Imperfectly Beautiful

I struggled to slide my apartment key into it’s slot as I bit my lower lip in concentration. Normally I would have some distraction in my way. Camilla telling me some fan encounter as she slipped her heels off of her feet next to me. Nick and Kevin arguing over everything that had two sides to it while they waited for me to unlock the front door. It only seemed natural for me to stand five minutes at the door without entering. Which is why, when I unlocked the door in less than ten seconds, I had paused and glanced at the slightly open door in front of me. The only thing that greeted me was the empty silence of mine and Camilla’s apartment.

Walking in slowly, I slid my beat up shoes off of my feet and ran my hand over the empty wall where Camilla’s raincoat usually hung. My keys were the only ones that were resting on the cabinet next to the door when I slammed them down on the cold wood. My reflection was the only on I saw in the mirror across from me. I was completely alone.

Pulling my cell phone out of my back pocket, I flopped down onto the stiff couch and turned on the TV so I wasn’t surrounded by complete silence. Kevin would be busy with Danielle today; he had called me a few days ago and told me about some extravagant plan he had for their anniversary. I tried Nick’s phone but got his voicemail after only the second ring, which meant the kid didn’t even have his phone on. I didn’t have many other people that I spent my time with in my contacts list, which resulted in my iPhone being tossed across the room and landing on the chair across from me with a thud.

My vision seemed to focus in on the table next to me, where a small rectangular piece of paper was sitting face down next to an old coffee mug. Rolling onto my stomach, I reached out for the card and flipped it over in my hands. I read Peyton’s name across the top of the card and almost instantly looked back over at my phone.

“Peyton Becker.” I sighed, resting my head on my hands as I continued to stare at the iPhone from across the room. Gathering up the willpower to stand, I trudged my way across the room and dialed the number on the card lethargically into my phone. The monotone ring from the other line fi lled my ears, along with the small hum of the television in the background. After the third ring, the line clicked, signaling that Peyton had picked up her phone.

“Hello?” Peyton’s voice floated into my ears and I instantly felt my stomach whirl.

“Peyton. Hey, it’s Joe.” I said softly, falling back on a chair in the living room. I winched when I pulled one of Camilla’s t-shirts out from underneath me. “Are you busy today?”

“I actually have the day off.” She informed me. I nodded my head and swiftly ran a hand through my messy hair.

“Do you think I could come by and get my camera in a little bit?” I lifted my feet off of the ground and rested them on the expensive coffee table, something I cou ld never do with Camilla around.

“Oh, sure.” Peyton answered quickly. We both stayed silent as I thought of something to say.

“Is that all you wanted, Joe?” Peyton asked a few seconds later.

“W-well, I…I was thinking maybe we could go get something to eat. You know…if you wanted to.” I blushed at my loss of words as Peyton answered me.

“Okay. But not Rupture-it’s my day off.” Peyton reminded me. The smile in her voice was obvious. I laughed and nodded my head, standing up from the chair and stepping over Camilla’s shirt I had thrown on the ground.

“Deal.” I smiled. “See you in a few.” I hung up the phone and walked past a wall mirror on the way to my bedroom.

I didn’t have much to be happy about at the moment. My girlfriend was gone in London. Her rumored affair was in the same country as her. I was completely alone for three weeks.

* * *

My fingers grazed down Peyton’s front door after I had tapped my knuckles on it twice. A rustling came from the other side, along with a females voice shouting Peyton’s name. Moments later, Peyton emerged at the front, leaning her small body against the front doorframe.

“Hey Joe.” She smiled as my eyes came in contact with hers. “Come on in.”

I let my eyes travel over her body as she turned her back to me. Her almond-toned skins hone in the midday sun that was shining through the window as we walked down the front hallway.

“You’ve met my roommate, Harmony.” Peyton said quietly, nodding nonchalantly at her friend sitting on the couch.

“Hey.” She greeted, staring up at me through her thin framed glasses. I smiled and murmured a faint hello before I followed Peyton in to a back room.

