Imperfectly Beautiful

The single sheet of stationary shook lightly in my hand as I ran my thumb across it’s smooth surface. I could feel the small indentations where Camilla had probably written the note in an angry hurry.

The final piece of who I had expected to spend my entire life with was now resting in my hands. After getting rid of this note, I would have nothing left of her. And maybe, that’s the way it was supposed to be.

I slowly unfolded the paper, glancing quickly over the first and only line that was written on the paper.

I’m not holding you back anymore.

I studied the way her curly handwriting was scrawled over the top of line of the paper.

This note was closure, it was a break-up, and in Camilla’s eyes, it was giving me exactly what I wanted. But the one thing I wanted was leaving. For God knows how long.
I had been staring at my phone all morning. I told myself I would call Peyton, but as the day rolled on, I figured that I probably would never get around to it. Not that I didn’t have the time to make one final plea, but because I didn’t have the courage.

Instead, I picked up my cell phone and dialed Nick’s number, waiting two rings before he picked up.

“Joe?” Nick’s voice sounded groggy, and even though I assumed I had woken him up, I didn’t apologize.

“Camilla left.” I said simply, listening to the silence of the other line. Nick cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Did she…find out?” He questioned, obviously choosing his words carefully so he wouldn’t upset me. I sat back in my chair and ran my free hand across my jeans.

“Yeah, Peyton left a jacket or something here and Camilla found it on the bedroom floor.” I said bluntly. Nick still had no idea what to say. It was strange how he chose this time to be sympathetic towards me, when Camilla and I had been dating for years and he never cared about sparing our feelings then. “So I told her the truth.”

“Was she pissed?” Nick asked, sounding at least a little bit more comfortable as he realized I seemed practically unfazed by the situation.

“Of course,” I mumbled matter-of-factly, “But she told me she knew something was off when she got back. I mean, we talked, we realized that the relationship was doomed to begin with, and I was out of the apartment when she came by to get her things. She’s like…completely out of my life now, Nick.”

“Wait, back up.” Nick said quickly, “Where were you when Camilla came by the apartment? I mean were you with Peyton? Like, does she know that you and Camilla split?”

“No,” I answered shortly. It would be better for me not to tell Nick about Peyton being pregnant. Considering the fact that I had barely talked to her about it, I didn’t want everyone in my entire family to know yet. “I mean, I was with her last night. But only for a little bit. She didn’t give me a chance to explain things, since she told me that she is leaving.”

“Leaving?” Nick asked.

“Leaving.” I repeated, feeling my stomach drop. “For Pennsylvania. She’s going to go live at her parent’s house for a little bit, to sort things out. She is giving up everything, though. Because of me. Her career, her friends-”

“Wait,” Nick interrupted, “She told you that she is leaving just because you like, played with her? A guy screws her over, and suddenly her life is over?”

My cheeks turned hot. There was the Nick that I had gotten used to over the years.

“It’s not like that,” I said defensively. “Like, she has a reason to feel like everything is falling apart.”

Nick stayed silent on the other line and thankfully, didn’t ask me to explain myself.

“So what are you going to do?” Nick asked after a few moments of silence.

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully, running my hand through my knotted hair. “I mean, I’ll just have to forget about her. Or at least until she comes back.-”

“You’re not going to stop her from leaving?” Nick interrupted, yet again.

I looked in front of me, at the bare wall I was facing, and clenched my eyebrows together. “No? I mean, I don’t think there’s anything else that I can do to keep her to stay. She is leaving to get away from me-”

“Yeah, but you can’t give up.” Nick said, a sudden edge taking over his calm voice. “I mean, don’t loose hope until she’s on that plane. You love her, Joe. I mean, it’s obvious that you’re crazy about her. You are calling me, of all people, for advice right now.” I smirked quietly and listened to what Nick was saying. “Just, ask her to give you one more shot. Tell her that everything you did to her was wrong, but that it wont happen again. Tell her how you feel. Don’t let her interrupt you. Just, say what needs to be said so she’ll finally be yours.”

“You’re right,” I mumbled, glancing down at Camilla’s note once more. I’m not holding you back anymore. “Camilla’s not holding me back anymore.”

“Hell yeah,” Nick said with an obvious smirk on his face.

