Imperfectly Beautiful

“Let him chose who he wants, Kevin.” Nick shouted from the other side of the island in the kitchen. I heard a few booms and bangs as Nick searched for whatever he had been looking for. “It’s not his fault that he has finally realized that Peyton is the obvious choice.”

“Peyton?” Kevin laughed, sitting furiously down in front of our brother. “Being with Peyton would ruin everything, Nick. I can’t believe he actually bought the bullshit you were feeding him. Being with Peyton would ruin his relationship with the woman he loves.”

I winced at the word. Love. Something I had told Camilla plenty of times before was now just a word. I didn’t love her. I wasn’t even sure if I ever had.

“If he loves her so much, why has he been spending every waking moment with Peyton? And why does he seem happier? And why hasn’t he talked to, or talked about, Camilla the entire time she has been gone?” I had closed my eyes, so I couldn’t see how Kevin and Nick’s facial expressions had looked, but I could tell Kevin was stumped.

“That’s what I thought,” Nick said victoriously. My eyes snapped open as I stood up from my chair and made my way into the apartment’s kitchen.

After I had talked to Nick, he had went back to his house. Where Kevin was. Where he felt the need to tell Kevin about everything. Absolutely, everything. Which resulted in Kevin freaking out over everything. Absolutely. Everything.

“Guys, please stop arguing.” I mumbled over their continuous shouting. Nick sighed in exasperation before throwing the refrigerator door open and grabbing a Diet Coke from the side.

“Joe, you know this cant go on any longer with Peyton.” Kevin told me as I sat down next to him. I studied the design of the countertop and avoided eye contact with both of my brothers as they stared uncertainly at me.

“Unless you really think you made a mistake by staying with Camilla for so long,” Nick mumbled, taking a sip of his Coke before smiling at Kevin in triumph. I watched as the two of them exchanged a look before shaking my head.

“I don’t know what I want to do,” I said, “but it’s my decision, not Nick’s, and not Kevin’s. I just need some time to think, you guys.”

“You don’t have that much longer,” Nick stated, “Camilla is coming back this weekend.”

My stomach dropped at the idea. How I would feel seeing her again? Would I instantly crumbled under all of the guilt? Would I feel anything? Would my heart flutter the way it used to every time I saw her? The way it felt now when I saw Peyton?

“Nick, he said he needed time.” Kevin murmured, giving me a confused look before standing up from his chair and grabbing his sunglasses off of the counter. I continued to study the counter as the clinking of Nick’s car keys dangled from his hand next to me. “You will make the right decision, Joe. Just think about who you have known longer, and how much of a commitment you have already made.”

“And how leaving the things that just drag you down is always the best thing to do.” Nick interrupted. Kevin rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Nick.

“Dude, just stop.” He argued, crossing his arms across his chest. “You can’t possibly know everything there is about love.”

“Oh,” Nick laughed shortly before sliding his own sunglasses in front of his eyes. “and you do?”

“At least I’m in a healthy relationship.” Kevin spat, shooting Nick a look through the lens of his glasses.

I sighed and stood up from my place at the table before walking between the two of them.

“Both of you need to leave and deal with this somewhere else,” I stated, “I need to make this decision by myself.”

I watched as Kevin and Nick slowly walked to the door. They didn’t exchange any more words inside of the apartment, but as soon as I slammed my door shut, I could hear their bickering continue down the hallway towards the elevators.

Grabbing my phone, I walked over to the couch and plopped down onto it in exhaustion. I stared aimlessly at the bright screen, squinting as the phone came to life and I searched through my contacts list.

Passing Camilla’s cell phone number easily, I stared down at the phone number that flashed on the screen in front of me.

The monotone ringing. The click of the receiver. Her voice answering the phone.
“I need you,” I mumbled quietly, staring down at the ground sheepishly. At first, she didn’t say anything. I sucked in the air through my clenched teeth and ran my hand through my unwashed hair. I had just woken up, I hadn’t even looked in a mirror yet, but I didn’t care. I needed to see her.

Peyton sighed on the other line of the phone and cleared her throat quietly. “I can be there in fifteen minutes, is that okay?”

“Yeah,” I murmured, standing up from the couch and quickly running into my bedroom. I stared at the array of clothes that hung from my closet and smiled to myself. “I’ll see you then.”

“See you,” Peyton said quietly, hanging up the phone. I stared down at my own phone that was resting in my shaking fingers and disconnected before chucking it at my unmade bed in panic. I quickly turned my attention back to the closet and pulled the first few articles of clothing I saw.

* * *

My hair was still dripping wet when I heard Peyton buzz herself into my apartment complex. Sprinting to the front door, I grabbed the door handle and swung it open quickly. Peyton, who had her blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail and a sweatshirt zipped up over her shorts, smiled brightly as I walked out of the doorway in order to let her in. The thumping of my heart overpowered the sound of her squeaky sneakers as she walked across my apartment’s wooden floor.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I asked quietly, shutting the door behind me and following her into the front room, where she had sat down at the edge of my couch.
“I’m fine,” Peyton smiled as I sat down next to her and rested my fingers across her bare knee. It felt good to feel her skin on mine, even if it was just innocent contact. “thanks though.”

My breath hitched in my throat as she suddenly slithered her arms around my waist before pulling our bodies as close as they could possibly get.

“You sounded upset over the phone,” she continued, her voice so close to my ear that it sent shivers up my spine, “is everything alright?”

“I just wanted to see you.” I said quietly, feeling Peyton pull away slightly.
“I wanted to see you, too.” She promised me. My eyes met hers, holding them there slightly as I leaned as far back on the couch that I could. She followed me seconds later and smiled innocently before pressing her warm lips onto mine.

A tinge of adrenaline ran through my veins at the feeling of her hands being pressed up onto my chest. I broke the kiss suddenly in order to pull Peyton onto my lap.
The small smile on her lips grew as she pushed her lips back onto mine. I allowed my hands to fall down on the space next to me, feeling my fingers graze up against a glossy texture.

Something that felt like a photograph. I opened my eyes and picked up the item, pulling it up to my line of vision in order to see what it was. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a picture of Camilla, her hair swinging in the breeze and the sun shining brightly down upon her face.

Peyton sensed my sudden tenseness and pulled away, glancing down at me uncertainly before running her hands up and down my chest. I took one more look at the photograph before shoving it down into the couch cushion.

Something in Peyton’s eyes told me what she was thinking when I turned my attention back to her. Maybe I was thinking the same thing too. It happened all too fast for me to realize what was happening.

Something in her eyes told me, exactly, what she was thinking; and without saying a word, I nodded my head quickly.

The words Nick and Kevin had said to me earlier didn’t even cross my mind.

The photograph that I had just hidden underneath us, the person in it, didn’t even cross my mind.

Because if it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind.