Imperfectly Beautiful

The only noise that was heard around the kitchen table was the sound of eating utensils being dropped onto the plates before us. Camilla sat next to me, awkwardly staring down at her food but not eating another bite. I took a sip of my water carefully while scanning the set-up around me.

My mom was sitting at the very end of the table, hands in her lap and a retiring grin on her face. My dad was sitting next to her, looking at something behind Nick’s head. Nick sat across from them, of course, and Danielle and Kevin were sitting next to him. Frankie sat next to me, obviously bored out of his mind.

“So you’ve set a date, I presume.” My mom attempted to start a conversation once again as she looked up from the table and instead rested her eyes on Camilla and I, who couldn’t have been more awkward if we tried.

I should have known this, of course. I hadn’t been around my entire family in months, so things were bound to get awkward when my mom called earlier in the week with the idea of having Camilla and I over for dinner to celebrate our engagement.

“We’re planning on having the wedding at the end of the summer.” I heard Camilla tell my mom from my side. I took another drink of my water, catching Nick’s eye as I brought the glass up to my lips.

He gave me an uncertain look before quickly looking back down at his plate without saying a word.

“Do you have a performer booked yet, or were you planning on getting a DJ?” My mom continued, smiling brightly at the idea of a topic to begin talking about. Camilla seemed eager to answer the questions, so I continued to lean back in the kitchen chair as everyone else listened intently.

“That’s actually a detail that I wasn’t sure about. I was hoping Joe could figure it out.” Camilla glanced at me and smirked gently, resting her hand on my thigh from underneath the table. “I mean, you are the musically talented one out of the two of us.” I felt myself grow tense as everyone’s attention was suddenly turned to me.

“Uh…” I gulped slowly, “I mean, both options are fine with me. I don’t think it’s a major part of the wedding.”

My mom glanced at me with a tilted head. “Of course it’s a major part of the wedding, Joseph. Every part of a wedding is important.”

Nick’s eyes followed mine for a second time as I slowly looked over at Camilla. A strange smile was playing across her lips as she patted my lap.

“It’s fine. Besides, it’s nothing that needs to be worked out now.” She laughed shortly, “I haven’t even started looking for a dress yet.”

It was obvious Camilla was warming up to the idea of having a conversation with my mom. She had relaxed in her chair and even reached out for her glass to take a small sip.

“You know, Denise,” Camilla glanced at my mom with a heartfelt smile. “I was hoping you would be able to go dress shopping with my mom and Danielle on Friday. I’ve been meaning to ask you, but with the rest of the planning going on and-”

“I would love to go!” My mom said happily, glancing around the table. Her eyes stopped at Danielle, who was glancing at Kevin with an uncertain look. I knew what she was thinking. Camilla hadn’t even expected or wanted my mom to go. “Do you have any shops in mind? Because if you don’t have your mind set on anything, I know this really cute boutique downtown that has one of a kind wedding dresses. You won’t find another dress in the world like the ones in that store. Actually, I might have a magazine or something on it in my room. I’ll just go check…” My mom eagerly stood up and walked away from the table without pushing her chair in, something she rarely ever did. She bound her way up the stairs as my dad stood up from his place next to her.

“I’ll start putting the dishes in the kitchen,” He said quietly, taking his time to glance at both of my brothers and I. He knew something was going on as well, but he avoided it. “Frankie, why don’t you help me out? Let your brothers talk for a little while.”

Frankie eagerly jumped out of his seat and followed my dad into the kitchen, leaving the rest of us sitting around the table.

Camilla sighed happily and took another drink from her glass, glancing over at me. “I’m glad I decided to let your mom come, Joe. I guess you were right.”

“Right about what?” Nick asked eagerly, sitting up in his seat. He set his elbows on the table as Camilla laughed sheepishly.

“I was just unsure on whether or not to invite your mom to go dress shopping with the rest of us.” Camilla said quietly, “you know how she can get about some things.”

My stomach rolled around restlessly. I had already heard this conversation before between Camilla and I earlier in the week. It came as a shock to me, and from the look on everyone else’s faces, it was as much of a shock to them as well.

“I guess I don’t understand what you mean,” Nick said unsurely, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I don’t know, Nick. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way like Joe did. But she just gets…so involved in everything. This is my wedding, you know? I want to make the decisions myself. I don’t want someone standing over my shoulder every second whispering their opinion into my ear. It’s nothing against her, she’s a great woman…” Camilla trailed off as she finally realized that everyone around the table had a similar expression to the one that was displayed across Nick’s face. “Guys, please don’t be offended.”

Nick said nothing more as he stood up from the table and shook his head furiously. He shoved the chair in and began making his way up the stairs. Kevin sighed as well and stood up, turning toward Camilla and I.

“I should go talk to him,” He said quietly, slowly pacing his way up behind Nick. This entire situation seemed all too familiar.

Danielle sat awkwardly across from us before glancing at the door that my dad and Frankie had just exited through.

“Maybe they need help putting dishes away…” She said quietly, standing up and leaving the room just as quickly as the others.

I sighed and leaned up against the table, resting my head in my hands. At first, it was silent.

I could hear the loud clanging come from the room that my mom had went into as she probably searched for some magazine that may or may not be in the house. The smashing of dishes as they were placed into the dishwasher was audible from the room next-door. Kevin’s voice was somewhat comprehensible as he spoke to Nick about leaving the table in a fury, once again.

“Why is it that I always say something to get your brothers pissed at me?” Camilla asked suddenly. I opened my eyes and glanced at her through my fingers, watching as she nervously wrung her hands in her lap.

