What If I Told You I Love You

"TJ, slow down" I squealed as we ran down the boardwalk in the Duluth, Minnesota. We had decided to take a vacation to celebrate our three years of being together. He told me I could pick anywhere in the world, but he wasn't at all surprised when I picked the beautiful North Shore. There was something about the way the sunset sparkled off the water and the calming sound of Lake Superior crashing against the big rocks.

"Hurry up," TJ laughed, continuing to run with me towards the big, white, light house that loomed straight ahead. I laughed as he dodged around people who were gawking at the huge ship that was making it's way into the city. I screamed when it blew it's horn, the sound making my body sputter and my heart pick up a notch.

We continued to run full tilt, taking the stairs leading to the light house two at a time, only making one big leap. I laughed when TJ tugged on my hand to stop me and pulled me into his body.

"Why do we have to be all the way down here?" I asked him, raising my voice slightly so he could hear me over the sound of the ship cutting through the water. I stared in awe at the 1,000 foot cargo ship, the only bright thing in the dark water.

"To get the whole experience," He whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek lightly. I turned my face and pressed my lips softly to his. He tugged on my bottom lip but I pulled away, and pointed to the ship. I watch as his eyes traveled to it until he turned my head lightly by my chin. My eyebrows lowered in confusion until I realized what was spelled out in lights. Will you marry me?

My mouth dropped as TJ's arm slipped from around me and I watch, nauseously from my peripheral vision, as he got down on one knee opening a box. I laughed as the men on the deck, waved at me with huge grins on their faces. I turned to my right, looking down to where TJ was biting his lip. People had turned to look and the old couple next to us awed out loud. Tears burned my eyes when TJ grabbed my hand, squeezing it.

"Sirena, these past three years have been without a doubt, the best years of my life. You make me happy just by being next to me. You keep me calm just with one touch and you've made me a better person by being in my life. I want to give you everything, the house, the cars, the kids, but most importantly, I want you to be my wife. I want you everyday for the rest of my life and beyond. So please, say yes. Or if it's no, lie, tell me yes and then throw the ring at me when we're alone."

I laughed loudly with the people around me as happy tears streamed down my face. I looked back at the boat that seemed to hover behind us, the lights glowing back at me. I looked back down at TJ, shaking my head and then grabbing him up by his shirt collar. Our lips met in a fiery kiss despite the people who clapped around us. I smiled against his lips, so unbelievably happy that my body seemed to shake with excitement. TJ was everything I had ever asked for and it still blew my mind that after everything we had been through, he still wanted me.

"So is that a yes?" TJ asked, our foreheads leaning together, his breath dancing across my wet lips.

"What do you think?" I mumbled before leaping up on him, wrapping my legs around his waist as he slipped the diamond on my ring finger. He held me to him with one arm and the ship blew it's horn again, making me jump slightly. TJ pulled away laughing.

"I love you, every part," He told me, a content smile on his lips.

"I love you too, TJ Oshie," I murmured, locking my arms around his neck. He turned and waked down the steps as I leaned my head on his shoulder. I looked at the beautiful ring that sparkled even in the dark night. The diamond, big enough to be noticeable but not enough to be tacky. I knew Mel probably helped him pick it out but I didn't care. It was perfect, just like this night, and what I'm sure would be the rest of my life.
***

My foot drew tiny little hearts in the water as I absentmindedly fiddled with my wedding ring. They appeared and then disappeared as fast as they came. My reflection stared back at me, my brown hair pulled back into a pony tail and dressed down in a t-shirt and a pair of TJ's shorts. I smiled at myself, loving the way my life had turned out. I looked across the vast lake, at the setting sun that shone off the water, making it appear pink, purple, and orange. My hands rested on the dock on either side of my hips and I closed my eyes, enjoying the breeze that pulled my bangs away from my face.

Footsteps sounded near me, the wood of the dock creaking with each step forward. I didn't have to look to know it was the only person who had ever been able to keep my attention from day one. Strong arms wrapped around my waist, as legs slid into the water next to mind. My head rested against his shoulder as he placed a soft kiss on my temple. My grin widened and I bit my lip to hold in the squeal that I wanted to let loose.

"Is he sleeping?" I asked, referring to Kyle, our 9 month old son.

"Mhm. Out like a light," he murmured, his voice soft.

We drifted into a comfortable silence, watching the sun dip down low into the sky, the trees protecting us from the blinding rays. TJ let loose a content sigh, his nose resting in the crook of my neck before his lips placed a butterfly kiss on the soft skin of my neck.

