What If I Told You I Love You

My mind was burning with the images of him pressing her up against the wall, kissing her the way he should only kiss me. His arms were wrapped around her and she was arched into him, pressing every part of her against him. It made me sick to know that he was making out with some slut behind my back after he told me to stay away from TJ. What's even more disgusting to me, is the fact that he's been going out with her in public. Talk about a huge knife in the chest.

I sniffled into TJ, trying to put myself back together again. If Derek was going to cheat on me, he wasn't worth crying over. But what was I really crying about? The fact that it was him cheating on me or the fact that someone had the nerve to betray me like that? Didn't this mean I was home free? That I could move on from Derek and the shitty year of a relationship that he had handed me. I pulled away from TJ, whom was looking down at me with a concerned expression. When he saw the tears, anger completely took over the space of his eyes and his breathing became heavy.

"Stay here." I told him, sensing that he really wanted to kick Derek's ass. I wiped under my eyes, fluffed my hair out and turned on my heel. Some of my hair smacked TJ's chest and I giggled at the way he tisked at me. I marched right over to where Derek was still making out with slut girl. I tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to tell me to go away. I ignored him and continued tapping him on his shoulder.

"What!" He whirled around, an angry expression on his face for being interrupted. It evaporated and a look of shock crossed his face as my hand made contact with the side of his face. A wicked grin came onto my face at the stress that was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't upset anymore, all I could feel was the power of telling him off.

"That was for cheating on me, This slap is for making me stay away from one of my friends, and this punch is for making me waste my time on a lazy ass, going-know-where, dipshit like yourself." I watched as Derek clutched his nose, which had blood pouring out of it.

I smiled triumphantly at TJ who was laughing at Derek. I motioned for him to come over here. He followed, bringing my purse and coffee with him. He handed them to me and I turned towards the girl who had been wrapped around Derek. She shrunk back when I turned my green eyes on her, scared of what I would do to her. I gave her a small smile before flipping the iced coffee in her hands onto her shirt.

"Wake up and smell the coffee sweetheart. He's a loser. If he cheated on me, he'd definitely cheat on you." I looked down at Derek one more time while lacing my fingers with TJ's. Derek looked so pathetic on the floor, blood splotching his shirt, and coffee dripping onto him from his slut.

"Grow up, Derek. Your getting too old to play these same games." I turned towards the door but stopped and looked back over my shoulder at him, past TJ. "And start dating in your league."

I laughed as I pushed through the door of the coffee shop, out into the crisp winter air. I felt like a whole weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was free falling. As I started to walk down the sidewalk with TJ, for the first time in so long, I felt 100% happy. No Derek weighing me down, No TJ being an asshole, and well, TJ's presence alone was enough to make me happy. I couldn't believe how fast I had done a 180 on how I felt about TJ.

"You rebound quick." TJ spoke, looking down at me with a smile. I looked towards his shirt which had a couple wet spots and some black on it. I cringed upon seeing it.

"Yeah, well some people just aren't worth it anymore. Plus, now I get to spend all my time with you." I bumped his shoulder with mine and squeezed his hand. He didn't say anything but I looked up at him biting his lip, trying to hide his smile. "Sorry about your shirt."

"It's fine. It will come out, right?" He asked, pulling the shirt away from him to look at it. the fabric rode up a little, exposing the waist band of his boxers and enough skin to make me want to rip the shirt off of him. I bit my lip to keep the shriek of approval from escaping my mouth. God, TJ was just so damn hot. It almost wasn't even fair.

"Um, yeah." I sputtered out, taking a deep breath, holding it, and then letting it out again.

We continued to walk down the street, no destination in mind, just enjoying the cool air and each others company. I noticed TJ, from the corner of my eye, several times, staring at me. I just shrugged it off, figuring he was waiting for me to break down. But the truth was I felt fine, actually I felt excellent although I was pissed that it took me this long to figure out what an asshole he was.

People rushed by TJ and I, doing last minute Christmas shopping, or getting outfits for the Christmas festivities. Christmas was my favorite time of year because of how beautiful the city was and how happiness seemed to energize the air around me. I smiled as a little kid pointed into a shop window, tugging at his mom's arm, and insisting that he needed to give Santa his Christmas list.

I giggled when we came to another little boy who looked up at TJ and recognized him. He whispered to his mom who he saw and his mom commanded the little boy that he didn't bug us. TJ ducked his head, trying to avoid a confrontation but I stopped next to the little boy. TJ looked at me with a questioning look and I jerked my head in the direction of the little boy. TJ smiled before crouching down to the little boys level.

"Hey bud, I'm TJ." He told him, holding up his hand. The little boy gave him a high five and a grin broke out on his face.

"I'm Dylan," He exclaimed, puffing out his chest.

"Are you a Blues fan?" TJ asked jokingly since he could see the blue shirt poking out from under his jacket. Dylan nodded, looking at TJ as if he was his hero. I continued to watch as TJ made conversation with him, asking if he played hockey, what position he played and how old he was. With every word TJ spoke to the little boy, I felt my chest expand at how adorable he was with this little kid. His kindness tore through my chest and temporarily screwing up my emotions. I felt tears poke at my eyes at how cute this whole scene was playing out.

"Alright Dylan, we have to leave now," His mother told him, coaxing him away from TJ. "Thank you, you just made his entire year. Good luck the rest of the season." She grinned while TJ blushed, brushing off the compliment. I giggled, watching his rosy cheeks flare even more when he saw me grinning at him. I waved good bye to the little boy and his mom before lacing my fingers with TJ's again.

"That was cute," I told him, watching him duck his head shyly. But he just ignored me, tugging my hand and turning down a street, heading towards a park. We walked down the path, not talking just enjoying the falling snow. The trail was lined by a thick forest, with all of the trees blanketed by snow. We came to another trail, this one was not paved, but instead created by people walking through it. TJ started to head down it but I stopped, letting our hands drop.

"Um, is this where you drag me into the woods and kill me?" I asked him, only half joking.

TJ laughed, "come one. I would be way more creative than that." He teased me before grabbing my hand and dragging me along behind him. "I'm showing you something. Something that is important to me." My eyebrows furrowed over my eyes. The only thing in my line of vision was trees, twigs, and snow. It wasn't until TJ went behind a pine tree, dragging me with him, that I noticed the small pond along with two hockey nets. I turned to TJ for an explanation but he just dropped my hand and walked/slid over to the center of the pond before turning back to face me.

"This is where I come when I don't want to be TJ Oshie the hockey star. I come here to be the kid who just loves to skate, who has no expectations, where I don't have to be flawless. instead I can just play the game I fell in love with when I was a little kid. This reminds me of home. It brings me back to Warroad, to North Dakota, anywhere but here because I need an escape sometimes. I don't bring people here because I don't want them to ruin this for me."

I nodded, "but if this is really important to you, and that's why you keep it hidden, why did you show me?" I asked, walking towards the edge of the pond.

"Because your starting to become important to me too," He slid over towards me, grabbing my hands and leading me back to the center. I looked up at him, watching the hair fall over his backwards hat and get tangled up in his blonde locks. The snow fell all around us, making this moment pure and blissful, perfecting it more so than TJ's words.

"Good, because I'm starting to have a hard time hating you," I murmured to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Just promise me you'll remember this place someday in the future. Someday when your really mad at me, okay?" He asked me, looking deep in my eyes. I nodded, not quite understanding what he was getting at, but agreeing none the less.

He stepped towards me, letting me rest my head on his chest. I took a deep breath, enjoying his sweet smell surround my body and relax me. Despite all the hateful things that I felt for TJ just weeks ago, all of it was rapidly changing. I couldn't stop thinking about him, couldn't stay away. I wanted him, all of him, just to myself. I wanted him to be my someone special, even though I just dumped Derek an hour before. It was obvious that I never felt this way for Derek. Only TJ could bring this much emotion, passion, out of me. Only TJ could make me.. love.. him..

I closed my eyes at that thought, trying to shelter myself. Sure, TJ said I was important to him, but what happens if he gets bored of me? What happens if I fall so hard for him, even harder than I already have, and it's all just a game to him? What if there is a secret lurking in the shadows that is making him act like this? Was that what he was talking about a second ago? What if this is a fake TJ, just an act, or a role? What happens if he could never love me? Where would that leave me?

But even though I want answers to all of these questions, I pushed them to the back of my mind. Because right now is about the present, its about TJ and me, in this moment. I don't have to worry about the future or what will happen in a couple days, weeks, or months, down the road. I just need to be in this moment, enjoying the fact that TJ trusts me enough to bring me to his safe haven. I don't have time to waste this moment playing the what if game, it's cost me too much in the past, it's time to just go with my gut for once. And so I did, by pulling away and pressing my lips to his. I let my intuition lead me, praying to God that it didn't bring me to heartbreak.