What If I Told You I Love You

Last night I learned a valuable lesson. Never underestimate your enemies, especially douche bag hockey players. I was a fool for thinking that TJ Oshie would actually not drug my drink. I was so wrong. And the worst part about it, was that I couldn't even get off my ass to pound his face in. No, I was stuck sitting in the bathroom while whatever he put in my drink, worked through my system.

I had texted Mel, telling her that I had flu like symptoms, all of the nasty, embarrassing ones that you never wanted to admit to anyone. She had been over in 15 minutes armed with pedialyte, ginger ale, and crackers. She got some soup too but there was no way in hell I could imagine putting anything into my body after crapping it out all night long.

"Get Bergie on the phone and make him pound it out of TJ." I screamed from my perch on the toilet. "This is fucking ridiculous! I'm pressing charges!"

"Calm down," She snapped from outside the door.

"You are not the one who is stuck sitting on the toilet when your body tries to get rid of the substance some nasty hockey player put in your drink."

"Hey, you were the dumbass who drank it." Mel reminded me. I groaned in response.

"Excuse me, I didn't think TJ possessed the balls to do something this rash." I muttered.

"Well, I guess you learned a couple lessons then."

"Whatever. Just get douche bag on the phone."

This whole thing was slightly annoying to me. Not only could I not move a room away from a bathroom, but TJ was out of town for a week long road trip, preventing me from kicking his ass all the way back to where he came from. I wanted to know what he put in my drink that could make me so sick. I had no memory loss, no weird allergic reaction, and I didn't feel like I was high, so I pretty much had no idea what it could be.

"Hey hun," I heard Mel greet Bergie.

"Give me the fucking phone!" I wailed, pulling the door open. Mel sat on the opposite side of the wall. Her mouth was open, ready to tell me off, but it snapped close when she saw the deranged look on my face. She nodded, outstretching her hand for me to take her phone.

"Bergie. TJ, now." I hissed into the phone. I could practically feel him nodding over the phone. He yelled TJ's name and I heard TJ whisper, "who is it." Bergie didn't respond though.

"Uh, hello?" TJ asked.

"You are fucking toast, kid. You messed with the wrong person and I'm going to make your life hell."

"Aw, Rena. How are you feeling today?" TJ asked, as if he was actually concerned. I heard him snicker lightly and I just wanted to reach through the phone and bitch slap that little punk for all it was worth.

"You'll get a good idea when you come back to St. Louis," I told him, "you have some fucking balls, drugging me and all. What the fuck did you put in that drink; so I can put it on the papers and give it to the cops."

"I didn't drug you my dear. What I did was perfectly legal." TJ responded. He almost sounded bored that he was having this conversation with me. That pissed me off even more.

"Oh yeah? Then what's your secret ingredient?"

"Creatine." He responded, laughing at the end. I could hear snickers in the background, telling me that his teammates were around. Fucker.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's a protein powder that you use to build up your muscles. It tends to give you flu like symptoms if you haven't been taking it regularly. Sorry, I thought you were an every day user."

"You gave me protein shit."

"No, your body did that to you." TJ burst into laughter at his little joke, "don't worry. You should be able to leave the bathroom soon."

"Laugh now, but anything you do to me, I'm just going to do to you ten times worse." I threatened.

"Honey, you and your 115 pound body, don't scare me. Bring it on."

"Honey," I mocked, "It's on like donkey kong." I straightened up as a sudden uneasy feeling passed through me. I tried to suppress a groan but it rolled out of my mouth before I could react. TJ laughed, knowing what was wrong.

"I should let you go. It looks like you have some business to take care of." TJ let loose another loud laugh which was echoed by more soon after.

"Go die." I snapped before pressing end and throwing the phone back to Mel. I shut the door and returned to my porcelain throne.
***

It took about two days for me to finally be done shitting out everything I had consumed in what felt like months. The whole time I was sick, Derek stayed away. He acted as if I had the plague, not taking care of me, just leaving it all to Mel. I didn't really want him around anyway. He was still acting like an asshole and I didn't feel like putting up with his shit. Part of me though, wished that he would have cared enough to come check on me at least. I knew that our relationship was starting to lose some of the fire that it had when we first got together. It was obvious to everyone and I was starting to see through the fog that had clouded my vision before.

