In Your Shadow

It was the first day of fifth grade. I walked into school wearing a new shirt and jeans mom had bought me, and Tom was wearing someone that was old. It was a very nice shirt though.

It’s just that he wore it a lot. Most of the print had faded off the front, but I liked the shirt. It was blue. It was much lighter than when mom bought it for him a couple of years before, but that was because he wore it once or twice a month.

He got rid of that shirt when we were in sixth grade, I remember. A big hole ripped in it while he was putting it on and he almost started to cry. That was the only time in my life I thought I would see my brother cry. But he only almost did. His eyes glistened for a few seconds and instead he punched the wall. I don’t know why he liked the shirt so much, really, but it did look nice on him.

I didn’t like going to school on the first day. All the first day of school was was teachers telling us the same rules of conduct we had to follow all year long. But first thing in the morning, we went to homeroom and we got lockers.

I got the top locker and Tom got the bottom locker beneath it, naturally, since we were right next to each other in the school list. It was kind of funny. I came before him since my name started with a ‘B,’ so he always got the bottom locker. And he was at least four inches taller than me when we were kids. We’re pretty much the same height now though.

“You better not drop anything on me,” Tom scowled.

I looked at his blue shirt. “I can’t even read what it used to say.”

“I know. I like it.”

“Why?”

He ignored me. “Are you gonna promise not to drop books on me?”

“I guess,” I always dropped a book on him at least once a year and said it was an accident for fun.

The next two kids came out to put stuff in their lockers, the lockers right next to us. Though we were supposed to go back to homeroom, I didn’t.

This boy with albino-white hair came up to the locker next to me. He looked sad and his eyes were red like he’d been crying. I stayed at my locker and just kept staring at this downcast boy as he shoved his worn, tattered books into his locker.

“Hi,” I said meekly, wanting to know what was wrong.

He just looked at me and rubbed at his eyes. He wasn’t albino, because his eyes were brown and his skin wasn’t deathly white like albinos usually have. Anyway, he didn’t reply to me, so I just kept on talking.

“Is your hair naturally that color?” I asked.

He just nodded. “I’m sorry; I’m not feeling myself today.”

“It’s alright. Everyone has those days, even me!” I really didn’t have too many depressing days, actually. But lying is sometimes good in situations like these.

“Yeah,” he tried to give me a smile, but he had trouble giving me one.

“Hey you weren’t the locker next to me last year, so I figure you’re new, right?” I asked.

He nodded. Wow he was just like a sad little albino bobble head.

“Where’d you move from?!”

“Munich.”

“Cool! Munich is an awesome city. I’ve been there with my brother a couple times,” I said and turned to look for Tom, but he was back in homeroom.

Actually, the third group was already coming out to put stuff in their lockers already. My homeroom teacher came out and frowned at me and blondie. She knew me by name already. Not a good sign.

“Kaulitz! Get in here,” she motioned, giving me that menacing teacher’s glare. But I was never afraid of it. Never.

“My name’s Bill Kaulitz by the way,” I told albino as we walked to the classroom.

He clutched at his bag and swallowed uncomfortably. “I’m A-Andreas Kiel.”

We got in the classroom and Mrs. Teacher Lady gave me the glare to be quiet.

“See you around, Andy,” I whispered, and he finally got out a small smile and walked to the last seat in the room.

Teacher Lady pointed to the seat next to Tom and told me to park it.

“Bill, don’t get in trouble for talking on the first day,” Tom whispered to me as Teacher passed out the stupid guidelines and rules that no one reads.

“They won’t call mom and Gordon on the first day, puh-leaseee. They never call parents until like the second week for bad behavior. And you, mister, if you wanna get in a fight, do it before the end of the week, no one gets in parental trouble the first week, they totally let it slide.”

He rolled his eyes and picked up his manual. “Who reads this shit anyway?”

I looked behind me and saw that old Andy had his manual covering his face. But I didn’t think he was reading it. I thought he was a really cool kid inside. I think he was just trying not to be noticed. Poor kid. Being the new kid is never fun. At least when we moved to Magdeburg I had Tom in nearly all my classes to adjust. He was all alone as far as I knew. I didn’t see any more albino-haired kids.