The dark room had no lighting besides a faint red overhead light that was in the corner of the room. From what I assumed, it was Peyton and Harmony’s studio.

“I thought I would develop some pictures of you and Camilla for you.” Peyton approached me with a stack of photos in one hand and my camera in the other. My stomach churned when I saw Camilla huddled in my arms in the photo. She was staring blankly into the lens, not even a hint of emotion on her face.

“She left for London today.” I stated darkly, running my fingers across the sleek film of the picture. Peyton stayed silent, but I could fee her eyes on me. “Three weeks.” I continued, swallowing the lump that rose in my throat. “She’s in a new movie.”

“That’s great!” Peyton encouraged, handing me the rest of the stack. “I’m sure the three weeks will go by fast.” She brushed her finger across my palm accidentally and smiled. Smiling back, I nodded my head.

“Maybe you’re right.” I whispered, looking down at the first few pictures, although my attention wasn’t really on the images.

“Let me go find my bag.” Peyton interrupted the silence and led me out of the back room. “Then we can get going.” I nodded and looked around for a place to set down the stack of photos. Making my way to the living room Harmony was sitting in, I placed the stack at the table behind her.

“So you’re taking Peyton out on a date.” Harmony, who I thought was too interested in the TV show she was watching to notice me, said quietly. Peyton was moving things around in the room next to us.

“It’s not a date.” I stated, glancing down at the back of Harmony’s head. “We’re just hanging out.” Harmony turned around and smirked slightly up at me, nodding her head. “Mhmm.”

“We are.” I mumbled stubbornly. Harmony turned back around and changed the channel. A small smile played across my face and I folded my arms across my chest. “If you don’t believe me, why don’t you come with us?”

Harmony snorted and shook her head. “I wouldn’t want to interrupt you on your date.” I sighed loudly and let my hands fall to my side. “We aren’t-”

“Ready.” Peyton emerged out of the room she walked into and smiled slightly at me. “Are you?” I glanced down at Harmony once more before nodding my head. “Yeah, let’s go.”

* * *

"How does it feel to be on the other side of the table?" I joked, smirking at Peyton as she watched the waitress move on from our table to the other ones in our area. She smiled my way and laughed briefly, "Pretty nice,"

"This is much easier," She whispered shyly, as she took a sip of her water. I smiled and pulled my camera up onto the table, running my fingers along the edges of the buttons, watching the screen power up.

"I felt like I was missing something the entire week," I mumbled, referring to my camera, glancing up at Peyton, who was spinning her leather bracelet around her wrist, watching me carefully. Her cheeks darkened when our eyes met, and I just smiled and looked back down at my camera quickly.

I set it to review mode, and examined the first unfamiliar picture that was on the screen. The girl was up jumping, off of what looked a trampoline, her dark curly hair flying all over the place. Her bright blue eyes were bold against her porcelain skin, and her tongue was sticking out, it looked like she was holding back laughter. I scanned her face for a while, before clicking the puzzle together. The girl was Harmony, and the trampoline was in their backyard.

Peyton had edged over her seat a little, leaning over and glancing at the picture that I was examining. "Oh," She whispered and our eyes met again, a small smile playing on her lips, "We used your camera to take pictures." Her voice was still low, and it sounded sort of uncertain, "I hope you don't mind."

"No, that's fine." I nodded, smiling down at her, and back down at the camera. "I was just confused," I chuckled, and glanced at a few more pictures of Harmony. "These are really good," I commented, and Peyton just smiled meekly. "They would be great for your studio display." I watched as Peyton's face showed signs of doubt in herself. "Yeah, if that ever happens." She shrugged and I smiled encouragingly.

"Don't doubt yourself like that, Pey." I stopped myself, and watched as a wide smile spread across her face, and her cheeks blushed to a rosy pink again. Calling Peyton, Pey... just slipped off my tongue. I didn't need to think or even stall before shortening her name.

"You'd be amazingly successful," I commented, as I flipped through a few pictures of random foliage.