"Are you happy with our life?" I asked him, wondering if his life had turned out the way he wanted it to.

"Of course I am." He responded, his teeth nipping slightly at my skin now.

"Well, I guess I mean, is this how you thought your life would turn out to be?"

"No. I never thought I'd find someone like you," He spoke against my neck, his breath causing hot images to flash through my mind. I gritted my teeth against a moan, knowing that wouldn't be appropriate at the moment. "Someone to put up with my crap and being gone all the time. And loving me despite how upset I get after losses. No matter what crazy thing I say, you just laugh at me instead of getting mad, because you know I don't mean it, and I would never intentionally hurt you." He finished by turning my face towards him, just like that night in Duluth, and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I tugged on his bottom lip, shifting my weight to my right hip, causing that leg to come out of the water.

"I love you Teej," I murmured to him, giving him an eskimo kiss.

"I love you too," he whispered, grabbing me and pulling me down as his back hit the dock. I closed my eyes, listening to the steady beating of his heart, remembering they day he showed me how much he loved me.
***

I smiled at the reflection of myself in the three way mirror, loving the way my white dress hugged my bust and curves, then flowing softly down my legs. My hair was pulled up off my neck and loose curls hung down, framing my face. My eyes connected with Mel's in the mirror and we both squealed at the same time, so excited that the day was finally here.

"I'm so excited," she exclaimed, running up to me and grabbing both of my hands, "TJ is going to have the wind knocked out of him when you walk through those doors."

"Well, that's what I'm aiming for." I laughed, tugging on one of my curls to try and tame it back into place.

"Mission accomplished," Mel smiled, tears shining in her eyes.

"No, please, please, please, don't cry right now. If you cry, I will," my eyes already filling with the watery substance.

"No, neither of you can cry, it will ruin your make up," A voice from the door laughed loudly. We both turned, rolling our eyes at Brotha.

"You would know all about make up right, Brotha?" I asked him, smiling evilly. "Don't you know how to knock?" I joked, stepping down with the help of him and wrapping my arms around his neck. He was the closest think to TJ right now since I wasn't allowed to see him. 15 minutes. Only 15 more minutes until I could meet him at the end of the aisle.

"Yeah, but you need to get used to me popping in all the time," Brotha laughed, his chest vibrating against my cheek. I rolled my eyes and pulled away to look at him.

"I already am," I teased.

But it was the truth, TJ and I had lived together for a year and I was starting to wonder if Brotha actually lived there. I would go to sleep with TJ in bed, wake up to find him in the living room playing the latest NHL game. But it was to be expected. I learned long ago that wherever TJ was, Brotha was close behind. You can imagine how disappointed Brotha was when TJ sat him down and told him he would not be coming on our honeymoon.

"Well at least you're joking. TJ is tweaking out," Brotha laughed, and I giggled, knowing TJ was probably very nervous.

"Go back there and tell him I'm here, I love him, and I'll see him at the alter." I turned Brotha towards the door, giving his back a small push.

"Alright, I know when I'm not wanted," He pouted, moving in slow motion towards the door.

"I love you like a BROTHA but I need a couple seconds to myself," I laughed, looking at Mel who nodded and followed Brotha out of the room.

I turned back towards the mirror, looking at my perfect hair, dress, and make-up, satisfied with the months of planning that it took to get this day perfect. But truth be told, I didn't need a fancy wedding dress or a church decked out in beautiful flowers. All I needed was TJ waiting for me to start the rest of our life together. I smiled, trying to pull myself together, knowing it was just about time to get the show going. To start a new journey, an excited one, with TJ. I took a deep breath, turning towards the door that opened to reveal my mom. I gave her a grin as happy tears filled her eyes.

"Oh, please. Not you too," I laughed as a couple slipped from my eyes.

"My little girl is all grown up," My mom smiled, brushing mine and her tears away. "You look beautiful, Sirena."

"Thank you, mom. For everything. For all the advice you've given me, for the guidance and the kick in the butt when I needed it. And mostly, for always listening to me and supporting me even when I was being stubborn. I wouldn't be who I am without you." I smiled, biting my tongue to stop the flow of tears.

"It's what mom's do. I'll always be here for you. Even after you are Mrs. TJ Oshie."

"Wow, I guess I should get used to being called that," I grinned, shaking slightly as my mom took my hand and lead me out of the room.

