Imperfectly Beautiful

Gate number 14. The illuminated sign hung up over the uncomfortable array of empty seats in the airport. I glanced at the few people who stood around me, waiting anxiously for the two white doors in front of me to open. It felt like hours had passed, when in fact it was only minutes. Five long minutes. I needed a break from staring at the doors, so I briskly slipped into the empty bathroom. Glancing into the mirror in front of me, I nervously fixed my hair.

I sighed as the cold water hit my face; its freezing temperature clearing my mind a little. I took my time returning back to the gate, grabbing a pack of gum from a vending machine on my way, since all of the airport shops were still closed. It wasn't until I checked my phone that I noticed that my two minute trip had turned into nearly fifteen. I briskly walked around the corner, glancing toward Gate 14, which was now empty.

All of the awaiting family members, lovers, and friends were no longer idly standing or sitting among the two doors; the two doors were no longer closed. The gate looked deserted, except for one person standing alone. My one person. A smile stretched across my lips as I studied her from a distance before walking silently toward her.

I forgot how beautiful she was, her dark hair longer than I had remembered it. I watched as her agitated eyes landed on me. Suddenly, they weren't as harsh.

"Joe." Her voice was low, but I still heard it a distance away. She let go of her bags and started towards me, moving a little faster than a walk. I smirked and met her half way.

"Hey," I said nonchalantly as she wrapped her arms around me tightly, the scent of her perfume filling my nose. "I thought you forgot." She whispered as her eyes met mine.

"Of course I didn't forget." I leaned down and kissed her forehead as her hands still held tightly on to the back of my shirt.

“I’ve missed you, so much.” She mumbled into my chest, her hands sliding their way down to the front of my shirt. The feeling of her fingertips on the fabric of my shirt made my stomach twirl around restlessly. Whether this was a good thing or not, I wasn’t sure.

“You look exhausted,” I stated, slipping past her statement quickly. “I parked in the back, just in case. Are you about ready to go?”

Camilla glanced at me, a tinge of shock flashing across her eyes. Sooner or later, she had nodded her head and retrieved the bags that she had dropped to the floor. We walked in complete silence out to my car.

“So England was good?” I asked quietly, turning down the radio after I had pulled out of the parking lot. Camilla nodded her head without tearing her attention away from the scenery outside.

“The scenes went really well,” She said quietly. How was Rob? I wanted to ask. I bit on my lower lip and cleared my throat as Camilla slowly turned her attention to me.

“How were things here?” She asked quietly. I took my eyes off of the road for a few moments in order to look into her eyes. Something about the edge that had flooded into them hinted to me that Camilla wasn’t complete clueless about what had went on between Peyton and I; although, I wasn’t sure how she would have figured out something like that.

Maybe it was clearly written all over my face as if there were a large note posted on my forehead informing the world that I was an unfaithful boyfriend and was easily in love with a completely different girl. But then again, maybe not.

“It went alright,” I lied, “I spent some time with a couple of friends. A few days with Nick and Kevin too. Most of the time I was just…up in the apartment hanging out.” By the way Camilla nodded her head and glanced back out the window, I thought the question had been resolved. But only moments later, she continued.

“Alone?” I was confused by her question.

“What?” She watched as a few raindrops raced their way down the window in front of her.

“Where you alone? You didn’t have any girls up there when I was gone or something?” I glanced at her in awe as she crossed her arms over her chest, stubbornly waiting for an answer.

I took a deep breath, watching as my knuckles turned white from the tight grip I had on the steering wheel. “Of course I didn’t, Camilla. Why would you even ask something like that?”

She shrugged her shoulders, resting her knees up on the dashboard in front of her. “You just seem different, like…distant. I don’t know.”

My eyes still bore into her side as I pursed my lips into a straight line. For whatever reason, Rob’s image flooded my mind. His stubbly chin and dark eyes. The bored expression that always seemed to be displayed on his face suddenly turned into a bright smile as I imagined the feelings that he might possibly feel for my girlfriend. Maybe she felt the same way. Maybe, she had been doing the exact same thing I had been doing when she was gone. Maybe they were in love, maybe they felt a certain sensation pulse through their bodies like I did when I saw Peyton enter a room.

The image of Rob turned into a hazy picture of Peyton standing in the doorway of my bedroom. Her long blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders as she slowly tip-toed her way to the end of my bed. I sat lazily in front of her, watching as she slowly pulled my Polaroid camera out from behind her back. She flipped open the front of it and peered into the lens, snapping a few pictures of my sleepy expression. I smiled as the flashes continued to come more rapidly, like the headlights of cars passing by in the other lane. An upbeat melody by Train played in the background as she hummed quietly to the song, crawling her way closer and closer to my body. Her lips crashed down onto mine as she struggled to grasp onto the heavy camera. I glanced up just in time to see the camera flash once more, it’s bright light seeming brighter than all of the others.

The song in the background was replaced by the sound of screeching tires as I was forced out of my haze. The tight grip I had on the steering wheel was suddenly loosened as I felt the entire body of the car being thrown to the right. The image of Peyton, who was serene and peaceful in front of me, was replaced by the terrified look on Camilla’s face as she sat up from her seat, just before being thrown my direction.

“Fuck,” I mumbled, watching as an agitated truck driver sped past my window. I slowly pulled further onto the side of the road and glanced back at Camilla. “Are you alright?”

She didn’t answer me. She continued to stare out the windshield, her arms folded tightly across her chest. I sighed and slid out of the car, preparing myself to see if I had done any damage to the car by quickly pulling off to the side.

When I heard the passenger’s door open, I kneeled down to inspect the tires next to me. The shadow of Camilla was cast down next to me as I studied the round bolts.

“What were you thinking, Joe? Were you thinking at all? What has been going on with you lately? I could tell you had been acting different ever since I saw you come and get me at the airport. Has it occurred to you that you could have gotten both of us killed?”

She continued to ask me questions as she paced back and forth. I clenched my jaw slightly as I reached into my jean pocket, feeling my fingers wrap around the velvet box gingerly. When I rounded the corner of the airport terminal, the ring had seemed like a heavy weight in my front pocket. Now, as I slowly pulled it out of my pocket, I felt a certain relief flush over me.

Pivoting on my knee quickly, I glanced up at Camilla. She had stopped mid-sentence and was now looking down at the box, her arms falling down to her side.

“Joe, w-what are you…” My fingers found their way to the latch and I slowly pulled open the box, watching as the diamond ring sparkled in the sun that was now beginning to peek out of the rain clouds. “…what is this?”

“Camilla, I have been thinking a lot lately,” The words that left my mouth seemed to shock me more than they shocked her. A small smile now played across her lips as I felt my stomach whirl around uncertainly. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

I shoved the memory of mine and Peyton’s night into the back of my mind as I got up from my knee and slid the ring onto Camilla’s shaking finger. “Will you marry me?”

Silence. Tears poured down not only Camilla’s cheeks, but mine as well. I wasn’t sure if they were tears of joy, confusion, or maybe even regret. My stomach was still unsettled, my hands were clammy, I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

Camilla nodded her head gently, but still no words were found. Maybe it was a good thing she didn’t speak, because if she had, I wouldn’t even know the words to say.