The Blues lost a majority of their games on the road trip. They couldn't seem to put the puck in the net and it was obvious that they missed the presence of Erik Johnson on the blue line. It was just too bad that his golf cart had it out for him. The Blues returned home on a Thursday afternoon. It was their off day and they had a game the next day so my dad and I were just hanging out at home. I didn't tell him what TJ had done to my drink. There were somethings that your dad just didn't need to know, being drugged by his rookie sensation was one of them.

The worst part about being sick and stuck at home was that I had too much time to think. I spent a majority of my time analyzing my relationship with Derek and fantasizing about TJ. When it came to that stupid hockey player I just couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he kissed me again. I could feel myself starting to care about him, despite the fact that he drove me up the wall and he "spiked" my drink. I wanted him, but that didn't mean I would admit it out loud.

I sat on the couch across from my dad, watching some movie that I forgot the name of. My phone buzzed next to me and I flipped it open to see a text from Mel.

Patrik and I are going to the mall and lunch, wanna come?

I texted back sure and got up from the couch.

"Dad, I'm going to hang out with Mel and Bergie. Is that okay?" I asked, heading towards the stairs.

"Yep," My dad said, not tearing his eyes from the book in front of his face.

I went to my room, grabbing a Bauer hockey sweatshirt out of my walk-in closet before slipping on my black uggs over my skinny jeans. I pulled my dark hair into a pony tail, letting some strands fall around my face. I noticed my lips looked a little dry so I applied some chapstick before hustling back downstairs. Berige's car was just pulling into the drive way when I descended the stairs.

"Bye!" I called to my dad, shutting the door behind me. Mel was sitting in the front seat, leaning over to talk to Bergie. She whipped her head to look in the back of the car before turning towards me. She mouthed I'm sorry with a shrug. I gave her a confused look, not knowing what she was talking about. But when I opened the car door I got my answer.

"Whoa. He was not part of the deal." I snapped, hitting Mel on the back of her head. TJ sat across the seat from me. He had his head resting in one of his hands and he was looking away from me, out the window.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know he was going to be coming." Mel said, "Pat never mentioned him. Just please get in."

I huffed but obliged and climbed into the car. I glanced towards TJ out of the corner of my eye, noticing he was abnormally quiet. My eyes shifted up to Bergie's in the rear view mirror. He jerked his head towards Mel whom I trained my eyes on. She waved her hand towards her, telling me to come close.

"He sprained his ankle. He might be out awhile." Mel told me. I raised my eyebrows at her. "Yeah, he got hurt the day you told him to go die." I turned towards TJ, looking down to his legs, noticing a walking boot on his left foot.

"This isn't my fault," I spewed the words from my mouth, making them bunch together.

"I know. I'm just saying don't kick him when he's down." I gave her a look which she returned with one of her own. We had a silent argument back and forth, her telling me to be nice and me telling her he didn't deserve it. Eventually she won so I sighed and leaned back in my seat.

The rest of the way to the mall I looked out the window, matching TJ's posture. I ignored him and he ignored me which was probably a good thing because sparks were sure to fly especially after the shit he pulled a week ago. I would be lying though if I said I didn't sneak looks at him. My eyes just felt drawn to him, like he was a magnet and my eyes were a hunk of metal. His posture and expression never changed. He just continued to look out the window, a dejected look on his face.

We arrived at the mall and I felt relieved that I could escape the weird silence that seemed to only loom over the back seat. Patrik and Mel walked in front of TJ and me, holding hands and giggling, acting like the annoying couple you love to hate. TJ walked next to me but he never acknowledged my presence. Instead he choose to stare down at the walking boot he was forced to wear. I walked next to him awkwardly. Was I supposed to talk to him? I didn't know, but seeing the way he looked so sad, I felt all my anger shrivel up and turn into sincerity.

"Sorry about your ankle," I whispered to him, holding the door open for him.

"Thanks," he mumbled, wobbling through the door.

I should have felt a sort of triumph as he hobbled around with a big boot on his foot, instead I just felt sadness. I could see the way his eyes seemed to have lost some of their sparkle knowing he wouldn't be able to play tomorrow. He seemed to just slump around, not talking, just being. I couldn't bring myself to snap at him or feel happy that he was hurting. All I could feel was an urge to wrap my arms around him to make everything okay again. Instead, I choose to walk next to him, keeping my mouth shut.