I laughed when my eyes connected with my dad's who was pacing the hallway waiting for us. His eyes shone with adoration as he lead me down the hall, my mom hustling ahead of us. My dad and I reached the big oak doors where the wedding and the love of my life were waiting for us. Butterflies attacked the walls of my stomach, giving me the feeling that I could fly if I tried. I turned to my dad, noticing a tear in his eyes. I reached up on my tippy toes, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"I love you daddy," I whispered as he looked down at me.

"I love you too, baby," He told me just as the oak doors opened.

We both turned and my eyes immediately found TJ's. I almost dropped my flowers, not because of how amazing he looked in his tux, although that would have been enough, but because of his reaction to me. His eyes shone with a sparkle that I never knew eyes could posses. His face lit up and his jaw went slack, while his rigid posture melted until he stood with ease and confidence. After his initial shock wore off, his face turned into a smile that almost brought me to my knees. Everyone in the church seemed to disappear until TJ and I were the only ones in the room and I tugged on my dad's arm, desperate to reach him, to wrap him in my arms and call him mine for the rest of my life.

"Sirena, slow down, honey," my dad chuckled halfway down the aisle.

"Dad, that's my everything up there and I want him. NOW." I spoke in a breathy whisper, my voice softer than a baby's skin.

Time seemed to stand still as TJ descended the steps of the alter, meeting my dad and I at the end of the aisle. I turned my gaze from him, knowing this was the time I was supposed to tell my dad goodbye and let him give me away to TJ.

"I love you, daddy. Thanks for telling me to always believe in fairy tails and happily ever afters." I kissed his cheek as he gave me one last squeeze before putting my hand in TJ's.

"Take care of my little girl," He told TJ, giving him a somewhat pointed stare through misty eyes.

"Always," TJ murmured, never taking his eyes off of mine before he lead me up the stairs to officially be named Mrs. TJ Oshie.
***

My fingers tangled with TJ's as the sky took on a shade of medium blue, like the color of the ocean on a sunny day. The pads of my fingers slid across his wedding ring, enjoying the feel on the cool metal and all that it represented. My eyelids started to grow heavy as TJ's hands moved up and down my back, his legs still submerged partially in the water.

"I think the bugs are starting to come out," He told me as he slapped at his arm.

"Mkay," I told him, pulling myself up as he did the same. We maneuvered our way up to our cabin, TJ lagging behind like always as I climbed the stone steps to the house-like get-away that we had built two years ago for our three year anniversary. I pushed the door open, heading towards the living room that was decorated in reds and yellows. TJ headed right for the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water for both of us and joining me on the couch where I had flipped on A Walk To Remember.

"Oh my gosh, my favorite movie," TJ squealed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I giggled at him, lacing our left hands together lightly, and snuggling into his chest, which had become my personal pillow over the years.

Lily trotted into the room, jumping up on the couch and laying on both of our legs. I thought about scolding her for it but was too lazy to lift my head and yell at her. A sudden wave of sleepiness had washed over my body, begging for me to close my eyes and catch up on some sleep now that Kyle actually liked to sleep. I yawned and turned my body so that I was facing TJ instead of spooning him. He kissed the top of my head, pulling me into his warm body and helping me succumb to the sleep that was pulling at me.
***

"TJ FUCKING OSHIE. Stand assured that I would kick your ass right now if I could," I screamed as another contraction hit me with full force, making me wish I had accepted the offer for the drugs, but it was too late now. I was going through the home stretch at 8 cm and counting.

"I know, and I'll let you do it after you have our baby," He tried soothing me, kissing my sweaty forehead.

"Ew, don't touch me. I'm sweating like a fucking pig," I snapped, my emotions getting the best of me as the never ending pain stabbed at my abdomen. I groaned and threw my head against the pillow since sitting up was just wasting my much needed energy.

I had been in labor long enough by now that I was done counting how many hours it had been, not to mention this kid was two weeks early and happened to want to come out when TJ had been gone on a road trip. It was the middle of November and the season was just staring to pick up. Luckily for him, and me I guess, he arrived before I had the kid because if he missed this, I would have killed him.

I glared when I watched the perky nurse that I had been curse with walk into the room and sit down between my legs. Yeah, it was a little awkward at first, but by now I just wanted her to get up and call the doctor and tell him I was ready to push. I looked over at TJ who was trying not to laugh as I glared at the top of her blonde head. He looked back at me and his eyes widened and his smile dropped off his face at my look. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath as the pain persisted to knock me on my ass. I just wanted it to stop hurting.