“I think they’re just really protective of the family and everything, Camilla.” I mumbled. I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t tell her that what she said about my mom was not only inconsiderate, but completely false. “I don’t think it’s anything personal.”

“Of course it’s something personal, Joe.” Camilla hissed. Her voice sounded choked up, but I didn’t look up at her. Instead, I studied the decoration of the tablecloth. “Last time this happened, Nick blamed me for everything that happened to your band. If you ask me, that sounds like he has something against me. What is it? What could I have possibly done to get them to hate me so much?”

“They don’t hate you.” I said quickly, “They just, don’t understand you.”
“That’s relieving,” Camilla mumbled, folding her arms across her chest. I could sense the sarcasm in her voice without having to look at her.

“You know what I mean.” I said, “Not everyone in this world is going to like you, Camilla. You should know that.”

“Yeah, but it’s kind of important that your brothers like me.” She paused, “I’m going to be their sister-in-law by the end of this summer.”

My stomach rolled around restlessly. She was going to be part of the family.
“Here it is,” My mom shouted from the top of the stairs. She sat across from Camilla and I and set the bridal magazine down between us. A large smile was displayed across her face as my eyes met hers. “You can’t see the dresses, Joe. It’s bad luck.” She paused before glancing back up the staircase, “Why don’t you go see what is going on with Kevin and Nick? They seem to be arguing about something.”

No, duh, I thought, but obeyed my mom’s suggestion. I slowly walked up the stairs and pounded on the first door to the right, Nick’s bedroom.

“Who is it?” Kevin shouted. I didn’t answer, and instead twisted on the doorknob and barged into the room.

“Mom sent me up here.” I mumbled, running one of my hands through my hair before plopping down on the bed next to Nick. He didn’t even look at me. “She says you two are arguing.”

“You can’t marry her, Joe,” Nick hissed, “I can’t possibly stand to call her my sister-in-law. How can you manage calling her your fiancée if she doesn’t even like Mom?”

“She never said she didn’t like Mom,” Kevin answered, leaning forward in the seat that he had dragged up next to the bed, “she just said that she wanted to make decisions on her own for the wedding.”

Nick ignored Kevin’s comment and glanced at me. “What have you even done in this wedding so far? Besides the whole ‘Band or DJ’ scenario? Because really, I’m surprised Camilla even gave you that responsibility.”

“I’m sure Camilla has given Joe plenty of responsibilities for the wedding, Nick,” Kevin said, “Hasn’t she Joe?”

I continued to sit in silence as both Nick and Kevin waited for an answer.

“Not really, no.” I paused as Nick smiled in victory, “but that’s beside the point. You guys really offended her by storming off like that. She doesn’t think you guys like her, and she is trying really hard to be accepted by this family, you two especially.”

“She really offended me by saying that stuff about Mom,” Nick paused. He stood up from the bed and began pacing around the room. “We don’t like her, and if she’s actually trying really hard, then she sucks at it.”

“Nick,” Kevin warned. Nick stopped momentarily as Kevin glanced over at me. “Look, Joe. It’s true, what she said about Mom was uncalled for. But we, as in Nick, Danielle, and I, all understand that you have genuine feelings for her. Even if we don’t always see why…”

“We never see why…” Nick interjected.

“…we will have to understand what you see in her…”

“…even if there’s nothing to see.”

“…because you love her.” Kevin concluded. Nick ran his hands through his hair and dropped his arms at his sides.

“No,” He turned toward Kevin, “He doesn’t love Camilla. He loves Peyton. And don’t even deny it, Joe. You told me yourself.”

The three of us were silent as Nick’s chest heaved up and down from excitement. I sighed and stood up from the bed, slowly treading my way back toward the bedroom door.

“Peyton and I are done, Nick.” I winced as the words left my mouth, “She doesn’t want to see me again, and I promised her that I would be loyal to her wishes. So with Peyton completely out of the picture, I’m marrying Camilla at the end of this summer. And you have until then to handle her. I’m not asking you to be her best friend, I’m just asking you to act civilized when she’s around. Is that too much to ask of you?”

The angry glare in Nick’s eyes suddenly faded as I turned around. Kevin sat sheepishly in the chair, swinging back and forth slightly as he waited for Nick’s reply.

Even though I could tell that it killed Nick to admit it, he had nothing to say back. I turned around suddenly and looked back at him. I could see my reflection on the wall mirror across from me, and I didn’t look happy. I didn’t feel happy.

“Is it?” I repeated, letting my hand hover over the doorknob Nick shook his head quickly and sat back down on the bed, letting his shoulders slump as he glanced down at the floor.

“It’s not.” Nick promised, not looking up from the rug that he sat in front of. I nodded my head and opened the door, pausing in the doorway but not turning around.

“Good.” I said simply, slamming the door behind me and walking back down the stairs.

Camilla and my mom were still hovering over the magazine as my mom pointed out a certain dress on one of the pages. I walked past them and instead made my way toward the front door.

“Joseph, where are you going?” My mom asked suddenly, standing up from the dining room table. I shook my head and felt my chest begin to cave in. I needed to get away.

I needed to get away from my brothers fighting over who got to make my decisions for me. I needed to get away from my mom and Camilla picking out a wedding dress. I needed to get away from everyone pretending like nothing fucked up was going on. Because everything was going wrong. Everything.

“I’m going out, I’ll be back in half an hour.” I mumbled, bursting through the front door and marching to the car that Camilla and I had arrived in.

“Do you want me to go with you?” I heard Camilla shout after me. I didn’t give myself enough time to answer, because I was already sitting in the driver’s seat with the door shut and the keys shoved into the ignition.

And like that, I was gone.