Imperfectly Beautiful

The entire car stayed silent as I stared down at mine and Camilla’s intertwined hands. I felt Kevin staring at me through the review mirror, but I ignored his curious stare. I glanced over at Camilla, who was staring out the rain streaked window. Squeezing her hand lightly, she looked my way with a and weak uncertain smile on her lips. Her eyes were brimmed to the rim with tears, and I sighed and leaned closer to her, pushing her hair out of her face.

"Don't cry." I whispered, before connecting our lips gently. She kissed back but pulled away, taking a wavering breath while trying to control her tears. I immediately wiped her tears away, before they could affect her makeup. "I can't help it." She laughed sheepishly, leaning her head against my chest and staring back out the window as Kevin drove us to the airport.

No one said anything the rest of the ride there, which seemed to go by too fast. As this day came closer, the time just seemed to go faster and faster. I leaned down and kissed the top of Camilla’s head unexpectedly, which caused Kevin to sigh and end the silence. "We're here." He mumbled, glancing back at us. I nodded and Camilla sat up, not glancing at me at all but keeping her stare out the window. Kevin pulled over at the terminals entrance and walked around to the back of his SUV, opening up the back of the hatch and loading Camilla's suitcase onto the sidewalk.

"Come on," I whispered, as I opened her side of the car door. Camilla's cheeks were stained with tears, and just the sight of her made my heart break. I sighed and leaned in closer to her, supporting my weight against the side of the car. I wiped her tears away quickly, holding her face in my hands and kissing her again. I pulled away once I heard Kevin struggling with her baggage.

We remained silent as I helped her check her baggage at the front gate, and Kevin said his own little goodbye to Camilla. Kevin told me to just give him a call and he will pick me back up, and I just simply nodded.

"20 minutes," Camilla stated, which caused me to stare down at her questionably. She didn't talk the entire time we walked to Gate 14, the gate which was leaving to London, England. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I realized that no paparazzi would be here at the time a red eye flight which meant few of her fans would be here as well. I tried to think of the words to say, the actions to use. Most times I said goodbye to Camilla, I was in tears myself. But this time, it seemed different. My eyes stayed dry, and I didn’t feel the need to tell her I was going to miss her over and over again.
Camilla squeezed my hand as the flight attendant came over the loud speaker, and informed everyone at the surrounding gates that first class for Camilla's flight was now boarding. "I love you." I pulled her closer to me, kissing her forehead as she hugged herself tight against my chest. "I love you too," She whispered through her tears. I bent down and pressed my lips against hers forcefully, which she returned immediately. "I'm going to miss you, so much." Her hot breath sent a shiver down my neck, and I smiled sadly.

"Me too," I responded, "Me too." Camilla took a glance back at the gate, which had a small line entering the plane. "I don't want to go." She mumbled, staring up at me with wide eyes, that were rimmed with tears. "You have to," I said, trying to sound excited for her.

"I love you," She smiled through her tears, and found the strength to giggle a little. I smiled and leaned down again, whispering against her lips, "Esta não é uma despedida." before placing a kiss on them. I pulled away and watched as her eyes lit up, and a smile appear on her face. "Joe," She was shocked, and I smirked lightly.

Camilla was fluent in Portuguese, ever since she was little, and I thought that this would be the perfect time to inform her that I've been learning her native tongue, hoping that it would brighten up her day a little.

“Eu te amo, linda." I continued to amaze her as she stood in front of me, listening intently as I told her I loved her. "Oh my god." She whispered, wiping her own tears away from her eyes, before tiptoeing and kissing my lips eagerly. "Falo com você em breve, querido." It took a couple of seconds of thinking and piecing together words until I figured out she had told me she would talk to me soon. I smiled and bent down again, placing my hands on her hips and kissing her nose lightly.

"Of course." I smiled, and she sighed before turning around, her hand still intertwined with mine, as she watched as the last few passengers on her flight got online to board the plane. "You have to go, now." I explained quietly, feeling her squeeze my hand tightly.

"I know," She sighed, hugging herself close to my chest again, her tears staining my shirt lightly. "Eu te amo." She smiled up at me, surprised that I took the time to learn something that was such a huge part of her life.

"Love you too." I whispered, before kissing her lips one last time. She opened her eyes, and stared at my questionably. "I'll call you when I land." She explained and I nodded, watching as more tears escaped her eyes. "Have a safe flight." I placed a soft kiss on her cheek, before she turned around and checked to see the last two people enter towards the plane.

She hugged me tightly before turning around and walking briskly towards the entrance. She glanced behind her after every other step she took, and smiled weakly at the flight attendant who welcomed her aboard. She blew me one last kiss before turning the corner of the hallway, which lead down onto the planes entrance. I pretended to catch it, and store it in my back pocket, sighing and walking the way I came. So many times we had said goodbye to each other here. Whether it being back in the day when Nick, Kevin, and I were off to our next headlining tour, or Camilla was leaving for another movie. It shouldn’t have felt any different. But unlike every other time, something didn't feel right. Camilla was gone, and this time- she took a piece of my heart with her.