Mel wandered through our favorite stores but I didn't look at any of the clothes or shoes. I gave my opinion on things that she would show me. She tried, countless times, to make me try on a dress or a shirt or even a pair of sexy high heels but I just wasn't into shopping. I was too worried about TJ and how quiet he was being.

We ended up eating lunch at my favorite Italian restaurant that was located inside the mall. We all ordered our drinks and I engaged in small talk with Bergie and Mel, leaving TJ to himself. He only spoke to the waitress, giving his order, spaghetti, before retreating back within himself.

Silence settled over the table though, when Mel got up to go to the bathroom. Bergie and I exchanged a worried glance over the table after we looked at TJ. I felt myself reach out and place my hand on his shoulder. TJ tensed under the sudden contact but relaxed into my touch after a second. He then turned his blue eyes towards mine. I felt myself getting caught up in the way his eyes seemed to bore into my soul.

"Timmy, you okay?" Bergie asked, pulling TJ's eyes from me.

I took my hand off his shoulder setting it in my lap once more. TJ just nodded at Bergie before turning his eyes down to the table again. Mel came back then, launching into a story about how her brother just called while she was in the bathroom. I felt a smile tug on my lips as Bergie looked at her, hanging on to every word that passed through Mel's lips. I could tell that he was falling for her and not just in the I-want-to-bang-you kind of falling. I mean, he was falling in love with her. It made my heart grow warm and I wanted to reach across the table and squeeze both of them together.

I felt TJ's arm brush against mine and I turned towards him. He wasn't looking at me, he was looking at the dessert menu but his right hand traveled down to my left, lacing our fingers together under the table. My heart stopped in my chest and I felt my breathing become heavy. I gulped when TJ squeezed my hand tightly. He still didn't look at me so I turned back towards Mel, temporarily enjoying the feeling of his hand in mine. I wasn't sure why he was acting like this and God knows I should have told him to fuck off, but I didn't want to let go. I had wanted to comfort him all day and this was one way that I could do that for him.

Our fingers stayed interlocker until our food came and I felt TJ reluctantly pull away from me. Some how during the course of eating though, TJ had slid close enough to me that people passing by would have thought we were a couple. I noticed Mel nudging Bergie and he flashed her a smile while she wiggled her eyebrows at me. My response was kick her under the table, telling her to knock it off. I didn't want to ruin the sudden change in TJ's attitude.

We finished eating and paid for our dinners before heading back into the mall. We resumed our positions, Mel and Bergie off in their own little world, while TJ and I trailed behind. TJ's shoulder continuously bumped mine as we made our way through the mall, following Mel into whatever store she wanted to visit. He stood close enough for me to enjoy his scent and feel the warmth of his body. We were just inside the door way of Express before TJ opened his mouth to me.

"I'm sorry about the whole creatine thing. That was a jackass thing to do." He spoke, looking towards Mel who was holding a shirt up and asking Bergie what he thought. My mouth dropped at the words 'I'm sorry' coming out of TJ's mouth. I never thought that they would actually make an appearance, directed at me none the less.

"Um, yeah." I said, not really knowing what to say to him. It wasn't like I was going to be like 'oh it's just fine TJ' because it wasn't. But I didn't have the heart to yell at him anyway. TJ just shook his head as Mel headed back over to us, her fingers laced with Bergie's leading him behind her. I laughed as he made a motion to cut his head off. Mel turned and smacked him lightly on the chest.

"I liked that shirt but they didn't have it in a good color."

"More like Bergie didn't seem too interested in it."

Mel rolled her eyes but she didn't deny it. I heard TJ chuckled lightly next to me.

"They are worse than teenagers," I mumbled to him.

"I know. He's already whipped and he's only known her a couple weeks."

"Oh young love." I murmured dramatically. TJ laughed and he laced our fingers together again. I looked up at him and this time he looked down at me. He smiled hesitantly ,holding up our hands. I returned the smile, biting my lip to hide the huge grin that threatened to spread on to my face. I shook my head, telling him it was okay if we held hands. He squeezed my hand again.

"Your lucky you got hurt, you know." I told him.

"Why's that?" He asked, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.

"Otherwise I would have nut punched you." I grinned up at him and he smiled back, his annoying smirk no where in sight. I could feel the ground shifting beneath us and something inside of me clicked. I knew that from now on things with TJ were going to be different. I'm not saying we would never fight, that seemed virtually impossible. But things were starting to happen between us. They were starting to get complicated and I was starting to fall.