"Teej, I'm in so much pain," I complained, my face scrunching up in obvious discomfort as another contraction hit me. I resisted the urge to scream obnoxiously loud just like the lady a couple rooms down, who was screaming loud enough for the whole hospital to hear. I wanted to march down that and tell her we were all in pain and no one wanted to listen to her wail her fucking head off anymore, so if she could put a cork in it, that would be great.

"I know baby. But it'll be over soon. And we'll have-"

"Holy shit!" I screamed, "I need to push please!" I gripped TJ's hand so tight that my knuckles turned white and it looked like TJ's hand was going to lose circulation. He tried to take it like a man but even my hand hurt from squeezing his so hard. But it was nothing like the pain that was radiating up my body from a certain area of my body.

"Oh my, you do." The nurse exclaimed, hitting the red button to call my doctor.

"What the fuck where you doing down there? Taking pictures!? Didn't you know I was that fucking close?!" I screamed, TJ trying to get me to calm down. I wasn't having any of it though because perky wasn't even affected by my outburst, then again she probably gets screamed at daily anyway. "Fucking moron."

The doctor came in and was immediately prepped, causing me to grip TJ's hand tighter. Tears started falling from my eyes but they were by no means from the pain. They were because I was terrified, not only of the whole giving birth process; but because once the kid was out, I had someone else who's life I was responsible for. It was no longer all about me.

"TJ I'm scared," I pushed out, through the pain and the raspy breaths that I was taking into my body.

"You don't need to be scared, I'm here," he placed a kiss on my cheek and then one on our interlocked hands.

I glanced over at him, about to lose the last bit of sanity that I had after being in labor so long. But our eyes met and he gave my hand a small squeeze along with a confident smile and I knew he was right. I was going to be okay just for the sole reason that he was hear. He would be my confidence, my rock, and my coach for one of the toughest experiences of my life. So I took a deep breath, got a better grip on his hand and nodded to the doctors, telling them I was ready to bring mine and TJ's baby into the world.
***

The feeling of small hands against my cheek awoke me the next morning, along with the bright sun that caused my eyelids to glow pink. I opened my eyes slowly, a smile immediately being presented on my face when I took in the perfectness of the picture before me. Kyle was grinning down at me with his cute baby grin as his dad held him over my face. I grabbed his baby hands, placing soft kisses on them before placing a kiss on his nose.

"Hi cutie," I cooed at him, watching as he giggled at me lightly pinching his cheeks.

"He just couldn't wait to see mommy this morning," TJ spoke softly, bring Kyle close to his chest and laying down next to me. I immediately rolled onto my side, entranced by the baby boy I had given birth to.

"He's so amazing," I murmured, looking into his hazel eyes. I smiled as his pudgy, baby cheeks squished into his dad's chest. He looked so much like TJ that it made me a little nervous for when he got older, knowing dating habits run in the Oshie family.

"Look Ky, you already got momma wrapped around your little finger. You're not even going to need me," TJ let loose a laugh.

"Whatever, he's going to be a total daddy's boy. Plus, you're the one who can't stand listening to him cry," I pointed out as Kyle grabbed onto my finger.

"I'm a sucker for crying, what can I say?" He laughed, switching Kyle over to his right side, so that I could lay on his left side.

I watched as Kyle's eyes drifted shut, already tired after only being up for a little bit. He loved to sleep now, but not so much when he was first born. There were times when I felt like I was going to go crazy because I never slept. I remember one time in particular where I was basically a walking zombie. TJ came home from a road trip, walked into Kyle's room and saw me basically passed out with him in my arms. He had taken Kyle, put him in his crib and carried me to bed where he made me stay for a whole day, not tending to Kyle at all.

"I'm really glad he sleeps now," I told TJ, who nodded in response.

"So I know you asked me yesterday, but what about you? Are you happy with how your life turned out?" He asked, his hand massaging my back lightly.

I sighed contently, thinking back on my life before TJ, to when he stumbled in unintentionally. I thought about the good times, and the bad, the heartbreak that made me hate love and anything to do with TJ. I thought of our reunion, to the night he asked me to be his forever. And of course to the day we made unbreakable promises, through when Kyle came kicking and screaming into our world. To now, a moment so perfect and blissful that I couldn't ask for anything to make it any better.

I shifted so that I was sitting up, looking down at the two boys who had every piece of my heart. "TJ, this is everything I've ever wanted and more. I don't think I could have imagined it better."

TJ gave me a content smile, pulling me down so that my lips pressed against his. "I love you, baby. So much," He murmured, his eyes closed as his lips continued to press against mine.

"I love you too Teej, more than you'll ever understand."