I laughed nervously and stood up from the kitchen table.

“Nick?” I asked quickly.

“Yeah,”

“Thank you.” I said before hanging up my phone.

My stomach rolled around nervously as I slid on a pair of shoes and tried to find my car keys in the mess. Who was to even say that Peyton hadn’t already left for Pennsylvania?

Finding the keys underneath an old sweatshirt, I ran to the front door and down the hallway. There was only one way to find out.

* * *

I had been sitting in the airplane terminal for half an hour, and Peyton still hadn’t shown up. I looked up at the list of flights and double checked that I was sitting in the right section, and sadly, I was. I had arrived at the airplane right as a flight to Pennsylvania left, and the next flight left at two.

My stomach rolled around nervously. What if I was too late? What if she had been on the flight that was leaving as soon as I got here? Could I honestly leave this place without her?

“Last call for Pennsylvania,” A calm voice said over the PA system. Panicking slightly, I stood up from the uncomfortable airport chair and searched around the terminal once again for Peyton.

She was nowhere in sight. How did I even know this was the right airport? It was the closest, but what if she intentionally planned to go to a different one? Did she assume that I would come here looking for a second chance? Was I that predictable?

“Joe?” A disturbed voice called from behind me. I quickly turned around, and sure enough, Peyton stood with her luggage. By the look on her face, I could tell she didn’t want me here. I made a mistake.

“Peyton, I need to-”

“What are you doing?” She asked, her voice growing in volume and impatience. “I can‘t….I can’t do this! I have to leave, right now.”

“No you don’t!” I interjected, ignoring the few confused glances that were thrown our way. I cleared my throat awkward, “I mean, what if you didn’t?” I asked quieter.

“What are you saying?” Peyton questioned, allowing herself to drop her carry-on bag next to her.

“I’m saying…” I paused once more to glance up at her, “what if you stayed with me? What if we were together, and we raised our child together. I know I messed up, Pey. And I know that I don’t deserve you after what I put you through, but please, just give me another shot. If there was a time that you needed me in your life, it would be now. And if there was a time that I needed you, it would be now.”

Peyton skeptically crossed her arms over her chest. “What about Camilla? And how can I even believe you? After you lied to me like that.” Peyton picked up the bag that she had dropped and shook her head.

“Peyton, please.” I begged, reaching out for her arm. I gripped onto her elbow and tugged her towards me gently. “Camilla and I are over, and to be completely honest, I couldn‘t be happier. And you just have to believe me when I say that I want to be with you.”

Peyton broke free of my grip, but didn’t walk away. She stood only a few paces away from me. I watched as so many emotions played across her face.

“I want to,” She murmured, “I really want to. But I don’t want to get hurt like that again. I mean, I put myself out there for you. I gave you everything, and you forgot about it. And that leaves me with a broken heart and a baby.” She pointed down to her flat stomach and sighed before blinking her eyes shut.

“I’m around for as long as you want me here.” I said, ignoring the same voice that had just announced the last call for Peyton’s flight.

Peyton looked behind her and undecidedly adjusted the strap of her luggage.
“Please stay,” I begged. “Please, Peyton. Don’t leave. You can get your old job back, and we can take pictures together. And then the baby will be born and we can teach her everything we know about photography until she’s in love with it as much as we are. We can get married, if that’s what you want. We can buy a house somewhere where families usually live, and we can design the perfect house. We can just…live our lives together. As a family, all in the same place and not on completely different sides of the country.”

Peyton bit down on her bottom lip and glanced down at the floor. I sighed, bracing myself for what she would say next, and also looked down.

“What makes you so sure that it’s going to be a girl? And if our child doesn’t want to be a photographer, you better not force him or her into it…” I looked up from the floor and instantly saw the wide smile that was playing across Peyton’s lips. “…And this better not be your way of proposing, because you didn’t even get down on one knee-”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” I asked eagerly. Peyton rolled her eyes playfully before nodding her head.

“You don’t make life any easier, Joe Jonas. You know that, right?” Peyton quizzed, letting go of her bags before finding her way into my arms.

I slowly wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and held her tightly.

“I’ve been told,” I laughed, pressing my lips onto the top of her forehead.