, patting Lily's head and grabbing Bella when she tired to suck the attention off Lily.

"What?" I asked him, continuing to pet the black puppy in my arms and then giving Bella some attention too.

"Lily bites anyone who gets close to her." TJ told me, reaching his hand towards Lily who nipped at his finger. "But she doesn't snap at you."

"It's because she's still the alpha bitch!" Mel screamed from the living room.

TJ and I both laughed and he pulled me down to lay on the floor, Lily resting on his chest along with my head. Bella whined above me and TJ told her to go see Bergie. She happily galloped towards him and we heard Mel let out a loud puff of air, meaning Bella decided to jump on her. I giggled and laced my fingers with TJ's again.

"So you and Bergie have two dogs together?" I asked.

"Nope, this one is ours," TJ informed me.

"Ours?" I wondered out loud.

"Yeah, I got her for you," TJ murmured, scooping Lily up and putting her off to the side of us. I took that as my cue and crawled up his chest, placing my lips on his. "Oh honey, I love her."

"What about me?" He pouted and I grinned, taking his bottom lip between my teeth and tugging on it gently.

"Nope. Just Lilypad," I giggled as TJ flipped me over so that I was pressed into the hardwood floor, his hand once again behind my head, protecting it.

"Well, what if I told you I love you?" TJ asked, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sound of those words, directed at me, rolling off of his tongue. I rolled him over so that I was straddling him.

"I'd tell you I've waited a long time for you to say that," I whispered to him, my hand stroking his face lightly. His lips curled upwards while his eyes filled with happiness.

"Get used to hearing it. I plan on tell you that for the rest of your life." He murmured, his hand slipped behind my neck, pulling my head down to his and showing me what it felt like to get kissed by the only person I could ever imagine loving.

Lily's paws pressed softly against our cheeks, begging for some more attention. I laughed and rolled off TJ. She immediately bounded over him and jumped onto me, looking down at my face with that puppy smile. I grinned back up at her as TJ rolled up into a push-up position over us.

"I feel so cheated," TJ mumbled, giving me a fake sour look.

"Attention whore," I laughed, pushing his face lightly.

"You love it," He gave me a wild grin and I returned it with my own, my cheeks starting to hurt after not smiling for so long.

"No, but I do love you," I told him, pushing myself up to kiss him, holding Lily against my stomach.

"I'm glad. Because you're the only girl I've ever loved," TJ whispered against my lips.

"Well, how about we keep it that way?" I asked him, pulling his head down so I didn't have to stretch at an awkward angle anymore.

"That sounds good to me," TJ laughed before leaning down and giving me the kiss that always had me yearning for more.

"Stay with me forever?" He asked when he pulled away, licking his lips just to drive me crazy. I felt Lily wiggle out of my grasp as if she knew something I didn't. Then TJ's hands came behind my back, scooping me up and heading towards his room. I gave him a sexy grin, running my hands through his hair.

"There's no where I'd rather be than with you." I told him as he pushed his bedroom door shut and then threw me on the bed.

No more words were spoken after that, all I needed was the feeling of TJ pressed against me to know, that everything would be okay. That we would be okay and that this was going to work out. Because when you love someone there's no guarantee that it will be easy, that there will be no obstacles. All we know is that it will all be worth it. And as long as I had TJ, any challenge would be conquerable.

I know right now it’s hard to breathe
Hard to think and hard to see
All the reasons we should work it out
It might be easier to go,
But if you walk out, you’ll never know
How strong we could be at the end of this
I know that sorry is not enough
But I’ll do everything, anything to make it up