Then she passed out the schedules. Tom and I instantly pulled our desks together and compared schedules to see that we only had two classes together: math and lunch.

“You mean I have to take gym without you?!” I twitched. I hid behind Tom in dodgeball, because I was afraid I would get hurt and he was really good and would block everything from hitting me.

He laughed. “Yeah! And you’ve got it first thing after homeroom,” he laughed again.

I hit my head against the desk. “Noooooooo. They always make first period kids go outside!” I really hated being outdoors. No air conditioning. And there were bugs and sweat and the sun out there too!

I stood against the school wall. I was the first one out there. I changed into my gym clothes really fast. I was always the first one done.

Andreas was the second one to walk out. His eyes weren’t so red and puffy now. He kind of looked refreshed.

“Long time, no see,” I called to him, and he turned around.

“Hi, Bill,” he said, his voice barely audible.

“Can I ask why you were so glum this morning?”

“Well you just did.... so that answers your own question,” he kinda looked away.

“You aren’t going to tell me?” I questioned.

“You know... just new school and stuff...” I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t ask further. He probably didn’t want me to know, anyway.

Turns out Andreas was pretty good at sports. I already volunteered him as my new partner in dodgeball, which he told me he was especially good at.

“You can protect my scrawny body from getting broken,” I smiled.

“I’m as skinny, if not skinner than you are,” and he was right. He was skin and bones, which was almost where I was. I have no clue why I am skin and bones really. I eat a shitload of bad stuff.

“You’d like my brother.”

“What’s his name?”

“Tom. He’s my twin. We’re identical actually. People who are friends with us both only notice it though. You have to know us for awhile to see that we look exactly the same, I mean. He’s got dreadlocks though.”

“Dreadlocks?!” he gasped.

I smiled. “Yeah. They’re kind of new. I actually think they look nice on him.”

Andy still looked at me like my whole family was crazy, but at least the rest of gym class was enjoyable. Sad people are just never enjoyable.

Andreas Kiel just happened to be in every one of my classes in fifth grade. I introduced him to my brother at lunch and after that we all went to math together.

To be honest, I hadn’t really made so many friends since we’d moved to Magdeburg. I was thinking about that as I lay in bed that night. Tom had been in all my classes, and Tom was just by default my best friend. I never really had anyone else.

“That Andreas kid seems weird,” Tom said as he walked in from the shower, wearing only a towel.

I cringed. “Put some clothes on. And why do you say that?”

“It seems like he’s keeping something from everyone,” he replied.

“He’s the locker next to ours. This morning he was really sad and it looked like he’d been crying for awhile,” I explained. “I know it’s not just because he’s a new kid. I didn’t cry when we were new, and you know how much of a sissy I am. I figured its something personal that he just doesn’t wanna tell me.”

“Well I still think he’s weird. Is he albino?”

“No, he dyes his hair,” I lied. I didn’t want Tom making fun of him anymore.

He started laughing. “You two are made for each other.”

The color left my face. I sat up and threw a pillow at him. “You’re gross.”

“So are you. You’re the gay one.”

“Stop it Tomi! I’m sorry I’m not into girls yet. Not every boy is like you!” I yelled. I got really defensive when he did that to me. I was really too young to have a girlfriend. I mean really. I liked girls, but I wasn’t going to date one. That was still kind of icky at the age of ten. Just not to Tom.

“Normal boys don’t dye their hair,” he reminded.

I got out of bed and started kicking him, but it didn’t even faze him. “You know I’m kidding Macky. Go back to bed.”

Then I got angry and I hit him. “DON’T CALL ME MACKY!!”

“Bwahahahaha,” Tom laughed, and I pounded at his chest, but it still didn’t work.

Macky was what grandma called me. Really, don’t ask me why. I don’t know why. Mom’s mom is a loony. I always wished she would come up with something for Tom, but my wish never came true.

“Go to bed, Bill,” Tom said.

“I’m going to think of a nickname for you.”

“Have fun,” he said.

And so I went to bed. Because I always did what Tom asked of me, eventually.