"You're really confident in that, aren't you?" Peyton questioned, humor lingering in her tone of voice.

"Yeah, I don't know why you're not." I glanced up at her light blue eyes, which were staring down at her bracelet intently. "I've just... never thought I was that special, thats all." She whispered so lowly that I could barely hear her words over the loud commotion of the small restaurant around us.

I chuckled and leaned back in my chair, just watching as she looked up and smiled weakly at me. "But, you are special Pey." I continued to use her nickname, seeing how it made me eyes light up the first time I spoke it. "You're... amazingly special in ways that you don't even know." Peyton stayed quiet, her eyes scanning my face carefully, her cheeks flushed again.

"Joe... you make me sound better than I am." She whispered sheepishly, and I sighed again, just watching as she put herself down. "Peyton, where's your self confidence?" I questioned her, running a hand through my hair, suddenly feeling self conscious about my own appearance.

Something seemed to weaken in Peyton’s strong stare at me after I spoke. Her face relaxed and the smile on her face seemed to lighten. But another emotion quickly took over. Something that looked determined to stand up and leave.

“This wasn’t a good idea, Joe.” She said lowly, grabbing her bag from underneath the table. I watched as she pulled the chair out behind her and smoothed her hands over her skirt. I hopped up from my seat as she started to turn away.

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” I asked quickly, reaching out for her hand so she wouldn’t leave. My fingers wrapped gently around her wrist as I pulled her closer.
“You have a girlfriend, that you love. You cant just go and say things like
that to people, Joe.” She stated, shrugging her purse onto her shoulder. “I think we should go.”

“Wait…” I said, pursing my lips together tightly. “Things like what? The truth? Peyton, your beautifully amazing at photography, and it’s time that you realize it.”

Peyton sighed and pulled her hand out of my reach. “Things like that! Joe, I can only be your friend. I know your upset your girlfriend is gone, and I know you just want someone there for you. But I can’t be that girl. Not now…not, ever.”

I inhaled sharply, pulling my eyes away from her intense stare, and walking briskly through the local restaurant. I ignored the calls from a worried Peyton, and the uneasy stares from other groups dining at the restaurant. I opened the front door of the restaurant with too much force, that the bell on the door that would alert people that someone was entering the small cafe, hit the wall with a loud thud.

I didn't even turn around when I heard the door whip open again, a worried Peyton staring at me as I opened the front door of my truck for her angrily. "Joe," She whispered, her blue eyes confused and now slightly hurt as I shut the door in her face, before she could finish.

Opening my own door, I slid into my BMW smoothly, staring ahead of me as the engine roared to life. I didn't dare glance at Peyton, who was staring back down at her bracelet again, her eyes watery. My rage faded a little, but I continued to stay quiet, taking deep sharp breaths through my nose, staring ahead of me sternly.

* * *

I stepped into Peyton and Harmonies house a step behind Peyton, who looked at Harmony on the couch quickly. "Hey, how was your date?" Harmony joked, and I shot her a steady glare.

"I'll be back." Peyton chocked out her words lowly, running up the stairs towards her bedroom, her footsteps heard clearly through out the entire house. Harmony stared at me with wide eyes, I sighed and took a seat next to Harmony, her eyes never leaving my face.

"What happened?!" She asked eagerly, and I just shook my head silently. "Don't worry about it," I whispered, smiling weakly at her. She furrowed her brows in response, but shook it off. "So, it went bad?" Her eyes were light hearted, and I shrugged.

"It went okay…I guess." I murmured, looking back at the television which was flipped to the 10 o'clock news. "It doesn't look okay to me, Joe." Her voice was concerned, and she gently let hand rest on top of mine. I felt my head spin as her hand stayed where it was.

"It’s nothing, just…some things at dinner." I whispered, looking back at the television, feeling the heat from the skin on her bare shoulder radiate through my shirt. "Oh," She whispered awkwardly, her hand retreating to her lap.

