Imperfectly Beautiful

My hands shook as I walked down the slightly familiar sidewalk. Memories from the last time I was at Peyton’s wouldn’t stop running through my mind. When the skin of my palms had been pressed onto the bare skin of Peyton’s waist that night, my body had instantly shivered violently at the sparks that flew through my fingertips. I stared down at my hand, which was now grazing against the wood of Peyton and Harmony’s door, and tapped my knuckles on the door softly.

Footsteps could be heard from the other side of the door, and my heart instantly went on a wild rampage. My lungs felt as if they were shrinking as I breathed in and out through my mouth. A small fog, from the condensation of my breath, escaped my lips as I watched the doorknob twist before me.

The first thing I saw was Peyton’s shocked expression that was laid out across her face. I let my eyes linger across her body as I noticed the camera that dangled from the fingers of her left hand. Although it was starting to become colder out, she was dressed in only a black t-shirt and white shorts.

A smile, which was the last thing I expected from her, suddenly grew onto her face. “Joe…”

The way she said my name sent the butterflies lose in my stomach. I smiled sheepishly and shoved my hands into my jean pockets. I didn’t know where to start talking, or what words should be said, but just standing in front of Peyton at her doorstep made the weight I had been carrying on my chest for the past few days suddenly disappear.

“I…” She paused in order to smile again. “I didn’t think you would come.”

The smile on my lips wavered slightly in confusion as she set the camera on what I assumed to be a table that was set next to the door. “After what I told you on the answering machine, I was sure you wouldn’t ever want to speak to me again.”

By now, my entire smile was gone. I coughed awkwardly and prepared myself to say my first words. “I didn’t listen to the message.”

The tips of Peyton’s cheeks turned a deep crimson color as she scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion. I stepped closer into the doorway. “I mean, I heard part of it. Nick was sitting next to me, though, I didn’t want him to hear anything.”

Peyton, who had tilted her body away from the door in order to let me inside of the house, laughed in relief. “That was a good idea.”

We stood across from each other in the narrow hallway, which was poorly lit, and continued to look at each other in silence.

“I’m sorry, Joe.” She sighed suddenly, leaning her fragile body against the lightly painted wall. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you were going to do anything with Harmony, and I shouldn’t have let you kiss me that night. You were…upset, and feeling alone. We have such a great friendship, and I’m willing to forget about it if you can.”

The relief that pulsed through my veins as Peyton began to talk came to an abrupt stop at her final words.

“Forget?” I felt my hands clench together at my sides as Peyton nodded her head. “Pey, I don’t want to forget.”

Peyton’s eyebrows clenched together in confusion. “It meant nothing-”

I didn’t let her finish. Without thinking, I stepped closer to her and pressed our bodies against the wall we were standing in front of. My breath lingered in front of her as her eyes darted between the space between us and my face.

“It meant everything.” I sighed, “Don’t tell me that didn’t mean anything to you. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have let it go on for as long as it did. I was upset about Camilla being with Rob, but that had nothing to do with why I kissed you.”

“Then why, Joe, did you kiss me?” Peyton asked with a tinge of anger in her voice. My hands had found their way to Peyton’s waist unconsciously. I stared at the small area of skin that was showing from her shirt being lifted up as a smile flooded onto my face.

“Because I have feelings for you, Peyton,” I answered, “and honestly answer me this. Why did you let me kiss you?”

She wet her lips slowly, staring down at a feature of my face that was unknown to me. I could feel her fingertips unsurely find their way my sides, and I slowly reached my hands up to drag them across the length of her arms. My body was pressed to hers, I could feel her breath on my neck as I moved in closer to her.

Without giving her time to answer me, I allowed my eyes to roll shut as the warmth of her lips soothed my cold skin. She wrapped her fingers around my forearms as we pulled ourselves closer together.

I paused shortly and rested my forehead against hers. “Can you believe me now?”

It was hard to see her expression in the dark room, but I felt her head nod as she tilted her face up towards mine. Our lips met again, but this time, it was more eager than the last.

It was out of relief, and comfort, and satisfaction. Kissing her was instantly forgetting my problems. And at that moment, that’s exactly what I needed.

* * *

I couldn’t help but stumble over my feet as I finally made my way up the stairs to my apartment complex. The smile on my face was impossible to get rid of, even when I slammed open my door to see Nick and Kevin still patiently waiting on my couch. Nick, who had instantly sprung up from his seat to mute the TV, was now giving me an uneasy look, while Kevin just waited for me to explain.

But I said nothing. I simply smiled at them before receiving the cordless phone and it’s answering machine off of the coffee table next to kitchen counter. Walking into my room, I shut the door quietly and plopped down on the edge of my bed.

I ignored the small tap on my door that came from Nick as I pressed in the play button in order to listen to my unheard messages.

“Joe.” Her voice made the smile on my face grow. The message I had begun to listen to earlier replayed. “I’m really sorry for everything that I told you. I was…really uncertain of my feelings then, but I would love to catch up and talk about what happened that night. I really had no right to assume that you were doing anything with Harmony, and honestly I think I was just jealous. I don’t know what I‘m feeling. I know I shouldn’t be feeling anything for you with Camilla and all. But, I don‘t think I can help it. I wish I knew how you were feeling…please call me back.”

click.