If Only You Knew

“Peter, have you seen this interview?” I asked my older brother, holding up the piece of paper I tore out of the American Starlet magazine. I was really proud of it. As soon as my brother was done reading it I was going to hang it up in my room. My first interview! Peter walks over to me and playfully snatches it from my hand. He reads through it a few times then shrugged. “What?” I asked. In my moment of selfishness I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t as excited and happy as I was.

“It’s just that… I have to live with you, pretty much raise you and… I wasn’t given any props from this Jamie person. What’s up with that?” he was kidding. As soon as he brought up the fact that he has to live with me and ‘raise’ me, I knew so.

Peter was constantly bugging me about the fact that for the last 5 years (since I was 9) he had to raise me. Long story short he and I were both mistakes, even if we are 13 years apart. When Peter was 22 he demanded that I come live with him. Mom and dad given the opportunity to not have to deal with either of us said yes. They pay child support and give us money when needed, but with Peter being an at home business owner we’re fine when it comes to money. I was relieved when I was able to leave mom and dad. I knew they weren’t good parents so for the most part I stayed out of their way and did my schoolwork. I knew a lot of what was right and what was wrong, but when the occasion came that I was unsure of what to do I would ask one of the many teachers who I knew were there for me. I stayed out of trouble, got great grades, and had a good relationship with my brother.

“Well, maybe she knows that I’m a good girl and that I’m not much trouble. Kinda sounds like she knows the truth,” I answered him, play-punching him in the arm. “Anyway, I’m gonna go get ready. Yesterday Mike told me he would need me on set at one. You better be ready to take me in twenty minutes.”

I walked out of the dining room into the living room, grabbed my iPhone off of the coffee table and headed upstairs to my part of the apartment, the loft. Up there I had my own closet and bathroom, complete with a shower and tub. I got dressed in the most casual clothes I could find. What’s the point of dressing in something fancy when you are going to be doing costume changes all day? Once I was done getting dressed I headed into my underwater themed bathroom. I turned the shell shaped handle of the sink turning on the cold water, then washed my face and brushed my teeth.

Twenty minutes later I was in the passenger seat of my brother’s car. We where listening to the radio, more specifically the country station KYGO. I sang along with some of the songs, the ones I knew by heart, and was totally content with myself. This is usually how I feel right before getting on set. On set it is constantly hectic, people making errands, yelling, you name it, it probably happens there.

Peter’s car pulled into a parking space and we both got out of the truck. We walked across the street and Peter caught my arm right before I walked into the building.

“Are you ready for today?” he asked, not letting go of my arm.

“I think so,” I said unsure myself. “I’ve had a hard time memorizing the script for the third episode, I just can’t get it right!”

“Hey, it’s alright. I’ll help you tonight,” Peter let go of my arm, convinced now that I wouldn’t walk away.

“Peter!” I said exasperated. “We are filming two difficult scenes today, the two I’ve been having trouble on, I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”

“Don’t you remember what I told you last night?” he asked. Peter seemed very confused.

“No, you didn’t tell me anything last night, just goodnight,” I was really frustrated now. He didn’t get in until late last night, and he woke me up just to say Goodnight. “Remember? You got in late last, you didn’t even call. Lindsay and her mom had to drop me off at home. By the way, where were you?”

“Um… That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I was going to tell you, I was just to tired?” It was a question, but I didn’t care. We told each other everything, but we also knew that we needed secrets, and respected that. “Anyway, they’re doing a photo-shoot today, so be ready to smile.”

“Is there something I should know?” I asked, still somewhat suspicious of where he had been last night.

“No,” he answered. The way he said it made me know he was telling the truth.