I stared down at her curled up fingers and smiled slightly. “So, I saw those pictures you took on my camera.” I said quietly, watching as the heat rose in Harmony’s cheeks due to embarrassment.

“You deleted them, right?” She laughed, glancing up at me. I laughed shortly and shook my head. “Of course not. I think they’re hysterical.”

Harmony glanced down at the camera I had slung around my neck. “Let me see.” I looked at her for a few more seconds and slowly nodded my head, powering on my camera in silence. Peyton’s footsteps sounded to be pounding back down the stairs as I tilted the camera towards Harmony. She leaned closer into my body, her chest brushing up against the length of my arm as we stared down at the first picture of her. She laughed loudly, pointing at her stuck out tongue.

“That’s just embarrassing.” She stated, reaching over my arm to flip it to the next picture. I shrugged my shoulders and nudged her playfully in the side.

“No way. It’s a total turn-on.” I smirked over at Harmony, who was looking at me incredulously. Looking away from her blue eyes, I noticed Peyton standing in the doorway, giving me a similar look to the one that was playing on Harmony’s face.

“Keep it in your pants, Mister.” Harmony teased, flipping through the final pictures Peyton and Harmony had kept on my camera. I quickly glanced away from Peyton and scooted closer to Harmony. I accidentally brushed my hand across the top of Harmony’s arm as I reached out for my camera.

Peyton sighed loudly, causing both Harmony and I to look up at her. Seeing the peeved expression on Peyton’s face, Harmony instantly shoved her way down to the other side of the couch, leaving an empty spot next to me. I stared at Peyton with a blank expression, watching as she ran one of her hands through her blonde hair.

“Joe, I need to…speak with you for a second.” She said serenely, crossing her arms in front of her. I nodded nonchalantly and stood up from the couch, resting my camera on the space next to Harmony.

“Feel free to take pictures.” I murmured, smirking slightly at Harmony before I followed Peyton onto the front porch of their small house.

As soon as the door shut behind me, Peyton let her hands fall down at her sides. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” She hissed, gripping onto her head with her hands.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I mumbled, folding my arms over my chest stubbornly.

“You’re girlfriend, Camilla? Sounding familiar? What is up with you? First you hit on me, and then you come into my house and flirt with my best friend? Joe. You aren’t single. Stop acting like it.” Peyton was still speaking in nothing above a whisper, but her face twisted into such confusion it looked like she could scream if she allowed herself to.

“Camilla is probably off doing the same thing right now. With Rob-” Peyton laughed shortly and shook her head furiously.

“Is that what this is about? You’re so jealous that you’re going to hit on any girl you can find? I’m sorry, Joe, but that’s not how it works. I’m strong enough to not let you lead me on, I know better…but Harmony. I’m not letting you do that kind of thing to my best friend. So…stop it.” Peyton looked almost as taken aback from her words as I felt.

I licked my bottom lip slowly and studied Peyton’s face. The curve of her full lips and thin nose, the arch in her eyebrow that made her look somewhat intimidating every time she spoke. Without thinking, I traced my hands across the bottom hem of Peyton’s blouse that she was wearing, watching that arch grow higher.

Expecting her to pull away, I let my hand linger on her hip, running my thumb across the fabric slowly. But our faces kept getting closer and closer, until we could both feel each others breaths in front of us. I closed my eyes and didn’t open them until I felt the soothing touch of Peyton’s lips on mine, instantly deepening the kiss as I ran my other hand through her long hair. She still didn’t pull away, and instead seemed to be scooting as close to me as she could physically get.

Being the one that broke the kiss, I sighed in satisfaction and felt my stomach drop down to my knees. Guys with girlfriends don’t do things like what I just did. Most guys, at least. Guys with girlfriends don’t feel the buzz inside of their head when kissing a girl besides their girlfriends. Guys with girlfriends don’t stand in front of the girl they just kissed, who seemed to be too shocked for words, with a large smile across their face.

“I’m not leading you on, Peyton. At all.” Guys with girlfriends…don’t say things like that.